Jongup started the engine and stepped on the gas pedal to speed away from his ex-lover’s house. Daehyun can’t even wait for Youngjae to get inside the house to do that to him. The view is like rubbing to his face how much the couples want each other. Following Youngjae turns out to be a wrong decision.  His own scheme back-fired him.

That is what Jongup thought, that is how the scene appears to him.

But that is not what Daehyun intends to do (he won’t lie that that crossed his mind when he kneeled in front of Youngjae, though. He shook the thought away.)

His hold around my wrists feels hot against my cold skin. I’m cold because of nervousness and fear. I I am having flashes of the horrible things he did to me. I don’t want that or anything like that happen again to me. Please don’t, please—

“Youngjae, I’m sorry”

The look in his eyes made me freeze. There is something so intense about it, he’s looking straight to my soul.

“l-let go.. let m-me g-go“ As much as I want to sound tough, I hate myself for sounding afraid and weak.

“I won’t unless you forgive me,” he said firmly. “Listen Youngjae, I’m sorry”

I look everywhere except his eyes, no, I do not want to listen.

“hey, I don’t want to sound so demanding but please listen and look at me.” His grip got more rigid but not enough to hurt. I look at my feet then slowly to his intense gaze. I don’t know what to say. I bite the insides my cheek. “You know, I am bad at apologizing but I am trying my best here. I swear I am sincere with this… Youngjae, I am sorry. Sorry for being a violent selfish ert bastard… I know an apology could not undo what I did but please forgive me.” he tightly closed his eyes for a second them resumed staring at my soul. “I should be thankful, I am lucky that you.. someone like you cares for me like that. It’s just that I am legit stupid. i took advantage of you and I shouldn’t have done that. I am sorry for hurting you so bad, sorry that I-I really did enjoyed hurting you.” He bit his lips. “I was drunk and broken because of my damn past but I can’t make those as excuses for being such a ”

I am standing frozen, unwillingly being affected by his words. I am close to giving into his apology. It would be a lot easier if his words could undo it…

 “please forgive me. I promise, I’ll never try to fu— I mean, i..” he paused as if to look for the appropriate words. “i will not do things to you unless you ask me to… yeah of course you’ll never ask but just in case.. what am I saying” he muttered the last part and lowered his head to hide his embarrassed expression. “just… sorry for everything”

No one moved or said a word for like, forever. I was unconsciously holding my breath whilel trying to think how I’ll react to this. Stupid brain, it does not work.

“I need you, Youngjae”

His words interrupted my mental rambling. Then something, maybe, the light bulb in my brain enlightened me. He needs me. Obviously. I laughed bitterly.

“of course. we need each other”

“Youngjae..?”

“You need a slave to order around and a fake boyfriend to use against your ex. I need your money. As simple as that” I managed to say without blinking and stuttering. It’s the truth and it hurts in a strange way. It’s the truth and I mean all of it. I need him for practical reasons.

I have to grab all the help I can get to be worthy of her albeit I have to swallow my pride and throw away more than half of my dignity.

 She is more important than anything. She is everything. I was a coward before that is why I lost here. Now I am willing to take all risks to have her back. This is for her. I have to finish my studies and be rich and show her parents that I deserve her. Please wait for that time, Suji.

“I—“ his grip loosens.

“get up. That is not a comfortable position for your leg.”

I bend down to give him a helping hand. My arms tremble. I hope he doesn’t notice how uncomfortable I am with having physical contact with him after what he did.

I don’t know what is happening and I don’t know how it happened. The clock stopped together with the beating of my heart. His warm hands are cupping both my cold cheeks. His warm lips are pressed on the cold skin of my forehead. It is soft and gentle but I do not know if I should be fond of it.

“…”

“…”

“I-I-I’m sorry! …That is an unnecessary action. I j-just.. I am really really sorry please forgive me.” he is still holding on me for balance.  We look away from each other.

 At least he sounded so sincere, I’ll take that as a consolation. “okay.. I forgive you”

“Oh God, thank you. You’re so kind” he smiled shyly. His eyes are wide with hope. He looks like a totally different person from my master.

“I did not forgive you because I want to, it’s because I have to” I whisper.

“I know. You are still kind” he whispers back.

A thunder-like sound killed the growing awkwardness. He looks down at the source: his stomach.

“I’ll cook…?”

“uh, no. Actually I already made lunch”

I lost count of the times I said please and sorry. Damn that is the most times I said those words came out of my mouth since birth. WOW.

My stomach complains again. I even waited for him to apologize before I gain m appetite back. How weird of me.

I am guessing this is because I got a taste of him. Hell, I promised him that I won’t touch him again. HOW WILL I KEEP UP WITH THAT?

That man is straight ..he is not Jongup, he is and will never be willing to get ed anytime I want

Why do I have to think about that deceiver again?

I hear a clink. Youngjae put down his spoon.

“it’s good”

It’s good?”

“the food”

“uh, thanks”

The air grows awkward again. Only the sound of the utensils can be heard.

“thank you”

“you already said that.”

“No, for forgiving me.. earlier I thought you left and I was anxious you might not come back.” Ugh. My choice of words is strange today.”…I thought you already forgot our agreements” there, better.

Before the day ends, Youngjae received a text message from his master.

FROM: Jung Daehyun

MESSAGE: we’ll  go to the university tomorrow

Jongup is having a hard time. He cannot stop thinking of what he almost saw. Sure, he knows Daehyun can’t survive without but he was never that bold then. Neighbors might have seen them. Back then, Daehyun and Jongup cannot hold hands in public. Not because they are ashamed but they don’t want Daehyun’s parents or someone who will tell Mr. and Mrs. Jung about it to see them.

He thinks of Youngjae, and cannot help but compare himself to that guy.

*********

For the first time ever, I proofread  read my my work from the first chapter up to this one. Kekeke I saw lots of typos and grammatical errors XD but I did not edit them, SO BE IT. Ehehehe.

What do you think about this chapter?