I live a very simple life, boring, dull to be exact. I'm a homebody so I don't like going out too much, I don't socialize. I just find it more comfortable to be by myself and be at home. I'm actually very self-concious, I'm frequently finding myself wishing I had more, that I was outgoing, that I was like her, had her features, her skills, wish I was confident, wishing I went out to parties, had friends who blew up my phones, lived a fast pace life, lived the life of an overly confident woman and what not but I keep things to myself. I care about my image more than I should, I care about what people think, how they see me and such, that's why I like to keep a very simple image. I don't like going outside of the box, I don't like doing things that'll make me look like a fool, I just...am not confident in myself. I don't have many friends, I've never dated...due to the fact that I always find flaws in the guys I do actually like and that makes me distance myself away from them even more. I'm always wishing I was like them whenever I see a loving couple, couples holding hands, walking together, laughing, going out and whatever more they do, I'm even envious of the fights. I want to fall in love, to hold hands, go out for late night drives, on dates...I wanted to experience young love because I've heard that young love is something special because you're young, everything is new and it's all just a very fresh, fun and innocent feeling. It's too late for me since I'm already a senior in high school, it makes me sad that I couldn't experience such a love, that why didn't I just say yes to those boys who asked me to be their girlfriends? Why didn't I just ignore the feeling of being afraid back then? Why was I someone who looked for the flaws and not be able to move past those? I feel so dumb thinking back to it all now, his eyes were uneven, he's too weird, he's too short, he's not my type...all those were such dumb thoughts, why did I let those get in the way of me getting to know someone and to just date them? But honestly how can I love someone else if I don't even love myself? That saying has stuck to me, that you have to first love yourself completely before you love someone else. I was afraid back then, I think that's why I looked for the flaws...I'm the one who carries the biggest flaw. It wasn't them, it was all just me. I wish I was like others, those who love themselves completely and is able to strive on their own, to have such an overflowing confidence that people no matter who it was, couldn't help but be amazed. Why wasn't I born to be someone like that? Why did I have to be someone so self-concious? So dependent on others, so shy, so scared, so...alone? The world wasn't going to stop for me, no one was going to care if I was miserable, there was no place in the world for such a weakling like me. That's why I feel like I need to love myself, I need to seriously start, I need to do things that will make me realize that being me is just fine and that whatever anyone thinks, it all just doesn't matter, I shouldn't care. . I just need to be me and do me until then, this lonely hole I'm in is going to remain my home.

I had a hard time starting my new life, I kept saying I would but everyday I didn't, I just stayed home and moped around even though I had so much time to fix my life like how I said I would. It wasn't until my parents bought me a Canon. I was laying on my bed in my room when the camera kept pulling me towards it, I looked at the camera and touched it for the first time after about 2 weeks. I familiarized myself with the camera and eventually I got the basics down and then all the small details came after. I eventually started taking pictures of the house and soon moved outside of the house. I took pictures of whatever I saw, of buildings, of trees, the grass, the sky, the flowers, nature, the world I lived in. I was amazed at myself, at my pictures and since then I've never let go of the camera, wherever I went, I had my camera or