AT   PRESENT…

“Today marks the last day of our contract. I wonder how she feels. I wonder what she’s doing right now.” He said as he sighed heavily while staying at his studio. Yi Jung kept thinking on the event last night. He sighed again deeply. He continued reminiscing their date yesterday. He smiled and unconsciously touched his lips after recalling their kiss. He grinned like a mad man after remembering how Ga Eul slipped out her mind in between the kiss. He maybe focused at the task but his ears didn’t deceive him. He heard her say it. He heard Ga Eul yang mention “Saranghae”. He tried pushing her once again to say that but it ended up in a teasing game and when it became late, he drove her home safely.

On the other hand, Ga Eul was busy rendering her leave of absence to the principal. After some discussion, the principal agreed and dismissed her with a heavy heart. She visited once more the places she often stays at the school, being careful not to see any of the F4 and her friends. She looked for Dr. Lee and handed him a letter.

The F4 are having fun teasing Jun Pyo regarding his relationship with Jandi. The former once again got angry and rushed towards his car. The three chased Jun Pyo down the parking lot. But then Yi Jung suddenly saw a familiar man standing on his favorite spot. He curiously went there and approaches the man.

“I was looking for you everywhere. I got tired and decided to stay on your tree house thinking you might come.” He then faced the clueless Yi Jung.

“Ah, Dr. Lee, Sorry, But why are you looking for me?” He asked dumbfounded. “Something happened to Ga Eul? Is she okay?”

Dr. Lee, just smiled and said “Aniyo, I just came to give this letter to you.” He then handed the letter that was given to him earlier. “I will go now; you know I still have clients to attend to.” He smirked and gestured to leave but then he turned around to face a shocked Yi Jung. “Just a piece of advice, what you see might not be the truth. Sometimes it’s just a mask to hide the pain and sorrow, right Casanova?”

Yi Jung kept glaring at the letter for several minutes, he suddenly felt anxious regarding the content of the letter. He was afraid that he may not like it since he noticed the familiar cute penmanship on it. Furthermore, the words of the doctor kept popping out from his head. He took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Yi Jung suddenly felt out of air. He started searching for her everywhere. He went at the library and all the possible places she went, but apparently she was nowhere to be found. He went to search at Ga Eul’s place but found out that the house was locked and no one was around. He even felt more anxious and decided to call Jandi. He drove his car to the F4’s hangout. He kept on thinking on what really happened to Ga Eul, and where is she? He then fixed the front mirror and saw the ribbon, a red ribbon which is exactly the same ribbon she gave Ga Eul a month ago.

He then rushed to see Jandi, who was seated beside Jun Pyo. He walked past the door not noticing Ji Hoo and Woo Bin who are busy playing billiard but stopped once they saw the forlorn look of Yi Jung.

“Jandi-ah, where’s Ga Eul yang? What happened? Is she at the hospital right now? What hospital? You got to tell me? Did she move? Her house was locked? Where is she? What happened to her? And…” Yi Jung blurted out in one blow but was interrupted by Jun Pyo.

“Whoa, Yi Jung calm down, one at a time, you can’t expect her to answer all of that easily.” Jun Pyo stated in a serious and friendly tone.

“Okay sunbae. First of all I would like to know if you already read her letter. It’s her request that she’ll be the one telling you. Now, did you read her letter?” Jandi said in a calmer tone.

Yi Jung shook his head and ranted out that he lost the letter. Ji Hoo tapped his shoulder and held the letter out to him. He said he dropped it at the parking lot before storming off. He got the letter with trembling hands. He suddenly felt sweaty palms and settled himself on the couch because suddenly he felt his knees weaken. He stared at the letter for a moment and with a deep sigh and heavy breathing, he opened it slowly. The F3 and Jandi watched silently as they felt helpless about their friend’s misery. Jandi felt guiltier but she loved her friend and so she will do her last request. Yi Jung closed his eyes as he prepares to read the letter.

Dear Sunbae,

I am sorry sunbae but by the time you’re reading this I am leaving. I just want you to know on how thankful I am in meeting you. I had fun and really enjoyed the past 4 weeks. My last month here was the best moment of my life and with that I would like to thank you. Kamsahamnida Yi Jung Sunbae.

I am sorry for keeping this from you. I had been selfish because I am afraid that if I told you the truth you will not consider my proposition. But I never regretted any single moment of it. Well, I am sick sunbae, from the first day that I’ve met you. I am suffering from heart failure. That’s the time you saw me crying and gave me the ribbon. I f you want you can ask Dr. Lee or Jandi about it for more information. I am sorry once again for keeping this from you. Please don’t get mad to Jandi and Dr. Lee, I asked them to keep this from you.

Sunbae, I am leaving happy. Our memories will serve as my guidance. I’ll forever keep them. I want to be strong. You were my inspiration. I want to become healthy and I want to be complete for you. Please forgive me.

I promise to be strong. I promise to be whole again. I am leaving now for my scheduled heart transplant. I wish my mind will keep all the wonderful memories we had and share it with my new heart in the future. I want to survive this. For my family, my friends, and for you I’ll fight this battle. Thank you for everything. I hope to see you in the future and wish you happiness. Saranghae Yi Jung sunbae. Farewell and take care always.

Love,

Ga Eul

*** I left the clay soil at your studio. Master Jung said you can get more clay if you want. Just visit him for me. I hope you won’t forget me...

After reading it, he hugged it towards his heart. He started crying and kept calling her name. Minutes of crying filled the whole F4 hang out. Once Yi Jung recovered, he stared at Jandi once again and with pleading eyes he asked. “Where is she? Please Jandi you have to tell me?”

“I’m sorry sunbae, that’s Ga Eul’s last request. Please try to understand her. She wants to face this alone. She wants to be stronger and…” Jandi stopped talking after seeing Yi Jung’s dejected face. She felt a thug on her heart as guilt started creeping up on her. After few minutes of contemplating she shortened the distance between them and tapped Yi Jung’s shoulder.

“Alright sunbae, I should not tell you this, but… ahh… Ga Eul left the country for heart transplant. She would be hospitalized first to prepare her for the surgery. I can’t tell you the details since that’s Ga Eul’s part… So I want to have you this…” Jandi handed her the journal that she took out from her bag. She smiled forcefully to somehow brighten the mood but failed miserably. She sighed once more and continued. “That’s her journal, that will tell you how she first learned about her conditions and how happy she was with you.” Jandi stated in a hoarse voice. She immediately turned around since she can’t control her sobs as the tears started falling off.

Yi Jung stared at the journal for a few seconds. He placed the letter and the journal on his suit pocket and started heading to his studio. Woo Bin was about to follow him but Ji Hoo stopped him and said that they should give the Casanova some time alone. And Jun Pyo was busy comforting her girlfriend from her breakdown. They were all shocked from the sudden turn of events. They wished that Yi Jung would face this bravely.

“Ga Eul yang, where are you?” Yi Jung kept asking for the nth time. He is seated at the floor looking at the Egyptian clay. He suddenly stood up and started removing his suit to sample the clay. But as soon as he throws off his suit he heard the banging sound of an object hitting the floor. He suddenly remembered the journal. He slowly walked towards his suit and searched for the notebook. He carefully caressed the outline of the notebook and opened it slowly.

“Ga Eul yang, why didn’t you let me help you?” He sounded bitterly but he was too devastated to notice his tone. He slowly opened the journal and started reading the accounts. Yi Jung cried once he learned the pain that Ga Eul took once she learned about her condition. He continued reading, and found himself smiling through misty eyes, when Ga Eul narrated their first meeting were he handed her the red ribbon. He immediately wiped off the tears that started falling. He continued reading with smiles and sobs alternately as Yi Jung learned about the fatality of her condition, how much courage she took to ask him out on a date, how she managed to keep it from the others, how she learned to love him. He silently cursed himself for not noticing it and not trusting his hunch about Ga Eul’s health. He hated himself for not protecting and helping her. Now he’s so determined in finding out where she is. He really wanted to be there for her and to support her. But the next line that he read made his thoughts dead on tracks.

“… I wish to fight this battle alone. I want to overcome this not for myself alone but also for my loved ones… I want to be COMPLETE. I want to have a healthy heart. A heart that is capable of loving and containing my soulmate… I can’t love him now with this weak heart. I might hurt him. But if my transplant would be successful, I promise to return to him. I hope you can wait then Yi Jung sunbae, and when I return, you’ll be there to catch me…”

Yi Jung stared at the journal with amusement and smiled afterwards. Though his mind kept on protesting about Ga Eul’s idea, his heart was lovingly understanding her. “De Ga Eul yang, I’ll always be here to catch you. I’ll wait for you my love.” He kissed the journal and with renewed inspiration, he started preparing the soil for his next masterpiece.