“I will not give up!” I slammed my head onto the table, hoping to get some divine inspiration from the great above to help and assist me with the devil thing called my homework. Apparently, I have been seating in the library for the past two hours trying to figure out the complexity of the subject called Mathematics. Usually, I have no problems with this subject. However for some unknown reason, I have been slipping in terms of getting the right answers for the questions.

Everything seems to be like a blur to me these days.

I could not concentrate as well as I could in the past and there was little wonder why. First off, I have been “kindly” requested by my haters to back off from the love of my life which I have but it seems that they do not realise it. My locker is still filled with mountain loads of messages telling me to get away from him. However, I have already done it. Sometimes there are still such hard-headed people in this world who simply do not stop chopping down innocent trees to give warning to people which have not committed anything wrong. I really wonder what I did wrong to deserve this.

Secondly, my hamster senses are constantly tingling these few days and this is a source of concern as this mean that there is someone looking and staring at me which gets me very worried. I know I am cute and adorable (insert hair flip) but then why do people want to look or stare at me in such a stalker-ish manner. There are definitely other people to look at like Woohyun.

The love of my life, Woohyun, who is simply all so handsome, is definitely the one deserving to be stalked and followed which is what I did religiously before the notes. (I secretly still do sneaking a picture or two whether I get the chance. Sadly, the chance only occurs when he is in the changing room or taking a shower – no complains there.)

Anyway, the main issue is this stalker is definitely getting on my nerves. I mean, I understand he or she likes me but why does he or she does not make himself known? Am I so unapproachable? Do I look like I will eat that person up (which is possible if you see the way I eat)? Or is that person part of the group of people who is out to get me?

So many questions for my little hamster mind to comprehend. Furthermore, since when did I call myself hamster? Oh gosh, I am so screwed up. Oh well, back to my homework!

Insert image of an oversized hamster wearing glassing and scratching his head, mulling over something that is written on a piece of paper in front of him.

Meanwhile, while our unsuspecting little furry creature (or Kim Sunggyu if you prefer) is busying himself with his uncompleted homework, his hamster senses were tingling and I am sure we all know why.

Insert image of binoculars-wearing handsome person who is currently hiding behind bookshelf 138 and glancing at his beautiful target intently with full intention of eating (I mean, making love to) him all for himself.

Tsk tsk, such a ert.

Anyway, that is far from the main point. If one notices properly, our stalker is doing homework of his own also. He is currently scribbling something which seems to be of some great importance:

“He is so cute when he scratches his head”

“Ah… He just sneezed! Such a cutie!”

“Oh my gosh, he… so cute!”

“I wonder whether his thing is as cute as him…”

Let us just pretend that the last sentence did not exist at all. Completely.

 Well, some may say this is an unhealthy obsession for Nam Woohyun while others may say this is an utter waste of time and the rest may say that he might as well just go up to Sunggyu to confess. However, none of this answer is going to get to Nam Woohyun as he does not give up easily.

Let us listen to how he views his side of the story:

“I will not give up!” I fist pumped the air. If Dongwoo managed to do it why I cannot? There is simply no sense in that. (Somewhere which is not too far away, an innocent dino sneezes. Also, this is definitely not the way which Dongwoo treat his crush. Only Woohyun is capable of thinking such a way. That is all.)

I have been observing him for quite a while now and it is indeed safe to say that I now know a lot about my dearly beloved. There is nothing more I can say but I am more than just convinced that we both are meant to be and if God permits, have beautiful babies and have a wonderful life together to the end of time. Such a wonderful image of the two of us holding hands and watching the sun set in the comfort of each other while we prepare to lock lips to seal the deal.

You should know what will happen now. Clue: A wild pillow appears.

 Anyway, my friend, Dongwoo is of absolutely no use to me right now. (Somewhere which is not too far away, the same innocent dino sneezes) After all, there is no way he could ever think of such an idea to show love towards his lover. As ultimately, the only way to get someone to love you is to know the person! (Sometimes, Woohyun can get these mini bolts of intelligence.) So I decided that this is the best way as I can get wonderful pictures of my precious baby which I can kiss every night before I sleep! (The rest of the time, Woohyun fails to show any form of intelligence if you get my drift.)

“We have to take action now!”

“I agree!”

“Look at it, Woohyun is totally afraid of him right now!”

“Are you sure?”

“Obviously! Look at it this way! Why do you think he always keep a lookout for this Sunggyu guy everywhere he goes?”

“Because of love?”

“Are you kidding me? Why are you so stupid?”

“I am not!”

“Anyway, Woohyun is being threatened! We need to protect him!”

“…”

“What is it?”

“Something seems fishy…”

“It is you that is fishy for being so stupid! Obviously that Sung-something have something that keeps Woohyun in his rein! Why do you want to keep Woohyun from suffering? Are you sure you want him to live the rest of his life hiding and looking out for that scary person?”

“Since you put it that way… I agree!”

“So what are we waiting for?”

“He is so going down!”

“Good.”

I guess I have studied enough as I look down on my completed piece of work that is now resting on my table. It is no surprise that it looks perfect as after all, I spent so long and so much effort on it. (Insert hair flip) Well, I guess it is getting late so I better start packing up if not the librarian will chase me out with a broom again. I do not see why that woman is so adamant about chasing me out, her one and only visitor. I sigh at the thought of having to leave the library. It is so cosy and I feel like I belong in there.

Sometimes, you have to let go of some things. Everything is not for forever.

I walked out of the library door after sending a good bye wave to the librarian which was ignored as usual and entered the corridor. Somehow, I just simply knew something will happen. I was just waiting for it to happen.

Finally, it did.

I found myself slammed against the corridor walls with my elbows knocked against the hard concrete which made me shout out in pain.

“Leave Nam Woohyun alone!” The main person of the gang shouted into my face. In front of me was a group of people who was all so familiar. The same group of people, who has been sending me such messages, is standing right in front of me, waiting to make sure that I get the message.

“I already did!” I shouted back at them with all my might but to only be faced with another slam onto the hard concrete and a punch which barely missed my face.

“Liar.” The person directed a punch into my stomach which left me choking for air and grabbed my neck tightly. “Stop lying” The person’s voice was low and threatening.

“I am not.” I tried to reply as bravely as I could. However, the grip was too strong and I could barely choke out a reply. That reply just simply left me another punch to my stomach and maybe some bruises on my hands, legs and chest. It hurts. It hurts so badly.

“Stop lying or we will not stop.” I was basically brawling on the floor and was unable to respond to their threat – it was the only way to get rid of them; I had to pretend that I was struggling in pain which I actually was. The gang finally moved off being satisfied from their actions.

After ensuring that they are all gone, I slowly picked myself up. I attempted to clutch the places which hurt with my good hand and limped my way out of the school. It hurts. It hurts so badly.

This was not the first time it occurred. It has been happening quite frequently these days. Maybe about four times a week? Usually, they would leave me quite badly bruised but at least today, they went easy on me because today I had the strength to limp out of the school to my favourite place: The Park opposite my house. It may not be much but it is significant to me.

It is the place which I spent my childhood in and have been a place whereby I gone through harsh times and wonderful times. The breathtaking scenery, the peaceful ambience and the comforting silence makes it perfect for me to seek the necessary solace that I am finding for.

I guess I lied a bit. The real reason why I go to the library is to delay my daily beatings which never fail to take place, no matter how much I try. I could always do my homework at home but now the time at home is taken up from hiding the bruises and treating the wounds.

It definitely took me a while but I successfully managed to limp my way to my usual bench in the park. A place which I spent most of my time wondering and pondering over everything and it is the exact place where I have my fantasies of the love of my life, Woohyun. It is always the usual things: What we could have been, what could we do on this bench. The image of us both holding our hands together while enjoying the beautiful flora and fauna and each other’s company without any worries at all, is simply ideal. Perhaps, in my case, it is way to ideal and is nearing impossible.

I smile to myself at the thought of being together with Woohyun. We could have the perfect relationship with each other. I could finally stop stalking him as he will be mine all the time. I could finally stop getting beaten up as people will recognise the love we both share and that there is no way I was hurting Woohyun. I could finally smile everyday not because of my fantasies but the reality that we are together.

However, it all seems so far away.

There is just no way he could ever like me. The people were right. There is simply no way he will ever fall in love with me the way I did.

I am ugly. He is not.

I am weak. He is not.

I am pathetic. He is not.

I do not deserve him. There is no way he could ever love me. It hurts. It hurts so badly.

I want to be loved.

I want to love.

I want to know what it feels like to be loved.

I want to know what it feels like to love.

However, these are just what I want. There is no way I can get them. There is no way I deserve them. It hurts to know this. I am simply nothing. I will not be loved. Woohyun will never love me. He cannot and he will not.

I will not love as I am not allowed to. The moment I try people put me down for trying. I am simply left speechless. People always say, “Love is easy”. I hate to say this but I disagree. Love is easy. You can easily fall in love with anyone but getting that person to love you is not easy and loving someone is not easy at all – you need determination and strength.

I am losing it.

Maybe I lost it.

Perhaps, it is fated. The dark clouds finally released the rain.

I can only smile.

The rain is rolling down my face. My tears are rolling down my face. The rain is helping me cover up the tears which are endlessly rolling down my face. It hurts. It hurts so badly to love someone but to only find out that you are not allowed to and that there is no future between the two of you.

The rain provides such nice comfort sometimes.

“Perhaps it is time to move on…”

I release more tears.

“Who can protect me?” I cried out weakly, knowing that no one can hear me.

After a while, Sunggyu drifted off to sleep due to the exhaustion from what happened. However, little did he know, he fell asleep on a certain someone’s shoulders. That particular person also held an umbrella until the rain stopped to protect Sunggyu from the rain.

Only a weak smile can be shown on Woohyun’s face as he face to tell the exhausted Sunggyu:

“I will protect you.”

He leaned down to give a peck on Sunggyu’s forehead.

“Forever.”