Love Me Not... Love Me Still (2)

미안하다...사랑한다 (I'm sorry ...I love you)

SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING ...HERE IS THE CONTINUATION OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER TO STOP THE LONG WAITING FOR MY FAITHFUL SUBSCRIBERS AND SILENT READERS...I DO NOT KNOW WHEN I WILL UPDATE, SO JUST STICK AROUND AND CHECK FROM TIME TO TIME^^ I REALLY WISH THEY WERE MORE COMMENTS LIKE MY OTHER STORY BEFORE IT GOT LOST, SO, SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT THE STORY IS A FAIL. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP AS I HAVE SO MANY TWISTS TO COME ALONG...LOL 

 

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Chaerin and Jay  went out, to the hospital's garden and sat down together,

"are you cold?...Take my scarf ...Jae...Jay!" as she put it around his neck.

Jay leant closer and looked at her with that saddened gaze. He could feel her breath on his neck like a gentle touch, he could smell her hair and slightly touched her cheek, feeling the urge and the desire to kiss her....

Chaerin could feel herself shaking whenever he got closer to her, she wished this moment to last forever, to remain in his embrace , for a moment like this to last to infinity. But she had to take a step back as she finished putting her scarf on him.

She turned her head away to hide her blushing face when she let go of a sigh joining her hands together. Jay looked at her like a curious boy when she tried not to look at him in the eye because she feared of herself, of what she could do. 

 

----Slowly the grey clouds gathered upon the sky above their heads when all they did was staring at each other's eyes as words become lost and unfit to describe their feelings. Within a spare of a moment, the weather became darker and the winds began to blow, not hard but it was noticible that it was going to rain. Patients began to retreat to their rooms while visitors started running everywhere.----

          Both just sat there, despite the cold until a raindrop hit Jay's face. He looked up to the sky and then around him then realized they were the only ones remaining outdoor in such weather. Jay stood right away taking Chaerin by her hand so as to follow him inside; but Chaerin put her other hand on Jay's and stopped him. Jay looked at her clueless and worried at the same time when Chaerin let go of his hand and then got closer to him.

"It's raining Chaerin, let's go inside,..." taking her hand again to make her follow him.

Chaerin resisted him again and freed her hand from his grasp and stood firmly without moving, "I won't go anywhere until you tell me the truth..."

A millions thoughts run inside his head, for a second he thought that she might have found out about his condition, "You gonna catch a cold, Chaerin-ah ...let's go inside...I..." 

"No, i won't move until we talk about ..." protested Chaerin with an angry face.

Jay giggled inside as he remembered that face from years ago, "she still has it...that look ..." it scared him just like old times. Jay had to brush off those thoughts and trid to convince her to move...

"'Come on...you'll catch a cold...what's there to talk about..." knowing exactly what she had on mind, it was about the girl of that night... but....

"there's really something I really want to know...Do you love me? Just answer me, honestly..." as she got closer to him.

Jay's heart was beating really fast that he thought that she would hear it, "I love you...I love you...I love you ...goddamnit!! I want you and I want to have a lifetime to love you...." these were the words that wanted to come out out of his mouth but he couldn't say them outloud.

"Why are you silent? Why don't you say something?...I love you! Do you hear me?...I ..." as she screamed at him when he was about to turn around afar from her.

Jay felt frustrated for not being able to say what was on his mind. That frustration soon, turned into anger as he turned towards her furious, "What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?..." as he stopped her from continuing because those words as much as he loved to hear them, hurt him more and more.

"Why are you so angry at me? Why did you grow to hate me so much? What did I do?..." as she grabbed him from both his arms shaking him as hard as she could.

"Loving you is killing me more than this damn illness..." he thought silently as he looked at her.

"Do you love someone else? Have had a change of heart?....What am I to you to treat me like this?" she kept asking him a she tried to hold her tears.

Jay shook her hands off him, "do you really want to know?..." getting angrier...

"yes I do. I want the truth..." as she backed off him a little.

"Since I ever met you you were nothing but trouble. I'm tired ...just go!!! I don't need you in my life..." as he shouted at her while deep down he could only say sorry to her with every hurtful word he uttered.

"What changed you like this? Why are you acting this way?...Is it....is it...?" but she couldn't finishe her question because she was so afraid of the unswer...it might break her heart again.

---The rain started falling; so straight and heavy, that each drop that hit Chaerin felt like arrows going through her soul, she felt helpless. Jay hid his regretful face in the rainy shower only looking at her with  a broken heart, it made him even colder than ice, he just stood there trying to make himself leave her and go in order to give more impact to his act but somehow he couldn't leave her in the rain.---

               Chaerin regained her strength and focus without arguing more becasue she was more worried about his health, "okay, Jay. I understand, but don't you ever dare to show your face in front of me again. I won't die because of you. I will learn to walk down my own path alone. I don't need you and I don't even care about you anymore....And if we ever meet again, you are a stranger to me..." as she walked away from him, running in the rain.

Jay just froze there as echos of her words run down his head over and over like trying to make sense of it. He couldn't believe that her words could be so hurtful...he wanted to run to her, to tell he didn't meant any of what he said but it was too late, and he knew that.

"I can't hate you jaebum-ah...I only did that because i know you were angry at me. Angry for not recognizing you...I'm sorry and I love you." thinking silently as she slowed down.

Jay was still looking in the direction she left thinking that she might come back but that again, he knew it won't happen any time soon.

"Chaerin-ah...I'm sorry...and I...love you" as he felt himself hitting the ground. In fact, his fever has gotten worse that he fainted laying there in the rain. 

 

..............................................

Mixed voices were getting louder and louder around him as he tried to open his eyes slowly. White walls, white curtains...he thought it was heaven until his view was interrupted by JongUp's face..."hyung, are you okay?..." asked with a smile thanking heaven he was still alive.

For a moment there, Jay thought that Jongup was calling him like that as a true brother and smiled but his smile soon faded away as he saw his father...

 

 

 

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chaefamri
#1
Chapter 25: aww its been long time author nim ..
im waiting this for update n finally u update :')
ahh finally chaerin found jay , i do hope jay could be save n be good with chaerin soon :')
thanks for the update n cant wait for the ending :)
chaefamri
#2
author nim update this story again please ..
im waiting for thiss T_T
chaefamri
#3
Chapter 24: author sory for late comented :(
mm now everyone was knew about jay's sicked
n they have too saved him
i hope jay dont go to america but where he go ??
i hope chaerin n others can find him n saved him :')
n JayxCL can be together at the end ^^
update soon author :)
chaefamri
#4
Chapter 23: heheh my pleasure author nim ^^
i really like ur story ! :)
woahh really this will be have happy ending ?? great :D

about story :
his father didint know aout jay's sick yet ?
n jonggup n taeyang know about him .. they feel really sad n bad :(
n did jay really go ? i hope noo ..
thank u for update n keep writing author ^^
FaithC
#5
Thank you -chaefamri- your words mean so much to me^-^
I changed the story's end for your sake =)
Indeed this story should have a happy ending for all the sadness.*.*
i shall update soon!!!!!!!
chaefamri
#6
Chapter 22: haii author ^^ , glad u r back
thank u so much for updating this story :)
u know im ur loyal reader n coment :D
because i love ur story <3
this too hurt for them both , jay why is to hard for u to say i love u to chaerin ??
I feel pained to see them like that :(
n what would happened when his father came ??
Im curious the next chapter :D
keep updating author nim ^_^
chaefamri
#7
Chapter 21: its ok author ^^
so now they can live together again ?
hope they will ... :)
keep writing n update author ^^
chaefamri
#8
Chapter 19: i hope this story will be happy ending
n jay is not dead , so they can live together :)
FaithC
#9
I promise this would have a happy ending ...you wonder how? just stay tuned^^
FaithC
#10
Minhyo98 : unfortunately =(