That night, Jae couldn't sleep.  It was nearly four in the morning but, her thoughts were too loud in her head and body too weak to even force herself to sleep.  The girls from the bathroom's words kept swirling in her head, "Disgusting.  Nobody cares about you.  .  Not Pretty.  Service girl."  They mixed with the poems she had read.  She now understood why Hae wasn't going to show Jae her poem.  It was Jae's life.  She had forty one cuts the day she went into the ward, and she came out with forty two.  Jae glanced over at her sister, who was sleeping soundly, she wondered why everyone could act like nothing had happened and nothing was wrong, when really they knew she was just putting on a mask for them.  

The only people who had even began to notice were Key, Taemin and her brother.  But, Hyung was leaving the next day for Japan.  Taemin only saw glimpses of it when she was dancing, never getting the full extent.  Key.  She wasn't sure how Key had figured anything out.  She got the feeling, he knew about what she was going through, and just tried to do everything he could just to help.

Jae sighed and got up, making her way to their bathroom.  She quietly locked the door behind her and turned to the sink.  Biting her lip, she opened up her drawer and shuffled through the contents.  She pulled out a rarely used makeup bag that had gotten stuffed into the back of the drawer.  Glancing at the door, she nervously ped the bag.  Jae looked down at the emptiness inside.  She reached in and pulled up the bottom lining.  Underneath it sat a silver razor, glittering in the light of the bathroom.  Jae carefully took it between her fingers and let out a shaky breath.  She hadn't used the blade in years, but had always kept it just in case.  The sharpness of the edge called for her, repeating back all the thoughts her mind was screaming.

Suddenly, she was eight again, sitting in the large ballet room.  Her instructor looked down on her, "Jae you are the best technician here, but your gut sticks out farther than the rest of the girls'.  How could we ever make you the main dancer, when you aren't as pretty as the others?"  The scene shifted to later that night, when she made herself puke for the first time.  Again it changed to a coupe months later when she began to come up with excuses not to have meals in the first place.  "I'm not feeling so good."  The young Jae lied and returned to her room and her scale, only to find that she was still 'too fat'.  Then it was the day she collapsed in the middle of the performance.  Her parents had taken her to one of their own hospitals, only to find out she had an eating disorder.  They made the doctors swear that they would not release any information, because it would look bad for the company.  They took her home, and forced meals down .  Her family locked the bathroom doors and she had to ask a maid to unlock it and stand outside, to make sure she wasn't purging.

Soon she was older and walked in on her parents yelling at each other.  "How could you?  I thought you said you loved me!  I bore you a first born son!  And two beautiful daughters!"  Her mother screamed, tears flooding from her eyes.  Her dad sneered, "You mean a son who has no interest in the business, a stupid girl and her monstrous twin, who almost ruined my entire career!  You're children are no concern of mine!"  Jae gasped, bring their attention to her.  She began to turn back out the door, but was stopped by her father's fierce grip, "You will say nothing of this Child."  Jae's mother rushed forward, trying to get him to release Jae.  He too the chance to send them both to the ground, "Leave.  Both of you.  Now."

A sharp pain slid through her wrist, and Jae's mind surged back to the present.  She had sliced four times into her wrist.  They were deep, but nothing that really phased the girl anymore.  She was more concerned about not dripping blood on the floor, quickly moving her arm over the sink.  She glanced up at the clock, that now read five o'clock.  It was almost time for them to be getting up any ways, so she turned to the shower, clutching the cuts so they didn't bleed out.  She stepped in and started the water before she even noticed that she was still wearing her pajamas.  Tugging them off, she tossed them to the floor and looked down at her bleeding wrists.

It had been years since she had cut.  Even more since she had cut her wrists.  That had been her one rule about thing, never cut your wrists.  They were too hard to cover up and too easily seen.  Jae sighs and watches the red water make it's way down the drain in hypnotizing fashion.  But, the amount of blood was almost alarming, quickly Jae washed herself up and stepped out of the shower, dripping water and holding her towel to her wrists.  She bent down to her drawer and pulled out a roll of gauze.  Then sat down on the toilet seat while wrapping her arm.  

After Jae had finished, she grabbed another towel and wrapped it around her body before leaving the bathroom and turning into her closet.  She pulled on a navy blue long sleeve shirt, wincing slightly as it skimmed over her arm.  She then grabbed a pair of jeans and slid them on.  She turned to the mirror, making sure that her arm was properly covered.  

Then she glanced over at Hae.  She felt bad for her.  She wasn't sure if it was because she felt bad for the back lash of her own actions on her sister, or she felt bad because Hae didn't know anything about what was going on in the house.  Hae never once saw or heard their parents fighting.  She didn't know that their father was constantly with other women.  She didn't know that the reason that Hyung was leaving was because he was in trouble with dad for taking mom's side in the argument about what to do with the twins.  Hae didn't know that Tony had hooked up with her that night because Jae had told him no way in hell.

Sighing and tugging her shirt sleeves down further, Jae walked over and shook Hae lightly, "Good morning sleepy head."  The girl grumbled something about too early as she sat up and looked around.  She stumbled to the closet and pulled out some clothes before heading into the bathroom.  Jae called through the door, "Hae, I'm going down to eat."  

The girl turned to the door and made her way down the stairs.  Her mother was in the kitchen, leaning against a counter.  She had a wine glass in her hand and was lightly twirling the red contents around while staring blankly across the room.  Jae bit her lip and walked in, making her way to the fridge.  Her mother turned, "Jae.  How are your studies coming?"  Jae shrugged, "Good, as usual."  

"I've heard that you have been hanging out with boys.  That doesn't sound usual." Her mother said and took a sip of her wine.  Jae nodded, "Well, you always say that I need to be more normal and socialize.  So I am."  Her mother downed the last of her wine and looked her daughter in the eyes, "That does not mean that you need to become friends with the uncultured boys that your sister hangs out with.  They will only bring your standards down.  I knew that we should have sent you to a different school than your sister.  You have so much more potential."  Jae turned towards the woman, "Just because I have more potential, doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything with it."  Her mother quickly walked across the room until she was nose to nose with Jae, "You will do something productive with your life.  Even if I have to force you to, you will."  Jae clenched her jaw and shut the fridge, "Go ahead, try."  She turned and left the room.

When she got back to her room, Hae was drying her hair and sitting down on her bed.  She was wearing a light blouse and glanced over Jae's long sleeves, "You know that it's going to be pretty warm today?"  Jae shrugged, "I sit next to the air conditioner, so I'm always freezing during class."  Hae nodded and turned to her mirror to put her makeup on.

Jae watched for a minute before heading to her brother's room.  Hyung was still asleep.  His blankets were pulled up around his face and his feet were poking out the bottom.  Jae smirked and walked over, crawling under the sheets with him and snuggling into his chest.  He shifted slightly and flopped his arm around Jae.  "Oppa?"  she whispered and hummed in response.  "Oppa."  She said again and he cracked his eyes open to look down at her, "Yes?"  She played with her sleeves and looked up at him, "I don't call you oppa enough."  Hyung sighed, "Jae what's wrong?"  She bit her lip, "I just don't know how I am going to handle them without you around."  He kissed the top of her head, "You do as you've always done.  Protect Hae and this too shall pass."  Jae nodded, choking back tears, "This too shall pass."

A knock came at the door and Hae poked her head in.  "Are you having oppa time without me, Jae?"  She said with a smile and ran over, flopping on the bed, between Jae and Hyung.  They all giggle and Hae turned to her sister, "Do we really have to go to school today?  Or can we spend our last day together?"  Jae smirked, "I think we need to spend it here, otherwise oppa will forget everything if we don't help him pack."  Hyung smacked the girl on the forehead, "Yah!  I'm not that forgetful."  Hae rolled her eyes and leaned up on her elbows, "Oppa, you'd loose your head if it wasn't attached to your body."  His mouth dropped open and he looked towards Jae for support.  She just smirked and shrugged in response.  "Hey now!  If you're not going to be nice, you both can get out."  He yelled and started shoving them towards the edge of the bed.  The girls both shook their heads and hugged their brother.  Hyung sighed, "It's times like this that I remember that you're twins and how similar you are.  But I need to get dressed, so you really are going to have to get out."

Hae texted Jonghyun as they left the house, telling him that they weren't going to be at school.  "Where do we want to go?"  Hyung asked as they climbed in his car.  The twins locked eyes and smiled before saying together, "Trickeye."  Hyung rolled his eyes, "Aren't you guys tired of that place, we've been there like a thousand times?"  The girls shook their heads and gave their brother puppy eyes.  He turned to look at them and shook his head, sighing, "Now you guys are just being unfair."  They giggled and gave each other a high five as Hyung pulled out of the driveway.  

Hae pulled out her phone and Jae leaned over to read it.  'alright see you tomorrow.' from Jonghyun.  Jae scrunched her nose and yelled childishly, "Ewww!  Oppa!  Hae is talking to a boy!"  Hyung laughed and Hae pouted, "But oppa, he's cute."  Hyung tsked back at the girl, repeating the words he had told her when she had gotten her first boyfriend, "Hae, just because he's cute does not mean that he's the one."  Hae smiled down at her lap and sighed, "I hope he is."

They had just pulled into the parking lot.  Hyung parked the car and looked back at his sister, "Really?"  Hae glanced up and nodded, "Yeah, he seems like he actually cares about me and isn't just after it.  Plus, Jae doesn't detest him quite as much as the rest of the guys that I've been with."  Hyung raised an eyebrow and turned to the other girl.  She shrugged and opened the door, getting out.  The others followed her into the building and they laughed through the entire museum as they played around with the artwork.

As they walked out of the building, Hyung's stomach growled, "Well, I guess that means that it is time for lunch.  Where are we going?"  Hae looked around the area, "I think there is a barbeque place down the street.  We could go there."  Hyung nodded and lead the way to the restaurant.  Jae stopped about half way down the street and stared at a boy walking the opposite directions on the other other side.  Hyung turned and paused, grabbing ahold of Hae's wrist.  Hae looked back at her twin, "Jae?  You okay?"  The other was silent as she watched the boy turn the corner, out of her sight.  "Yeah, I just."  She trailed off as she glanced back at where the boy had been.  She began walking again pushed her siblings down the street ahead of her.