Yeri was not even sure if Jungkook is already back at his house or not when she decide to go there, it doesn't feels comfortable to call after what happened, so she didn't. She went here for clearing things up and simply said sorry, because she knows, things won't go well if they keep dragging this matter without talking and blaming each other. Yeri standing in front of his door, still contemplating about what should she do if Jungkook is actually here.

She pressed the door bell once, she wait for no more than 10 seconds before she concluded that he is not here.

"He's not here..." Yeri mumbling that words, And the door actually opened after that, Jungkook is here, still with his outfit from earlier, judging from his jacket and car keys on his hand, looks like he just arrived.

It's awkward for sure, Jungkook lift his eyebrows and stare at her with a deep and intimidating gaze, he holds his door with his hands, meaning he doesn't want Yeri to come in.

"I thought you're still out."

"If you came 10 minutes earlier, i'm probably still out."

His voice is super cold, he's mad at her completely.

"You know.. about what i said..earlier back at the club."

"What about that?"

Yeri's focus is distracted by 4 mens who just get out from the eleveator at the edge of the corridor, they walked passed by her while singing some messy song, drunk obviously.

"Can i come in?"  

It's weird enough for her to stand at front of his door like this, and people is walking passed by them, at this hour. And looks like Jungkook also doesn't want his neighbours eavesdrove their conversation, because now he's opening his door for Yeri to come in.

"Thanks"

Yeri is now entering his apartment again after being here last night. Jungkook is behind her right now, he's not saying anything and just wait for Yeri to talk again.

"About the earlier thing.."

Jungkook is now leaving her and busy opening his fridge, taking out a few bottles of water and put it at the kitchen counter.

"I understand what you means." That's what he said when he's done.

Yeri is walking to him slowly after put her bag at his couch.

"No, you don't."

"Really? it sounds so clear for me."

"I was just... confused."

He's still not saying nor do anything, he doesn’t like what he heard from Yeri, it’s a bad excuse for what she said to him earlier. So Yeri try to explain herself better once again.

"Yesterday, I was so scared when you came to my house, lookin messy, crying, drenched in the rain without me knowing what was the cause, i was afraid you'll do something bad to me."

Jungkook looks really surprised now, he shakes his head.

"I won't ever do that..why would i do that? I love you, I’ll do anything for you except hurting you. Is this a joke?”

He is mad, he looks really annoyed and taken aback with Yeri and everything she said.

"How could i know about that? i didn't even know about you and everything you're going to do because you never freaking tell me. You’re like keeping everything on your safety box, locked it and throw the key into a nowhere, expecting me to find it all by myself like i’m some kind of a wizard.."

Yeri is walking away from Jungkook and take a sit on a couch at the living room while hugging her bag. Another mess, as expected.

"One day i was scared of you, but the next day i'm in love with you. I wanted to protect you, but sometimes i wish i never met you, It’s confusing. I want a normal relationship, a predictable one. With you..everyday is a gambling, like i flipped a coin to start my day every single time to find out what kind of boyfriend will i get for the rest of that day."

Yeri lift her face to Jungkook, but he's still not doing anything. It won't work today, so she gets up and wearing her sling bag after wiping a few tears on her cheeks, ready to leave.

"So instead of being suspicious of me and avoiding me, maybe you should let me know about yourself so i could judge you fairly."

She’s walking passed by him, thinking if this is her best way to deal with problems on her relationship. She can do better than this, she solved things better when she’s with Jaebum, well not better but she gave up easily in her fight with him, she always apologized first and accepting all excuses and explanations Jaebum gave her, no matter how stupid it was. But with Jungkook..she became really bad at it.

“Wait.”

Yeri stopped from her walk when Jungkook is finally talking. He use his hand to swipe his hair back and gesturing Yeri to sit on his couch again.

Jungkook's expression is hard to read..he looks really troubled with her argument.

“I’m for sure was annoyed by you at the club. But i feel like i’m the one who made a mistake right now..”

He's walking to her and stopped at he hold Yeri’s hand and tapping it lightly.

"I'm sorry."

He looks as confused as her while saying it, Yeri can see that this is also not easy for Jungkook, If Yeri was barely survived from a damned break up then Jungkook is going through the same pain too.

"I'm sorry for being too demanded..but i want to help."

"You're already becoming the greatest help."

That was nice to hear, so Yeri is taking him to her embrace, hugging him really tight and this Jungkook is her favorite, warm, nice, and honest. She letting go of him from her arms and now caressing his face, giving him a kiss, and honestly, with Jungkook there is something she called adrift, something that makes her lost in confusion everytime they’re being close and intimate just like right now, And her theory is right, when the supposedly, sweet, pure, innocence kiss turn into some platform for both of them to prove their skills on flirting, kissing, , all the crazy stuffs. Jungkook won everytime, in a close call of course.

"Really?"

Jungkook was already cornered by Yeri, she has him on her arms completely, and he asked the question while touching his lips after she bite it, not in purpose. He is actually cute everytime they're doing this, his ears will turns really red despite being confidence with what's he doing. Fascinating.

"Sorry."

"It's ok."

And Yeri is the one who pushed him away  when he started to kiss her neck. He's doing it on purpose, when Yeri is definitely hates it. Why? Because he likes to show off, he purposefully doing it just to see how Yeri works on hiding the remarks he left after. Annoying and childish.

"Why?" He stopped and laughing at her. What a restoric question, he knows the reason.

"You know why.."

She hold his face and bring him up to kissing him again but Jungkook stopped her.

"I can't let you go home if you continue doing this."

He looks serious and its kinda funny for Yeri. It's not like she's a kid. And despite their fake dating for the past few months, they’re actually did this already for a few times. There’s no purpose on it..they were just bored and Yeri still put a limit on him everytime.

"Then i won't."

Right now is different, because she’s doing it knowing she actually likes him as a boyfriend, and not because she’s bored.  So she just let Jungkook doing everything he want, kisses, touches, hugs. A limit is not needed anymore. Yeri manage to slightly back from the dreamy thoughts when Jungkook is taking her to his room. This is her first time here, so she needs to pay extra attention.

"Sorry."

She said sorry to him when she's accidentally turning off the light with her hands when she try to close the door. It's super dark here right now and Jungkook stopped what he's doing immediately, Yeri can heard a heavy breath coming from him, his hand on her waist is cold and shaking and Yeri remember about his fears right away.

"..are you ok?" She's running to the door and turning on the lights quickly.

Jungkook is in a pain definitely. One of his hand holding his chest and his other hand is on the wall. He's sweating, almost crying, and looks so stressed. This is him that Yeri doesn't know. This is part of him he try to hides from her.

Yeri doesn't know what to do, she feels cold suddenly, well..her jacket is already gone, taken off by Jungkook earlier so she's only wearing a blue tanktop right now. But what she felt right now is another type of cold..she's scared of this situation.

"Are you ok?"
Yeri try to get close to him and seeing Jungkook like this really makes her feels hurt. She wants him to be happy but he's so far from that. She takes his hand from his chest and put it on her face. It's really cold.

"I'm sorry."
He said sorry to her and Yeri doesn't understand how to response, this is her first time to deal with this.

Yeri is now back to the kitchen, warming one box of milk to help Jungkook feels better. He's still laying on the couch, arms on his forehead, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breath to calming himself.
Jungkook told her that Seoyeon knows he doesn't like dark place, but she doesn't know if this is a phobia with extreme effect. He told her a lie and always hide from her if he began to feels the symptoms, this is probably sound selfish but Yeri wish Jungkook also doing the same thing to her.

She is not saying anything when put a cup of milk on the table near Jungkook. He's aware what she's doing and slowly opening his eyes. He take the milk and drink all of in one gulp.

"Thanks."

Yeri nod her head to him, and watching him close.

"I want to stay here. Is that ok?"

Things gone weird and she thought it's better to ask his permission first to stay.

"Sure." He answer her fast and now leave Yeri before getting inside the bathroom

***

Yeri doesn't have any spare clothes, she thought looking for a clean one will become her problem next morning. But then things happened, so she start to roaming around Jungkook's closet to at least find something suitable to wear tonight.

She choose a brown shirt, the size is a little bit too small for Jungkook. She doesn't want to think about who's the owner of this shirt. It's probably Seoyeon's or any other girl. It’s not her first problem tonight.

She changed her clothes, and when she finished Jungkook is also back from the bathroom. He took a quick shower apparently. He walks to his closet and pick a random shirt for himself. Things turns a little bit awkward for them now.

"I'm borrowing this, it's..."

She was going to explain about why she's searching his closet without his permission but her words was cutted when Jungkook kiss her forehead and now leave the room.

"Sleep well." That's the only thing he said.

"Where are you going?"

"I need some air.."

Yeri don't understand this..why he needs some air when she's here. That means her existence suffocating him, right? He could just say so and Yeri would leave right away.

"You're leaving me."

Her voice came out weak but she manage to show him that she doesn't like the way he act.

"I'm not.."

"Then stay here, talk to me, tell me how it hurts, ask me to comfort you.."

Yeri doesn't want to act as a demanded and annoying girlfriend. But she doesn't want Jungkook to deal with this problem according to what he wants. It's involve her directly, so they really need to deal with this together.

"I'm fine."

Yeri is laughing at him because this is too absurd, which part of scared to death is fine?

"Whatever you say."

She doesn't want any longer argument regarding this. So she's back to Jungkook's room and close the door. She want to lock it but the key is not here.  She decide to sleep and stop thinking about this at least until tomorrow.

It's only a few seconds since she close her eyes,  when the door opened and Jungkook is here again.

"I know this is your room, but i don't want you here. You can sleep somewhere else or looking for fresh air till tomorrow..i don't care."

Yeri doesn't know if getting upset and mad at him is a great choice after what she saw earlier. Jungkook is not in a good mood to receive all her complaints right now..she knows.

"Let's talk outside."

He doesn't say anything but told Yeri to came out and now gone again. He sounds so serious so Yeri thinks listens to him is a better choice.

Jungkook is sitting in one of the chair at the kitchen counter. His head is down and he definitely doesn't looks happy, well Yeri isn't happy either.

"I can go if you don't want me to be here."

"I don't want you to leave."

Jungkook is looking at Yeri with a heavy eyes and tired face. It's enough to makes Yeri feels wronged, she doesn't understand the way he act  because she's not on his position, she doesn't have a fear for dark place, her mother doesn't leave her when she was a kid. So it’s totally unfair for him.

"I'm sorry."

She caressing his back and playing with his hair, the usual thing she did for Soohyun everytime she feels upset. Jungkook is still not saying anything, so she's not sure if she actualy forgiven or not. But he's holding into her really tight after.

"I didn't mean to pressured you or demanding you too much, i just want you to know your reason, the behind story, so at least i could try to understand what you did or what you said, you know how ordinary my life is, i need something to makes me getting used to it.."

Jungkook is letting her go and now told her to sit on a chair next to him, making her turn to him and now they're in front of each other.

"That shirt is mine, i used to wear it all the time when i was in high school..i was skinny back then."
 Yeri change her focus from his eyes into a shirt she's wearing right now.

"Why.."

"I know you're curious about it."

He's right.

"Listen, i already told you, Yerimmie.. i can see through you. I know what you're thinking even if you don't tell me. And i know you're having a hard time dealing with me right now, part of you want to knows everything but the rest of you is too scared to learn about me. I know everything."

He talks in a deep and serious tone, sounds like a teacher giving their students a counceling.  And what he said is right, sometimes Yeri just want a happy, all smiley Jungkook as his boyfriend. She doesn't want to know about his other stories, his sad life, she prefer not to.

Yeri is avoding his gaze because she feels like she's getting caught at doing something she’s supposed not to.

"Is that why you don't want to tell me anything? because i'm scared?"

"Sort of.  But the main reason is because i don't want you to see me as a personified chaos."

"What is personified chaos?"

"A hidden mess, a pretender."

"Well, you should think about it before you came to me, drenched in the rain, crying, because i already saw you as one since that day."

Jungkook is stopped talking and looks like he's really troubled by this matter. So Yeri takes a deep breath and continue to talkiit out with him.

"But then we're all pretender, you said you can easily see through me, but in fact i hide so many things from you too."

Well, not really, Yeri only said it to makes him feels better.

"Really?"

"Yes, do you know that in the beginning of our fake relationship i sincerely hate you but also secretly hoping for you to treat me well ?"

Jungkook is chuckling hearing her words, but Yeri is serious about it.

"I know"

She wasn’t expect him to know and now she’s slightly embarassed.

"That's so unfair. I'm an openbook and you're a mysterious guy."

Jk is bringing Yr closer to him, he looks better than before and Yr also feels less nervous being around him. He hold her face and combing her messy hair with his fingers.

"Right, there's one thing that i also hide from you, and i think you should know this one, it'll probably makes you feel better."

"What is it?"

"The day when Seoyeon came to see me..she said something about you.."

Jungkook seems not amused hearing her name.

"We really should stop talking about Jaebum and Seoyeon..they're not here anymore."

Yeri doesn't care about his protest so she ignores him.

"She told me about the reason she did what she did..she told me about your relationship with her.. "

Jungkook turn his face away from Yeri, but she makes him turn his shoulder so she can clearly see his face again.

"I hope i could hear this from Jaebum but i don't. so i think you need to hear this..please.. I was hiding this from you because i don’t want you to get confused about your feeling about her anymore, but i think it’s better for you to hear this.. "

He gives up and now he lets Yeri play with his hands on her lap while talking about this.

"She told me about how precious you were to her, she's not mad because you don't give her enough love or care, she really loved you, she even beg me to not hurting you and told me to leave you alone if our relationship was fake. You're not hurting her at all, your first relationship crumbled was not entirely your fault."

Yeri is not sure if telling Jungkook all of this is a good choice or not, but she thought if this kind of thing could makes him feels better, then he deserves to know.

"What i had with Seoyeon is already ended when i find out she was cheated on me. I already told you, she's not my worst case."

His way of thinking is so different from Yeri, all this time, she was hoping Jaebum will tell her something similiar, you're not at fault, Jaebum left because of himself not because of what she did, she really want to heard it at least once.

"The fact that people leaves you means they just don't want you anymore, there's no other reason"

Yeri get up from her sit and opening the freezer to take a huge cup of ice cream. She really wants to drink a beer to help her deal with Jungkook tonight, but her being drunk won't end well so she decide to use ice cream as her companion.

"It's your mother, right? your worst case?"

She offers Jungkook one spoon, told him to join her. And he looks taken aback when Yeri finished her question. She knows she was right, when Jungkook is not answering her question and not even eating the ice cream. His face turns dark because of it.

"When did she left?"

"A long time ago. When i was 11 years old."

He let out a long sigh and now gets up from his sit.

"No, you're not running away from me again."

Why he keeps doing this..

"I'm not running away. You're ruining my kitchen, i'm going to find something to clean it up."

Yeri following Jungkook's eyes and she can see a huge pile of ice cream was dropped to the floor, slipping from her spoon.

"Here use this."

He's back with a towel and told Yeri to wipe the floor. She's kinda feels embarassed but it's not like her suspicion of him running away coming from nowhere.

"Sorry." Yeri give back the dirty towel to him and he takes it to the bathroom to wash it off.

"I'm not running away and stop staring at me like that, i am fine now, it was a long time ago."

He told her that after he's back and now back to his chair in front of Yeri with her ice cream.

"11 years old, at that age, i was busy playing with my friends while pestering my mom to buy me an expensive barbie doll..how could i not feel sorry for you?"

Jungkook is not saying anything to her and start takes her spoon and eat her ice cream.

"My dad was struggling with his small business so he always came home late at midnight, i’m always alone, i'm used to it."

"and your mother?"

"My mother, she was outside all day too, working. But she'll always back before the sunset. And then one day, she just stopped coming home."

Both of Yeri’s parents are working too, since she was a kid. They're busy and they're often coming home really late at night, but they never failed to showed up. Yeri always waiting for them because she knows they'll be back for her.

"I was so clueless back then. I thought she was making a surprise event for me, so i hide on my closet for hours to play a joke with her, thinking she'll be back with a present for me..but she never did, until today. That's why i really hate a dark place because it reminds me of that day, not to my mother who left, but all the emotions i felt that day, the emotion of expecting something to makes me happy but what i got in reality is a bad news , it'd be better if she died so i don’t have to blame anyone about it, but she didn't. She ran away..”

Jungkook is talking while staring at the ice cream in front of him instead of looking at Yeri whi actually feels some sort of emotions hearing this.

“I gave her so many chances to came back, i already made up my mind if she came back and told me she's sorry, i'll forgive her.. i waited for her long enough until i got tired of it.”

 Jungkook doesn't looks sad or miserable while teliing her this. It's just Yeri who feels so upset because she feels bad. Her parents won't be happy hearing this too.

"That's why i said second chance is useless..You can give it to someone as much as you want, but if they don't want it, nothing is gonna change."

That's not what Yeri’s thinking, she used to give a second chance to everyone, she probably gave Jaebum a hundred chances on their past relationship. Yeri thinks everyone deserved it, no matter how many wrong doing they did, but again, she's not Jungkook, maybe it’d be different for her too if she experienced a smiliar thing with him.

"You're disagreeing with what i said."

Yeri lift her face to Jungkook when he said that, he almost looks like a wizard for knowing exactly what she was thinking.

"Well..yeah sort of..but then we're a different person, when i was 11, i had my first nail art together with my mom in a beauty salon,  instead of trapped in a closet and being left behind. So i am disagreeing with you but that’s not means i’m disliking your thought. I can somehow understand it because you told me your reason, that's why it's important for you to talk about this with me."

Yeri put her ice cream back into the freezer and kiss Jungkook afterwards.

"Let's go to sleep, it's really late."

She drag him from her sit and pushed his back while walking. It's a tough night for both of them and Yeri is thankful they're not hurting each other too much while going through it.

***

Yeri prefer to sleep with lights off, but she is with Jungkook right now so she need to sleep in a bright surrounding with lights on. Not really a problem for her.

She plays with her phone before going to sleep as a habit, there's a message from Junghyun about a meets up with Junsu this weekend, Yeri said yes to the offer immediately.

"Are you busy this weekend?"

She thought taking Jungkook with her is not a bad choice since Junghyun likes him and he probably could get along with Junsu too.

"I don't know."

He let Yeri use his arms as her pillow, and he talks while staring at the ceiling, he looks tired but far from sleepy. Yeri lets out a sigh, and now he’s back to her and staring at her who's laying next to him following his gaze to the ceiling.

"why?"

"Nothing. I just feels relieved to have you around me, my life feels like a roller coaster ever since you hit me with your car few months ago."

"I'm good at making your life no longer boring."

Yeri is laughing at him, hold his hands and hugging it while closing her eyes.

"I sincerely want you to be happy."

"I am, thanks to you."

Yeri is smiling and bring herself closer to Jungkook. Rest her head on his shoulder and put a break on her complicated mind.

"This conversation sounds weird. We were literally on each other throats few hours ago. I was angry, i yelled at you and i probably hurting you with my words.."

"You did that because you care for me."

Yeri is opening her eyes again, and there's Jungkook with his soft, sweet, big eyes looking at her with something she used to find from Jaebum's eyes 2 years ago, Love. But in so much bigger and complicated form, something different and new for her.

"If i ever asked you for a second chance, will you give it to me?"

"No."
Jungkook is closing his eyes and hugging her tighter after saying that. He fell asleep quickly.

I remember i had the longest time writing this part of the story because it contain what i want to portrayed as a big picture on this fanfic.

anyway, i already finished this story like 3 years ago or something, and yes it was already decided to become a Jungri fanfic since then. 

I finished it, but i still need to makes some editing..so please bare with me, i'm going to post everytime i have spare times.

again, thank you for reading..