I looked down at my trembling hands. What on earth had I done?

The bat rolled on the ground, mocking me. I clenched my fists together, feeling whatever it was swirling inside of me, making me feel nauseous like I was about to pass out—and I ran.

“E-Erika!” Jessica called out, panic filling her shrill voice.

I didn’t know what else to do, where else to go. The police would be coming after me. I could get locked up.

Will I? I didn’t even know. I just wanted to run away from there. I didn’t want to look at the scene I had just created myself.

Did I just commit murder? No, right? The man was still alive. Right?

So many things entered my head at once, I felt like my brain was going to explode. The cold wind hit me. It was cold. So, so cold. But I couldn’t think of anything rational, and I slipped and was stuck on the ground, my hands feeling the frozen pavement beneath me. I forgot how cold Korea was.

At that moment I had to admit to myself. I wanted to go back to California. None of it would have happened if I had just stayed back. 

I didn’t stand back up and just let the cold soak into my skin until I was half popsicle. I sat up and just hugged my knees, feeling my body tremble.

“Oh my gosh, you’re frozen.”

The voice startled me. But I still couldn’t move. It was a male voice. And all parts of me had been frozen just like what the voice had said.

“Are you okay?” I felt fingers brush against my burning cheek, the one I got when I was running away with the girls. “That’s a tough red mark,” he said.

I felt something covering me. A jacket, I supposed. I felt his arm wrap around my waist as he pulled me up to my wobbly feet.

“Come on.” He gestured me down the street, and that’s when I heard someone yell out to me.

“Unnie!”

I was too confounded that I thought I was hallucinating it. It was Krystal’s voice. At least I thought it was. My head was dizzy, but I caught a blurry sight of Jessica across.

“K-Krystal,” she gasped. “What’re you doing here?”

“Didn’t Sunny just called me? I picked up the phone but nobody answered. Then I heard a scream!” she said. I supposed I dialed the wrong number.

“H-How’d you know where we were?” Jessica asked her.

“Don’t you remember?” she said. “We all set GPS trackings on our phones last time. For emergencies.”

Jessica was too stunned to even remember. She was lucky to even have her voice back.

I felt someone rush next to me.

“Unnie? Unnie!” Krystal called, but I couldn’t answer. She continued to shake my shoulders, and then she turned to Jessica. “W-What just—”

Suddenly the blaring sound of police sirens entered the scene and my heart raced when one of the police officers spoke. “Is everyone okay?”

The girls nodded, except me. My teeth were practically chattering as Tiffany explained the whole thing while the rest of the officers cleared up the mess. They carried the man with them and put him inside their car.

“Unnie,” Kyrstal’s voice shook as she spoke. “Unnie…”

Her voice started to fade, and all I could hear was the loud siren from the police car.   

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As I had expected, I was sent to the police station for further questioning. They weren’t going to let me off that easily because I was involved with a weapon at hand (Yes, a baseball bat counts as a weapon, too, apparently.) But I was off the hook within twenty minutes and wasn’t charged with anything, thank goodness.

We headed back to the dorm, and once we entered and switched on the lights it was a complete mess. No one bothered to sleep, so we started to clean. I heard the girls mumble amongst themselves, and then Yoona looked up and turned to me.

“Dongsaeng-ah,” she said, showing a soft smile despite how tired she was. “Gomawo.”

I didn’t understand what she meant.

“You practically saved us,” said Sooyoung.

“Yeah, you’re a real hero!” Hyoyeon beamed as she gave me a thumbs-up and a grin.

Even Seohyun who seemed distant from the beginning nodded. “Yeah,” she said as she picked up a fallen pillow. “Thank you.”

I looked down and flashed a bashful smile, then continued to sweep the remains of a broken vase.

That night none of us got any sleep, and all the girls attended their schedules with panda eyes. I’d be lying if I said I woke up feeling just great. In fact, I felt terrible. I would wake up every five minutes whenever I finally fell into slumber.

I was lying on the couch alone in the dorm. I wasn’t scared—more like horrified. I continued to stare at my hands, the ones that touched the baseball bat. Sitting up, I shuddered at the memory and hugged myself for the thirtieth time. Sure, everyone was consoling me yesterday, calling me their ‘hero.’ But I felt nothing like it. I had practically knocked a person down unconscious, and till now I had no idea whether he was still alive. The police didn’t say anything, and there was no need for them to phone us, informing whether our stalker had survived the blow or not.  

I stood and started to pace back and forth in the living room. I couldn’t stay put, I shouldn’t hide away.

I need some air, I thought.

I hurried to put on my shoes, when something shined in my eyes. There was a jacket hanging, just on top of the coffee table.

And then I remembered. I had worn it all the way to the police station, back to the dorms the other night without even realizing it. I recalled someone covering me with it, and I couldn’t escape the embarrassment that I was in my nightgown in public.

After a dazed moment, I took it with me and set out.

The sun somehow annoyed me. It hurt my eyes, it hurt my face, it hurt the burn on my cheek and arm that I got from yesterday.

I covered my eyes with one free hand and made my way straight to SM building where inside I knew Krystal was there, practicing for f(x)’s next show. I looked at the tall building and entered the air-conditioned lobby. I got irritated when I reached the counter and had my entrance declined by the receptionist.

The man behind the counter looked at me from head to toe, checking every detail. He then put a hand in front of him that showed I was forbid to enter, and I didn’t have much of a choice. It was a lot easier when I was with the girls. Or with Yesung. But since none of them were here I couldn’t do much.

I stepped back from the counter and turned away, my eyes sneakily on the elevator to my right. I succeeded last time at the girls’ apartment. It wouldn’t hurt to give it another try.

I casually walked towards the elevator, my hands in my pockets, and pressed the button. When all of a sudden someone grabbed my arm and yanked me back.

“SM artistes and staff only,” the security guard said with a snarl as he looked down and glared at me.

The elevator dinged.

I frowned and pulled my hand back from the guard. Then, with one swift move, I attempted to make a run for the elevator as the doors began to open.

“Hey, hold it!” the guard shouted.

I was halfway there when another guard appeared and pulled my other arm (the bruised one) and I let the loudest yelp that made the person that was stepping out of the elevator pause.

“That’s it, you’re out,” the guard said to me.

“Geez, stalker fans…” the other one muttered.

“I’m not a stalker!” I hissed as I tried to wriggle free. “Can’t a girl see her own sister?!”

My thoughts were on the level where I had in mind to kick the guard so I could make it to the open elevator before it closes.

“Sister?” the guard scoffed. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” He rolled his eyes and pulled me sharply that I was almost off the floor.

I was about to get ready to kick my foot up when a voice interrupted my reckless mind. 

“Hey, wait.”

I looked up from my messed-up bangs and saw a boy, quite young, walking forward; and I realized he was the one coming out from the elevator. He walked up to me and nodded at the guards.

“Let go,” he said. “She’s a friend of mine.”

The guards’ eyes widened, and so did mine. They hesitated, but eventually let go off me. The boy waved at them, and they finally left with confusion written on their faces.

I turned to the tall boy who was wearing a checkered shirt with loose jeans. His straight hair was covering up most of his eyes. I straightened my sleeves and looked up at him warily.

“You must be looking for Krystal,” he said.

“Yes,” I managed to say without a stutter as I adjusted my jacket.

“She’s on the first floor, rehearsing,” he said while pointing up with his finger. “Come, I’ll bring you to her.”

I was led into the elevator, not saying a word until we reached a long corridor.

“Are you okay?” he suddenly asked me, looking down with a concerned expression.

I nodded curtly, not wanting to engage a conversation. I just wanted to get there and see Krystal. Simple. Then I can go back to my worthless depressing state.

Yeah, like that sounds any better.

As I followed him down the corridor filled with people walking by, I slipped my sweaty hands out from my pockets and stared at them. They were trembling again.

“Krystal’s just over there,” said the boy.

I didn’t pay any attention. My heart was suddenly racing again, and not in a good way. I could’ve sworn by that time my whole body was tremb