It has passed two weeks since their last conversation, JongIn tried to talk and explain his side of the story to KyungSoo, but the latter just avoided any sing of contact from JongIn. He has called him innumerous times, sent text messages, approached him in school and even followed the boy to his house, but KyungSoo acted like he couldn’t see or hear him calling his name. After the 10^th day of trying, JongIn decided it would be better if he just stopped and wait for the other to accept his words, even if it was the last thing that he wanted. Sit and wait wasn’t something JongIn liked, but there was nothing he could do when he tried all of possibilities of contact.

Both JongIn and KyungSoo daily life has changed since their fight, JongIn couldn’t focus on dancing, as well as KyungSoo couldn’t focus on drawing, when their minds were somewhere else. JongIn was fired from his job because wouldn’t concentrate on the activities his boss told him to do, always forgetting something or making it the wrong way. So now he stayed at home all day.

JongIn didn’t go back to KyungSoo’s grandfather’s restaurant, afraid that if KyungSoo was there, he would be driven away from the place by kicks, and that wasn’t something he would like. Because even if he had his own problems with KyungSoo, he liked his grandfather and didn’t want him to get involved on the fight. In almost two years, it was the first time he didn’t go every single day to the restaurant, and now, it has been more than a week he didn’t showed of his face there.

KyungSoo on the other hand never skipped his meeting with his grandparent, he wasn’t afraid of meeting JongIn there. If he did meet JongIn by chance, he would ignore him like he usually did. It was not his favorite choice thought, not talking to the person that was a huge part of his past weeks and days. KyungSoo couldn’t lie, he missed JongIn, he missed having dance classes and talk sessions with him. He missed texting him, even if he thought it was another person, he missed how JongIn or Kai would comfort him, making him laugh and always look to the bright side. He missed it indeed.

The boy could look strong on the outside, when he didn’t let the other explain himself so determined, but inside he was a mess. Every time he found himself alone, he tried not to, but ended up crying his heart out. Is this what falling in love is? Feeling hurt, alone and confused? If it was love, he didn’t want to feel it anymore.

Another day was passing by, KyungSoo just arrived at the restaurant, said hello to his grandparent and went to sit on his usual place, getting some random book and resting his head there. He just had closed his eyes when he heard someone getting near him. He opened his eyes again to meet his grandfather sitting next to him. “Oh, hi again grandpa.” He said, moving to a sit position.

“Hello again son.” The older said with his common smile. “What brings you here grandpa?” KyungSoo said with a worried face, his father never comes to his table, unless it was a special date like his birthday or had something important to talk about. “Nothing… just wanted to talk with my handsome grandson. Why? Can’t I?”

“Of course you can… is there something you want to say to me?”

“Yes, there is. In fact there is something I wanted to ask. Where is the boy?” The old man asked straight ahead, looking to KyungSoo in the eyes.  “W-Who? W-What boy, grandpa?” He said trying to avoid the subject. “The boy that was sending you those notes here”. Then KyungSoo remembered his grandfather helped JongIn to start talking to him as Kai.

“Ahm… we are not talking anymore…” He answered the previous question looking away. “Why is that so? Is that the reason he don’t come here anymore?”

“We fought grandpa… but let me ask you, did he come here often?” Even if he didn’t want to prolong the conversation about JongIn, KyungSoo felt curious about this. “Often? The boy came here everyday, just like you, since the beginning of last year.” And somehow that made KyungSoo surprised. “He always came by the time you were here for dinner and sat there, behind that pillar. You can’t see him from here, but he watched you from there.”

“And you let him stay here those entire days grandpa? Are you crazy? What if he was a maniac wanting to kill me?”

“Don’t say such a thing. He is a very nice boy, very polite and caring. And I let him stay because when he first came here, he was so sad and alone, very much for a kid at his age, but looking at you he seemed happy somehow. And he always paid the bill so I just let him stay.” KyungSoo felt touched, he knew JongIn was nice, he always been good to him in these times of knowing each other, but he lied to him and hurt him, that KyungSoo couldn’t forget.

“And that’s why I encouraged him to talk to you.”

“What? You were the one that encouraged him?”

“Yes, he never said it directly to me, but I knew he liked you. Well, I heard some friends of him saying this when they came with him here. So when you forgot your phone that day, I said to him to write that note for you. He didn’t want to; he is a very shy boy.” Talking this much about JongIn was making the boy sadder. He dropped his head and hid it on his arms, afraid he was going to cry again.

“I said to him to write a name for you to know who it was. Because I thought you might have the same age and go to the same school. And he did write something. But when you got here the next day, he hide from you, so I could tell he didn’t write his real name. Such a fool.” KyungSoo started crying, still hiding his face. “G-Grandpa… he, he lied to me. H-He hurt me.”

“I know you are hurt. And for him not to come here in two weeks, he is hurt too. If he lied to you, there must be a reason. You should listen what he has to say to you.” The old man said, comforting him. “How do you know it? How are so sure there is a reason?” KyungSoo asked, getting his tears always and facing the other.

“Because… don’t be mad at me… he left a letter for you. And I read it. Sorry!” He said and lead him the letter.

“Grandpa!” KyungSoo said getting the piece of paper.

“Sorry sorry! You know that I’m a very curious person… So yes, read it. Read his explanation. I bet you will understand and be in good terms with him after reading it. Promise me you will read it?” His grandpa said planting a kiss on the top of his head and went back to the balcony. “I promise grandpa. I’ll leave now…” KyungSoo said and got off there. He arrived at his house without saying a single word, going to his room.

His mother started to worry about him, and left to her father-in-law’s restaurant just when the boy got back from there with red eyes from crying. KyungSoo got in his room and jumped on bed. He got the letter from his pocket and started reading.

“Hello KyungSoo,

 

I decided to write to you because I really wanted you to know my side of the story, and as you didn’t let me to say it to you, I wrote it. Writing is in fact it better for me to express myself. I don’t know if you are going to forgive me, but I just wanted you to know why I did what I did.

 

Since I was young, I always had a lot of trouble to make friends and trust people. I have always been very quiet and alone. I only got two friends since I was young. When my parents died, that stayed and became worst when my uncle stole all my father money from me. I closed myself to the world even more deeply.

 

When I moved to this school, well, I have to say that you always seemed interesting to me and caught my attention.  Not because you are beautiful, and I think you are beautiful, but because you reminded me of myself. No, you are better than me. You are clumsy, you are nerdy, you are quiet, and the only thing you seem to have interest is drawing. But mostly, you are the kindest human being. And I admire all these things on you.

 

Don’t think I followed you to you grandfather’s restaurant. But I usually went there before I met you there too. And when I did saw you going to the place, I came back ate the same time to check if you would be there, and you were, so I came back everyday to have dinner there. I wasn’t stalking you like you said to me. It is like, I had nothing to do and no one to talk to, so seeing you there was like you were close to me, and made me happy. You can call me creepy.

 

That day when I started sending those notes, you grandfather was the one that convinced me to write it, and write my name. But in two years I never had the courage to talk you, and that time would not be different. I didn’t have the courage to write my real name, because you would recognize me from school. I know it was the stupidest thing. The thing is I didn’t imagine that in the same day I would discover you watching me dancing.

 

I didn’t imagine that you would come back every day, that you would become my friend. You can’t blame me for that because in two years we never talked more than two words. And about “Kai”, like I said on the beginning of the letter, I express myself better when I’m writing, so, another time, I didn’t planned to keep in touch like Kai. But talking to you just made my day, no matter if it was in person or on the messages.

 

One thing I did plan was to tell you I was Kai. And again I didn’t have the courage. You are right to be mad at me; I won’t ever say you are wrong. But please, try to understand me. I never have courage in nothing in my life; I’m not lying to you. I’m not making it an excuse. I’m being honest. I’m really shy. So I didn’t tell you. And when time passed by, it was worst to tell you, and I knew you would be mad at me no matter what.

 

So I came up with this horrible idea of saying goodbye to you as Kai. And saying goodbye to you as Kai, I decided to do something I knew I wouldn’t have the courage to say in person. I confessed. When you fought with me that night, saying that I lied to you on this subject just for you to go running to me as JongIn, you were wrong, that was absolutely not my intention. And I didn’t lied. I am in love with you. I didn’t know that saying those words would cause such an effect on you.

 

When you asked me what was like feeling in love, I answered you. I said to you all those feeling I was having being in love, with you. I am sorry if I made you more confused. I am not asking for you to accept me or reject me and my feelings, is just something I needed to say to you.

 

I am sorry if I made you sad, I am sorry if I made you mad and hurt you. It was never my intention. Because seeing you like this is the last thing I want. I prefer to take all the pain from you to myself. So please forget what I have done and don’t hate me. Don’t hate me for what I did. And smile, you look the prettiest when you smile.

 

JongIn."

KyungSoo closed the letter and looked to his cell phone on his side. He checked the date. It was the day of JongIn’s audition for Korea National University of Arts. And he was late.

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A/N

So I got back earlier this time! YAY! And the end was happier wasn’t it? Will be KyungSoo on time to see JongIn audition? Wooooo. Tell me what you think of it. Did you guys liked the letter JongIn wrote? Are you on KyungSoo or JongIn’s side? Would you forgive him and believe his words? Well, today is still January 12^th in my country, so:

Happy Birthday Squishy KyungSoo! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ We and JongIn loooooob you!