Watching a mother and a father lose a child was one of the most heart wrenching things Daehyun had ever witnessed in his whole entire life. Their baby boy snatched from their very hands when they did nothing all their lives but try their very best to support him. Daehyun could almost hear the screaming tears Youngjae’s father held back. He attempted to keep them at bay as he tried to comfort his distraught wife. Her wails of agony were daggers upon Daehyun’s heart. But surely they would have known this was coming, surely Youngjae’s parents themselves knew what was bound to happen.

Something in the parent’s eyes, something about the way the mourned told Daehyun that they didn’t know. They had full confidence that Youngjae was going to get better, they believed what Youngjae had told them and for that it only made the pain even worse. Their precious son gone forever and now they were left with nothing but an empty house but at least they had each other. Daehyun watched Youngjae’s father wrap his arms around his wife as they mourned together. But when Daehyun looked at who he had, no one was around. He was completely alone in the world and he didn’t think he would ever open up to anyone else again.

Youngjae was the only thing he had.

Daehyun had withdrawn himself from TS Entertainment. Nobody had seen it coming but he withdrew and caught the first flight to Seoul so he could give his final goodbyes to Youngjae. He didn’t have to do it, he could have just told his supervisors that he had to go to a friend’s funeral but he couldn’t do it. As stupid as it sounded, Daehyun couldn’t admit that Youngjae was actually gone. But Daehyun could no longer sing anyway, he lost the passion when he lost his friend. When he tried to sing he would think back to those days he sang him to sleep, despite being miles apart. Those memories were torturous to his body as his throat tightened up and he lost the ability to sing.

There was no point for him to continue training under TS when the drive for him to sing was gone. His passion, his flare, his drive disappeared.

Daehyun had sat through the ceremony with his eyes glued upon his trembling hands that rested on his lap. He avoided all eye contact from everyone around him and didn’t dare look upon the casket for he was afraid of what emotions would emerge from within. Nobody had approached him which was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to be left alone since that was what he was in the world.

He was about to leave and head back to his dorm where he could pack what he had left behind and head off to Busan when two figures caught his eye. Both men were dressed in black suits, as was every other man who attended but they were in a middle of a tight embrace. When they broke apart one of them uttered something in a low voice and left the other on his own. Daehyun watched the man walk down the hill to his car and drive off.  His friend was standing with his back still towards Daehyun but he had a strange suspicious that he knew him.

“So you decided to come after all,” growled the raspy voice of the man, sounding even huskier than what it normally was due to all the raw emotion that still lurked within.

Daehyun approached the man, Himchan and stood beside him. He crossed his arms as he caught Himchan wiping a couple of stray tears.

“Yeah I did,” Daehyun said finally.

The silence grew between them. It wasn’t an awkward silence it was a silence where both knew the other was busy thinking, reflecting about everything that had happened. Daehyun had always wondered how much Youngjae had meant to Himchan. At first he suspected that they weren’t close at all but the way Himchan held himself, despite everything, he looked utterly defeated. But unlike Daehyun he still had his feet planted firmly onto the ground.

“So who was that?" Daehyun found himself asking as Himchan shoved his hands into his pockets, casually sniffing between words.

“A friend of mine, he helped organise all of this,” Himchan explained in a raw tone as silence loomed over them again. After sometime when Himchan managed to get some strength into his voice he asked, “Why…Why don’t you seem upset about this? I saw you back there and you didn’t even look at the casket. You just kept your eyes on your hands.”

Daehyun frowned over at Himchan for a moment before he stared off at the horizon. He didn’t know why he was the way he was. There was so much he didn’t understand so nothing felt real. The more he thought about things the more hollow he felt inside. In the end he figured the feeling of complete emptiness was something he just had to get used to.

“I don’t know why,” Daehyun muttered in all honesty.

“Did he mean anything to you?” Himchan questioned as he glanced over at him, “Did he mean anything at all? Because with the impression Youngjae gave me was that you two were pretty damn close.”

“Of course he did,” Daehyun snapped, “He meant the world to me.”

Himchan pulled his hands out of his pockets and held them against his hips, “He meant the world to everyone but you meant the world to him. Out of everyone who showed up today, his mum, his dad, his friends from school, his bloody teachers. Out of all those people you were the last person he talked to. His last message was to you. Not to his parents who raised him or his friends who would visit him whenever they could. He messaged you.”

Daehyun scratched his neck, despite it not being itchy at all and bit onto his bottom lip. He just needed something to distract him. He didn’t need to be listening to a man who claimed to be Youngjae’s friend.

“You can’t even look at me in the eye when I talk about him to you. I’m telling you how much you meant to him and you can’t even give me the decency to look at me in the eye. You look like you don’t even care what I’m saying right now,” Himchan growled.

“I…” Daehyun murmured in a broken voice as he looked over at Himchan who seemed to be glaring right at him.

“You what?” he barked.

“He was my world,” Daehyun finally blurted out, “I can’t … I don’t –”

Daehyun didn’t like Himchan and he was certain that he didn’t like him either. But still, despite their dislike towards each other Himchan cut him off as he wrapped his arms around him into a tight embrace. There, in the arms of a person he didn’t even like or know, a person who was practically a stranger, he broke down. All those tears he couldn’t let out, all those emotions he couldn’t voice out, everything that was in him was finally released.

Youngjae had told Daehyun that he was a fighter, someone who wasn’t afraid to back down, someone who feared nothing but at that moment he felt worthless. All the praise Youngjae had given him must have all looked like complete lies as he crumbled in Himchan’s arms. The last message he had gotten from Youngjae, the very last message he had sent before he went was given to him and yet he couldn’t even abide by it. Instead he let everything consume him, doing the complete opposite to what Youngjae wanted.

All he wanted was for him to stay strong.