I sat in the living room, contemplating whether I should get my off the couch or not. Whispers could be heard, but I blocked them out.

“Is she okay?”

“She doesn’t look too all right.”

“What happened?”

The whispers were then silenced by Jessica’s aggressive push, and Sunny and Yoona were sent straight to their rooms with Sooyoung as their guide.

I lay curled on the couch, Dragon sniffing my hair. I could still see, not Kris’ face, but Tao and Chanyeol’s the moment my palm smacked Kris’ delicate cheek. Lay was frozen. Baekhyun’s jaw dropped. And Kyuhyun’s small eyes had never looked so round when he arrived at the restaurant just in time to see it all.

Had I really done that, right in front of everyone I know?

“Erika.”

I didn’t look up.

Jessica moved closer, and I felt the couch shift when she sat down. She was hoping I was going to speak up, but she wasn’t getting her wish. I continued to shut the world around me as I pressed my face hard against the pillow.

“Rika,” she said again, trying to get my attention. Her voice was soft. Why wasn’t she throwing a fit or scolding me?

“I hate myself,” I whispered against the pillow.

“Yeah, I hate you, too,” she said. “But you know what? That’s how families are.”

I breathed in deeply, then realized that my nose was clogged again, just like before.

“Just kick me straight onto the plane, please,” I said.

She hummed as she took a moment before replying. “From what I hear, you didn’t want to leave.”

I stayed silent. So Kris had told her. Why am I not surprised, and why did Jessica even listen to him? Why didn’t Kris just go all beserk and pretend like he’s never even met me instead? I probably scared him with my bipolar sickness.

“Erika?”

I felt Jessica’s hand patting my shoulder, the other caressing my hair like how Mom would do whenever I’m troubled or upset. I missed home. Badly—but at the same time I didn’t want to leave. I hated Kris for being right. I hated him for holding me without my consent. It was one of the things why he deserved that slap, and another…I just wanted to release it. Release all that stupid frustrations that he put me up to. It was his fault. All his fault.

“Riki, talk to me,” Jessica demanded.