~ Excerpt ~

From the minute he was born, Kyuhyun was already exposed to death. His father had always blamed him for it; in fact, he treated him like dirt his entire life just because of that. But it was just as well, since Kyuhyun blamed himself as well.

Although he had never met her, the loss still had a remarkable impact on him. When people asked him how he felt about the whole matter, he’d just shrug and say that he couldn’t care less. But the truth is—it hurt. A lot. And it never stopped hurting.

It was his fault. He knew it. His father knew it. And even though she was too polite to say anything, he knew his sister knew it too. He had shrouded himself with guilt ever since he was old enough to talk. And when he was old enough to use a gun, he thought about two things: he would either kill himself or kill his father.

He hated himself, he was well aware of that and he accepted it. But there was no doubt that he hated his father more. The bastard was supposed to take care of him. Raise him. Serve as a role model. But he did none of those things. Kyuhyun had to take care of himself. He had to learn everything on his own. He had to stand on his own two feet, even when he didn’t know how to walk yet.

But he decided that killing himself or killing his father wouldn’t amount to anything. And then he realized that—nothing in his life ever amounted to anything actually. He was useless. Just a piece put on a chessboard only to be eaten off soon enough. So…he just stopped caring.

He stopped thinking about where he was going with his life. He stopped caring about the consequences. He stopped thinking about how other people felt. He stopped caring about what other people thought of him. He stopped caring about what he thought of himself.

And he soon found out that it was easier that way. He didn’t care about anything anymore. He didn’t feel anything any longer. And so, the pain stopped.

He stopped feeling guilty. He stopped blaming himself. In fact, he was finally able to laugh about it. He laughed at how something so simple ruined so many lives. He was amused at how easy his father just threw him away like a piece of dog . He was happy with how things turned out.

But then, he came into his life. Lee Sungmin—a name he always liked hearing. A name he always liked saying, because he liked the way it rolled on his tongue. A name that always managed to escape his lips, along with a lustful moan. A name he could never forget.

Everything went wrong because of him. Kyuhyun’s life was so perfect the way it was—but then he came and ruined everything. He made Kyuhyun start feeling—start caring again. He had no idea how he did it, but somehow he made Kyuhyun care about him. Not only that, but he actually made Kyuhyun happy.

There were a lot of things that Kyuhyun learned in school. But Sungmin taught him the most important thing of all—he taught him how to love.

Yes, he loved Sungmin. He realized that. He accepted that. He was proud of that.

And the only thing he has regretted his entire life was that he didn’t tell him that sooner.

 “Sungmin…” He gently ran his hand through Sungmin’s hair, admiring the way he looked with his eyelids closed. He missed hearing his voice. He missed kissing his lips. He missed the way he’d always glare at him and then afterwards, ruffle his hair. He missed him.

Kyuhyun hadn’t even realized that he had started crying again. With his lips trembling and his shoulders shaking, he took the man’s face in his hands and planted a soft kiss on those pale lips.

“Lee Sungmin, don’t you die on me. Don’t you dare die on me. If you ing die on me, I swear to God, I will kill myself so I can personally kick your fat in Hell.”

(inspired by: predictator's How to Troll an Assassin)