A/N: I will put this in the beginning since I want the last lines to linger on your memories. I wanted to thank everyone who laughed, became confused, struggled, love and cried together with my characters on this series of mine. I couldn’t make it without you ^^. This is the last installment of 'Can I Love Again?' Thanks for tuning in…

*****

 I cannot believe it.

I feel numb all over; everything seemed so blurry and vague.

I cannot move, I cannot speak…

Where’s Kyuhyun? That was the last thing I’m craving for, I feel hot tears trickling off my eyes, I saw crimson liquid gushing from the side of my head where I feel most numb.

I’m scared.

Where’s Kyuhyun?

I saw him, smiling, holding my hands, kissing my lips, making love to me.

He was the most beautiful thing that happened in my life.

Where is he?

Another tear fell as I felt the cold seeped in through my head.

I’m dying.

Alone, in this cold cemented floor.

My life is slipping away.

***

I died. I saw everyone from a third perspective, I saw them suffer, I saw them grieve.

I don’t know why, but days before I died, I filled up a donor form, actually, I was so curious about my bestfriend and my own similarity, I had it checked and it seems like we both have the same blood, yet we are not of the same parents.

I checked the compatibility of the organ he needed most, and to my surprise. We’re compatible.

He needed my heart.

He was someone who’s physically exactly like me, yet our personality is like the two sides of the coin. His sickness caused him to become hostile, being left alone by his parents to the mercy of medicines and machines, I can’t expect he will remain open to everyone. He didn’t trust anyone, how can he? When the only people he were expecting to stay, left him.

But I admire him, he was bright, brilliant, and strong. Unlike me. I cry at the most difficult time, and had lived pampered with love.

That’s why I chose to give him my heart when just in case I die, it’s because his strong exterior can protect my soft interior.

But what I didn’t know is that fate already decided my time of death.

I don’t want to leave Kyuhyun just like that. I love him so much, who would want to leave someone they love? But it seems like I too, can’t go just yet.

Kyuhyun won’t let me go, that I was held back with the regret of leaving him. I stayed frozen in time with him.

I was afraid when he started seeing me, talking to me like I was there, but I’m long gone, I will not come back.

Why did it have to be me? Why did I have to leave the people I love the most? My bestfriend rejected the transfer and cried every single night after the operation, my parents were left to the imitation of my heart inside other people and my lover resorted to drinking, smoking and gambling. He stopped studying, and everyone’s lives were messed up because of me.

I didn’t recover from my death.

Nor did the people around me.

Until Kyuhyun was forced to studying again as a year passed, his friend, Ryeowook helped him a lot. Oh how I wish Kyuhyun could see Ryeowook’s love for him.

My parents went abroad together with my bestfriend for rehabilitation. My bestfriend learned music, sing and smile, but his tears at night for self-blaming didn’t disappear.

Somehow, they stepped on another chapter of their lives but they didn’t forget.

Until the anniversary of my death, that fateful night where Kyuhyun and Lee Sungmin met.

That’s exactly when everything change?

**

“Hey Min- I met someone.”

As soon as I heard those words, I know that the person who became locked up in the past together with me would be soon recovering from all the pain.

I should be happy, but I felt scared.

Should Kyuhyun fell in love with my best friend, would he forget me?

I responded like everything was good, like everything was okay.

But it frightens me to be forgotten.

I know it’s selfish, but I can’t do anything can I?

**

“Is this your plan?”

Lee Sungmin asked me over and over again. I saw him got hurt because he thought Kyuhyun can see me in him but the truth is, I never planned any of this. I didn’t plan to die, I didn’t plan for them to meet, I didn’t plan for them to get hurt. I didn’t plan to ruin their lives even after I left.

I don’t want to get stuck.

It was unfair to me, but I’m also unfair to them.

But their love gets stronger that Kyuhyun stopped seeing me in his hallucinations. He stopped hearing me. He loved Lee Sungmin so much that he was able to move forward. I’m happy to know that I can leave now, and that I don’t have to worry.

**

My parents didn’t move on also. When my father knew Kyuhyun had another lover, he was utterly cruel and by then Kyuhyun began being depressed and talking to me again.

I hated it. Especially when two person close to me were hurting.

After that, Sungmin heard the news of the rejected heart, and everything fell down, pieces by pieces… we return to step 1. We all became stuck, once more.

Kyuhyun stopped seeing Sungmin and Sungmin moved farther away, his condition worsening and Kyuhyun held my hallucination as a reminder of Lee Sungmin.

I’m hurt.

It pains me so much to see him look at me as if I was another person.

Somehow, I knew what Lee Sungmin felt.

My bestfriend in one way blamed me for leaving him and my past lover keeps lying to himself.

I hate being the one who destroys everything.

**

It was a flat line and Cho Kyuhyun is staring blankly at me in despair.

Lee Sungmin is dying and this time Kyuhyun will surely follow him.

I can’t just watch. I’ve been doing this for years. It’s time.

***

Choi Siwon walked out from the operating room and faced Kyuhyun who’s still staring at nothingness. “Dr. Cho…” the cardiologist whispered.

A light touch reached for Kyuhyun’s shoulder and he looked up warily.

“Sungmin’s stable for now, but he’s still unconscious, his heart isn’t doing too well and he needed a bypass machine to keep his blood pumping.”

Kyuhyun looked up pain all over his face. “W-What will happen?”

“You’re a doctor too Cho, you know what will happen, I can’t say if he…”” Siwon pursed his lips clutching the bridge of his nose to held back the possibility.

“Don’t say it.” Kyuhyun snap at him. “He will survive this… I know.”

“Without a new heart? I hate to say this and be-“

“You’re his friend!” Kyuhyun shouted and a sobbed escape his lips as he clutch on Siwon’s white lab coat. “At least… don’t give up, not just yet….please… I’m begging you.”

Siwon sighed as the pain of the probability of losing Sungmin hit him. “I’m not giving up Kyuhyun… not now, not ever, so do Sungmin a favor too, don’t let go.”

**

Everything was bright, it was comfortable and it was beautiful. Lee Sungmin opened his eyes on a familiar place. It was his hospital room years ago.

He was sitting in his usual side of the bed beside the window, it was unusually lighter and everything was as if it was on its rightful place.

“Hi!”

A chime like voice echoed from the other side of the bed and his head snapped up as he saw a familiar blonde man. With a soft chubby cheeks and a warm smile, it is his face yet it was totally different. He knew this smile from anywhere, and even though time passes, he will never forget this face.

“Sungmin?”

“Still weird, coming from a guy who has the same name as me… long time no see, Min…” Park Sungmin smiled yet again as he hopped down his side of the bed and tiptoed to the other side. “I miss you…”

“Shut up.” Lee Sungmin growled and rolled his eyes as the cheerful man cling unto him. Realization hit him. Park Sungmin is dead so…

“Why are you frowning?” Park Sungmin asked sitting at Lee Sungmin’s bed, holding the other’s hand. “Aren’t you happy to see me.”

Lee Sungmin smiled weakly but sincerely. “Of course, I miss you too and I’m happy to see you too, but-“

The other man pouted and fidgeted on the hem of his hospital gown. “You’re being a kill joy. If you’re worried if you’re dead like me then you’re not.”

Lee Sungmin looked up surprised spreading across his face. “B-But I’m-“

“You’re here because I wanted to talk to you.” Park Sungmin smiled again looking from his bestfriend through the pale sunlight from outside of the window. “it’s the only time I could, actually.”

“There are too many questions…” Park Sungmin’s smile faded into a small sad one. “But as we both know, there isn’t much time to answer all of them…”

Holding back what pains him wasn’t the best idea right now, for Lee Sungmin’s tears poured out uncontrollably, covering his sobs with the back of his hand but it won’t do good.

“Why are you crying?” the other man asked. “Are you crying because you’re thankful or because you still wanted me beside you?”

“B-Both…” Lee Sungmin replied quickly. “Y-You gave everything you have for me when I don’t deserve them…”

Park Sungmin bit his lips and again fidgeted. “Are you regretful?” he asked.

Lee Sungmin studied his words carefully and the evident sign of pain is on the other’s face, he knew Park Sungmin didn’t want to die.

“You have a choice Min…I don’t.” the deceased man cried. “And you’re so much stronger than me…”

“It wasn’t the correct logic for this kind of things Sungmin…”

“I know.” Park Sungmin smiled yet again wiping his own tears. “But this is what’s meant to be… believe me. I love Kyuhyun, my parents and you… more than anything.”

“And it’s worth it… to give you my life.”

Lee Sungmin’s hand reached out to the other but unlike before he couldn’t seemed to grab his bestfriend.

“Why can’t I touch you?” Lee Sungmin reached out again but to no avail, he can’t reach the other.

“You know… I’m not alive anymore.” Park Sungmin smiled once more and Lee Sungmin shook his head.

“No! Stay with me, I can’t do this alone… please, stay with me, or I’m going with you, I’m dying too. I could feel it!”

“Don’t leave Kyuhyun for me.”

At that sentence Lee Sugnmin stopped and a flash of Kyuhyun run straight to his mind and the scenery changed to the ICU where he can see Kyuhyun sleeping on a corner, pain on his face, his brows frowning and his eyes tired.

“You love him too, Min…and I’m happy you did.”

Lee Sungmin directed his gaze on Park Sungmin’s form, wearing a familiar sweater, pale and almost transparent.

His bestfriend looked at him dearly and his hand stretched out to pat Lee Sungmin’s tears away.

“Can you please grant me just one request?”

Lee Sungmin didn’t know why his chest was exploding with pain the moment his bestfriend said that but he knew what the other meant. Taking a last look on the person who gave his everything for him to survive…he closed his eyes.

**

“Kyuhyun…”

Kyuhyun wanted to looked up for a while when the voice, familiar but not exactly what he was expecting called him but it seems like he can’t open his eyes, he stayed lying on the couch on the corner of Sungmin’s ICU room.

“Sungmin?” he asked a nagging feeling crept inside him but he can’t help to feel an easy feeling of reminiscing someone he had lost for a long time.

“It’s been so long…” Sungmin spoke again reaching him caressing the strands of his hair carefully, tenderly. The next thing he knew there was a droplets of wet hot tears on his cheeks.

“Have you been well? You should stop drinking and smoking and your vices…” the voice whispered a low hum and another tear fell.

“Always keep your apartment window open, the scenery is nice…”

Kyuhyun didn’t know why but at that moment while his eyes were closed, Sungmin’s words were something he can’t say anything about.

A cold, gentle hand touched and traced the profile of his face tenderly. “I’m so glad I could feel you like this…” a gasp of small giggle followed that sentence.

“And I’m sorry… I left without saying goodbye.”

This time the tear that fell is Kyuhyun’s own, his shoulders shaking to the realization of who he was talking with, of who that reminiscent voice belongs to. He wanted to open his eyes to see Park Sungmin but he still can’t.

A finger wiped the tear that fell. “I’m so happy you’d be able to live without me now…” the voice responded again in a crying sob. “I’m so happy that I’d be able to rest now, we both will take a step now…”

“Would you promise me Kyu? Would you take care of what’s left with the two of us in your memories long after I’m completely gone?”

Kyuhyun whispered with a soft ‘Yes’ in his mind and as if on gratitude he felt the familiar lips landed on his, soft, and longing… and of course bidding him goodbye.

“Thank you, for loving me with all your heart… it’s a shame that we won’t be together forever… like we promised.”

‘Sungmin…’  Kyuhyun called out but his voice won’t allow him.

“Take care of Sungmin and my parents for me…”

‘Wait Sungmin…’

“It’s time for me to go, my lovely Kyuhyun…”

The voice became more distant and Kyuhyun’s eyes slowly opened only to see a silhouette of a blonde man on his favorite sweaters walking away.

“I miss you so much…” Kyuhyun cried and the man stopped. He slowly looked over his shoulders to the direction of Kyuhyun.

“I know…” he mouthed the reply with a soft smile and a sigh.

Kyuhyun, with his blurry vision called out with all his might. “Happy 6^th anniversary…”

Park Sungmin turned away and Kyuhyun’s vision became black once again, just in time for the reply to be spoken.

“I love you too…”

And that was the last time Kyuhyun saw his former lovers ghost.

**

**

Three Autumns Later

“”I’m telling you, come back here already you’re spending so much time on that singing turtle of yours…”

“Shut Up Kyuhyun! You’re the one to insult, you crazy game freak! I mean how old are you already?! GOD! I don’t know how your lover can stand your overnight typing on that laptop of yours!”

“He’s like a heavy snoring bear…” Kyuhyun whispered laughing quietly as he pulled the trench coat closer. The wind howling in the cold as the rustle of the orange and yellow color leaf flew pass him.

“So where is that bear slash rabbit anyways… hopping around somewhere?” Ryeowook asked munching from the other line and Kyuhyun knew for sure that the other is baking.

“Yeah, he’s beautifully hopping somewhere.” Kyuhyun smiled as he saw his lover sitting down and talking animatedly by himself, telling stories about someone who’s probably him.

It was almost a miracle. The moment he wakes up from that dream Lee Sungmin is already on arrest yet again, he thought he will lose Sungmin for sure but what amazes him and the other doctor is that after a careful assessment of everyone on that room, it seems like Sungmin’s heart is functioning well, no rejection reaction, no need for bypass. It was as if his heart started functioning like it is his own.

Everyone was amazed that another transplant wasn’t needed anymore and Lee Sungmin is healthy once more, though it still took 3 more days before the other woke up crying, saying that he had a dream about Park Sungmin, and Kyuhyun can’t agree more because he too had the same dream.

“I think I’ll go back at the spring next year, I’ll take my lover boy with me for you two to meet.”

“That’ll be great, maybe I can tell him of your personality disorder…” Kyuhyun laughed at the grunting from the other line before he saw his lover waved at him.

“I gotta go, thanks for calling me…”

“Yeah yeah, take care of yourself, say ‘Hi’ to Sungmin from me…” The other line said before hanging up.

Kyuhyun walked to the uphill towards where their small picnic set is laid placing a small smile on his lips as he saw Sungmin pouted.

“What are you telling him about me? That I’m handsome?” Kyuhyun joked earning a gasp of disbelief from the other.

“No! I was telling him that you’ve became an as you age… and you play games like there’s no tomorrow.” Sungmin pouted and he leaned to Kyuhyun’s chest the moment the physician sat down.

A kiss was placed on Sungmin’s cheek and the latter smiled at the contact.

“It’s the 5^th year after we met…” Sungmin smiled a hum as Kyuhyun reached for a small flower disarrayed on the white marble on the grass.

“And it’s his death anniversary…” Kyuhyun placed the flower neatly to the grave of Park Sungmin.

There were stretching silence and a blew of the autumn air.

“He’s amazing…” Sungmin broke the still atmosphere. “He brought us together even after he passed away.”

Kyuhyun smiled sincerely and nodded placing another kiss on Sungmin’s forehead. “You two were the most beautiful thing that happened in my life.”

“And you kept this heart of ours alive.” Sungmin replied sweetly, wrapping his arms around Kyuhyun’s protective hold.

The moment stretched on like that, solemn, peaceful and quiet. Just the two of them and the autumn wind caressing their hearts.

“I love you…”

“I love you too…”

They both said those three words so lovingly that it perfected their whole being.

“I think we should head back, mom and dad said we shouldn’t be late for dinner.” Sungmin hummed and Kyuhyun nodded clasping their hands together. “Yeah, I think we should.”

They both stood up, fixing their picnic materials and placing a piece of take-out cake beside the marble tomb.

“We’ll be back soon Sungmin, thanks for having us here.” Lee Sungmin bowed and Kyuhyun smiled bowing too. “We love you…”

They looked at each other then laughed.

“By the way Ryeowook said ‘Hi’…”

“Oh really? He and Jongwoon’s serious too, Dr. Choi somehow finds it hard to meddle with his own kid…”

Their conversation trailed off as they descent from the uphill of Park Sungmin’s resting ground. Laughter and smiles filled the calm season and the coldness of the night seeped in bringing a warm delight of the lingering story of how mysterious love and fate works, for three people, whether they are living…

or long gone..

-End-