The effect of that message wasn’t exactly what JongIn was expecting, but was indeed needed, on his perception. KyungSoo’s words of hate made him want to give up, want to tell all the truth and wait for rejection. JongIn was crying, sitting on the floor, near the corner of his room, holding his legs. He regretted deeply all the things he did. He regretted not to have courage to speak to the boy in person, getting stuck on “Kai’s” mask. And now he only got this plan.

KyungSoo just sent the last message and wish he didn’t. He was feeling sad, and confused, didn’t thought about when he wrote those words. A confession wasn’t something he has been through before, and didn’t know how to respond to that. He never had much interest in anyone, the last relationship he had was when he was in kinder garden, and since then, he never felt attracted to anyone.

He didn’t know what was like to be in love with someone. He didn’t know if he liked boys. He needed to think, he wanted to find the answers, but everything seemed to be so far from him, he needed help.

It was 3 in the morning when he decided to get out of his room. KyungSoo thought about talking to his mother, but at this time she was clearly asleep. He got one big coat and got out of his house. Only one person now would appear on his mind. JongIn. KyungSoo tried hard to remember the place JongIn has told him once to live in. Good to know he had a nice memory.

KyungSoo arrived the building and got up the stairs to the rooftop. He stopped by the door and felt reluctant to knock. It was 3AM. He would be probably sleeping. But that was when he heard some noise coming from the inside. KyungSoo breathed slowly. His hands started shaking and his heart racing. ‘It must be the cold’ He thought and finally knocked the door.

“Who is it?” He heard JongIn saying, “I-It’s me… ahm… It’s KyungSoo.” He said, feeling somehow nervous. Soon after that the door opened, with JongIn behind it. He welcomed the other with a smile, but couldn’t hide his sad eyes. KyungSoo noticed the other’s crying eyes right away. “Were you crying?” The taller shook his head in negative. “Get in. It’s cold here outside.” He then gave some space to KyungSoo get in his house. It was a simple rooftop room, with only one division to the bathroom. 

Korean students who live by themselves in Seoul, away from their parents normally live in rooftop room. Well, this wasn’t JongIn’s case, but he survived well this way. KyungSoo looked around and only could describe this as cozy.  “Sorry… I don’t have a nice house like yours… You can sit anywhere you want.” JongIn said and KyungSoo sat on the mattress near him. “I didn’t wake you up right? Sorry for coming here so late…” The smaller said looking to the other who was bringing something from the “kitchen”. “I was awake, don’t worry.” He replied and gave the other a cup of hot chocolate. “It will get you warm.” He added and tasted some from his own cup.

“Are you ok Kyung-ah?” JongIn said watching the other by his side. He just shook his head in response with a sad look. “Do you want to talk about this?” The taller knew exactly what was tormenting the boy, and putting his feelings aside, as he usual did, he got concerned. “Actually, I don’t… It’s just. You make me feel comfortable. Sorry for coming here. But I felt like… I needed you.” KyungSoo said looking to the chocolate on his hands.

“You can come here anytime you want.” JongIn said as he blushed a bit. They finished their cup and JongIn led it to the sink, coming back right after that and lying on the bed. “Lie here with me.” He said after taking some courage. The older looked at him and smiled because of the sweet invitation, lying next to the other. “May I sleep here with you tonight?” KyungSoo asked with his heart racing. “Yes, you may.” JongIn responded smiling again. They both got near to each other and JongIn held KyungSoo by the waist.

“Can we talk about something before going to sleep? I feel like I can’t sleep right now.” KyungSoo suggestedand JongIn agreed. “What do you want to talk about?” he said taking his hair from his forehead. “Anything.” KyungSoo said with his sweet smile. “Thank you for the drawing. You are really talented.”

“Thank you for the compliment, but I think I still have to work on that to be better.”

“But you’ll get there in college, won’t you?”

“I won’t. I’m not going to an Art University.” That didn’t make any sense to JongIn thought. Even if KyungSoo had mentioned it before, he couldn’t believe it, he thought the other was kidding.

“Why not? I can tell that is something you love. You must do this in your future.”

“My father won’t let me.” Now it made a little bit more sense. JongIn never met KyungSoo’s father before, but after hearing from him by KyungSoo and JiHyo he could tell the man wasn’t good to deal.  “We can talk to him, I can talk to him. We can go to Korea National University of Arts together. You on the School of Visual Arts; and me on the School of Dance. It is a really great college, we will convince him.” He said with a worried face.

“He won’t change his mind. I’m going to study to take care of my family’s company in the future. It’s not like I can be against it. He worked so hard on this. I can’t disappoint him.”

“That’s not fair. And because of your father’s wishes you’ll be doing something you don’t like for the rest of your life?”

“Something like that. But you don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine.”

“You won’t. I will not accept it. I’m going to think about something and we’ll convince him, you will see.” KyungSoo passed his fingers on the others forehead and eyebrow. “Don’t frown like that; you’ll get wrinkles. And thank you. But now, tell me, how are you planning to enter Korea National University of Arts?”

“Well, the college exam is next week, and after that they will be making tests for every department. The dancing auditions will be early next month. You are going to be there right?” He said with his eyes wide opened, almost like the other’s eyes. KyungSoo laughed at his face and replied. “Yes, I’ll be there. I’ll cheer for you out loud. And I’m sure only because of my cheering you’ll pass the auditions.”

“Yeah, I’m sure too. So if you don’t go and I fail the audition, will be only your fault.” KyungSoo pout by the other’s statement and smiled. “That’s a lot of responsibility. But I’m going. Don’t worry.” JongIn hugged him closer, nothing between them now. “Thank you.” He whispered on KyungSoo’s ear, making him shiver. They closed their eyes, getting ready to sleep.

“JongIn-ah, are you sleeping already?” KyungSoo asked on a low tone. “I’m not.” He answered with a smile, not opening his eyes. “Can I ask you something personal?” He asked a little reluctant. “Yes, you can.” JongIn said opening his eyes to face the other. “Have you ever been... in love?” He was not waiting for this kind of question, so got surprised.  He blushed and looked away to the room. After thinking, he decided to answer. “Yes.”

“How is it? To feel in love.” KyungSoo asked curiously. “Ahm… I don’t know Kyung-ah... When you are in love you just feel like it.” JongIn answered, trying to end the subject. Talking about being in love with the person you are in love with is not an easy job. “But there must be something. Something you feel while you are like this.”

“Yes… I don’t know…” He said but looking to KyungSoo’s pity eyes, JongIn decided to work on his answer. “Well. You think about this person 24/7. You want to know everything about this person. You worry about this person more then you worry about yourself or anybody else. When something happens to you, good or bad, you want to tell this person first. When something happens to this person, you want to be there for them. You change yourself trying to be noticed by this person. You make the impossible just to see this person every day. You feel happy if the person is happy, in pain if they are in pain, sad if they are sad. You accept the person for what they are. When they are near you, your heart start beating fast, it is hard to breath, you can't think properly and your words can’t come out of your mouth the way you want.”

JongIn said in a rush, looking anywhere else but KyungSoo. The smaller smiled and thought about those words. Have he ever felt like that before? What if perhaps he was feeling that exactly way right now? JongIn closed his eyes again. KyungSoo put his hand on his own chest when he noticed JongIn wouldn’t see. It was beating fast. After some time he whispered again “JongIn?” but the other didn’t respond. He then put his hand on the taller’s chest. It was beating fast too.

-

KyungSoo woke up a few hours later. It was Monday, so they have to be going to school soon. He moved slowly from JongIn’s embrace, wanting to make him breakfast before living for his house. He went to the kitchen and started looking for something to do. KyungSoo then thought about making a special breakfast and took his phone to look on the internet for recipes.

Taking his phone he remembered the reason why he came to JongIn. And tried to send Kai another message, hoping he would answer this time.

-

To: Kai

You are really gone for real? Never going to speak with me again?

-

Sent it. He then moved and went back to his search. That’s when he heard a noise. Worried that it was an alarm, he searched for the source of the noise, trying not to wake up JongIn. He got the boy’s phone to turn off. And when he took it, he saw it. The message he just sent to Kai, appeared in the screen. He felt hurt. He put the phone back to its place and went to the kitchen. Things were running through his mind. JongIn never gave him his phone number, and Kai never showed him his face. Now it was clear.

JongIn moved on bed, waking up slowly. Searching for KyungSoo who supposed to be on his side, his opened his eyes and sit on bed. “Good morning Kyung…” he said rubbing his eyes. They eyes met, and now it was time for JongIn to feel hurt with what he saw. KyungSoo was crying. “What happened?”

“Why did you do this to me? Why did you lie to me?” KyungSoo said trying to hide his tears. JongIn didn’t understand. “What? What are you talking about?” JongIn said getting up from bed and reaching the boy. “You! You are him! You are Kai! You lied to me!” He froze. JongIn was in shock. He didn’t know how to explain anything.

“Talk to me! Do you know how much I suffer because of you? Why did you lie? Answer me!” KyungSoo screamed in anger, tears falling hard from his eyes. “I… I…It is not like that I… I’m sorry!” JongIn said and tried to get the other’s arms, Who avoided it. “I trusted you. I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend. Kyung, I’m sorry. I will explain everything to you, just give me some time to get the right words.”.

“Don’t you dare call me that again, ever. And you are not my friend! Have you planned this? You said those things last night as Kai for me to come running to your arms like JongIn? You know what? I won’t give you time for you to make some good excuses. You are pathetic. I hate you! Both of you!” 

---

A/N

HAPPY NEW YEAR! So, I’m back! Yeah yeah, I’m really late. Sorry again. Well, here it is. What do you think? Sad right? I’m sorry. In fact, I wasn’t planning to make them fight, but well, it came up like this… sorry for that too. But soon it must be better, I promise!