Kris was waiting when Tao got to the house, his stomach in knots and his hands sweating. He wiped them on his jeans before grabbing Tao’s hand and tugging him to his bedroom, closing the door tightly behind them. Tao swallowed, moving to sit on the bed and tapping his hands on his legs, and Kris could see that he was biting his lip. If Kris hadn’t been so nervous himself, he might have smiled at the sight.

As it was, he was still kind of afraid he might throw up.

It had been nearly two years since the last time Kris had had any interest in someone, especially like this. He had pretty much made up his mind about this whole thing, though. They just needed to talk about it, everyone was so insistent that Tao had feelings for him, and Kris knew what he felt for Tao, and he was tired of pretending it wasn’t there.

“Kris?” Tao said softly, and Kris shook his head, moving to sit on the bed beside him.

“Earlier, in the office-” Kris started and Tao shook his head.

“We don’t have to talk about that.” Tao said, and Kris felt kind of like he’d been punched.

“Oh. I just thought-” He started, and Tao cut him off.

“Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Tao said, and Kris swallowed.

“Okay. Yeah, sure.” He said softly, and Tao looked at his own lap uncomfortably.

“You should come to Wushu with me. Learn how to defend yourself.” Tao said suddenly, glancing at Kris’ cheek, and Kris swallowed hard as he nodded.

“Maybe.” He said softly, wiggling his toes in his socks and remembering his last home, how the kitten his foster mother had insisted on bringing home would attack his feet whenever he did this. He didn’t miss it.

“It’s really good. It helps with your flexibility and strength, and it keeps you in shape-” Tao started rambling, and Kris wasn’t sure if the pounding in his chest was an anxiety attack or just regular old heart break. He hadn’t even realized he was so attached.

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe.” Kris echoed again, and his voice sounded kind of hollow, even to himself, so he forced a smile.

“That’s the fakest smile I’ve ever seen.” Tao said suddenly, and Kris let his lips fall back into their natural resting position. “You can see your gums and all your teeth when you really smile.”

Kris put his hand over his mouth, his eyebrows furrowing as he nodded, taking note of that. He didn’t really know what his ‘real’ smile looked like. It just happened naturally. Right now, he felt so out of his skin he thought he should have been given credit for at least trying.

“What’s the matter?” Tao finally asked, and Kris swallowed, shaking his head.

“Nothing, I’m just a little tired.” Kris said, giving another fake smile before he could stop himself. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right? For the sleepover?”

Tao nodded quietly, standing up carefully and leaving the room a moment later, getting the hint pretty loud and clear, and Kris laid back in his bed. It wasn’t anxiety - anxiety didn’t make him feel like this. He vaguely remembered the psychiatrist telling him, after Henry had been adopted by a family in China and left Kris behind, that he had depression, and the feeling he was describing - where he felt like he couldn’t eat, didn’t want to do anything, couldn’t stand the idea of opening a book - was his depression flaring up. He didn’t feel like crying or anything...he just didn’t feel like doing anything, and he rolled slightly, pressing his face into his pillow and sighing.

Lay found him like that five minutes later. He came barreling into the room, a bright smile on his face, and stopped short when he saw Kris. His expression slowly morphed into a frown, and he took a seat on the edge of Kris’ bed, rubbing between his shoulderblades.

“Hey.” Lay whispered. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Kris said softly, and it was true. That was exactly what had happened. Nothing.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Lay pointed out softly, then pushed Kris a little so he would move over. After a long moment, he did, and Lay laid beside him. “Are you upset?”

“...a bit, I guess.” Kris mumbled, burying his head in his arms quietly.

“Because...of what happened at school?” Lay asked, and Kris shook his head, then nodded, then shook his head again.

“It’s complicated.” He mumbled, and Lay frowned.

“You can tell me.” Lay said, poking Kris’ side. Kris threw a heavy arm over Lay’s waist and sighed.

“It’s Tao.” He finally said, and Lay frowned even more.

“Because he broke up the fight?” Lay asked, and Kris groaned.

“Because he kissed me.” Kris said. “He kissed me and when I tried to talk to him about it he told me to forget it happened. You’d think I’d be used to rejection by now, but it still doesn’t feel very good.”

Lay stayed quiet for a long moment, thinking that Kris must have misunderstood or something, but Kris was smart, and Lay knew it. He knew well enough that Kris wasn’t reading things wrong, either. Tao had shut him down, but that confused the hell out of Lay, and he didn’t know if he should call Xiumin about it or not because it was just weird.

“I’ll make some tea and we can watch a movie, okay?” Lay offered quietly, and Kris shrugged, nodding a bit because he didn’t know what else to do. Lay started to get up, but Kris tightened his hold and shook his head.

“Just...one more thing.” Kris said softly, and Lay laid back down again, waiting. Kris stayed quiet for a long, long moment before speaking up again. “If...If I end up having to leave-”

“Kris, stop.” Lay said, and Kris glared.

“Just shut up and listen, would you?” Kris said, annoyed, and Lay sighed but nodded anyway. “If I end up leaving, or if I age out, whatever comes first...you’re still my brother, okay? Just call me and I’ll help you with anything I can. That’s all.”

Kris let go of Lay, turning so his back was facing the other, and Lay sat still for a long time before smiling and back hugging Kris as well as he could. He got up and looked back at Kris, then smiled and shook his head.

“I love you, too, gege.” Lay said softly, going out to the kitchen.

It'll all make sense later, I promise.