I cried out as I rubbed my eyes, with sun rays beaming onto my face. It was the start of a brand new day. I slowly opened my eyes to only see that I am in my room, on my soft and cosy bed with my precious pillow beside me. I seriously did not want to get out of my bed right now. It is just way too comfortable, way too soft and it does not hurt me. Unknowingly, I let out a tear as I recalled what I would have to suffer in school again.  

“Everything will be fine.” I tell myself again for the fifth time after I woke up. I wiped my face to prevent people from seeing my unglamorous moment. If I am sad, at least I must look amazing while being sad rather than looking like some miserable person. These are some lies that you often tell yourself to give yourself a false sense of protection. Without a doubt, I feel slightly better about the situation. I mean, I am still alive right?

I reached out to my desk and took out a thick album from the top drawer which is my most precious possession up to date. I may have been forbidden from seeing him in school but at least I still have these pictures of him to see him by. The memories of that this album holds to me is simply more than what anyone can imagine. There is little doubt that the pictures in this album are way more important than my life.

They may be able to hurt me but they are not able to hurt what I feel.

I flipped to the most recent entry which is a picture of Woohyun sleeping in class, rather unglamorously with his hair in a mess and his stationary all over the place and his shirt tucked out and his pants hanging loosely, revealing white and blue stripped underwear – it was one of the rare moments whereby Woohyun looked so unkempt but he was still attractive nonetheless.

It was his birthday that day. The entire class played a prank on him that day, taking advantage of him while he was sleeping. Meanwhile, if it was me, I would have taken advantage of him in a whole other way but that is beyond the point. After all, it was just the perfect opportunity for anyone to , I mean, do things to him as when he sleeps he seem to not notice anything around him. As such, the class managed to successfully mess up his hair, emptied his pencil box, removed his belt and emptied his bag.

Well, one would expect him to be in a horrid mood when he woke up. However, he reacted rather in a cool manner rather than exploding. He simply yawned cutely and looked lost when he woke up. He started panicking about some alien invasion when he saw the state he was in which made the class burst out in laughter. Even I could not help but chuckle at his reaction which made him look so adorable. However,  the thing that made this picture so amazing was the way he smiled when the entire class brought the real surprise to him.

He was grinning from ear to ear when he saw the cake that the class had custom made for him. It was a strawberry short cake with a seductive picture of him on the frosting and a mini field of strawberries. He was beyond happy to see the cake and was touched by our efforts. Sure it took about a month worth of allowance but it was worth every cent. I could not help but grin at the sight of him being absolutely happy over his birthday celebration.

I smile weakly to myself at the happy memory a single picture held. I glanced towards the letter on the left of the picture. It was well wrapped up and written in a neat and tidy handwriting, “To Woohyun”. I wanted to confess to him on that day.

However, I could not do it. I did not manage to find the courage to that day. He was simply too happy. What if my confession dampened his day? What if he did not like me? What if he found me disgusting? What if I ruined his birthday for him? That would be sad. I did not want him to be sad that day.

Slowly, I picked up the pink envelope which was decorated with a simple yet elegant design. I could not help but realise a flood of tears despite biting my lips as hard as possible to prevent anything from coming out. I could not help myself anymore and held the letter close to me. If only, I had given him this letter. If he accepted my love, I would not have to suffer this. If he rejected, I would be able to give him up. However, I did not give him the letter and now I am caught in this dilemma. I love him so much but I am suffering from just loving him.

Will this pain ever end?

What did I do to deserve this?

I wiped away my tears. I stared at the blank ceiling. I feel weak. This is most definitely a sign. I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep with my letter and a pillow hugged closely towards me. I guess today I will be giving school a miss.

I looked back at the empty seat in the classroom for the fifth time since I entered the classroom. Is he late? Is he alright? I could not help but worry for him. He was so weak and vulnerable when I found him yesterday. I want and need to protect him. It has only been a few hours since I last saw him and I am already so worried for him. I simply could not sleep after what happened last night. I wanted to be there for him but I could not as I was sadly being chased home due to the next day being a school day.

I was on my usual Sunggyu-watch in the library when I saw something that shocked me. It was such a terrible sight to see my precious being slammed against the wall and being attacked by what seemed like a huge mob of people. From his reaction, I could tell that it was definitely not the first time it happened. What shocked me was how I not found out about the entire incident. I am such a fail stalker. If I was better, I might have been able to protect him the first time. I was stunned by their actions when I realised that they were from my fanclub. I could not move at all and simply could only watch them beat him up.

After seeing them beat him up, I finally snapped out of it and went to approach them about the entire incident and as it turned out everything was all a misunderstanding. The entire bunch of them had thought that I was being bullied by Sunggyu as more than often, they have witnessed Sunggyu pushing me and physically abusing me. However, they did not realise that they were all accidents which I explained clearly to them that Sunggyu did not bully me as they first thought out to be. It was all just a mere misunderstanding that managed to get out of hand and thus, hurting the one I love. Thankfully, I managed to salvage the situation by making them promise to never hurt him ever again.

However, I did not feel relieved and it became clear as I saw the rain falling down from the sky. Immediately, on instinct, I took out my umbrella and ran out of the library to find for my missing hamster. He could not have run far from the way he was limping and all.

I thought hard and long where he would be. The rain was raining much more heavily now and there is a high chance that he is still under the rain and will catch something soon. I need to find him as soon as possible and I ran as fast I could towards a direction which I was the most confident of: the park. I had this feeling that he would be at the park which from my memory the place he always goes to whenever he is sad or lonely or just need to take a break.

I reached the park only to see him, sitting at his usual bench and nodding off from exhaustion. I smiled weakly at him; for once I was happy about stalking him. I at least knew how to find him even if he runs away from me.  

I sat down beside him and looked at him closely, after giving him my shoulder for him to rest his head on. His flawless skin was white and pale which made him glow even under such a depressing weather. It was obvious that he had lost quite a bit of weight recently and that he lacked sleep from the shallower cheeks and dark rings around his eyes respectively. However, he still looked like the smiling angel who I had came to love and adore all this while.

I lightly wiped away his fringe from his face.

“I will protect you.” I slanted the umbrella in front of us such that no one can see us.

I leaned down and kissed him on his forehead. I did not know what I was doing but I was sure about one thing. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to shower him with all the love I have. I want him to feel loved and want him to know that he is all mine and safe being mine.

After a while, it finally stopped raining. However, it is already night and Sunggyu showed no sign of waking up or wanting to wake up yet. I could not help but smile at the sight of the sleeping peacefully Sunggyu. He was such an angel.

Slowly, I lifted him up and carried him up bridal style; walking him back home which I had came to find out where due to my stalking skills. Suddenly, he cuddled up to me and leaned his head against my chest and whispered softly, “Woohyun.” I could not help but turn into a deep shade of red as my baby just said my name for the first time. I could not help smiling also. I definitely love you, Kim Sunggyu.

With the help of his bag which I had to ransack to find the keys to his house, I managed to successfully lay my lover softly onto his bed. His room was much much much neater than I could possibly imagine with everything in place. He makes my own room look like a pig sty. I looked down at my sleeping angel who is currently still drenched from the rain. However, I then realised that I had to help him change out of his wet clothes which would prove to be something difficult as it is after all rude to look at the body of someone right? Actually, it was more likely going to be a difficult task due to the fact that I might accidentally him while he is unconscious.

However, I still managed to do it successfully without looking at his body. While changing him, I realised that he is burning up which meant that he had caught a fever but I did not know what to do.

“Hello Mother?”

“Yes, you stupid son! Where are you! There is school tomorrow~ Come home nowwwwwwwwwwwww~”

“But…”

“ what?”

“My friend is currently not feeling well and I have no idea what to do…”

“Is it that friend?”

“Yeah…”

“Hohoho, that is my boy! Get him sick so you can be a nurse for him! Don’t play with him too hard he needs to get to school too, you know!”

“What are you talking about? Anyway, he is seriously burning up. What do I doooooooo?”

“Boring… Just wipe him with a wet cloth… He would feel better soon.”

“Thanks!”

“No problem but still come back soon ok? Imma worried.”

“Yeah… See you at home!” I hung up the phone.

I took a wet cloth and wiped his hands. It felt so smooth and soft which was nice to touch. I could not help but smile again as I was finally doing something for my soon-to-be lover. After a while, I looked at the time which signalled that I have to go soon. It was indeed sad that I have to leave him alone but I will not leave him alone.

I took out my precious pillow and lay it by his side.

“Protect him for me.”

I left the room, still worried for him but yet knowing very well that the pillow will protect him as it has been protecting me all these years. 

MY NOTES: 

HEY EVERYONE. THIS IS THE FIRST NOTE AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT SO FAR! :D *sends love and other things* 

I am still very busy and thus, only able to update only once a week so please be patient! :D 

For now, please enjoy this short chapter. I promise a better one next time! :D