I Don't Want To Be

Chapter Seventeen

Young Bae…

Taking a shaky breath, and on unsteady limbs, Seungri forced himself to crawl his way over to the ghostly figure of the woman that was in the front, bawling out her eyes. It was hard to miss that she was there. After all, He could see her solid body, and the pretty color of her skin and hair, apart from all that blinding white. She was resonating so much sadness that reminded him of his own, but that was not his sadness. His sadness right now had subsided, and he felt as though his own feelings had calmed. In fact, a worry had settled over his heart that searched for the people that he cared about. The worry that ate at him as he wondered if Young Bae was going to be alright-but he couldn’t be sure of anything right now. 

Reaching his hand towards her, he tugged at her dress, and got her attention. She turned towards him, beautiful eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “Why…” he asked her, in a rough barely there voice, using his eyes to question her. She on the other hand, looked at him slightly confused. Sniffling a little, she turned to fully face him, curious about him. 

“Why what?” she softly asked.

“Why are you destroying my world?” he asked her, closing his eyes briefly as pain shot through his stomach, “I was so angry before…how?” he looked around him. “How did this happen?” 

“I’m not…” she shook he head as if even the thought of that was impossible, and then she turned her head. Her gaze settled once more towards Young Bae whom was already disappearing under the earth, “Hong Jun…” she said, and sighed before turning to look at Seungri, “I don’t understand anything myself,” she huffed. “Why doesn’t he hear me?” 

Seungri could not even begin to fully comprehend what was going on, but it was as if he could feel it in his chest. “You mean…” 

She nodded her head. “That’s him, his past soul reincarnated, as I was reincarnated in you…but he won’t talk to me,” 

Seungri shook his head. “Why are you chasing a ghost of the past now?” he softly asked. “He’s Young Bae now…” he glanced over to Young Bae. “He’s the one that I love…He’s mine” he shakily brought himself up to his hunches, slowly shaking his head. “Stop all of this, please.”  

Hyori trembled, “But…but he was going to leave again,” she placed a hand over her heart, “I let him get away once, and it hurt. I hurt myself for not telling him how I felt, but at the same time I resented him for not caring enough to stay with me and let go of his duties.” She shook her head, “I feel all this anger. All this loneliness and I don’t want to be the one that let him get away anymore. I want to be selfish and I want to keep him- So badly!”

Seungri’s breath caught for a second, before he allowed a broken laugh to depart his chest, “I wasn’t planning on ever letting Young Bae get away from me, I am more selfish than you can imagine when it comes to what I want. I was just angry that I thought maybe the Kings Diamond was more important and might take him away from me…now I’m not so sure,” Seungri brought a hand to his chest. “Maybe I should be more thankful”

“Why?” Hyori asked, completely confused.

“Because,” Seungri swallowed as he remembered everything he had seen through his dreaming. “If it weren’t for the King’s diamond, I would have never been brought here to him. I would have never met G-dragon, even if he is a weird thief. Nor Top, despite how short tempered and violent he can be, he’s safety. Even if greed did feed their actions, the King’s Diamond was the reason why we were all brought together. Except for Daesung, he’s always just been worried about me, he’s so pure like that. And I don’t mind it, we faced things together, and they’ve become like family…G-dragon, Top, and always, always Daesung and now…Young Bae…” 

“But…what if Hong Jun leaves, I don’t want to face another heart break,” she steadily fell before Seungri, gripping his shoulders, “That pain and loneliness…don’t you feel it?” 

Seungri looked her straight in the eyes, and shook his head. 

It was a total lie to say that he had not felt it before, when he had ran off. That void in his heart that seem so fathomless. But now, as he recalled Young Bae’s words, and now that he was thinking better he realized no- he wasn’t alone. He had Daesung, G-dragon, and Top… Besides, this was not the way to deal with things either. He had to talk and communicate to the people around him what he was feeling. Because running away or keeping his mouth closed was never going to solve a thing. So he had to speak up and take responsibility for what he had done. If he wanted to have Young Bae, he needed to be stronger. 

But right now, he needed to help everyone.

“He won’t leave.” He smiled reassuringly, “I’ve met so many people, and I’ve learned so many things now that I’ve been out of the castle. I feel like I have grown. And I feel like I can make a better choice, and I know, and I can feel it. He won’t leave this time- I won’t let him.” He smiled and Hyori gave him a look of pure disbelief.

“But…”

“I know. You have to trust, we have to trust.” He reached his own hands to her shoulders. “Please, stop all of this,” he begged her in a harsh whisper. Hyori giggle a bit, and shook her head.

“I am you, this is something that you have done and only you can stop.” She gazed up at the dark sky, “How can you even begin to convince me that he won’t leave when you can’t even convince yourself?” she hummed, in pure delight to what she had said. Seungri swallowed, and looked outside.  There was nothing left out there, just roses. 

Pure roses, with thick sharp thorns- that was love right? Beautiful, wonderful, but it could still hurt and cut like knife…

He was scared of being rejected, of being wrong, Hyori was right about that. But it was about time he decided to show that strength and confidence he usually felt shine through. That same confidence and determination he had when he had faced Young Bae that night and they shared that passionate moment together. He needed to face him now, despite rejection and any other fear! He just had to remember what his mother had always told him…

Love can blind you, it can betray you, it’s pure when you love and it can hurt- but from it you will never escape.

But Love is magic, a simple fantasy; it’s like a dream that never ends- A light that grows in your soul, and fills your heart of you let it grow. It was all worth it in the end just to experience it! 

“I don’t have to convince myself” he said, closing his eyes, “I know so,” he opened then again, and Hyori was gone. But the problem was that the protective crystal case was not, and he wasn’t sure how he could get rid of it and the storm of emotions outside. He really was standing alone now. In his desperation to find all the answers at once, he let out a frustrated scream. He then slammed his hands on crystal case, wanting out of it, and he kept hitting it repeatedly until his hands fisted and he was punching as hard as he could.

The desperation was probably more than enough to keep driving him. 

For several minutes, he put all his frustration into breaking the crystal cage, feeling his feelings become exhaust and the crystal became brittle glass that suddenly smashed into a million pieces before him, and Seungri fell forward. As he did, it was like breathing fresh new air, and the clothes that he had been wearing before were now on him again.

Seungri landed face first into the dirt, and coughed as he pushed his head up. The world around him was still dark, and he couldn’t see anyone.

Reaching his hand up to clean his face, he looked around him. “Young Bae!” he called, “Where are you …I’m here. I came” He felt a cool breeze come over to him and ruffle his hair but there was nothing more. There was no response to his call and he swallowed hard as he tried to calm himself. No worries right, all he had to do was find Young Bae…but where.

In front of him, behind him…all around him the only thing that there was, was the fathomless darkness that seemed to swallow the light. 

There seemed to be nothing left of the world- Everything except those roses that seemed to be taunting him with their beauty and their deep tempting fragrance. Crawling over to a rose, he gently pushed his fingers into one, parting the center of petals he felt it easily yield at his touch. He softly smiled, finding it a bit funny. The soft scent soon reached his nose, and Seungri sneezed, and the flower fell apart, rose petals dancing away into the darkness. Shaking his head a bit, he looked around him once more.

“Young Bae!” he called out. He pushed himself up and got to his feet, “Young Bae!” he took one step forward, and suddenly he slipped, and it was like the world flipped, “Young Bae?” he asked, not sure of where he was now. This world didn’t make much sense 

As he looked around him, Seungri noted that he was no longer in the same rose garden that he had been before. This time around he was around a different flower, “Poppies” he mumbled, recalling that these plants induced sleep. He just wasn’t sure how or why. For a moment he watched them sway back and forth. They were most hypnotizing, that was for sure.

Seungri absently reached for one, and the moment that he cut the stem, something blue and powdery filled the air. It was almost intoxicating, and so sweet. He closed his eyes, and breathed…

“Seungri NO!” 

“Huh” Seungri felt his own voice echo in his ears as he turned around, in time to come face to face with Young Bae whom was rushing towards him fast. Or was he in front of him? Well, whichever way it was, in a matter of seconds the man had reached him and tackled him into a strong hug that had him falling. His eyes were closed and he was falling, ready for the impact of the earth to him hard, when there was none.

Seungri’s breath caught and he clung onto Young Bae, holding tight as both of them fell into nothingness. “Where…where did you come from?” he asked, breathing in the secure scent of the man that he was sure he loved. “Young Bae…” 

“What are you talking about Seungri?” Young Bae lightly asked, hugging him tighter, “I’ve always been here.” He turned to look down at Seungri and smiled, “I never left, and I’m not going anywhere,”

Seungri had not noticed when he had started crying, but he smiled just as bright and leaned forward, to kiss Young Bae. Young Bae didn’t hesitate meeting Seungri half way and kissing him soundly. The darkness around them suddenly vanished. A light to bright made itself known and filled them completely.

Reality then settled in.

Seungri gasped, and arched his body as he woke up and looked all around him. He was leaning against a tree, and he could spot the familiar roses of when he had first run into the garden. Their thorns were smaller now, curved and less harmful looking. But they were still sharp. Sighing, and closing his eyes, Seungri sat up and frowned when his hand tightened around the forgotten King’s Diamond. He brought it up, and opened his hand to look at it, but the moment that he did the King’s Diamond filled with light and the crystal melted into nothing but light that soon pushed against his chest and disappeared within him. 

Seungri felt warmth spread to him, from his chest until it vanished at the tips of his toes and fingers. It might seem a little odd, but he could already tell that the Lee bloodline was going to end with him and a new reign was going to take hold soon. He could already feel the positive changes, and even though Young Bae was going to be his husband and men couldn’t have babies- he already knew whom he wanted the heir to the throne to be. 

Getting to his feet, and feeling better than ever, he looked around him, “Young Bae?” he called. The sight that greeted him was a little comical.

Young Bae was buried half way into the dirt and struggling to get out. “Seungri!” he reached out when he saw him, and grinned widely “You’re alright, that woman didn’t hurt you.”

“I’m just fine,” Seungri smiled, “What are you doing?”

“She tried to bury me alive,” Young Bae growled, “Can you help me out of here, please.” He begged, looking around and trying to understand where things had gone. The crystal case, the woman- the demonic looking roses. Seungri approached him, and started to dig around him to get him out. 

“Everything is fine now,” Seungri answered him, as if reading his mind, “She’s gone now,” 

Young Bae nodded, but then darted his eyes to where he was sure G-dragon had been stabbed by a huge thorn. There was nothing there now, and G-dragon was no longer there. His head then turned to where Top was supposed to be, but he was also no longer there. Seungri on the other hand noticed how Young Bae was acting and looked at him questioningly. “What’s wrong?” 

“Where are G-dragon and Top?” he asked, “The last time I saw them they had been killed and poisoned by the thorns”

“What?” Seungri looked all around him, that couldn’t be true. Helping Young Bae finish digging himself out, Seungri got to his feet, intending on finding G-dragon and Top, because there was no way those two could be dead! Seungri’s mind just wouldn’t allow him to even think about it.

“Seungri!” 

Suddenly, Daesung and Minzy walked into the garden looking around. Seungri and Young Bae both turned their heads to them. 

“What are you doing here?” Seungri asked. 

“Looking for you,” Daesung answered, and then pointed to the side, “As we were coming we saw G-dragon and Top claiming that Seungri had gone psycho and that it was Young Bae’s problem or something” Daesung explained. 

“So we came to check on you guys” Minzy added, with a smile.

“What the…” Young Bae mumbled. Seungri was torn between being confused, and angry at the Psycho comment, so he couldn’t help but to just laugh.  He should have known that life was funny, especially when it came to those two. Watching Seungri hysterically laugh caused Young Bae to warmly smile at him, before shrugging and looking at Daesung and his sister. 

“We’re alright.” He sighed, “We couldn’t be better”

Just as Daesung and Minzy said, both Young Bae and Seungri found G-dragon and Top back in the house. Both of them were actually for once sitting and looking well relaxed as they ate. It was a sight Seungri could get more than used to as he rushed forward and hugged G-dragon. 

“Ouch, ouch, ouch” G-dragon exclaimed, as he tried to move away from Seungri and climb on Top’s lap. 

“He’s injured,” Top said, trying to move away from both of them. 

“How did you guys end up here?” Young Bae, confused.

“We walked here, after you left chasing after Seungri,” G-dragon responded using his good arm to push Seungri away. Groaning Seungri fell to the floor.

“But you followed me, and you got hurt,” Young Bae mumbled. G-dragon cried out in triumph as he managed to find his seat on Top’s lap. 

“What are you mumbling about over there?” Top answered Yooug Bae while pushing himself to sit straight and keep Seungri from joining G-dragon on his lap. Young Bae watched as the seat almost tilted backwards as both G-dragon and Seungri began arguing. His eyes widened a bit when Top suddenly pulled out his gun and pushed both men off him while at the same time pointing his gun to keep them away. “Enough I’m out of here,”

G-dragon pouted, “Tabi, wait for me” the thief singsong and skipped right after the assassin.

Seugri giggled as he watched them leave. He stopped short when Young Bae came close to him and grabbed his hand. “Young Bae?” he softly whispered and looked at him with admiration as well as love. Young Bae blushed a bit, before he lowered himself down on both knees. Seungri blushed as well, bringing both his hands up to his face, “Omo! You are not going to give me a here are you?” he asked.

Young Bae chuckled, and shook his head, “I’m trying to ask you to marry me!” 

Seungri gasped. “YES!” he cried out, jumping in unrestrained joy. 

“I didn’t even get to properly ask!” Young Bae complained but didn’t have much of a chance to say anything else about it when Seungri jumped on him, kissing hard and he had no other choice but to give in to his emotions. 

Just a few more chapters.