Ryeowook sighed. He was currently in a small hospital near his apartment, he had taken Sungmin after he collapsed on the street and called the resident doctor to attend to the latter. Apparently, Sungmin was a regular patient at the hospital.

After a few tests and first aid, they were brought to a private room and Sungmin hasn’t woken up since then. He should just called someone but it turns out that there were only a few person in the man’s contacts and he called Siwon because he was the one who could attend to Sungmin the best.

He should’ve left earlier after the call he made but the resident doctor confronted him, and what he heard rendered him unable to leave.

Sungmin, was on steroids, something that will suppress his immune system and was taking it as a maintenance. He frowned at first but the next result told him the reason why Sungmin’s on it. His heart is still being rejected by his organs and the prolonged use of steroids exposed him to more types of infectious diseases, and every now and then his heart would just malfunction and he will experience threatening arrhythmias.

Ryeowook frowned and ask the doctor if it was possible to be treated but the doctor shook his head. Sungmin had refused a proposal for another transplant.

‘Why?’ that was the question that appeared the moment he looked back at Sungmin’s sleeping form, his face were truly pale and sunken and it looks like he was in pain. Why would he refuse another transplant?

‘Does Kyuhyun know about this?’,  ‘Did Sungmin told him?’, ‘What would happen now?’

More questions came up after the first one. And he furrowed his brows in confusion. Even though he was not a specialist on human body he knew that rejection reaction was dangerous and life threatening. It was like killing yourself. It’s like suicide, but Sungmin’s just letting it happen to him?

‘Did Sungmin gave up on his life?’

Another question and another mind blowing realization hit the psychiatrist.

“No.” he said out loud as if making sure he still had a voice. Sungmin wasn’t suicidal as far as he knows.

He was being like this because he had lost his only will to survive.

He was being just like Kyuhyun, after Park Sungmin died.

Alive, but is waiting for death to escape.

**

Sungmin stirred awake almost blinded by the white light illuminating the white walls of the room. He was back at the hospital again, he must’ve collapse. He felt drowsy and uncomfortably light, the doctors might just drug him with some heart medicines that will ease down his arrhythmias. It’s been happening quite often and his condition wasn’t any better.

He looked around but everything was pale and lifeless. Just like the way he was living now.

He had been so used to waiting for death almost all his life that when he experienced a shed of hope, he was hungry for it, craving like an unfed child. It felt as if he, a man born to die had a meaning, have a right to live normally.

But when he recalled Kyuhyun’s accusation, replaying over and over in his head. Everything crumbled down. And it ing hurts, more than it hurts before.

A drop of tear fell from Sungmin’s tired eyes. He wiped it with the back of his hand and regain himself to a sitting position when the door opened.

A wash of disbelief fell on his face when he saw Ryeowook entered. He was sure he didn’t collapse when the guy was there so how come…

“Hey.”

Ryeowook greeted him with an unsure smile and he smiled back, still surprise.

“Hello…” he aid hesitantly.

“You collapsed outside the store so I brought you here.” The doctor said pulling on a chair near the bed and settling himself down to it.

“T-Thank you.” That’s all Sungmin managed to say before lowering his head. This was unexpected, Ryeowook is Kyuhyun’s friend. Would he tell him? He wouldn’t want Kyuhyun to know his pathetic condition. He didn’t want Kyuhyun to tell him he was wasting Park Sungmin’s heart.

Sensing the other’s uncertainty Ryeowook spoke first. “How long?”

Sungmin looked up startled by the question, he looked at Ryeowook who seemed to have a gentle expression and he knew what he was referring to. He smiled warily and looked away.

“A little over 8 months.”

“Does Kyuhyun know?”

The next question struck him, but he answered nevertheless.

“The day I knew about the reaction, was the last day I saw him.”

Ryeowook sighed heavily. Kyuhyun doesn’t know. The day they both had a fight was also the day they go their separate ways. It was painful, he could radiate the pain both of the man was feeling. He bit his lips. This was the chance.

“Your condition, is it worsening?” he asked again.

“I don’t exactly know.” Sungmin replied looking back at the psychiatrist.

“Should I tell Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook asked but Sungmin immediately shook his head.

“Please don’t.”

“Do you realize what your doing? You obviously needed him.” Ryeowook said sternly but Sungmin returned his hostility with a sweet beam.

“I don’t want him to suffer.”

‘But he is suffering already without you.’ Ryeowook sighed. For a while he looked down, why is love this difficult? You will do everything to not hurt the person you love, but what you are doing is hurting both of you even more.

Misconceptions and misunderstandings.

Love is full of those stupid things.

“I’m in love with Kyuhyun.” The doctor declared and he saw the surprised, hurtful expression of Sungmin. The latter was unable to speak for a while, calculating what he should say.

“Since you were so reluctant to let him go, I should take him instead.”

Sungmin looked sideways, clenching his fist helplessly. It’s hurting him. Crushing him to pieces, he didn’t want Kyuhyun to love anybody else, he wanted to be with Kyuhyun. He wanted to be love by only Kyuhyun.

But with his current condition, it was like hanging on a piece of thread. Unstable.

He could die, anytime, and he wouldn’t want Kyuhyun to be stuck with that pain. It’s better if he died without Kyuhyun knowing it.

So this is how it is to love someone?

His dried lips pursed to a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. It was difficult.

“T-then please… “ Sungmin looked up, eyes quivering with unshed tears, lips trembling.

“Please… take care of him.”

Ryeowook gasped in a shot of guilt. He saw it, the contorted hopelessness. The overwhelming pang of dying when you’re still breathing, he could see it… and it makes him madder than he already was.

“Hypocrite.” He growled unable to stop himself from clenching his fist. “That’s better then…”

Ryeowook breathed out and Sungmin lowered his head.

“Were both going overseas, it’s a great opportunity and we will never be back for 2 years… you can wallow with yourself.”

Ryeowook took the door knob and opened the door as he was about to leave.

“By that time, I should’ve removed all your traces from him, you shouldn’t bother us by then.”

Ryeowook left  with the door slamming in his wake. He was panting in anger and pain as well. He didn’t know why was he hurting but it was clenching his chest mercilessly.

“Dr. Kim?” He heard Siwon’s voice and once again he composed himself facing the tall guy. “Dr. Choi.”

“W-what are…” Siwon trailed off and a realization came to his face. “Is Dr. Cho here?”

“No.” Ryeowook answered. “And I don’t plan on telling him how’s Sungmin’s condition is.”

Siwon pursed his lips at the anger on the smaller man’s voice.

“I won’t put Kyuhyun to such unnecessary pain.” Ryeowook continued walking past Siwon without saying anything anymore.

The latter sighed in defeat. He hurried towards the room and there he saw Sungmin curled up to a ball crying.

“Min… what happened? What’s the matter?” he asked soothing the other man’s hysterical breaths with small touches.

“I-I love him so much… and-and…I’m leaving him.” Sungmin sobbed against his hand who were now covering his face. “Why am I unable to hold on? Why should we suffer like this?”

Siwon’s tongue was caught without words, instead he just stayed with Sungmin’s fit until the latter tired out and finally fell asleep.

**

“Kyuhyun. What are you thinking?”

Kyuhyun laughed half drunk with his almost empty wine bottle, sitting with his leg sprawled to his carpeted apartment floor.

“I’m ed up, Ming…” Kyuhyun growled to the hallucination of Park Sungmin sitting across him on the floor. “How can I move on huh?”

Park Sungmin’s pale radiance sighed in defeat.”You’re being stubborn again, I told you… you should fix that messy of yours and stand up…”

“I-I’m going… I accepted the proposal for a 2 year overseas contract… that should be better right?” Kyuhyun muttered but Park Sungmin sighed.

“Running away again…”

“You’re one to talk.” Kyuhyun chuckled. “You’re the first one who ran away from me.”

There was inevitable silence when a loud banging on the door startled them both. Kyuhyun stood up and asked who it is but there was no reply.

He pulled the knob and Ryeowook stumbled inside drunk himself as he cling to Kyuhyun’s arms.

“Hey, Kyu…” the smaller man said in a slurred tone. “How are you doing?”

The alcohol on Kyuhyun’s system seems to dissipate for good as he held his bestfriend carefully placing him on the bed. “What happened? Why are you drunk?”

“Come on Kyuhyun… don’t be stupid.you know why I am drunk.”

Kyuhyun frowned his brow at his bestfriend’s retort when the smaller man pulled him. “You know, I’m in love with you right? What? You can’t see it… so pathetic Kyu…”

“Wookie, you’re drunk.” Kyuhyun managed to say when a tear fell from Ryeowook and he covered it with the back of his hand.

“UGGGH! This is too painful….” He shouted in protest. “You love someone for years but still they never love you back… how stupid!”

Kyuhyun lowered his head as the sobs from his bestfriend commenced.

“I’m sorry.” Kyuhyun muttered and a low sorrowful chuckled echoed from Ryeowook’s lips.

“Why, can’t you just forget him huh?”

“I’m sorry…” Kyuhyun repeated but Ryeowook growled once more in disbelief.

“Stop saying that. Pompous !” Ryeowook bolted upright pulled Kyuhyun once again and kissed him.

It was rough, and painful and it didn’t feel right but Kyuhyun never pushed the other man. He allowed him to pour all his frustrations into just one kiss and he moved with the other hesitantly.

Ryeowook pulled away and his tears crawled to his cheeks as he pulled Kyuhyun to a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry Kyuhyun…” he whispered tenderly to the other’s ears. He wasn’t sorry for what he did. He was sorry for something else.

He cannot let Kyuhyun be unhappy, he can’t let Kyuhyun suffer one more time. He can’t let Kyuhyun go back to a dying Sungmin.

Selfish.

“It’s okay…” Kyuhyun muttered as he soothed Ryeowook’s back but the smaller man sobbed harder for he knew that when the time comes that Kyuhyun knew what he was about to do.

He will hate him forever.

**

Siwon furrowed his head when he saw the results two weeks later after the accident with Ryeowook. There were no improvement to Sungmin’s condition who was now worsening, infections brought down his immune system, he was suffering from another set of disease and they had to stop steroids for a while to treat it.

“Dr. Choi. Please convince him for another transplant.”

Siwon smiled half-heartedly for he knew Sungmin would rather die than exchange his heart.

“I’ll try.”

He entered the hospital room where Sungmin’s currently confined. The latter was laying on his bed, oxygen canula on his nose and was drowsed so that the effect of the medicine will hold on to his system.

He reached for his friend’s hand and sat near him.

“Sungmin… “ he called softly and as if on cue Sungmin tilted his head to his direction with a small smile.

“What does it say?” he murmured.

“Nothing important, just a few tests and a few medication pulled out for a while, replaced by anti biotics…” Siwon said in a sincere smile and Sungmin returned it with the same compassion.

“I see… how’s my heart?”

Siwon looked down unable to meet the other who knew the answer right away. He held onto Sungmin who chuckled weakly.

“are they requesting for another transplant?” he asked and Siwon nodded meekly.

“I see…” Sungmin replied. “I still refuse, I don’t want to…”

The doctor looked up at his patient in a defeated expression. “Min, you need that…”

“I know.” The other replied quickly. “But I won’t waste Park Sungmin’s heart.

“But…” Siwon sighed for he didn’t want to say another word.

“Siwonnie…” Sungmin smiled at him caressing his hand with his thumb. “I’ll be fine don’t worry.”

“You’re not.” The other said sternly but a low laugh escapeSungmin’s lips.

“I miss him…” he said dreamily. “I miss him so much.”

“Then go meet him.” Siwon spat at him angrily. “If he’s giving you hope then meet him.”

Sungmin let go of a silent breath. “I shouldn’t.”

Siwon looked at the other’s fluttering eyelids and before he slept again, a steady breathing commenced. The doctor reluctantly let go of his patient’ hand before he kissed Sungmin’s pale forehead.

“This is enough suffering okay?” he murmured and walk silently out of the room, flipping his phone to dial a number.

“Hello.”

The voice from the other line asked uncertain that the one calling him might be mistaken of dialing his number.

“Hi. I need a favor.” Siwon pursed his lips as he begun to tell the details.

**

“You look like hell.” Kyuhyun chuckled at his friend who’s holding his travel luggage and a hand carry bag.

“Shut up.” Ryeowook spat at him fixing his passport.

He was definitely a mess. The day before yesterday he received a call from Choi Siwon and it is so0mething he didn’t expect.

“Hello.”

“Hi. I need a favor.” Choi Siwon’s voice echoed sincerely to the other line and Ryeowook’s face flushed with a frown.

“Yeah, what is it?” he said fiddling to his desk as he prepared himself. It was definitely a news about Sungmin but he didn’t have any business about those matters so why is Choi Siwon calling him.

“It’s about Sungmin. He wanted to see Kyuhyun.”

Ryeowook chuckled darkly. “As far as I know you’re oppose to the both of them meeting? Why the sudden change?”

He heard a deep sigh from the other line and he knew the news wasn’t good.

He bit his lips, remembering what had transpired between him and Kyuhyun 2 weeks ago when he came to the other’s apartment drank. He just kissed Kyuhyun, vent out his frustrations and fell asleep. Nothing happened because Kyuhyun didn’t want something to happen and he was saying ‘sorry’ over and over again that the psychiatrist became confuse as to whom those apologies are directed to. Him? Or Sungmin?

“Sungmin…” Siwon sighed and Ryeowook’s chest rammed once more. He’s not heartless, this whole set up is also tearing his conscience apart.

“Is he worsening?” he said in a guilty tone and a small hum was Choi Siwon’s reply.

“Then why did you call me, why not call Kyuhyun directly?” the smaller man complained leaning his back to his clinic chair.

“It’s because you’re the only one close enough to knock some sense into that bastard’s brain.” Siwon frankly speak and Ryeowook chuckled at the comment.

“But I don’t meddle with his personal affairs…” the psychiatrist voiced out.

“So am I, but, I think its just fair to let Kyuhyun know how’s Sungmin’s condition, and if he still insisted to not meet him then… that’s up to him.”

Ryeowook think for a few second before clutching his fist. “But, we’re leaving the day after tomorrow…”

Siwon then sigh. “Then the timing was just right”

“Flight 4598, please board the passenger plane right now, the gate is closing in 5 minutes…”

Ryeowook stared at Kyuhyun who seemed to look on a distance towards the door. He studied that face as a small, lonely smile spread across the other’s lips.

Kyuhyun’s still waiting, for a tiny bit of hope that Sungmin will found out that he’s leaving and the other would come for him. If that happen he will apologize, and do anything to be by his side once more.

‘But Sungmin won’t come. He was in a dire condition…’ Ryeowook thought as he felt the familiar pain radiate through him.

He can never fulfill what will forever be missing inside Kyuhyun.

Defeat.

The smaller man chuckled once again.

“I’m defeated.”

“Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook called for one last time. “We should go.”

Kyuhyun smiled at him appreciatively and then return his eyes on the automatic doors. “A minute…”
 

Ryeowook bit his lips. His heart aching at Kyuhyun’s hesitance, he walked dragging his feet and grabbing Kyuhyun passport harshly.

The doctor looked at him perplexed. “Ryeowook… what.”

“I know where he is Kyuhyun.” Ryeowook started fidgeting but maintain his stature. “I can’t do this to you…”

“What are you-“ Kyuhyun knotted his brows but realization hit him. “How did you know whe-“

“It doesn’t matter, long story, let’s get to it.” Ryeowook said angrily. “He needs you right now.”

“But he- he hates me…”

“Stop being so afraid! He’s worsening Kyu- he needs you…”

“What do you mean worsening? What’s wrong with him?” Kyuhyun asked pale on his face.

“I don’t have time for a detail… the plane is leaving, would you go to him or go with me?”

Kyuhyun didn’t answer and Ryeowook smiled because he knows what will be the other’s response, what that silence means, what does pain means. He picked up Kyuhyun’s ticket and ripped it.

“I-I’m letting you go.” Ryeowook smiled despite the slap of reality aching. Kyuhyun’s face brightened into an endearing smile.

“He’s at this address.” Ryeowook handed over Kyuhyun a small paper in his pocket.  “You should hurry…”

Kyuhyun ran to hug his bestfriend and place a small kiss on Ryeowook’s forehead.

“Thank you… so much…” Kyuhyun said happiness plastered on his face as he picked up his luggage and the paper Ryeowook gave before he sprinted to the automatic doors.

Ryeowook wiped the tears that fell after Kyuhyun has turned his back on him and walk towards the last call for his flight.

To Be Continued

A/N: So… how was it?? Kekeke do you somewhat feel bad for Ryeowook? Actually I almost broke down as I typed in the last sentence of this chapter. It’s hard not to be loved. >.<

Anyways, I hope you like this update. Though It is obvious that I hurried this, I’m not good with words right now… this felt redundant but I love it all the same ^^