"Again!" 

"No please." Onew thought. 

Music starts. 

"Kwon Yuri! That summer weight is not gonna lose itself! You could benefit in many ways from doing the routine again!" BoA reprimanded. 

"I can't do this." Onew was trying not to hyperventilate. His heart was beating wildly and breaking at the same time. 

Routine. 

"Kim Jonghyun! That is the last time you are going to make that stupid mistake! If you do it one more time, I'm sure the back of the formation or the hallway, rather, would love to have you!" BoA raised her voice loudly over the blasting music. Jonghyun flinched as he felt the sting of the instructor's words. Onew wanted to get sick. 

Music Ends. 

"I need to get out of here." Onew said, tears starting to sting in his eyes. Legs about to collapse under him. 

"Not good enough yet! Again!" 

Music starts. 

Routine. 

"Dancing like at least a compitent background dancer would be lovely, Lee Jinki. Back of the formation is still difficult for you? Is there a reason you're in this class?" BoA commented, circling around the back of the formation where a shaking, tired, nearly crying Onew was trying to keep up. 

Music Ends. 

"Again! Nothing short of perfection is acceptible!" 

"Um...Ms. Kwon?" Hyoyeon spoke up. 

"You can call me BoA, Kim Hyoyeon." BoA replied sharply.

"This is the sixth time we've done the routine, BoA noona. They need a break." Hyoyeon urged the strict teacher. 

"Last time I checked, Miss Kim Hyoyeon, I was the instructor, not you. If I don't push these students, they are not going to get placements, offers, let alone noticed. I get results, and this is the way I get results. You are here as an assistant and an example, not a mother or even a friend. You are here to keep them going, and help me in pushing them. If they want to succeed, they must be nothing less than absolutely on point. May I remind you about the time a certain instructor did not push you far enough, and your sophomore Christmas showcase was a disaster? Not only were you slow and seemingly unprepared, but you ended up injuring yourself, keeping you out until the late spring. If it weren't for me placing you in my class, would you even be close to where you are now? Hm?" 

Hyoyeon wanted to cry. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She had to be the example, but unlike BoA, Hyoyeon was not a robot. She felt god awful watching a student run out of the room about to get sick, or others needing to fan another student who felt like she was about to pass out. She kept her eyes on Onew, who looked so broken at the moment.

She also tried to forget all of those painful moments of her failed showcase, and while BoA did get her to where she was, Hyoyeon still wanted to help her fellow school-mates who were almost dying on the floor. Taemin and her and a very select few were in BoA's advanced dance instruction class. They could handle BoA, but for others, it was difficult. She knew very well that BoA's insults and unfeeling nature deeply affected one student in particular. Onew, the music expert, but his dancing, while it was good his freshman year, faltered after a series of life-changing incidents that happened over the summer before sophomore year and during the year. Those who knew Onew well knew he needed a good year and loving friends, as far away from the people who hurt him most. This is why Onew had been staying at Hyoyeon's apartment during the summer. This is why he, although a secret from most, did not go home at all for anything. 

When BoA, also a bit of a flirt (she was Minho's supervisor, he hated her because she was brutal and made him feel very uncomfortable) saw Eunhyuk come into the studio to grab something and went over to him to giggle like a school girl, Hyoyeon looked to a worried looking Jonghyun and they nodded at each other. Jonghyun then went over to Shin Dongho, a sophomore as well, and told him the plan. While Jonghyun began to distract BoA but pretending to get in a stupid, but loud, fight with the understanding Dongho, Hyoyeon took the chance to get water for Onew and give him a comforting hug as well. Onew wanted so to cry so bad, but he was taught that crying got you nowhere and nothing but hell and punishment.  

"Onew..." Hyoyeon began, his hot forehead.

"I...I can't...didn't you see me? I'm worthl..." Onew began to admit, voice cracking. 

"Stop it, Onew. No one in a million years, me, Max, Jonghyun, your flat mates, will ever tell you that you are worthless because that is 100000000-infinity% wrong, okay? You're a beautiful person, smart, talented, nice, and so what if you aren't a natural dancer? BoA has no right to insult you, or anyone that way. Don't for a second ever think that the people who love you are going to treat you or talk to you like...your p...they did. But Onew, you have to promise me that you won't shut down. You are a lot to lose." 

Onew had no time to even react when BoA walked to the group and began yelling harsh words. Onew could only be reminded. 

"If you can't even take a proper break, you all are useless!" 

"For one second try to act like an honorable son, at least in public. You're useless. You embarrass us." 

"This is not a place of free expression, leave that for the experts, everyone! We need to keep order, ISA tradition, and we do not ask for success we demand it!" 

"If you want to freely express your feelings for another boy, then leave. Now. You are nothing but a scar in our family's tradition. We demand the keeping of tradition, and you are anything but." 

"Do you not want to be successful? Do you not want to please your parents, make them proud? There's the door, everyone! You can walk out right now! Make my life easier!"

"You obviously have no idea how to respect us. You have shaken our trust and tore down the pride we had for you. There's the door, you stranger, leave." 

Onew then collapsed.

"Jjong!" 

"Oh god. Hyung!" 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

"WHAT?!" Minho yelled into his cell phone. 

"Minho ah, please calm down, you and Key come to the infirmary. I already have Taemin with me." 

"Alright. Alright Hyo noona. We're...yeah...alright. Are you feeling...alright? Ok ok. We'll be there really soon. Bye." Minho finished the frantic conversation with Hyoyeon, who had in a short few months become a really faithful friend and older-sister figure. 

Minho sighed as he walked into his and Key's shared room where Key was taking a nap. 

"Key." Minho said, softly, not wanting to overwhelm the boy. 

"Mmm Minho?" Key asked, tired and out of sorts. 

"Onew hyung is in the infirmary and we need to go check on him." Minho said trailing off at the end, seeing Key's sleepy eyes get glossy and wet. 

"Wh..what? But why is he there? Tell me please!" Key begged. 

"He collapsed in dance, I don't know why but Jonghyun hyung is there and Taemin is there and we have to be there too. C'mon Key." Minho said hugging Key. Key honestly didn't want to let go, he, while he'll never admit it, thought Minho's hugs were some of the best, comforting and warm. 

They rushed to the infirmary and there was Jonghyun looking terribly tired, Taemin with puffy eyes, and Hyoyeon looking like she had been crying for hours. 

"Where is he?" Key asked. 

"The bathroom and he won't come out." Jonghyun replied sadly. Minho looked over at Jonghyun noticing how skinny and pale he was becoming. 

"I tried. For three hours Key! He won't come out. He hates himself right now. I thought one of you could help." Hyoyeon said, finding the first thing she could grasp to hug, which happened to be Taemin. Taemin immediately snuggled into his favorite noona and wished he could see Sulli. Taemin was exhausted for many reasons. 

"Why is he hating himself?" Key demanded more than asked. 

"He..." Hyoyeon began only to be cut off by Jonghyun. 

"The summer before his sophomore year of ISA he told his me and his parents that he liked this boy. His parents, who were already incredibly critical and harsh, only became worse and severely verbally abused Onew hyung and on occasion, it would become physical. A month later, when they realized it wasn't a phase and that Onew knew who he was and was beginning to become confident about himself, they kicked him out, insulting him all the way to the door. Onew became so accustomed to that kind of talk, he hates himself when he messes up or isn't "good" enough. But he never cries, because he would be punished at home if he did. He finds it best to keep this buried. Onew then went to live with Hyoyeon noona and lives there during break now. He's not ashamed of his preference, but he feels he is a coward and isn't good enough to deserve anyone or anything. Dance class, BoA, she's a verbal terrorist and only cuts down everyone. Onew couldn't take it, and I bet you all those memories of his parents through the last year and his past came back and he couldn't take it. Last time Onew shut down, he was almost impossible to boot back up and so we need to fix this. NOW!" 

Silence.

Key didn't care how long it would take. Key was in love and he was not going to come out until he had his love in his arms, telling him what happened and letting go of his shame. 

The only way to hide from one's past is to completely shut down. But don't. 

Let yourself lose your lost-ness and be found. 

You can do it. You can bounce back around. 

A/N: hi sorry this took so long. More exams. :( anyway so this chapter will actually be continued because for drama and the sake of not being hard to read its two part. it would be sooo annoying to read all in one chapter cause damn this would be a LOOOONG chapter. (thats not a reason thats me restating the horrid length of the chapter) I am just writing a lot because i, on a personal level, relate a lot to this. hope you enjoy thanks for reading <3 

love you guys