Nichkhun hugged her, he didn’t want to let go. Victoria didn’t resist, but she didn’t hug back.

                When he finally let go, none of them spoke. The room felt eerily quiet. Nichkhun clutched Victoria’s hand. She slipped her hand out of his grasp and patted his hand.

                “I’ve become such a mess, haven’t I?” Victoria whispered. “It’s like I’ve become a monster. I always make others cry, I always drown them in my own useless tears. I’m not good enough for you.”

                Nichkhun gritted his teeth. He hated hearing her and seeing her like this.

                “I don’t care if you’re a mess. I don’t care if you’ve become a monster. I don’t care if you make me cry. You are good enough for me.”

                Victoria didn’t respond.

                “You once told me that if you were lonely and lost, what I would do. I told you, I’d come find you again and hug you and never let go. Why? Because I love you. Why don’t you realize that?”

                Victoria murmured something he didn’t hear.

                “The day I broke up with you, do you know why I did it? To protect you. I didn’t want you hurting anymore because of me. I didn’t want to see you hold back in your tears and pretend you’re fine, when you’re not.”

                He took a deep breath.

                “I love you. I love you. I love you,” Nichkhun raised his voice. “Why can’t you see that?”

                His voice softened as he spoke one last time.

                “I love you.” He kissed Victoria’s forehead.

                With that, he got up, and left the room, not turning around once to see Victoria’s reaction.

-

                Ever since then, Victoria never opened and read the letter she had written for Nichkhun. The day she was discharged, she stuffed it back in the envelope, and sealed it once again. She didn’t throw it away and always had it with her.

                Gradually, Victoria’s legs got better. Her personality improved and soon, she was the old Victoria again. She resumed to her duty of taking care of her f(x) members. She started joining variety shows and started to eat again. Finally, she was happy, content.

                But, whenever she was sad, whenever she needed comfort, she longed for Nichkhun. She always thought of the last words he had said to her.

                I love you.

                Victoria found it bizarre how she didn’t reply back to him. She had been at a loss of words. But she did deeply regret it.

                She missed him.

                Whenever she missed Nichkhun, she dared herself to re-open the letter and read it once again. But she never had the courage to.

-

                “Unni, what’s this?” Krystal asked, holding up the envelope. Victoria stared wide-eyed before snatching it from Krystal’s hands.

                “It’s nothing, Krystal,” Victoria immediately smiled. “Just something.”

                Krystal shrugged and went back out of the room. Victoria sighed with relief and looked at the envelope.

                “Should I open it?” Victoria murmured. “Should I not open it?”

                She bit her lip.

                “Open it, Victoria. Open it,” Victoria muttered to herself. Gently, she eased open the envelope flap and gingerly slid out the letter.