It had been two days already.

I resumed to lie on my bed as I continuously stared at the white ceiling above me. It was blank, just like my thoughts and my heart. There was nothing to feel, nothing to cry about. I felt the never-ending nothingness seep into me and stay. I knew how many times my phone had rang. About twenty to thirty, I think—till I couldn’t take it anymore and put it on silent. The names that were listed on it were Krystal’s, from the first to the last.

And at that moment I realized what was happening.

Seoul was a mistake, and so was I.

There was nothing more but a dead end that awaited me, and even if I kept on going there would be nothing but plain blankness heading out for miles and miles.

The first thought that came to my mind after the long rest was Mom.

Mom, I thought. I had disobeyed her and Dad. Clearly a parent’s heart is what keeps you from being a mess. But I didn’t take that warning.

And that was it.

I picked up my phone finally, encouraged to dial my mom at last after my long stay away from home, away from everybody.

But as I scrolled through the missed calls from Krystal and the messages that were left, I saw Jessica’s name amidst the pile. There were approximately ten missed calls, and one text message from her. For a minute I froze, then, before calling up Mom, I decided to at least read that first.

From: Sooyeon

Rika, don’t you dare to this. You disobeyed Mom and Dad, came to Korea,
moved out of the dorms without even telling me where you’re leaving to,
and from there you just decided to leave your sisters worried like Hell for disappearing.
Thanks a lot.

I moved my phone away from my face and decided not to read her lecture anymore, until I scrolled down to the last few sentences of the message.

Are you literally trying to make me look bad as a sister?  You better pick up your phone.
I cancelled all of my schedules to look for you, do you know that?
Do you?

And then everything paused around me.

Did Jessica really cancel her work plans just to look for me?

I placed the phone down and let my mind swirl as I hugged my knees. I’d never been close to Jessica, not much. But that’s when I thought about it at last. The only reason why I’d never been as close to her as I was with Krystal was all because of my inconsistent predicaments over her and Kyuhyun.

When really, she had been there for me the entire time. I was the one that created a large barrier that she just couldn’t get to me anymore…

Suddenly, my phone rang, and I jumped. I picked my phone back up and studied the caller ID. It wasn’t any that I recognized.

Hesitant, I pressed the green button and placed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Rika? Is that you?”

It wasn’t Jessica’s voice, nor Krystal’s.

I blinked a few times while trying to distinguish the tone. “Yuri?”

“Oh, thank goodness.” I heard her let out a relieved sigh. “Dang, why won’t you pick up your phone? Are you purposely avoiding your sisters or something?”

“No, of course not,” I quickly said. “I…lost it. I just found it now.”

It was a lie, but I had no choice. I’d practically disappeared for two days, almost three.

“Man, you could’ve at least come over,” she told me.

“S-Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want to disturb or something.” Within my voice I could make out a tiny desperate tone, and I tried to mask it.

But somehow, I think Yuri knew that I wasn’t all okay. She told me to come over within that instant. I agreed and confirmed with her.

“But first,” I said, “I need to find Krystal.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Before heading over to Jessica’s place, I stopped by f(x)’s dorm first. I knocked on the door, and the first person I saw was the girl named Luna.

“Oh, Erika,” she said when she saw me. I was surprised that she still remembered my face.

“Hi,” I said. “Is…Krystal here?”

“She’s right inside. Come on in.” She pulled the door wide open and led me into the living room. I awkwardly entered and saw the rest of the girls lounging about, eyes concentrated on the television.

I bowed and said my hellos, then, not too long Krystal appeared from her room. She saw me right when she came, and before I could say a word she threw her arms around me and held me tight.

“Unnie, where have you been?” she asked, still not letting go. I could see the others stare at us. I didn’t want to create a commotion, but it was Krystal, so I was hoping it wasn’t going to get bigger.

But the one named Amber looked at me, somewhat worried. Had Krystal been spreading her worries to her girls? I wasn’t quite sure. But Amber was looking content when she saw me.

“Do you mind if we…talk?