Chp 26
Kyuhyun... It's been hard on you.The members' attitude towards me went back to normal as soon as we returned to the dorm that night after the photoshoot. Again, I was ignored by most of them and ordered around by a few more. In any case, I made sure to keep myself expressionless throughout the whole thing.
During a group practice a few days later, Lee Sooman found us in our practice room.
"Guys," he said. "I will be giving a press conference tomorrow to announce Kyuhyun's official debut. And I will be announcing that with the addition of Kyuhyun, from this album on, Super Junior will be a permanent group as opposed to a project group."
I looked at him with wide eyes. After weeks of uncertainty, my debut was finally going to be official - my legs felt weak at the knees.
"We'll also be releasing the official sountrack of 'U' two days from now, on the 23rd. Be prepared to monitor the response," he said. We all nodded, speechless. "This means your debut stage is this Saturday. Work hard, guys."
As soon as he left and the door closed, there were shouts of happiness and an uproar and a time at which everyone was hugging anyone in sight. It was emotion overload in the entire room. Sungmin had squatted down on the floor in relief that his place on the team was finally official, and before I knew it, he was sobbing. Around the room, other members had also burst into tears. Eunhyuk and Donghae had each other in their arms and were crying into each other's shoulders. Similar was happening to Leeteuk and Kangin. Sungmin was still on the floor on his own, sobbing into his knees, and I felt hot tears b around my own eyes.
"Sunbaenim," I said, and I knelt in front of him, and put my hands on his shoulders. And then for a moment, I didn't think of him as sunbae but -
"Hyung," I said, and a tear fell out of my eye onto the floor. Sungmin looked up into my eyes with his own red, teary ones for a split second, and with a sharp intake of breath, pulled me close and hugged me tight.
He just hugged me tighter and tighter with each passing second. I just hugged back - I didn't now what else to do. I wiped my eyes on Sungmin's t-shirt and thankfully, the tears stopped coming. However, Sungmin was crying harder than ever, his chest heaving against mine. After about a minute, he released his hold slightly.
"K-Kyuhyun," said Sungmin quietly while trying to control his breath, putting his hands on my arms and looking into my eyes. "I-I thought you were a-added to the t-team to re-replace one of us," he said. He cut himself off as he hiccuped. "A-and when th-they gave you m-my solo in U..."
I couldn't respond; I didn't know what to say.
"I-I d-didn't know th-that they added y-you to make us a p-permanent group," confessed Sungmin, and a fresh bout of tears started streaming down his face.
"Hyung," I whispered, and hugged him again. Sungmin hugged back, burying his face on my shoulder. The Sungmin that I had been so scared of, the Sungmin who was so upset that I had been put in his room on the very first day had been under this pressure of losing his place in Super Junior the whole time...
We stayed in each other's arms for a very long time, then Leeteuk got up, his own face shining with tears. "Guys, let's try our very best," he said, and everyone including me and Sungmin gathered around Leeteuk in a huge group hug.
After we returned to the dorm that night, it was obvious that a lot of gap has been bridged between me and Sungmin. Donghae was in Eunhyuk's room, Sungmin was on his laptop on his bed, and I was getting my blankets down on the floor before sleeping. Then Sungmin looked up and smiled at me for the first time ever.
"Have you seen this?" he asked from his bed.
"What, hyung?" I said, walking over to his bed.
"They- " he started, then realized something. "Hey, you didn't ask permission," he said. I stood there, confused for a few seconds, and then I understood.
"Oh," I said, "is it okay if I call you hyung?"
"Yeah," said Sungmin, smiling.
"You were going to say yes anyway," I said.
"Just so you don't forget who's the senior," he said jokingly, and laughed. I chuckled as well, but I understood his warning. Not too close.
He shifted his position in his bed to make room for me, and I sat down. I hadn't sat down on a bed in so long...
"He announced the press conference," he said, and he turned his laptop to show me the article. "It's set for tomorrow morning at 8am." I smiled, but I wasn't thinking about this anymore - Sungmin's seniority comment had given me a few ideas that I hadn't thought about before.
"Hyung, can I ask a few things?" I asked. "It's not about this."
"Yeah," said Sungmin, unable to take his eyes off his computer screen.
"I was just wondering... if I debut, are the trainees still my seniors?" I asked. Sungmin finally looked at me and cocked his head.
"That's never happened to me," said Sungmin. "But technically... you'd be the senior."
I hid a satisfactory smile.
"What if he's older than me?" I asked.
"That's where the line gets fuzzy," he said. "You're still the senior, but honorifics and things are really something that you guys should work out as a personal basis."
"What would you do?" I said. "He's three years older than me, and something like six years my senior as a trainee."
"Who, Minhyun?" he asked. I grinned. So he knew.
"Yeah," I said. Sungmin laughed.
"It's really up to you guys to decide," he said. "But if it were me, I'd go with 'hyung' and honorifics until you get sufficiently close, and then go to informal speech from there."
"I don't think we're going to get too close," I said. Sungmin laughed.
"Oh, I heard," he said. "You guys apparently hate each other."
"I just got on his bad side," I said. "I've never expressed that I hated him though! I'm his junior. But if that's about to change..." I smirked. Sungmin laughed again.
"What should he address me as?"
"I don't know," he said. "If it were me, I'd go with 'sunbae' and halfway between honorifics and informal, but I'm betting you my life's savings that Minhyun won't do it. He's the same age as me, and he still doesn't use honorifics with me." He thought for a second. "We were friends before, though. That might be why."
"Okay. Just trying to figure out what I should be expecting," I said.
"It's just so awkward when something like this happens," he said. "Why don't you ask Ryeowook? He's probably had to go through something similar."
The smile slid off my face. "I'd rather not, hyung," I said.
"Suit yourself," he said. "I think I'm going to bed."
He closed his laptop and yawned. I got up from the bed with regret. I wished I could stay on it for longer.
"Can you get the lights?" he asked, pulling up the covers.
When I flicked them off, Sungmin yawned again and instantly started snoring. I laid down on the floor, and I smiled at the amount of affection that Sungmin had shown me today. No one else was opening up to me yet, but this was a start. I closed my eyes and went to sleep with a smile on my face for the first time in a very long time.
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