So what are we?

Objects of the industry?

Only friends?

Fake lovers?

Real?

How does it compare to how we see each other?

 

I honestly don't care how others view me as an individual.

They can call me cocky or cute as much as they want.

But I worry for us

As a pair.

There's the love we share

And then there's the love they see.

 

 

So sometimes the views blur together

When I try to place myself in their shoes

And I get confused

And honestly, I think you do too.

Jiyong.

 

---------------------------------

 

Whether or not you like it,

You're the Leader.

And as such, I'm forced

Into following you.

I look up to you

And at times I've been naïve

And tried to imitate you.

 

A game of follow the leader

Where I'm trapped.

Following your orders

Wanting to make you proud

Living for your praise.

 

But then there are the times

Where you forget your position

And you get careless and make mistakes

Like a human, not the perfect leader.

 

And so I follow you, even then

And make mistakes right along with you.

Sometimes for the good

But most of the times for the bad.

Even so, I follow you.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

Relationships are different depending on the person.

With my Dad, I take care if him more than he does for me.

With my Mom, we're laid-back and she knows that I've grown up.

With my sister, I'm the older brother that she can look up to.

 

And with Jiyong, we're just Tom and Jerry.

Maybe I'm the annoying younger brother who gets scolded by the eldest?

Or maybe I'm the neighborhood cat that he takes interest in every now and then?

Or maybe I'm just one of those friends that he could never quite trust?

 

Whatever you call us, he's just my hyung

And I love him, sure.

And maybe he loves me too.

That's our relationship.

 

----------------------------------------

 

That small frame of yours

I could easily break it.

I've thought about it before.

 

Sometimes I taste metal and salt

Blood and sweat

And I see smoke

A dark shadow

A blanket of black covers my eyes

When I look at you.

 

Those times when you get obsessive

Or overly affectionate.

Those fake smiles

And even the real ones.

 

The cloud of smoke from your cigarette

Engulfs me

And it swarms around you too.

As you inhale

As you choke

As you break and try to cover up your imperfections.

 

You could break so easily.

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When your voice gets scratchy

from over-singing

Or when you exaggerate the thinness of your voice

and add that arrogant nasal quality to it.

Its fun to listen to

Because, normally, you're just Jiyong

who talks in a low tone

who would only raise his inflection if he knew he was being filmed.

 

And then there are the times when you imitate my voice

Because mine is thin too.

You call my voice sweet

And then you'll mock me about it.

Its fun to hear your voice.

 

Because, really, when we're apart

The first thing I can hear is your voice.

Its harder to visualize you

Because you're always changing the exterior.

 

So at those times when I'm lonely,

I hear that silly falsetto

or the scratchy breathy voice

or the normal Jiyong voice.

And I'll sing a little tune to myself

And smile, even if you're mocking me.