him and her

A disheveled, grumpy and disorientated Myungsoo—still in his soft blue PJs—sulked and fumed in his bedroom. He kept to himself, drifting to his insouciant self and sinking in the bleak tranquility. He didn’t want to be like this but after that incident, he had mostly remained like a dead person.

He hadn’t been talking to or connecting with the outside world. He had skipped classes, ignored calls and texts, neglected his laptop and the television and secluded himself in his dormitory. He only did two things — (1) played with his camera all day long, (2) thought about Hyeri and how pathetic he was. He couldn’t fight off a meek smile because he realized he had been in this state before when they quarreled mainly because of him.

He didn’t want to tell her that he loved her.

Then, he realized he was going to lose the moment to do so.

He was going to lose her.

How absurd of him.

How long had he been hiding in his dorm? Long ago to gradually forget the fragment by fragment of Hyeri, he thought. He was aching to see her every second but couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. He didn’t even know how to relay his discombobulated feelings to her. All he knew was that he was sorry. But obviously, a sorry wasn’t going to salvage everything.

Thus, he had spent these few days locked in his dormitory with no form of communication with Minhyuk or his other friends and not to mention, Yeon Hee. He could care less about her well-being. The problem started from her, didn’t it? Okay, it was his fault too but Yeon Hee just had to screw things up between the two of them. Why? What an antagonist.

It was 2am in the morning and he was wondering which stranger(s) was/were wide awake like him. They might be in the same plight, going through the same kind of . He hoped he/she/they would be better soon, he hoped he himself too would grow to be stronger and get out of this perplexed situation.

His eyes were glued to the ceiling and he saw nothing but the color of whitish grey because of the light that shone through the spaces of his curtains. The night was dark and he could feel the moon casting slithers of loneliness at this hour.

I miss you, Hyeri. You’re so near yet so far.

The pain gnawing in his heart was becoming inexorable. He didn’t know how long he could endure it but his heart pumped in a hastily manner. He felt remorse coursing through his veins and he needed it to cease. It didn’t make sense—how things were. That night had stars seamed on the infinite canvas. Almost everyone was asleep—some were dreaming, and some were having nightmares and some were just simply in thoughts, just like him. However, every night seemed the same to him. He had spent them being drawn into deep thoughts that he deemed was infinite instead of sleeping.

His nights shouldn’t be wasted like this despite him already wasted. His nights should be peaceful. His nights should consist of Hyeri.

“I love you… I really do, Hyeri.”

Suddenly, there came a blast of thunder and rain began to fall in bullets and shatter windshields, silencing him. And before he knew it, he fell asleep to the pitter patter of raindrops at 2:38am.

✉  

The silence sound of loneliness accompanied her as Hyeri sat on her couch and stared at the stark pouring rain outside. Between the peace and her slow heartbeats, the raindrops became a rhapsody and she enjoyed the company. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she realized it was already 2:23am and she was still wide awake with a cup of lukewarm peppermint hot chocolate on the table in front of her.

It was already so late and there she was, unable to fall asleep due to the mayhem in her mind that she couldn’t put down. She just wanted rest and drift to dreamland but unfortunately, that night wouldn’t be an exception. She would spend another time thinking and thinking and eventually find herself asleep sprawled on her couch at only 5am. She didn’t want the following day to be another fatigue day. But, nothing was going away so she could only yearn in vain.

Noting that she had very much neglected her drink, she took a sip from it and cringed at the thickness flowing down . “Urgh, it tastes horrible,” she said to herself but too soft to overpower the heavy rain. She took her phone and skimmed through her unread messages and notifications. There was one from Minhyuk.

Myungsoo hasn’t been attending school and I haven’t seen him since that day. Do you want to talk to him or something? I bet he’s feeling horrible as well. I’ll go try to talk to him, okay?

Hyeri shook her head and fought off a sighing, meek smile. She knew how Myungsoo was and he had always been like that since forever. She remembered quarrelling with him sometime back because of his stubbornness. Oh right, she wanted him to tell her that he loved her but there was a strong refusal. He hid himself at Sung Yeol’s house, if she could remember correctly. And Sung Yeol said Myungsoo looked terrible but still, Hyeri didn’t relent.  

Speaking of Sung Yeol, she wondered how the boys and Hayeon were back in Seoul. It had been a week since she left her country and she had only spoken to Hoya on her first day in New York to inform him that she had landed safely. After that, the connection had been lost. Thus, she decided to send a message to Hoya, Hayeon the boys. It was already in the late afternoon back in Korea so she hoped that they would reply before she drifted off to sleep.

To Hoya: Hi, miss me? Hahahaha, I miss you! Coming home soon! :-)

Yes, she did really miss Hoya and his presence. He was her other best friend besides Hayeon and he would always come to her aid whenever she needed help or was troubled. However, she wasn’t really sure about the coming home soon. Inserting that would reassure Hoya that everything was okay. Beneath that simple thought, she knew that it was to comfort herself.

Next, she sent a message to Hayeon.

To Hayeon: Hey girl! Haven’t talked to you for so long. I miss you and our heart-to-heart talks. How’s everything? It’s good here, I guess.

She missed their heart-to-heart talks so much and she really needed a listening ear at that moment. Min Hyuk had been a great friend to confide in but sometimes, a girl friend was always the best. Hayeon understood and their history of memories and understanding each other was richer. But, Hyeri didn’t know if she should alarm Hayeon about the happenings between her and Myungsoo. Not to forget Yeon Hee as well. She wasn’t sure if she should tell her best friend about her cunning cousin.

After that, she sent a message to Sung Yeol before she fell asleep with her phone still clammed between her fingers.

To Sung Yeol: Yo yo yo Yeollie, I miss you! I’m doing well here, how about you? Coming back soon so don’t miss me too much. Oh, and you better come to the airport when I return, all right? Or else I’ll punch you.

She was being the fakest towards Sung Yeol, not because she couldn’t trust him but because he was the closest to Myungsoo. Somehow, she didn’t want to provide any hints about Myungsoo to them or even mention him at all. There was already sufficient trouble here so she didn’t want to cause chaos in Seoul as well.

When she fell asleep, she