“One more time!”

“Again!”

“Once more.”

Those words left Hoya’s mouth like commands, again and again. Cho Hee nodded obediently and returned back to the starting position. Droplets of sweat fell and she didn’t even have the time to wipe them away. The other girls in the group were looking at Cho Hee in amusement, no longer in awe.

“As expected from her.” One of them commented and all of them laughed.

Cho Hee told herself not to be affected by them and continued to push herself further. She had to do better for herself, for the performance and for…Hoya. She knew better than anyone else that he has the title of the best dancer in ‘Sparklex’. She wanted to be comparable to him even if it seemed like a faraway dream, just like how he is.

“You can do this, Park Cho Hee.” She reassured herself.

“Stop.” He commanded.

He had been helping her perfect those moves time and again but she still couldn't. Now, it seemed like he finally snapped.

“I am tired. Go.” He said and sighed.

He was evidently holding back himself from lashing at her and Cho Hee was appreciative of that. She didn't need those girls to say anymore nasty words.

“I will return to practice soon enough.” She said before rushing off to get her water bottle.

She wiped away those sweat droplets which soon formed at her pores again. Her black shirt was drenched, leaving white sweat marks on it. Ignoring that, she could feel her joints ache from all the dancing. She glanced back at Hoya leave the studio as she gulped down the water as if she had not drank for days.

“Time for practice.” She thought in her mind and placed her bottle down.

She had rested for less than a minute before she resumed perfecting the moves. From young till now, she had never aimed for perfection. To her, perfection was too hard and impossible to achieve. She learnt to take her imperfections in stride because she deemed herself as one already. However, now before the eyes of a perfectionist, she wanted to do her best and meet his expectations. He is her partner after all, even if he did not willingly choose her.

“Seems like someone is trying to prove the saying “Practice makes perfect” right, huh?” someone teased.

Cho Hee ignored them, focused on her reflection and continued trying out the moves.

“I am going to perfect these moves, no matter what.” She said, eyes glistening with determination.

Hoya was back some time later and stood at a corner, looking at her practise. She tried again and again, this time, without him having to stop her, she would repeat the moves. Finally, Cho Hee was able to execute all the moves more precisely and emotionally. She finished off the last move with a sense of satisfaction b in her.

“You have improved...” He walked over and said.

Cho Hee turned around and realized Hoya had actually been there all the while. She felt her face heat up a little at his compliment when he said something else.

“But you are far from my expectations.”

She felt her heart drop instantly at his words. He sent her flying to the skies and threw her down to the ground in the next second.

“I get it.” She said, holding back those tears.

“It’s late. Everyone has left. I will go off first and I really hope to see a better performance from you tomorrow.” He said, as if he was her instructor.

“Bye.” She said before turning away to fake picking her bag up.

A single tear fell out of disappointment and seeped through her cloth-made bag. She thought he was going to compliment her for all the hard work she put in. She thought she improved well enough to an acceptable level in his eyes. However, it was still not enough. She was still not good enough. She felt like laughing at herself for putting herself through all this ridicule, for standing up and asking Jiyeon to put her into the performance team suddenly. Now, the whole world is waiting to see the great contrast of her pairing with Hoya. The great and the worst placed together, how spectacular would that be?

She laughed a little before collapsing on the ground with her muscles aching, worse than ever. She didn’t feel like moving an inch anymore but she knew she has to. She has to practise more, to improve further and to reach his expectations. Hoya had left the studio long ago but his words were still echoing in the studio, haunting her. The lights in the studio became glaring as night fell but would the lights on stage be the same? She wondered.

Dragging her tired self out of school, she looked up at the lone moon. Cho Hee had practised for another good few hours after Hoya left. She hoped tomorrow when they dance together, he would be satisfied. She dreaded learning the last few moves already. If only she was made up of the dance material- good body equipped with flexibility maybe everything will be easier. 

“I wonder if the moon is lonely like me…” She thought.

Reaching home, Cho Hee was tempted to just collapse on her bed and sleep. However, she had so many things to say but no one to listen. This is when she knew someone, or rather something would.

Dear Diary

I had dance practice again.

I am really worn out and exhausted today.  I put all my heart and efforts to perfect those few moves but I still wasn’t up to his expectations. I am far from his expectations. Now, I wonder if putting in hard work really helps if from the start you were not made up of dance material. He mastered the dance in less than an hour but I took hours and was still in this shape.

He looked disappointed, exasperated and annoyed by me.  I, somehow, regretted asking Jiyeon to put me in the performance group.
I am scared now.  What if I screw up the performance? What if I become a great contrast to Hoya oppa’s perfection? What if I am not good enough at the end of the day?

I don’t know anymore.  My determination, hope and everything which I built up are all gone with just a sentence from him.
Funny, isn’t it?

I don’t know when he could affect me this much…
I hate it but there is nothing I can do about it.
I want to rebut, speak up against him and tell him I tried my best!
But somehow, I swallowed those words and gladly took his word for it.

Am I really that useless, diary?
 

With love

Cho Hee

She closed her diary and kept it away in the most secretive place in her room. Cho Hee walked to her bed and pulled her covers all the way up until it covered her head. She started crying her heart out in the dark. The day scenes replayed in her mind and without her knowing, tears had fallen. She felt stupid, useless and lousy. Dancing, her past-time favourite since young had suddenly become a torture.

She didn’t know since when. Perhaps since everyone in ‘Sparklex’ detested her and outcasted her? Perhaps since the time she realized she couldn’t really dance that well and she was actually the black spot in there? Or perhaps since the time when her love for Hoya got the better of her and she minded how she appeared before him?  

“It is tiring…”

In the dead night, the blanket muffled her cries which the world couldn’t hear.

Author's Note:
Hello everyone! Sorry for not updating for such a long time.
I was really busy with school work...(Yea, yea, I say that all the time. But it's not a lie!)
Anyways, I am back and have called off my hiatus mode!
My holidays have finally arrived and you can expect more updates from me ! ^^
Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter~ (:
Please drop me a comment after reading? :D
I will be more than happy to reply to your comment ^^
Thank you for reading 'Dear Diary, I am Fat'. <3