Kris was curled up and tangled into a mess of bodies on the living room floor, sound asleep and dreaming of nothing when the nightmare hit.

He started out swimming, the water weirdly heavy and difficult to move through, but he kept on going until a boat finally appeared in the water, a life preserver thrown over the edge for him. He took hold of it, seeing Umma waiting for him with Lay on the boat, but there was someone in a mask waiting to pull him onto the boat. Kris held on tightly, feeling himself slowly lifted out of the water, but it was raining - when had it started raining? - and he could feel himself slipping.

He made it onto the boat at the last possible second, just as his fingers decided they couldn’t hold on any longer. He was too wet, too cold. He felt like he was going to die, but he felt that way a lot, and somehow it was background noise compared to seeing Umma and Lay. He stood, trying to make his way to to them but the man in the mask had multiplied, becoming several men in masks, all holding him back and grabbing at his neck and face, like they were trying to tear his skin off.

It hurt, and he cried out in pain, fighting back, but one of them finally caught hold of whatever he was reaching for and pulled, removing a layer Kris hadn’t even been aware of. It didn’t hurt, but it was terrifying, and when they finally pulled whatever it was - a mask of his own emotionless face, from what he could see - off of him, he started screaming, thrashing, trying to fight back and not getting very far. He tried to break away, to get back to Umma, but she was gone, and so was Lay.

Kris woke with a start, his breath hitching and his entire body shaking, and he curled his fingers into the shirt of whoever was hugging him. He didn’t like this - this whole crying thing - it made his head hurt, and he kind of felt sick. He didn’t realize how far gone into his panic he’d gotten until he heard, almost like he was listening through a tunnel, Tao’s voice in his ear.

“...just a dream, you’re okay. I promise. You’re okay. It’s over now.” Tao whispered, and Kris slowly nodded, his tense back slowly relaxing. He opened his eyes, and they burned like nothing he’d ever felt before, but that may have had something to do with the lights being so damn bright.

“I’ll make tea.” Lay whispered from somewhere in the room, and he heard shuffling, then Umma murmuring from the direction of the kitchen.

“What happened?” Suho asked quietly, and Kris felt a hand on his back. He didn’t think he’d ever have the words to explain.

“Bad dream, I guess.” Kris whispered, taking slow, deep breathes. His voice sounded raw even to his own ears, and his throat hurt. Was he getting sick again?

“Well we could tell that from the screaming.” Baekhyun said, and it sounded kind of like he was trying to be sarcastic, but it mostly fell flat.

“I was screaming?” Kris asked, finally pulling his face out of Tao’s shoulder. Tao looked into his eyes and nodded, his thumb wiping away the leftover tear tracks, and Kris sighed, dropping his head down again. “I didn’t think it was bad enough for screaming.”

“Well, what happened?” Umma asked, making her way into the room with a mug for Kris. She handed it over once he sat up properly, and Kris hesitated, taking a sip to think about how he wanted to answer.

“I was drowning, maybe?” Kris said, really not sure. His dreams were almost always forgotten in an instant, so he was grasping at straws. “I think there was a boat and a mask. I’m really not sure. I don’t know why I would have been screaming.”

“Well, are you okay now?” Umma asked, and Kris nodded, drinking more of his tea.

“Just tired, mostly.” Kris said honestly. Nothing wore him out as quickly as his own emotions. Usually he could keep them locked in place, but something was cracking, or had cracked, and it felt like everything was coming out all at once. It was overwhelming.

“Let’s put on a movie until everyone’s ready to go back to sleep.” Lay suggested, and Umma nodded in agreement. Chen and Chanyeol helped Lay decide on a movie as Umma pet Kris’ hair, looking at him like she was inspecting him, trying to find something. Kris wasn’t sure what she could be looking for, but he offered her an awkward smile and hoped it was enough. She smiled back, so Kris took that as a good sign, anyway.

It was nearly an hour later that saw Kris slumped over, his head heavy on Tao’s shoulder and an empty mug still resting in his fingers. Tao was leaning back on the couch, his fingers idly playing with Kris’ hair - he really liked the texture of it, where it was shorter on the sides - as their friends joked and discussed the movie. Umma still had a tight expression on her face, like she was trying to figure something out but she was missing a lot of important information. Kris mumbled something before pressing his head a little harder into Tao’s shoulder, then settling down again, fast asleep.

“Does he have bad dreams a lot?” Umma asked softly, suddenly, and Tao looked up. He assumed she was asking Lay, but Lay was sound asleep, his head lolled back onto Chen’s chest as the other maintained a conversation with Minseok. Tao looked back at Umma, then shook his head slowly.

“Not that I’ve ever seen.” Tao said honestly. “It’s usually me. I’ve never seen him cry before, either, though.”

Umma nodded, still kind of tight. Tao didn’t exactly know what she was getting at, or what she was trying to figure out, but he wished he could help more. He knew a lot more about the way Kris’ head worked than a lot of their friends, but he didn’t know if that would help at all.

“Is he afraid of anything? Drowning? Car accident? Anything?” Umma asked, and Tao shook his head for a moment.

“He doesn’t like bugs.” Tao said, frowning a bit. “He can handle them better than I can, though.”

“Bugs.” Umma said, then laughed and shook her head. “No one will ever be as brave as Suho in that department, it seems.”

“The only reason I like bugs is because you’re all so afraid of them.” Suho said, shrugging. Kyungsoo glared at him quietly before turning back to the movie.

“Try to get some sleep, boys.” Umma said softly, standing up and taking the mug from Kris’ fingers. Kris made a little sound before slumping back into Tao, and Umma shook her head. “Tomorrow’s probably going to be a little crazy. You’ll wish you’d slept.”

Tao watched Umma go before turning his head back to Kris. He wasn’t used to being the bigger one, the one to the one to comfort. Usually, the things that set Sehun off also set him off, and Luhan and Minseok had to calm them both down. Tao had never had anyone curled into him for comfort before...but he liked it.

Kris woke up the next morning craving coffee. For some reason, and he wasn’t sure what that reason was, Umma and Lay only seemed to drink tea. Kris wasn’t even convinced there was coffee in the house, but he slipped out from under Tao’s heavy arm, pressing a soft kiss between the sleeping boy’s eyes, and going to the kitchen to see if he could find any.

Umma found him digging through the cabinets five minutes later, and a curious, albeit amused, expression crossed her face as she leaned on the door frame. Kris sighed, eventually putting all the teas back and turning to leave the kitchen, but he jumped about a mile in the air when he saw Umma, and he pressed a hand to his chest, panting as he felt his heart kick back to life and start pounding wildly, trying to make up for the two seconds he was certain it had stopped.

“You scared me.” Kris said, and Umma chuckled, standing up off the wall.

“Were you looking for something?” Umma asked, and Kris nodded.

“I wanted coffee, but I couldn’t find any.” Kris said honestly, and Umma chuckled.

“Coffee stunts your growth.” She said, and Kris raised a brow, looking down at his long limbs and then blinking at Umma.

“I’m sure that would be a tragedy.” He said sarcastically, and Umma smiled.

“We’ll go to starbucks instead.” She offered, and Kris smiled.

“Are you sure?” Kris asked, and Umma nodded.

“I need to talk to you anyway.” She said, and Kris’ smile fell away as his stomach knotted up. He nodded anyway, going to get changed, but Umma shook her head. “We’ll go through the drive through. You don’t need to worry about your clothes.”

Kris nodded uncertainly and stepped into his shoes, going with Umma out to the car. It was quiet, for the first few minutes of the drive, but Kris could tell Umma was thinking hard about whatever it was she wanted to say. Just when Kris was beginning to think he wouldn’t be able to take the suspense any longer, Umma finally spoke up.

“So, tell me the truth.” Umma said softly. “Do you really want me to adopt you? Because it’s okay if you say no. I won’t be angry.”

“What?” Kris asked, his eyes wide as he sat up straighter. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t really think anything, Kris. I just want you to tell me in your own words.” Umma explained. Kris thought about that for a moment before slowly nodding.

“I wanted to talk to you about this anyway.” He finally said, sighing a bit and slumping back in his seat. “About...I don’t want to leave. Adoption is...i-it’s not something I thought...”

Umma pulled into the drive through, but there was an impressive line, so she looked over at Kris quietly, waiting. Kris’ face was telling, more so than ever before, and his eyes were watering a little bit. Umma wondered what was happening in his head, that he was crying so easily suddenly.

“I never thought anyone would want me.” Kris finally said, and his voice was shaking a little bit. “And I never really wanted to stay anywhere, anyway. I gave up on that a long time ago, because I mean...even when I was little, when it should have been easy for me to be adopted, no one ever wanted to keep me. Even when I was little and I would try to reach out to foster parents, no one ever wanted to...no one ever tried to make me feel like I was at home...and...”

Kris stopped, a few tears slipping down his cheeks, and he wiped them away, laughing a little bit at himself as he tried to compose himself. His voice was starting to sound thick, though, and his nose was clogging up.

“Every interaction I’ve had with foster parents, through everything I can remember, has always felt forced or uncomfortable on either my part or theirs and this is the first time it’s ever felt like home.” Kris said, his lip trembling a bit as he took a shaking breath. “It’s the first time I’ve ever just...wanted to be somewhere. And yesterday I was so scared. I thought I was leaving and I thought about everything, everything I’ve done wrong and that was the first time I wasn’t okay with leaving. This isn’t just a foster home to me. This time has felt different from the start, and I don’t know if it’s because Lay is so pushy or because of Tao or because I can actually talk to you without feeling like...”

“Feeling like what, baby?” Umma asked softly, moving up a bit in the line. Kris sniffed.

“Without feeling like I have to try to be something I’m not.” Kris said. “You’re not just some lady. I know your name is Haerin. But you’re not Haerin, you’re Umma. You’re Mama. My Mama. You’re different.”

“You’re my son.” Umma said softly, touched by the way Kris carried her title across languages. “Nothing and no one will change that, YiFan.”

Kris turned his head, looking at Umma with teary eyes, and he leaned across the center console to rest his head against her, her arm coming up over his shoulders and hugging him close.

“I want to be adopted. I want to be a part of this family.” Kris said, his voice barely a whisper. “But I’ve never been one of those kids that good things happen to. Not until I came here and met you.”

“You’re going to make me cry, too.” Umma said softly, kissing his head. “I don’t know why your life went the way it did, but everything happens for a reason. I can’t have children, biologically, you know. But I look at you and Lay, and I know it’s because I needed to find the two of you. Because you two are my family, and no one can ever change that.”

Kris looked up to say something when a horn sounded behind them, making him jump. Umma moved the car forward, petting Kris’ hair gently all the while.

“Tell me what you want to drink, baby. Then we can go home.” She said softly, and Kris swallowed, looking up at her again and nodding.

I've pretty much given up on having a beta reader. Sorry this took so long, guys.