Victoria nodded ever so slightly, her eyes blood-shoot and her hands shaking. Nichkhun outstretched his arms and went over to hug her, comfort her. She ducked before his arms, the arms that she had leaned on so many times, even touched her. His bewildered look amused her a bit but the mood quickly vanished.

                “My members are coming over soon,” Victoria said coldly. “We don’t want anyone to be suspicious. I don’t need that kind of situation in my life right now.”

                On the outside, Victoria may have looked cold, even cruel. But in the inside, she wanted to cry her eyes out. She wanted to lean on his chest and be comforted. She wanted someone, mostly him, to say, “I’m sorry but I’m here for you. I’ll hug you and never let go, because I love you.”

                Nichkhun stammered, “O-okay.” And he slowly retraced his steps and left without a sound. As soon as the door shut, Victoria fell back on the bed, her eyes looking up at the ceiling, murmuring Chinese prayers.

                She slowly, unfolded her crossed arms and spread them out on both sides of her cot, like wings.

                And as a tear fell from her eye, she fell soundly asleep.

-

                As Nichkhun slowly drove back to the dorm, angry thoughts raced in his mind.

                Why did she reject the hug? Has she already forgotten about me?

                Then, he realized her situation and frowned even deeper.

                I’m sorry, I love you, I want to comfort you.

                A loud noise woke him from his deep thoughts, he was off lane and he veered his car to the side. Panting, he brought his head down and rested it on the driving wheel. Tears dripped down and he gripped the steering wheel tightly. He cursed in Thai, something he always did when he was frustrated.

                He was mad at himself, mad that he couldn’t be there for her.

                Whenever he wanted to run to her, and let her fall into his arms, something was always in the way that prevented him from doing so. And he hated it.

-

                The other f(x) members knew that something was wrong with Victoria after she was discharged from the hospital. She was different, changed. She was always quiet, some days going by with her saying no word at all. Dark circles formed underneath her big eyes. Even her eyes had changed to a dull shine, not the same bright hyper ones that they once knew. She was still sweet and humble, but the problem was that she never showed it anymore. Along with her personality, so went her appetite.

                She never ate and sometimes, the members would have to beg her to even take a measly bite. She overworked and practiced ‘till her voice was hoarse and her body was on the verge of a breakdown. She had grown scarily skinny. Not skinny, even. She was thin, too thin. When Krystal would try to hold her hand, which Victoria replied with a light squeeze, she would be shocked to feel how bony her wrist was, how limp her arms were.

                Her agency and others like JYP and YG shared their deep concern for her. Even the Netizens noticed her change in variety shows and how she couldn’t do splits and such anymore. With only a few weeks left until their comeback, worries clouded around Victoria. By that point, the company decided she needed the trip to China, to help her re-gain her strength and make her better.

-

                “Hey, did you hear, Nichkhun?” Junho said, as he was flicking through the TV channels.

                “Hear about what?” Nichkhun replied, curious.

                “That Victoria-unni is going to China because of the death of her-“

                “What?” Nichkhun stood up abruptly, and his eyes flared with concern, anger, and worry.

                Junho looked surprised.

                “Yeah, I heard-“

                But Nichkhun had already left, closing the dorm door with a loud sound.