“No!”

Kris woke with a jolt, sitting upright in a second and looking around in a panic. Tao was squirming on the bed beside him, crying helplessly.

“T-Tao?” Kris whispered, shaking him a little bit, and Tao’s eyes flew open. “What’s wrong?”

Tao opened and closed his mouth a few times, like he was going to say something, but in the end he just collapsed into Kris’ chest and sobbed softly, holding onto him tightly. Kris was shaking as he rubbed along Tao’s spine, trying to get him to calm down or something, but Tao was completely gone into whatever images his nightmare had given him.

“Tao?” Kris whispered again, and slowly the emotional boy looked up at him.

“I-I had a bad dream.” Tao whispered, and Kris nodded.

“Okay, well it’s over now. You’re safe.” Kris said, and Tao sniffled, cuddling close.

“M-My parents died in a car accident.” Tao whispered.

“What?” Kris asked, and Tao shook his head.

“A car accident isn’t the right word. They were walking down the street and a drunk driver went up onto the sidewalk.” Tao said.

“Why are you..” Kris started, and Tao sobbed.

“I had run ahead to go and take a picture.” Tao said. “I accidentally set it to video. I caught the whole thing on recording.”

Kris sat in stunned silence while he listened to Tao, feeling his stomach churn and his chest constrict as Tao went on about the screaming, the blood, the expression on his mother’s face. Kris pulled Tao into his chest, hugging him tightly and rocking him just a little bit.

“Shh, shh, shh, no more. No more. It’s over.” Kris whispered in Mandarin, and Tao dissolved into Kris’ chest, sobbing for a little while longer.

Kris continued to hold him long after he’d fallen into silence, and eventually the boy seemed to have fallen asleep. Kris stayed awake for a long time after, his mind going over and over a million things in his mind, and he didn’t even know where to begin sorting them out. He started rubbing his fingers along Tao’s spine, barely even aware of the action, and suddenly, like an out of body experience, he found himself pressing his lips softly to the boys head.

His eyes widened a moment later when he realized what he had done. It wasn’t exactly the first time he had kissed someone, but it wasn’t something he’d ever done in this type of situation, either. He swallowed hard, slipping out of the bed and completely missing the fact that Tao was actually awake - and had been the whole time. He chewed his lip and headed out of his room, down the hall to Umma’s room without realizing what he was doing, but her light was on, so he knocked softly.

A moment later, the door opened, and she smiled softly at Kris. “What is it, honey?” She asked, and Kris seemed to catch up with himself right then.

“I...I don’t know..” He admitted softly, and she smiled. She stepped back, inviting him in, and Kris took the invitation for the first time in as long as he could remember.

He sat on her bed with her and talked to her about school for close to an hour, just babbling away about how easy the classes were even with the language barrier and how the school therapist wanted him to go to college, but he didn’t even know where to go, much less what to go for, and Umma smiled through the whole thing.

“You like to read, don’t you?” She asked, and Kris nodded, looking at her. “Have you ever thought about writing?”

“Writing?” He echoed, and she nodded. “No...it’s never been something I...”

“I’ll buy you a notebook when I go to the store tomorrow. Just give it a try. You don’t have to decide your whole life right now, but you know you’re welcome to stay here until you’re 18.” She said softly, and Kris nodded slowly, then shook his head.

“Until you can’t deal with me anymore.” Kris said, and she shook her head.

“Until you can’t deal with us, Kris.” She said, and he swallowed hard.

“Is there something wrong with me?” He asked, the anxiety catching in his throat. He hoped she couldn’t hear it.

“No.” She said firmly. “There’s something wrong with your life, baby. You’ve been shuttled around from place to place your whole life. You don’t know what it’s like to make plans with someone, to know you’ll be here for more than a month, to know you’re safe. That’s not anything you did wrong. The system let you down. If you had come to me at a younger age, this wouldn’t be foster care. This would be permanent. This would be the home you could come to, no matter how old you get.”

Kris stayed silent for a long moment, trying to stamp down the sudden swell of emotions inside of him. He could feel himself fraying, and he didn’t know what it would mean for himself, but he knew it was too much for him. It was too much to sit here with her and think about the possibilities of what could have been, and what never would be. He nodded, getting up slowly and feeling a strange ache in his chest, and Umma got up as well, wrapping him in a tight hug that Kris wasn’t sure if he should be running from or not.