“Paige,” Jonghyun whispered.

“Yes, oppa?” I spoke softly as I turned to look at him, looking at his tired eyes, thick of red veins. His lack of sleep and hectic schedule is starting to have an effect t on him.

“Recently I have been busy preparing for SM town concert and after the Chuseok holidays I have to promote our new album. I am sorry I don’t have time for you, Paige.” Jonghyun looked apologetically at me.

“I am more worried that you don’t have enough sleep, oppa. You recently have been too busy to take care of yourself. Look at you! Your eyes, panda eyes,” I my thumb against his deep eye bags.

“Really? Do I look so look so awful? Then I might lose lots of fans because I look so hideous.” He joked, laughing. I scowled at him. He really seemed like losing sleep for a whole week.

“Sleep, oppa,” I instructed him, forcing him to lie down on the sofa.

“Actually I have something to say,” Jonghyun smiled kindly, his face lit up under the moon light. “Well, we are going LA for SM town concert. And I want you to come, to watch the concert.”

“Wow, LA. Can I really follow?”

“Yup, if you really want,” Jonghyun nodded hopefully, looking sincere about his request, and he pulled out a ticket to the concert plus an air ticket.

“YAY! HOLIDAY!” I took the thick pieces of paper and rejoiced in the silent night. I covered my mouth in an instant, realizing I was shouting. I jumped around the living room like a little kid with a trophy.

“Are you really that happy?” Jonghyun laughed at me.

“Yes, I am, Oppa,” I nodded my head furiously. “I mean who doesn’t like a holiday and who doesn’t like to see you perform? I recently looked up YouTube and there are a lot of fan cams of you performing. You have no idea how popular you are oppa.”

“I must have looked hideous with my face,” Jonghyun groaned.

“Of course, you looked extremely tired. But they still think you are extremely handsome,” I smiled, sitting beside him. “So, to look energetic and handsome at the same time, you must sleep now.”

“I am indeed sleepy.” He yawned extra widely and lied on my lap.

“Night, oppa,” I whispered as I arranged his soft hair neatly.

“Night, Paige”

The next morning, sunlight shots its ray brightly around the room. My eyes yanked opened as I woke up in surprise, taking a look around. The room was still silent- no one had woke up yet. I heaved in relief, fearing that Jonghyun would find me in cold sweat. That same nightmare haunted me, black room and red fresh blood. Its repeats made it more and more likely to happen.

I looked down at Jonghyun, who now still deep in sleep. Soon, my existence would soon cause him to lose his puppy smile, losing him. Maybe my disappearance would help in changing the future. I might be able to protect him from any harm. But my non-existence in his and my life would cause us both pain.

What were my priorities? His safety or the heart ache of us left each other?

Jonghyun stirred in his sleep, turning to his left causing me to jump a little. I organize his hair like before, keeping his pretty face in view. I bent down carefully and kissed him on the cheek.

“Do I only get that when I am asleep?” Jonghyun spoke, with his eyes close. I was taken aback, blushing hot red by his comment.

“Oppa!” I cried, “You are awake, and you tricked me!”

“Not my fault, Paige. But, I love the red on your face.” Jonghyun turned, reaching out for my face. “You were too much in your thoughts to realize that I was awake. You have plenty on your thoughts. Do I get to hear them?”

I hesitated, looking deeply at his face and lied, “Nothing, just thinking what to bring for the trip to LA.”

“You also don’t need to think that hard, Paige. You just have to bring yourself there. Nothing else,” he grinned.

I grinned together with him. “Get some more sleep, oppa. I will prepare breakfast.”

I let myself off the couch, pulling a pillow under Jonghyun’s head, making him comfortable. I took up the tickets left on the table yesterday, placing them nicely inside my wallet, admiring them as I did so. It was such a pity that I might not attend the concert. I never thought of leaving till now and was the only time I managed to pick up my courage.

“This is the only time to change,” I muttered to myself, encouraging myself. My choice was his safety after all.

“Oppas, have a safe trip out.” I bowed as I sent the boys out for work. I found myself an excuse to stay home, so that I could pack for my escape.

“Jjong oppa,” I called out, “I love you.”

“As I have loved you, Paige,” Jonghyun pecked on my forehead.

“Please take care,” I whispered under my breath. This was the last kiss I would get from him.

“I always do. Bye, Paige.” Jonghyun turned to the lift, and out of sight. With a sigh of grieve, I started packing. Precautions were better than last minute solutions.

By noon, I was ready to leave my precious home and the people I love. I looked back at the house. It was not easy to leave everything like that. But it is a necessary. I must leave, rushing out the door before I could change my mind again. I locked the doors safety, checking over and over.

“Goodbye, oppa. I will never stop loving you,” I leaned my head against the door, muttering to myself. As long as they were safe, nothing else matters.

I had no clue where to go. Somewhere where they could not find me, somewhere far… I took out the map of South Korea. I never left Seoul for other cities. I traced the fingers around the states of Korea down the map, from Seoul to Chongju, from Chongju to Boseong, and from Boseong down to Jeju. Jeju Island is a place I always heard people described as paradise, a beautiful island. That might be just the place to go, a place to run away.

Given that I had some savings in Korea, I called up the airlines, booking a ticket to Jeju at 1.50pm. The journey to the airport was excruciating. The thoughts of leaving completely occupied my mind. Tears fell quickly on my face. I covered my mouth, muffling the sobs. I had to be strong. Struggling with my inner self, I convinced myself that this was necessary and the only way. I wiped dry my tears and got off the bus.

From now on, I was on my own.