Cho Hee was still sitting at her study table with her phone clutched tightly in her right hand. Her knuckles had turned white but she still refused to release her grip. Hoya’s words replayed like a broken recorder, over and over again. She then shifted her gaze to the diary lying on the table surface. Reaching out for it, Cho Hee held it to her heart.

“Ary, should I or should I not?” she thought.

No response. Then, imaginary voices played in Cho Hee’s mind.

“Are you crazy? If you get out of this very moment, everything would definitely come true.” A chiding voice filled her mind.

Cho Hee shook her head and plunged into bed, covering her head with her quilt cover. However, she couldn’t possibly fall asleep in this state of mind. Not when she was in this dilemma and at the same time afraid that when she wakes up, she would realize everything is back to normal. The ‘normal’ life which she abandoned even if it meant she had to die.

“Nothing will change. You will still have to go back no matter what so why don’t you follow your heart and hear him out?” A calmer voice cooed.

After a good ten minutes of mental debate, Cho Hee has ultimately decided. She chose to listen to her heart and push away all logical thoughts telling her not to. Climbing out of bed, she scrambled over to her study desk and swept everything into her bag, including her diary. The pages folded in disapproval but Cho Hee was too rushed to realize. She stormed out of the room and ran for the door. Not forgetting, she stole one last glance at them, her family. When the door closed behind her, they then looked up in realization.

“Yeobo-ah, where did Cho Hee go?” her mother asked worriedly.

“I don’t know. But she’ll probably return before 11pm. She always does.” He reassured.

“Yea, Cho Hee will be fine.” Her sister said with full of rice.

 They were wrong, once more.

Walking down the deserted street, Cho Hee inhaled deeply. She glanced up at the night sky to see the luscious moon threatened to be devoured by those menacing dark clouds advancing towards it dangerously. Was that an ominous sign telling her to turn back? Or was it just a normal phenomenon at night? She didn’t know and chose not to know.

After receiving Hoya’s call, her mind had ceased to function. Only her heart responded and Cho Hee knew very well the words he was going to tell her were probably what she had been waiting for all this time since the beginning to hear from him. The scene of confession which had been running through her mind all the time since before, she would want to live through it even just once. She was dying to hear him out, literal or not.

Bracing herself against the cold wind which howled loudly in her surroundings, Cho Hee walked on. She convinced herself that as long as she kept off the roads, nothing would happen. She repeated this thought time and again inside her heart until she felt calmer. Reaching the road junction where they parted that night after practice, Cho Hee looked around.

No one was in sight. She didn’t know why Hoya was not here yet. However, she could feel her heart thumping wildly inside her ribcage in excitement. A feeling which she had not experienced for some time. It made her smile. Then, a honking sound pierced through the air. Cho Hee looked up, alarmed. She saw a car steering from left to right and right to left widly. To her horror, she saw a boy aged about five running across the road.

Her blood froze in her veins as she recognized the car. She stood rooted on the ground and words of caution disappeared at the tip of her tongue. She wanted to shout for him to get off the roads but the words got stuck in once more. She glanced at the car and back at the little boy who was stupidly crying in the middle of the road. Propelling herself forward, Cho Hee pushed the little boy away.

In a split second, the car rammed into Cho Hee’s body as arranged, sending her flying feets away. Cho Hee rolled over as the car screeched to a stop. Blood splashed everywhere, staining the windscreen, her clothes and the concrete ground. The vehicle which had its metallic body dented reversed and drove off at a high speed, escaping from the crime scene.

“Yah! Park Cho Hee! Wake up!” Cho Hee heard the familiar voice shouting for her.

He was shaking her violently and Cho Hee felt something touch her face. She realized. He was crying. Tears blurred her already fading vision as she struggled to remain conscious. He cupped her face and wiped away blood on her cheeks. A weak smile graced her face when she finally heard what he wanted to tell her.

“I…I… like you, Cho Hee. So please, wake up. I’m beggi-”

Cho Hee didn't get to hear him out completely for she got dragged away by an unknown force. She felt light and exhausted out of a sudden. When Cho Hee opened her eyes, she found herself standing in the same pristine white tunnel as before. The surrounding was glowing and she could sense the other end of the tunnel calling out to her. It is her hell right there, waiting for her to walk through.

Then, Cho Hee realized something. She was slowly sliding towards the end. Her efforts to cling onto the walls were futile. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she tried her very best to fight against the strong current. Soon, she found herself sprawled on the ground, still trying to go against her fate. She didn’t expect herself to do that. She thought she would be able to accept it coolly. She thought she would be grateful for already being given the chance to a beautiful world. She thought she would gladly return to where she belonged without much struggles. However, she was wrong. She still couldn’t accept having to be thrown back into the living hell.

“Please, if I were to return back to my life, I would rather die.” She cried.

“I’m begging of you to let me go.” Cho Hee pleaded.

“Ary, help meeee~!!”

Then, she got into the tunnel end in a swift motion.

“Get the doctors! Hurry!”

“Nurse, she is responding! Do you see it?!”

“Please, don’t save me.” She thought silently in her heart.

She felt her eye lids being forced open as a torch shone on her pupil. Opening her eyes, Cho Hee sat up reluctantly with the help of the doctor. She scanned her surroundings. She was in a hospital, beside a doctor cloaked in his white robe with nurses stationed by her bed and her family with Eunmi standing quietly at a corner.

“Oh my lord. She’s finally awake!” Her mother yelled and burst into tears.

Her father placed his hand across her mother’s shoulder and patted her back. Cho Hee bit her lips when she realized everything was over. Her mother slapped her arm for doing something foolish. She made her promise never ever to do such things again. Despite tears already rolling down her cheeks, Cho Hee cried harder.  

Few days later, Cho Hee was discharged. She returned to school and earned even more stares than before. However, she tried her best to look away and lie to herself that everything is fine. Words of Cho Hee attempting suicide somehow or rather spread throughout the school. No one dared to go near her as to them, she became a gothic and abnormal girl. Cho Hee did not mention a word about having gone to another world where everything was in opposites. She did not need people to judge that she went mad whenever they mentioned her name. Hoya treated her like a stranger and Jiyeon did not fail to roll her eyes at her when they crossed paths. Sometimes, Cho Hee couldn’t help but question whether she really did enter the other world, whether Ary really existed or whether everything was just a dream.

It was another tiring day and Cho Hee dreaded life more and more. Shutting her eyes, she fell asleep. It was then she heard something- A too familiar voice.

“Cho Hee.”

“Ary! Is that you?!”

“Yes, my dear.”

“You disappeared.”

“I have always been here, beneath your bed.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Cho Hee was jolted awake in the middle of the night. She climbed out of bed and peered beneath her bed to find her diary sitting in dust and spider webs. She didn’t know how it ended up there. She only knew when she woke up from the coma which her family claimed she had slept through for many weeks, she couldn’t find her diary anymore. It was not in her bag which she carried during the accident. It was nowhere to be found until today.

Cho Hee flipped open the diary and a Polaroid film fell out. She picked it up between her thumb and index curiously. When she realized what it was, she started crying so hard. It was a photo of her and the other members of ‘Sparklex’ bowing down on the senior year performance stage.

“Ev-Everything is real…” She mumbled between tears as she hugged the photo to her chest.

A beautiful dream broken and when all that is left are pieces, it hurts more to pick them up.

Then, Cho Hee spotted some words scribbled at the base.

Cho Hee, would you die to return?

Cho Hee’s eyes widened when she read what was written beneath the photo.

“T-This can’t be…” She dropped the photo in astonishment.

The Polaroid photo was safely kept away along with her diary inside her school bag and that night, Cho Hee couldn’t fall asleep.

“Yah! Park Cho Hee!” One of Sparklex’s members yelled from behind.  

She turned around to face her with a poker face on.

“I heard that you almost killed yourself because of the senior dance performance. Is that for real?” she asked with a knowing smirk.

“If you would excuse me...” Cho Hee said as she tried to side-step away.

“Hey, you have not answered me.” The girl pushed Cho Hee by her shoulder.

Cho Hee looked up and glared at her fiercely. The girl backed down a little at her reaction which took her by surprise.

“You know, you’re a better person in the other world.” She said and stalked off.

The member was left confused and speechless, standing in the same position.

After school, Cho Hee returned home. There was no one at home which was a situation to her favour. Cho Hee went to her wooden cabinet and dug out the medicine box. She searched for the strongest drug before going upstairs to her room. Sitting on her bed with the bottle of pills in her hands, she decided to be selfish for once. With trembling hands, she emptied her bottle in . She heard the multitude of pills knock against the plastic container and fought their way before settling in .

She could feel the pills block and with much difficulty, she swallowed everything. felt raw from swallowing a bulk of bills down. Seconds later, the effect started to kick in and she began to feel drowsy. She was losing consciousness bit by bit. In her mind, Cho Hee apologized and prayed for her family in this world to be happier without her. Slowly, she drifted off.

“Get the doctors! Hurry!”

“Nurse, she is responding! Do you see it?!”

Cho Hee opened her eyes fearfully and she saw her family standing before her with disapproving glances. She bit her inner cheeks and tears welled up in her eyes. She was saved in time. She didn’t make it to the other world.

“Why did yo-”

Before her mother could finish her sentence, someone walked in. Cho Hee turned to the door and saw Hoya striding in without any expression on. Her heart sink as he approached her step by step emotionlessly. He stopped before her and she couldn’t help but stare. Suddenly, he leaned down and threw his arms around her. Cho Hee felt her heart skip a beat at their hug. Her parents smiled in approval at the couple.

“Don’t you ever leave my side again, you fool.” He scolded.

She nodded between tears.

She is back.

Dear Diary

I wonder if the Cho Hee in the other world died. I wonder if anyone cried for her. But anyway, even if someone did, they would eventually stop remembering, forget and erase her from their lives, right? I know I’m selfish but I don’t regret at all because I’m happier here. A whole lot happier.
Thank you, my best friend. If it’s not for you, I would still be wallowing in my own misery in the other world, living a life that’s worse than hell.

But Ary, where did you go? Why did you stop talking to me when I reach this world? Did anything happen to you when you helped me here for the second time? I’m worried sick. Would you talk to me soon? I miss you. I really do.

Ps. Hoya and I have gotten together officially. Oh my gosh, I’m blushing as I write this. I would fill you in the next entry, alright? I got to go sleep already.

Hear you in my dreams soon!

With love

Cho Hee

A smiley face surfaced on the bottom right side of the page and Cho Hee overlooked it as she closed the diary.

Author's Note:
This is the official ending to 'Dear Diary, I am Fat'.
Thank you so so much for reading this story till the last chapter. ^^
Your support is much appreciated and I feel loved from the response I gained from all of you.
Please don't forget to leave me a final comment. <3
I would be posting up a proper author's note for this story in the next chapter. (It's my first time doing so..)
Thank you for reading 'Dear Diary, I am fat'.
I hope the ending isn't too disappointing. (: