Chapter 10

___
It was chaos, and Lee Sungmin was utterly struck by the news, he ran from his room to the emergency room not even caring that he can never run, it would kill him. Siwon caught him at the end of the hallway towards the emergency room panting, turning blue, cursing and crying with his knees bent against his chest in a corner.

“What are you doing here? You look awful, you know better than run…”

“SIwon!” Sungmin growled taking a sharp intake of breath that almost knocked him off again. “What happened with Sungmin- They said he’s been rushed here… Tell me the doctors are all on code blue and I really have a bad feeling…”

Siwon shifted his gaze elsewhere not meeting his friend’s eyes.

“Answer me! Look at me! He’s just fainted right, like the fainting spells he had when he’s anemic it’s really really cold and-“

“Min, I’ll take you back to your room okay…”

“ANSWER ME!”

Sungmin shifted his gaze to the door on the emergency room and he saw the director of the hospital, Park Sungmin’s father crouched on the corner and was being comforted by his colleagues.

“He’s gone… they said his head hit a rock it was an accident and-“

“What the are you saying!” Sungmin’s tears fell from his eyes and the tightening of his chest became incredibly unbearable.

“He can’t die. I mean, he’s healthy, I’m the dying one! Let me go, I’ll knock some sense on that bunny’s head, he’ll wake up if I threatened him…”

 His head out for a moment and Siwon’s quick enough to catch him, panting for breath and turning bluer by the second clutching his chest.
Sungmin saw another crouched figure of a tall brunette man clutching his hair in frustration, his eyes blank and blood was everywhere on his clothes.

“Who’s he?” Sungmin’s quick question caught Siwon off guard as he too look at the other man. Without meeting Sungmin’s eyes he shifted his head away.

“He’s Kyuhyun. H-He’s the last one with Sungmin…”

“He killed him…” Sungmin’s voice was graved and Siwon looked at him in disbelief. “N-No Min, he’s…”

“Sungmin told me that he’s different, Sungmin’s being worried about him, depressed and down… he’s the reason why…”

Siwon used all his strength to prevent Lee Sungmin from running towards the figure of a disheveled, disoriented brunette who’s probably blaming himself for the loss of his lover.

“I hate him! He killed Sungmin! I hate him!”

***

“Sungmin? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Kyuhyun’s worried voice sent shock all throughout Lee Sungmin’s body. This is what he dreaded most, seeing the look of worry from the man he loves.

“Oh, Kyu… I’m fine, I’m just a little bit dizzy that’s all.” Sungmin smiled. Kyuhyun’s already in his assistance before he even finishes his sentence. The pain he felt was already gone and it left him wondering if that was from the memory or something else. He decided that Kyuhyun should be his priority now and that it was just a mere stress taking over his body.

“Why are you here? Is something the matter? Are you sick or something?” the doctor hugged him close, his nose buried through the smaller man’s hair as he inhale the scent he grew to love more by each passing day. He misses Sungmin when the man’s gone and its like his absence became a death sentence to Cho Kyuhyun.

“Why are you a worry wart…” Sungmin sighed leaning to the other’s warm chest. “I just visited Siwon...” Sungmin’s doctor’s name was a warning. He remembered the things he talked about with the other guy and it seems like he needed to tell Kyuhyun the truth, as soon as now.

“You visited him?”

Sungmin looked up to Kyuhyun and the small pout that the man tried to suppress made the smaller man giggled. “Are you jealous?”

“You visited him and not remember me, of course, I’m not jealous.” Kyuhyun muttered looking away from his lover.

“Why are you so cute… “ Sungmin sighed happily. “…and because of that, why don’t you give me a kiss instead?”

“Why should I, I’m the one who’s pushed aside, I should be the one receiving prizes…” the taller man grumbled like a child.

Sungmin laughed heartily. “Okay, okay, but please not here, we can be sued for public display of affection.”

Kyuhyun grinned and placed a peck on Sungmin’s forehead. “Why what’s wrong with publicity? I want the world to see that you’re mine.”

Sungmin blushed and he punched Kyuhyun’s chest lightly. “Possessive jerk.” He murmured. “Are you done for today? Can I steal you away from your patients?”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in disbelief as he held on to Sungmin’s hand pulling the man towards the other direction. “You don’t have to ask permission… I’m already yours.”

**

“So where will we go today?”

Sungmin asked the taller man opening his car door for him. The thick envelope of snow sent chills to Lee Sungmin’s somewhat frail body and he immediately found comfort on the shelter Kyuhyun’s care provided.

The other hurried to the other side and also enters the car. Smiling at Sungmin’s pinkish cheeks that never failed to warm him more than a heater could. “You want to have coffee with me and go to the park?”

Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun. “I think it’s too cold to be outside…” he mumbled biting his lower lip in the process.

“So you want to stay inside instead?” Kyuhyun glanced at his lover’s puffy blushing cheeks, fighting the urge to kiss the man senseless.

“Uhm… I need to be at the bar before 8, I still have work so I want…” Sungmin peered away from Kyuhyun fiddling at his fingers. “Maybe cuddling would be nice?”

Kyuhyun snickered at the display of cute uncertainties from the man next to him. He started the engine knowing all too well what he should do.
“Okay then… plans for today: cuddling.” He said making Sungmin smiled whole-heartedly.

**
Sungmin looked over the huge, opened window in Kyuhyun’s room. It had been opened voluntarily by Kyuhyun as soon as they arrived, making his heart beat lightly. The doctor kissed his forehead and proceeded to the small kitchen to prepare some hot cocoa of his one roomed apartment. Sungmin wondered why he would stay there when Kyuhyun already had the money for a much better place.

Actually, Sungmin invited Kyuhyun to stay inside because he’s unusually tired and he planned to tell Kyuhyun the truth. Yes, he’ll tell Kyuhyun now. He’s afraid, but he needed to be honest.

The opened cabinet caught Sungmin off guard as soon as he turned around. Smiling at the thought when Kyuhyun offered him a change of clothes since the falling snow dampen what he’s wearing. He decided to follow Kyuhyun’s request or more like a demand and picked up the thick button shirt and pyjamas laid on the bed. When his eyes caught something place neatly, compared to the other clothes who he found disheveled.

It was familiar, the twitching of his heart made sure that it was.

Hesitantly, he pulled it up. A sweater, he furrowed his brows, he remembered this sweater…

“It’s a gift-“ Kyuhyun said smiling sadly bringing the hot cocoa on his hand. Sungmin hurriedly returned it to where he found it, not knowing where to look at he passed Kyuhyun through the bathroom.

He hurriedly changed his clothes, fiddling to open his shirt when he accidentally stared at the mirror.

There faint but still ugly in Sungmin’s eyes, a long line tracing through his skin above his sternum.

The mark that his heart was originally not his.

Pain clouded to Sungmin’s eyes as he became aware of the pumps of his heart. The sound of it was so unnerving and it seems like its mocking him.

Tears blurred his eyes as he looked at his reflection on the mirror. He remembered his sullen eyes, his pale face, and his weak stature, that was the real him. But his face now showed life, blushing skin, and a beating heart, he’s alive. He lived because of his bestfriend. Though he was utterly grateful he can’t help but feel degraded.

Because eventhough he knew for sure that he was him, he is Lee Sungmin. All he could see, staring back at him from the moist bathroom mirror is Park Sungmin.

“Sungmin?”

Kyuhyun knocked from the door, his voice sounded worried.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine I’ll be going out…” Sungmin responded washing his face by the cold water, cursing for not opening the heater before he splashed his face. He avoided staring at the mirror again before taking the lone towel and wiped his face.

He opened the door and Kyuhyun was already sitting at the couch smiling at him. He hoped to god his eyes weren’t puffy, or it would resort to more questions that he needed to answer, but eventually he will avoid and will end up lying to Kyuhyun. He didn’t want anything to add to his unsaid secrets.

“What took you so long… I’m becoming cold.” Kyuhyun feigned pouting as he reach for Sungmin’s hand and pulled him to make the other sat on his lap.

Sungmin, out of the blue kissed Kyuhyun’s slightly parted lips, it was a sweet kiss for Kyuhyun who smiled against Sungmin’s hungry lips before he closed his eyes and respond.

When they parted, the reddened lips of Sungmin caught Kyuhyun’s eyes before he moved his orbs to look at Sungmin’s.

“What was that for?” Kyuhyun smiled snaking his hand on Sungmin’s waist.

“Kyu~ whatever happens please see me as me huh?” Sungmin whimpered holding Kyuhyun’s face with both his hand. “Remember that everything I’m doing, and everything I will do, and my feelings for you are all genuinely from me, Lee Sungmin huh?” Sungmin desperately pleaded and Kyuhyun’s smiling face slowly frowned.

“Why are you saying this, are you worried that I’m seeing you not as you?” Kyuhyun confirmed feeling a lump on his throat on the realization that Sungmin is indeed worrying about him using the other man because he looked just like his past lover.

“Sungmin…” he sighed leaning on to Sungmin’s hands on his face. “My Lee Sungmin. Don’t you ever think that I’m seeing you as my past lover… I’m in love with you, only you.” Kyuhyun said honestly and Sungmin sighed with relief.

“Thank you.” Sungmin mouthed hugging Kyuhyun tightly. He closed his eyes as he feel Kyuhyun’s hand caressed his back.

The right time is Now.

“Kyuhyun...” Sungmin moved away from Kyuhyun’s grasped and look at the other man directly.

“I have something to tell you.”

**
Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin who moved off his lap and onto his side not letting go of his hands. He could see the trembling of the other’s eye, seeing the scared look from his lover. He squeezed Sungmin’s hand reassuringly as he moved closer, showing his attentiveness to listen.

“I-I’m not healthy…” Sungmin started fiddling with Kyuhyun’s hand on his. Kyuhyun looked at him questioningly. “What do you mean?”

“I was born, with a heart problem.”

Sungmin dismissed the words flinching at the memories stuck on his head. The courage to say everything was slowly sipping away. The look on Kyuhyun’s eye became tensed as the realization of the condition sink in to his mind.

“I had… tetralogy of fallot Kyu…” Sungmin sighed the words feeling the hold on his hand loosen, he hated this. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, you should’ve told me this things right away… what are you feeling now?”

The professionalism in Kyuhyun’s voice felt painful in Sungmin’s heart that he shook his head quite vigorously. “N-No… I’m fine.” He muttered holding back the tears.

“You said ‘was’ tetralogy of fallot is almost irreversible…”

“I had a transplant.” Sungmin said unable to control the tears. “I-I had a transplant Kyuhyun, and…”

Kyuhyun moved closer, his forehead touching Sungmin’s as the latter uncontrollably sobbed.

“Why are you crying? Are you thinking I’ll felt betrayed because your heart’s not yours?” Kyuhyun chuckled wiping Sungmin’s tears. “It doesn’t matter you know, your hearts just a muscle pumping blood, it doesn’t determine what you should feel…”

Kyuhyun placed a soft kiss on Sungmin’s trembling lips before looking again in the other’s deep orbs.

“What you feel for me, is yours Sungmin, no matter who the person your heart previously belonged to.”

Sungmin felt relieved at the same time happy. He’d never been this happy in his entire life, and he decided that if he wanted to believe Kyuhyun, he should took to heart what the other man said…

Park Sungmin’s feelings for Kyuhyun, it's not his bestfriend’s anymore.

He love Kyuhyun as himself. Lee Sungmin’s own feelings, not anyone else’s.