"Super Junior on standby! Super Junior!"

Oh god.

Oh god, oh god.

I closed my eyes.

The day was finally here.

It was finally our first comeback stage with Don't Don, and I had never been so nervous in my life, not even on my debut stage. I could barely even breathe for being so nervous. My throat was betraying me, closing in, and I could literally feel my heart beating. I could barely even feel anything around me, and it felt so surreal, like I wasn't really here - like it was a dream, like if I took a single step, I'd just drop to the floor and faint -

"Oppa, are you okay?" asked a little girl's soft, careful voice.

I opened my eyes and saw my little princess that kept me company at my lonely stay at the hospital, so healthy and so pretty now in her light, floaty blue dress. She had surprised me with a visit this morning, and had come in the intern's arms to the dressing room to give me a word of support and a small gift that I hadn't yet been able to open.

"Yeah," I said, reaching down and picking her up in my arms. "Now go out into the hall so that you can watch the performance, okay?"

"Okay," she said with her bright smile, then she extended her arms away from me to cling on to the intern instead, who took her in his own arms.

"Good luck, Kyuhyun," said the intern worriedly. "Don't overdo it."

"Yes, doctor," I managed, then I opened the door to the dressing room to let the two of them out.

When I turned back into the dressing room, I swallowed with all the effort I had, my dry mouth not even allowing me to speak properly. Seunghwan hyung had noticed and worriedly held out a water bottle for me to drink out of, which I took in my shaking hands.

I took a small sip from the water, but then frowned as it worsened the knotted feeling in my stomach.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Seunghwan hyung, rubbing my back.

I bit my lip and swallowed again and again to keep the water from coming back up, then I looked up at Seunghwan hyung. "Hyung, you were right. I'm sorry. I don't want to do this anymore," I whispered. "Can I just not go on stage?"

Seunghwn hyung chuckled and ran his hands around my face. "It'll be okay, Kyuhyun. Just take some deep breaths. You're ready for this. You've trained really hard for this."

"Yeah, it'll be okay," said Sungmin, patting my shoulder comfortingly.

"And you'll have everyone on stage with you right here," said Heechul with a wave of nonchalance of his hand.

I didn't even try to keep myself from rolling my eyes, but a small smile flitted across my lips as at least a little nerve dissipated.

"Okay, we've got to be on standby soon, so let's make this quick," said Leeteuk. The members and I all knew what he meant before he explained it, and all of us gathered together in a tight circle, shoulders touching and heads bowed. Leeteuk waited until the atmosphere had become quite solemn, and the only thing that could be heard was from the stylists busily bustling around and the faint sound of the current stage coming from the television monitor.

"Let's firstly be thankful that Kyuhyun's with us again and able to perform on this stage," said Leeteuk with his eyes closed.

I closed my own eyes, and thanked God for where I was today. For the miraculous recovery. For the team, who had supported me through every single step of the way.

"And let's remind ourselves that no matter what happens, we've worked hard, we're passionate, and we appreciate every single second we have on that stage as a team. We're going to show them everything we have, and we have infinite potential and ability. So let's go out there and make our parents, our manager hyungs, our fans, everyone who's helped get us here, and each other proud," said Leeteuk, his voice climbing louder and louder until his words have filled my very soul, and sent adrenaline pumping through my veins.

I can do this - no, we can do this. We can do this together. As a team.

"Let's go!" shouted Leeteuk, and we all gathered our hands in the middle of our circle so that our hands, each ridden with our own strife and struggling that got us here, piled together high on top of each other.

"Let's give it our all," said Leeteuk, his own self shaking from excitement. "One - two - three - "

"Let's kill them all!" we shouted on the top of our lungs, breaking our hands away from the circle.

It was only after that I realized that my hand was gripped firmly by another who hadn't allowed me to pull my hand away. I looked up in confusion to see Yesung looking right at me, his own excited eyes sparkling.

"You're today's lucky child," he rasped out, then ignoring all of our laughter, led the team out of the dressing room backstage.

I followed, my strides more confident, my breaths more even.

I was nervous, certainly, but not scared.

Not scared because all of my brothers were right here, and I could trust all of them until the end of my life.

We were escorted backstage by the staff members, who pointed us in the direction with flashlights and urgent whispers. And once we got there, we were finally gathered together and left alone to calm our nerves in our own way. And this time, unlike on my debut stage, I knew which members would be the ones with their eyes closed, visualizing their dance, calming their breaths, which members would be the ones marking their choreography, going through it one last time, which ones would be singing through their solo sections just to make sure, and which members would be the ones trying to chatter their nervousness away while nervously fiddling with their microphones.

I took a deep breath and looked out into the audience that was visible through the small gap in the black curtain. I bit my lip in nervousness when I saw that there were just as many people there as always. My eyes automatically scanned the large hall for the section of the audience that would be a wave of pearl sapphire blue in our support.

And when I found it, my mouth dropped open.

I just stayed there, staring at it for what must have been minutes, and then I grabbed the hyung nearest to me and began to shake him by the arm. "Hyung! Hyung!"

"What?" yelled Eunhyuk, almost panicked at my outburst.

"Look! Look - look!" I shouted, pointing.

"Look at what?" said Eunhyuk, peeking out of the curtain as well. And then he gasped as well. "Wow, Kyuhyun," he said, a small, proud smile filling his face.

"I can't believe it," I whispered as everyone else stopped what they were doing curiously to look through out into the audience. Ryeowook, who was furthest away from the curtain but couldn't contain his curiosity, began to almost jump up and down.

"What? What is it, Kyuhyun?" he yelled with his eyes widened.

"The fans - the fans made the biggest - placard for me that I've - I've ever seen," I said, not even able to get out the words out of shock.

Ryeowook stopped jumping up and down, and he gasped in delight as well. "Really? What does it look like?"

"Just come look," I said, then I grabbed Ryeowook by his hand and pulled him towards the curtains.

I swear, I could see the large placard with my own smiling face on it reflected on Ryeowook's twinkling dark eyes as he mouthed the words written underneath - Kyuhyun of Super Junior -- Welcome Back.

"Wow," whispered Ryeowook.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Look at you, Kyuhyun, bragging to all your hyungs," said Kangin with a proud smile of his own.

"I'm not bragging, I'm just - I mean - "

it's just so different from last time.

Donghae reached up to squeeze my shoulders, with his trademark doleful eyes and pure smile. "I'm so proud of you."

I couldn't resist the smile filling my own face, and soon, I heard the producer's instructions out of my in-ears.

"Let's get Super Junior on stage, please," I heard, and I felt my heart beginning to beat faster. As I tried to follow everyone on stage, I felt someone tugging on my arm.

"Kyuhyun. You're supposed to go over there with Henry," said Seunghwan hyung, reminding me of our plans during the dry rehearsal.

I looked around to see Henry and his baby-like face looking at me, confused, clutching at his violin nervously.

"Oh, um - yeah, I thought you might let me greet the fans with the rest of the team," I said.

Seunghwan hyung rolled his eyes. "I know you just forgot. Now can we get you to the right door to start the performance?"

I laughed a little to calm my nerves and nodded, allowing him to made my way to the back with Henry.

A million thoughts went through my head as I stood behind the door, waiting for my cue to go up on stage, and the familiar introduction of Don't Don began to blast through my in-ears, drowning out the loud cheer that had erupted from the fans. There was, of course, the fact that my legs were shaking for being so nervous, but there was no stopping the nerves from overflowing. This was the first time I was standing in front of a camera in a long time, and who knew how my voice was going to cope, and whether I'd forgotten all the million corrections on my posture that the manager hyungs made, and whether I could even look into a camera again for being so - so shy, and nervous, and what if I couldn't get the charisma across for this powerful stage from still not quite being whole from the accident and took away from the stage, and what if my awkward was still there, and what if -

A hand softly tapped him on my back, almost tipping me over the emotional edge and making me swallow in order not to throw up. I looked behind me, and realized that it had been Henry, who was chewing on his lips in nervousness as well. I really wanted to offer some words of support as his hyung and a sunbae, but I simply couldn't.

But it was Henry that offered the first smile, with a whispered "good luck" in English, with the still-awkward "hyung" attached at the end, almost as if it was an afterthought. I barely even nodded before turning back to the stage in order to pay close attention, not wanting to miss my entrance, and it was only seconds before my cue and the announcement in my in-ear that my microphone was now on that I remembered that I should be the one offering my junior words of support, not the other way around. And in that, I turned to Henry so quickly that he almost jumped, and gave him a thumbs-up because I couldn't talk into the microphone for everyone to hear. And seeing Henry's hard, nervous face melt into a smile as soon as I did, I got the, "Kyuhyun, on stage now," cue from my in-ears and I rushed up on stage to perform my part for the song.

Honestly, I don't even remember it. It went by with the blink of an eye. I didn't even know that I had finished and had made my way backstage, down from the brief stage, but I was already sobbing in the manager hyung's arms, listening to his soft, never-ending chants of, "You were so good. I'm so proud of you," in a swirl of emotions that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

I didn't even feel anything as the team was clapping me on the back in congratulations and everyone reaching out to each wipe a tear away from my face in the dressing room. I didn't feel anything as I saw that everyone else's face was shining with tears as well in gratitude and disbelief that this really happened. That we were, all of us, able to stand on this stage together as a team and perform. And then the door opened, I realized that Jonghyun, who I hadn't seen in so long, was walking through the dressing room, too, but he exchanged a hug with Heechul, who yelled a word of welcome, before even looking around to find me and flashing me his earnest smile. There were soon yells of "Celebratory dinner! Everyone's invited!" echoing in the chaotic dressing room, and everyone clamoring around me to congratulate me, and to tell me how proud they were of me.

And in that very moment, in that dressing room, where I was embraced in everyone's hugs and experiencing everyone's love, and care, and appreciation, everything was worth it. Building relationships from the ground up with every member was worth it for this moment. Struggling through work and school, trying my very best to be my very best at everything was worth it. Training until I was reduced to nothing but blood, sweat and tears was worth it. Going through the horrible accident, but being strong enough to get myself back up, and hanging on, hanging on so tightly to life when I was at the crossroads was worth it.

It was all worth it for this moment.

And I would never trade it for anything in the world.

-- The End --