Monochromatic Hearts

 

 

 

“Are you going already?”

 

“I am not welcomed here. I must go.”

 

“But will you come back? For me?”

 

“…Maybe. Maybe I will.”

 

Baekhyun silently watches from beside Kyungsoo, who’s holding onto his iPad, resting his head against the headrest as he relaxes in his seat. They’re on the way to the next filming set. Baekhyun’s iPad screen now shows the two leads parting from each other as the female lead reluctantly lets him go. He thinks it’s overly cliched, but then again most dramas airing in their countries have that cliched element that is really just signature of Korean dramas from the eyes of outsiders. 

 

Maybe he finds it a bore already, or maybe it’s hard to immerse himself in the story because he finds the male lead distracting. He can’t say the same for the person beside him though, whose eyes never leave the screen even as he reaches for his mineral water and tries and fails many times to get the straw into his mouth. The snort he releases is probably loud enough that Kyungsoo turns and looks at him questioningly, not forgetting to pause the drama.

 

“What?”

 

Baekhyun snickers. “You’re really invested.”

 

He sees the sudden shyness as Kyungsoo wordlessly taps the screen to resume playing again. The makeup artist is probably a lot more self aware now that he keeps on chewing on his plump lower lip in a fidget of embarrassment. Perhaps Baekhyun feels a little bad now for having called him out on it… perhaps not really. It’s kinda cute. At some point, Baekhyun loses focus on the drama and starts to fool around with his phone.

 

“You don’t wanna watch it with me anymore?” Kyungsoo must’ve noticed his lack of attention.

 

“Nah, not my thing I guess. S’okay, you can have it for now.” He refers to his iPad. He hears a dejected ‘oh’ beside him before there’s a mild rustling sound and next thing he knew Kyungsoo is watching with his earphones plugged. 

 

He would never tell Kyungsoo how much he hates the vibe the male lead emanate off screen. He blames it on the mom-friend instinct within him. Kyungsoo’s entire nature itself may be a contributing factor too. It’s hard not to feel protective over someone like him. Loud Baekhyun may be but ignorant he isn’t, and for this he sees how some of the team members perceive Kyungsoo. Once you become close with him, it’s hard for anyone not to develop some kind of guarding emotion towards him.

 

With the exception of Jongin because… well, Jongin’s just an . 

 

It’s been nearly two months from their first meeting, and there is yet a memorable act from the ’s side, as far as Baekhyun remembers. Sehun kind of indirectly hinted at how Jongin doesn’t want the child, and truthfully Baekhyun wasn’t surprised to hear that at all. The idol has been brushing him in all the wrong ways since that meeting in Vocal Room 3.

 

Kyungsoo’s face once he broke the news to them remains a vivid memory to him. It wasn’t displeasure, nor was it devastation - perhaps nervous a little, at the thought of letting them know of his circumstances. Baekhyun remembers how he looked at that time, and it only makes him despise Jongin’s guts.

 

Kyungsoo’s phone vibrates beside him. Baekhyun isn’t really paying attention but he is mildly startled when Kyungsoo suddenly jerks in surprise beside him and almost drops his phone while at it. The stylist looks over at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

Suddenly his own phone pings with a notification too - informing him of a newly uploaded video teaser on SM’s official youtube channel.

 

It’s enough to make Kyungsoo pause on the episode rerun and pulls his earphones out from the jack, going over to the Youtube app on the iPad. Baekhyun is very stoic in contrast to the hasty male beside him. Soon enough, he found the video. 

 

KIM KAI - ‘BODY’ MV Teaser

 

It’s only 15 seconds long, and in that short timespan, Baekhyun doesn’t really feel anything. Sure, the guy’s got the visuals and there’s a couple of seconds showing his new choreography which is indeed telling of his talent. SM’s definition of y concept is really subtle yet teasing, and it shows. The vibe, the colours, the beat. Electro-R&B isn’t new when it comes to the music SM releases, but it’s refreshing anyway. However, Baekhyun could really care less about it. Once the video ends, he sneaks a glance at the smaller male beside him-

 

-and is genuinely surprised.

 

Because Kyungsoo’s… crying?

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know if he’s allowed to laugh or not. It’s a rather conflicting situation, but he does find it endearing that Kyungsoo has been anticipating it so much that his eyes pool, although this is the first time he’s actually seen him cry because of Jongin’s comeback. 

 

“Uh, are you okay, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun carefully pries the iPad away from his hands.

 

Kyungsoo sniffles, snatching a couple of tissues from his bag. “Baekhyun.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Have you ever just… felt really bad all of a sudden?”

 

Baekhyun blinks dumbly at him. “Wait, you’re not crying because you’re happy? Excited?” 

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, his nose a little red now. “I am excited. I truly am. But after all that has happened, I can’t help but feel bad too, you know. It- It feels like I just stole something very precious, and instead of being able to return it in one piece, I crushed it. That’s how I feel.”

 

Baekhyun suddenly hates Jongin even more now.

 

-

 

A brand new comeback means a whole new sets of response from both the fans and the public. It becomes customary for Jongin to read through the comments on the video itself as well as on articles reporting about it. Seeing as he is a half decade idol, the concept seems to be anticipated well. Younger and newer fans might find it a little hard to accept, as they are more territorial over their favourite idols. Jongin’s aware of this notion of course, but so far most of the responses are positive, sans antis which really aren’t that surprising. 

 

In the haze of all that excitement, he goes to his Instagram account to upload one of the photos he requested Junmyeon to take off the shot, which is of him and his crew of dancers while they’re dancing on the helipad. The influx of notifications that floods in as soon as the photo is uploaded is massively fast, as expected, but he isn’t bothered about it right now because curiosity is a and it has him opening one particular account in which the profile picture shouldn’t really egg on him but it does because this time, instead of the black cat named according to a season for whatever reason it may be, it is of the owner itself, and Jongin’s making that face like he just read or saw something really double taking worthy because Kyungsoo. Is. Posing.

 

Not like he poses with his whole body, which Jongin really doesn’t need the visual image etched onto his brain because that would be a little out of Kyungsoo’s character. Or maybe he doesn’t know him enough to make an appropriate judgment, not like he has any exclusive plans to - at least, not for now.

 

Kyungsoo in the profile picture is, well, just tilting his head to the side and looking straight at the lens with his wide eyes, definitely more defined with his makeup and all which is rather expected of him, and okay, Jongin guesses that isn’t really posing. It isn’t posing at all. But what ticks him off is the thought that Kyungsoo might not realise what effect he actually has on people who actually follow him for his looks. 

 

…Or maybe he does.

 

And maybe that’s his very reason to do just so.

 

Jongin has long since admitted to himself that Kyungsoo is by no means attractive, which comes with a lot of stalking on some social media app that is really meant for stalking people’s lives but hey he’s not the only one who does that. The app developer designed the app that way and earned bucks because of these nosy people who insist that scrolling down pictures of other people’s daily lives is worth their time, just like what Jongin is doing right now but to be fair, he’s taking a well deserved break from his dance practice.

 

Talking about Kyungsoo’s look, there’s a sliver of need in him to know if the elder male is aware of how attractive he is, and if he used it to his advantage to get a one night stand with him in some toilet stall in a whole different continent far away from South Korea, or perhaps Jongin is just trying too hard to bury the fact that he’s the one who actually dragged Kyungsoo into the men’s room, as per demonstrated by the goddamn CCTV footages. The flashes of memories that occasionally flitter through his brain, conscious or not, also bore witness to the very fact that Kyungsoo actually submitted to him. It’s at this point of thought that he hopes there’s a word of consent thrown in even during the intoxication, or he may just be twice as ed because it’s one thing to have knocked him up; but it’s another thing if it happened to be nonconsensual and that leaves Kyungsoo with every right to initiate a legal war against him, which would have called for a lot of damage.

 

It is this kind of anxiety that has him temporarily forgetting how… good-natured Kyungsoo is, as proven as the many times he’s seen him. One does not hospitably guide him outside of the house after having been told to abort their child. It’s probably safe to say that all his words are biting back at him now that he’s forced to accept the baby as his. 

 

And Kyungsoo… well, Kyungsoo looked- dare he say, happy back in the restroom at SM’s building, when Jongin was stumped by the surprise of actually having met him at that cafe, around his coworkers too. Boy, it would’ve turned really ugly if he said any more than the fact that he knew who Kyungsoo was at the time. 

 

This transition of thought causes yet another flit of a genuinely smiling Kyungsoo on his mind, as he likened the size of the foetus to a… fruit. A fruit that utterly changes the way Jongin looks at them after that, having it reminding him to this child of theirs.

 

‘Theirs’…? Their child. Kyungsoo’s child. Jongin’s child. Theirs.

 

…Theirs?

 

“I’m sorry. But you don’t have to. Really. It’s enough for me that you actually know this child is yours.”

 

Jongin hovers his thumb pad over a certain contact number thoughtfully, the loud laughter his dance team are making in the background dissolve into white noise to him.

 

“Good luck with your comeback, Jongin.”

 

The hardest thing, Jongin realizes, is not about his reception of his own child, nor the worry the whole issue has been inflicting on him - but it’s the fact that Kyungsoo’s very personality makes it hard for him to completely resent the mess he is in. 

 

-

 

As they arrive at their next set, which is of a clearing that would make for a good family picnic spot if it wasn’t reserved for shooting,  Sehun’s team instantly sets into motion and gets their job done in correspondence to the scene requirement. Day by day, Kyungsoo finds it harder not to notice how weary Sehun looks, most probably getting sick of all these acting gigs, because his core is music, but the idol knows better than to reflect it on his expressions. 

 

It’s early November and fall is over, and with it comes the telltale of winter as the breeze that brushes their cheeks is a few degrees colder than before. Kyungsoo raises his mint turtleneck a little past his chin before resuming his work on Sehun’s hair, having done most of his part back before they drove there. The change of season is also a positive factor as most of the makeup will hold, unlike the excruciating summer.

 

Sehun is busy studying the script and making sure he gets his lines right, his hands flailing as if it could help him memorise it more fluidly. At one point, he releases a huffy sigh, dropping his script to his side as he stares past Kyungsoo while the smaller male touches up on his contour.

 

“I suddenly miss Winter.” Sehun announces bleakly.

 

Kyungsoo snorts at that. “Come and visit her, then.”

 

“It’s almost her birthday, right? How old is she again?”

 

“She’s turning 2 at the end of November.” Kyungsoo says, scanning Sehun’s look before deeming his job done. 

 

“Two? I feel like it’s been ages since I first gifted her to you.”

 

“That’s because you never visit her anymore,” Kyungsoo feigns a pout. “You never visit my old rundown apartment anymore.”

 

“‘Cause we always see each other like this that I thought going over to your place is unnecessary.”

 

“No, you just hate my apartment.”

 

Kyungsoo breaks into a smile when Sehun exclaims with a laugh of his. “I told you to move out of it since you have enough to do so!”

 

“Unlike you, my self image maintenance isn’t sponsored, Oh Sehun.”

 

They continue to joke around until the director calls for him, and Kyungsoo watches Sehun leave with a brighter mood than he was in when they first arrived here. 

 

Their little banter takes him back to the first time he was assigned to work with said idol - the awkwardness and whatnot, not knowing which lines can be crossed and which to be kept. Kyungsoo isn’t his first makeup artist per se, but he was only put in charge when his previous one left the agency to further her studies. 

 

There was a short period in the first few weeks where Kyungsoo had a mild crush on him, but after having known him for a while now, he has come to believe that admiration is the better term. Sehun has this charm to him that makes people want to befriend him, and while it makes him gain a lot of celebrity friends, this also results in inconvenience such as being taken advantage of for fame. But Sehun remains cool throughout it all, and Kyungsoo can’t ever remember him having any outbursts before. 

 

It’s so easy to like him.

 

Kyungsoo should’ve just stayed crushing on him.

 

-

 

When he finally looks for his phone in his bag, there is a text received a couple of hours ago with the sender K K. Kyungsoo fights a blush as he reads it on his lockscreen, having the briefest thought that if anyone would jokingly mess with his phone and sees the sender and the texts they’ve been exchanging, he’d be screwed.

 

“when is your next apptmt”

 

It isn’t like they have been texting each other on a regular basis or anything. In fact, Kyungsoo’s convinced that the idol is doing it out of coercion by some of the people around him - which aren’t that many. No, there’s really only one other person on Jongin’s side who knows this and that is Junmyeon, and also the management team as per mentioned by Jongin the second time he came over to his place. He just hopes there is no mole in that group of people that would have the guts to breach the confidentiality for the sake of gossip. 

 

Kyungsoo types up a reply and quickly taps send.

 

Clutching his phone to his chest, he looks around the set and at the filming crew, still fussing with some scenes there. It’s nearing dusk, and he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast, which explains the funny feeling in his stomach and if he doesn’t do anything about that soon he’ll have to find a washroom. 

 

Searching through his bag in case he might’ve brought some to-go snacks, his shoulders deflate to find none. He mindlessly grabs at his bottle of mineral water and steals some sips only to grimace because water on an empty stomach feels a lot worse. His head is beginning to spin now. 

 

“Do Kyungsoo?”

 

He quickly whips around to be faced with a woman he isn’t familiar with. “Y-Yes?”

 

“We need you there. Sehun needs you.” She says and walks away, and maybe there’s a hint of annoyance in her tone but Kyungsoo chooses not to pay it any mind as he leaves the van and jogs over to Sehun with the makeup case in his grip. 

 

Apparently he just needs a touch up because the chill breeze has ultimately dried his lips and also messes up with the hairdo a little. Kyungsoo promptly takes out a moisturising chapstick and applies it on Sehun’s lips, having to levitate his head in accordance to the idol’s height since the taller male isn’t sitting on a chair like he usually would. Sehun seems preoccupied with listening to what the director is instructing him, so Kyungsoo finds it a little hard to do his hair because he doesn’t want to be a bother to their discussion by telling Sehun to bend his legs a little. Instead he stays there and pretends not to listen in on what they’re talking about as he quietly busies himself removing some lints on Sehun’s coat (which should’ve been Baekhyun’s job but he doesn’t know where he went to and besides, it’s not a difficult task).

 

Maybe it’s because of the many voices around him and how fast they’re talking, or maybe it’s the combination of all their perfumes as the casts all huddle there, but Kyungsoo finds it harder and harder not to force the bile down his throat because it’s all getting a little too much. He shuts his eyes close and tries to even his breathing out, not realising he has a death grip on the front of Sehun’s coat now and it’ll leave some ugly wrinkles that Baekhyun will have to deal with later before the camera starts rolling again and speaking of Baekhyun, where is he?

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

He feels a steady grip on his wrist, probably trying to pry his hand off the material, but Kyungsoo can’t make himself look up yet because the nausea is messing with everything in his system and it’s making his legs wobbly too. 

 

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?”

 

Sehun’s voice sounds urgent this time and the grip on his wrist has shifted up to his arm, shaking him to get any sort of response out of the smaller male but it only worsens the spinning in his head and Kyungsoo thinks he’s really about to throw up everything on Sehun’s coat worth years of his apartment rent. Instead of letting out a verbal response, Kyungsoo whimpers instead, letting his head fall against the idol’s chest. 

 

He probably should’ve realised the compromising position he is in right now; him leaning against the idol, Sehun’s hold on him as he tries to bring him away from prying eyes. Really, where is Baekhyun?

 

There seems to be a small exchange of hurried words between Sehun and someone else, and he soon learns it to be Jongdae who now has a firm hold on him and brings him over and around the van that makes for a pretty good barrier as Kyungsoo immediately retches and throws up into some sewer drain. 

 

Jongdae keeps rubbing on his back through it all, and there really isn’t much to vomit because a lot of it is just water, and Kyungsoo learns his lesson the hard way now that drinking water on an empty stomach is a big no-no. 

 

It probably drains his energy too as he soon finds himself sitting on his shins before the sewer which he wouldn’t have done on any given day, but today, he just feels sick. Sick of these hormone influxes crashing his systems and interrupting his daily activities. He supposes it’s on him for not taking better care of his own health as well as the baby’s, and maybe he’s a little overly emotional right now but he feels like scolding the child inside him to stop doing this to him before belatedly deciding that the child did nothing wrong and it’s just the increasing hormones in his tissue fluids that are working hard to sustain the pregnancy.

 

He hates this. He hates that he suddenly looks weak in front of these people, and hates that it makes these people feel the need to care for him. 

 

Jongdae hands him a bottle of water and asks him if he needs anything else, to which Kyungsoo responds with a weak head shake and to just leave him alone for a while. Shame. It’s shame that he feels right now, and a little bit of regret for not eating something at an interval that could’ve ensured his stomach to be continuously filled and eventually prevented all of this from happening. 

 

It’s at this moment that a fleeting thought of what-ifs flood his mind, and Kyungsoo tries very hard not to let his emotions win over his rational because that’s what pregnancy does to people. It messes you up in the head sometimes. Kyungsoo feels like breaking down.

 

-

 

They had a group dinner that night, and even with the lack of appetite Kyungsoo still forces himself to eat something because he isn’t gonna survive the day with just some cereal he took this morning (which might have already escaped his system when he threw up just now). 

 

While on the way home, Baekhyun puts on the drama again from where he paused just now. It’s probably out of guilt and as a small way to say sorry to him for not being there just now. Kyungsoo found out Baekhyun was just taking a toilet break when it happened. 

 

Kyungsoo leans his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder as he silently watches the remaining 20 minutes  of the episode, his eyes trained on the male lead and his chest full of mixed emotions. 

 

-

 

“A week from now.”

 

Jongin isn’t sure how long he’s been staring at the text he’s received 6 hours ago. He has half a mind about asking back if it’s the same day next week or not, but then he wonders what even is the point of asking that when he’ll be busy attending music show recordings, and even if it weren’t for his schedule it’s not like he’ll be tagging along anyway. 

 

That being said, he wouldn’t even be able to go without blowing his cover because forms apparently require details, and details will be matched to faces, and there is only one face in South Korea with the name Kim Jongin and born on January 14th. Also, he’s heard many things about nurses who love gossiping, so while going to the hospital shouldn’t be an issue in itself, going to a department with OBS/GYN in its header would definitely spell trouble. 

 

If he’s that curious, texting Kyungsoo should suffice. The elder male can go there with someone else if he wishes. Jongin doesn’t really… care… for the most part.

 

“is baekyung going with u”

 

The time reads 12.26 a.m.. He opts for a quick shower while blasting his newest music loud enough to reverberate across his room. It does make for a good distraction, even for a bit. 

 

“Baekhyun. Maybe.” 

 

Jongin reads on his lock screen as he blow dries his hair. So Kyungsoo isn’t asleep yet. He continues drying his hair, not immediately responding to it. Only when he’s slipped on a pair of sleep boxers does he open the text. He’s just about to type when the status shows ‘doh k is typing…’

 

“I know you can’t go with me.”

 

Jongin isn’t sure what to respond to that. He isn’t even sure why Kyungsoo said that, really. It seems like a good point to stop there and let the other male know that Jongin might’ve fallen asleep, and speaking of sleep—

 

“it’s almost 1. shouldn’t u be asleep”

 

Shouldn’t a pregnant person get a good night’s sleep for both their child and their own health? It is with this thought that he lets himself feel a little less accountable for it when he sent that text. Jongin makes himself comfortable in his own bed before his phone pings again.

 

“You need sleep more than me, Jongin. 

Night.”

 

Maybe he’s touched. Maybe he feels a little bad now. What’s for certain, however, is that Kyungsoo always slides in these comforting words when Jongin has been doing the complete opposite all this while, starting from their first meeting. And of course while Jongin has never been hostile to him, he can’t remember the last time he said anything particularly nice to the elder male. Kyungsoo has always been accommodating to him.

 

…Maybe Jongin does feel bad.

 

-

 

Days pass by fairly quickly when you’re preoccupied with so many things you don’t notice the time. Jongin doesn’t remember the last time he’s had time for himself, and by now, his full digital album as well as the music video is made public, and he’s currently being dolled up by the inseparable duo Luhan and Minseok in preparation for his first music show recording. 

 

While waiting for Minseok to finish his makeup, Jongin almost falls asleep. Having been a senior to most of the rookie idols these days, Jongin is granted the privilege of recording first, which also means he has to be at the recording site in the dead of the morning.

 

It’s nearly 4 a.m. by the time he finally goes up the stage, and the cries of his name ultimately pick up in volume. Although it’s not a concert venue and can only seat around 200 fans per artist, the energy is nothing short of tremendous, and soon enough Jongin thrives from it and puts up his performance to the best of his ability.

 

Pre-recording and performance monitoring takes around 3-4 hours, including his live show. And after having done with a speech at the end, he bows to the fans before taking his leave.

 

Junmyeon takes him to lunch at a chicken restaurant, but Jongin only sees the softness of his bed behind his eyelids. He’s too tired to feel the need to satiate his hunger. While waiting for his chicken, he’s faintly reminded of Kyungsoo. He opens up his chat with him.

 

“can we meet? where r u”

 

While dining, his phone vibrates on the table and Jongin stops stuffing himself with chicken so he can read it. Junmyeon doesn’t seem curious enough to know what he’s up to.

 

“I’m at the SM building. Sehun has a small interview here.”

 

Jongin thinks. Since Kyungsoo is already around the area…

 

“im going back home from my recording. come over?”

 

“To your place? Are you sure?”

 

“better than me going to yours. come over. i’ll have my manager get u”

 

-

 

The water whooshing out of the faucet is a calming sound to him. 

 

Kyungsoo rinses his mouth some more before finally turning it off, taking deep breaths to slow his erratic breathing down. He left his backpack outside in a rush to the washroom after the sudden urge to vomit. 

 

The mirror reflects his pale face, made even more pronounced with the lighting in there. He can’t reapply anything since his backpack is outside. And he also still needs to get rid of the remnants of bad taste in his mouth. 

 

He exits the restroom with a self-conscious palm over his mouth, quickly walking back to the cafe where Sehun and some of his dance team members are queueing for coffee.

 

-

 

Hands deep in the pocket of his sweatpants, Sehun scans the menu before him, thinking it pointless because in the end he always goes for the same iced green tea latte. He shifts on his feet while waiting for his dance crew to order. The regular lines are all full, and most of them have their phones out, directing at none other than Oh Sehun, his manager right behind him holding a backpack over a shoulder. 

 

Soon enough, Kyungsoo squeezes through to get to them, a hand over his mouth, and he politely requests for his bag back from Jongdae’s care. Sehun watches him rummage through it and pick out a small transparent box of mint candies. Kyungsoo quickly pops one into his mouth, looking a lot more at ease now. 

 

The dance crew before him are more into cracking jokes than actually getting their order through, and poor the girl handling the orders having a hard time trying to listen to one person ordering over the noise they’re making. It’s not like Sehun can really say anything to them. But he does want them to hurry because the longer he’s there, the thicker the crowd will be in trying to get a closer look at him. He hides his displeasure by brushing his sideburns down.

 

“I’ll have to go.” Kyungsoo says, and Sehun turns behind him to see the shorter male reading something on his phone, distracted while balancing his bag on his thigh.

 

“Go where? On your own?” Jongdae asks the question Sehun’s been meaning to ask, and the idol looks over at him for his answer.

 

“I need to go meet someone—”

 

Sehun still watches quietly when Kyungsoo’s bag falls down, but what finally prompts him to move is the horrifying look on Kyungsoo’s face as the latter helplessly stares at the result of his carelessness. 

 

Because among the many usual things you would find in a person’s bag lies one bottle with a huge pink font reading ‘Prenatal Multivitamins’, and the noise of it making a touchdown on the floor apparently catches some attention from the crowd as well as the dance crew. 

 

Bending down, Sehun smoothly picks up the items and slides them down Kyungsoo’s bag, handing it to him and leaning closely to whisper “Are you okay?”

 

Kyungsoo, too stupefied, responds with a meek nod. “Meeting Jongin.” He whispers in a shaky breath.

 

The taller male spares him a look before gently patting Kyungsoo on his arm, and just like that he carefully pushes Kyungsoo to the general direction of the exit. Sehun shares a worried look with Jongdae, both not saying anything as they watch him hurrying to the exit. 

 

“Hey Sehun.”

 

The idol spins around to the call of his name, facing a puzzled Moonkyu. “Yeah?”

 

“Is Kyungsoo pregnant?”

 

his lips, he guesses this is where he should apply his acting skills outside work. “I’m not sure.” He shrugs naturally.

 

“Huh. Thought I saw a prenatal vitamin pill bottle or something.” Moonkyu says offhandedly. “He doesn’t look pregnant though.”

 

Bless Kyungsoo’s slim stature, but truthfully speaking it won’t be long until he starts showing and having to take a leave. Sehun, still trying to deflect the dancer’s assumption, suavely slides to the counter, earning noises of jeering from his dancer friends to which he playfully ignores as he incites his own order.

 

-

 

There is still some form of crowd outside, but Kyungsoo breathes a heavy sigh once he’s away from the cafe even though the lingering fear of what if someone saw something that was supposed to be kept a secret to him remains.

 

He wraps his arms around himself, a little shaken at the possibility still. Once he’s calmer some, he carefully pulls his cellphone out of the pocket of his jeans, reading the text from Junmyeon.

 

“White prius. 4103. Let me know if u can’t find me.”

 

Kyungsoo looks around with purpose, until he spots a very close description of the car and goes to it. He squints to see the driver and sighs in relief, walking to the window and gingerly knocking at it to gain his attention. Junmyeon smiles up at him and motions for him to come in. 

 

“Sorry if I kept you waiting.”

 

“Not at all. I was just around anyway.” Junmyeon says, waiting for the makeup artist to settle in his seat before putting on his shades and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

Kyungsoo hums a little. He begins to slouch in his seat when they’re passing by people outside because what is Sehun’s makeup artist doing in Jongin’s manager’s car?

 

“This car is personal, so don’t worry too much.” Junmyeon says beside him as if he just read Kyungsoo’s mind, offering him a reassuring smile. “I don’t think people will recognise us.”

 

“Oh.” In an effort to show that he appreciates Junmyeon’s words, he tries to relax a little, and he realises he probably looks weird right now. 

 

“Your next visit’s the day after tomorrow, is it?” 

 

Kyungsoo turns to him and nods before realising Junmyeon probably doesn’t see him. “It is.”

 

“I’m sorry that we can’t let Jongin tag along. I’m sure you’re aware of why.”

 

Kyungsoo tenses up and starts shaking his head vigorously. “Ah, no no no, I completely understand.” It earns him an apologetic smile from the manager. “I wouldn’t even think of it…”

 

“You know, I was surprised when Jongin told me he wanted you over.” Junmyeon says in a conversational manner, eyes on the road. “I know he can be hard to deal with sometimes, but if you looked past that, he’s actually a decent guy.”

 

Kyungsoo hugs his bag to his chest, staring at the busy living city outside. “I know.” 

 

-

 

Just before Kyungsoo steps out of the car, Junmyeon hands him a card. “My access card. Just scan it at the doors as well as in the lift. I don’t think you’ll be needing my keys.” 

 

“Thank you.” Kyungsoo bows in gratitude before closing the door, hunching into himself while walking straight into the apartments, fixing his mouth mask. He’s no celebrity but that doesn’t mean he can be any careless now, especially not when eyes are everywhere wanting to know who just entered the premises of the apartments that house a few known names.

 

He feels a little out of place by the time he reaches the main entrance and having to tap the card for his entry. A woman exits out of the lift when it reaches the ground floor and Kyungsoo worries a little when she side-eyes him. It could have meant nothing but after the incident at the cafe just now Kyungsoo suddenly develops some form of anxiety.

 

There are no buttons on the lift, and Kyungsoo hovers the card over the sensor and the doors automatically close. He doesn’t remember Junmyeon ever mentioning to him the unit number, so he curiously flips the card over to see if there is anything written there. 

 

W-14-2

 

The elevator car brings him to the fourteenth floor, and Kyungsoo hesitantly steps out and looks around. There’s a big shiny steel W and E just before him on the wall, and Kyungsoo takes a corner leading to the west side of the building. It’s only a door away from the walkway and he is then standing before a luxurious looking black door with a very small W-14-2 on the side. Minimalism…?

 

Kyungsoo eyes the intercom, pressing the ‘doorbell’ option and hearing a muffled shrill sound from where he is. Soon there’s a static noise of someone pressing something and Kyungsoo nearly jumps when a voice comes from the speaker on the device.

 

“Hold on.”

 

“…Um, okay.”

 

He isn’t sure how Jongin knows that it’s him, but he believes there’s a camera on the intercom, or somewhere. Kyungsoo removes his mouth mask and shoves it inside his bag, hoping that his face condition is okay because he hardly touched up just now after throwing up. 

 

-

 

Jongin has just gotten out of the shower when the bell rings, and he jogs his way to the intercom at the entryway and is surprised to see Kyungsoo on the screen. He’s early. Jongin tells him to wait and he rushes to the closet for a fresh set of clothes, his hair dropping wet splotches on the white tee he chose.

 

Frankly he feels a little tired and sleepy after having an early morning recording, and tonight he still has to go for dance and vocal practice, but there’s something to be discussed with Kyungsoo and he doesn’t think doing it through chatting is convincing. 

 

Finally opening the door, the sight that greets him is, if he was allowed only one word to describe it, it’s soft. Kyungsoo wears a cream oversized turtleneck sweater, paired with skinny jeans, and he looks… soft. Like a winter sunset or something, and maybe Jongin feels a little less beat now. 

 

“Kyungsoo. Hi.”

 

The elder male gives him a timid smile, touching his flushed nose and Jongin realises he must be cold from outside. “Come in.”

 

He waits for Kyungsoo to step inside before closing the door, and then leads him in from entryway. Kyungsoo quietly removes his shoes before following him.

 

“I live alone.” Jongin announces, going over to the kitchen and almost attempts to boil some water when he suddenly remembers Kyungsoo is avoiding teas… and coffees. “Is juice okay—”

 

When he turns to him, Kyungsoo seems to be transfixed at the large trophy case against the wall, and Jongin has to clear his throat to get his attention. The smaller male flinches and quickly spins around. 

 

“Is juice okay?” Jongin repeats.

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

His gaze stays glued at him as he walks to the fridge, and it could just be Jongin’s imagination, or maybe it’s from the cold, but there’s a telltale redness on his otherwise pale cheeks and ears. He looks a little uneasy and Jongin isn’t sure why. 

 

Jongin fixes two glasses on the bar and pours some cranberry juice, the bold red a great contrast to the white marble. Kyungsoo is quiet when he walks up to the bar, taking out a stool for him to sit on. 

 

“It’s cranberry.” Jongin caps the juice box, turning it sideways so it faces Kyungsoo while he himself takes his seat. He watches Kyungsoo take a small sip, not missing the way he hides a subtle grimace.

 

“It’s… nice.”

 

Jongin stifles a snort. “You don’t like it.”

 

“It’s sour… but it’s nice.” Kyungsoo says, taking more sips and Jongin really doubts it when he said it’s nice because Kyungsoo still makes those expressions that are telling him he doesn’t. “Helps with nausea a bit.”

 

Raising his eyebrow a bit, Jongin takes a generous gulp from his glass, remembering the scene where the shorter male threw up in one of the toilet sinks and Baekhyun being there to help him. That was… roughly 4 weeks ago. He doesn’t know how long morning sickness lasts through the term, but he isn’t about to let that curiosity known, although he’s sure Kyungsoo would definitely accommodate him if he did.

 

“Your apartment is beautiful.” The elder male comments while looking around, and Jongin can’t fathom why he looks a little distant saying it. “You used to stay in dorms, right?”

 

That has Jongin narrowing his eyes at him.” Yeah, but how did you know about that?”

 

Kyungsoo suddenly looks a little bashful, dropping his gaze on his glass of juice. “All idols start by living at the dorms. Now you own an apartment. That means you’ve come a long way.”

 

This somehow makes Jongin look around the interior of the house, feeling nothing special much, but he guesses that is where he’s wrong because he trained and worked years to even dream to be in here. When his eyes land on his trophy case, he wonders if that’s what Kyungsoo thought looking at all the trophies too, that Jongin’s come a long way. 

 

When he finally returns his gaze on the smaller male, it’s winter sunset to him again, because Kyungsoo has a small yet easy smile on his lips as he thumbs the rim of his glass. And Jongin finds it hard to not forget about how they got tangled in this mess, wondering how Kyungsoo does it to him. 

 

Before he completely forgets about the reason he needs Kyungsoo in his presence, Jongin takes a determined sip at his juice before lowering it on the coaster. 

 

“How do you wanna go about this?”

 

Kyungsoo blinks up at him, puzzled. “What?”

 

“This,” He gestures vaguely at the two of them - or three. Whichever. “How do you want things to be?”

 

There is still confusion on his face, and Jongin patiently waits until the makeup artist speaks again. “Um, I’m fine on my own, Jongin. I’ve always thought it to be this way.”

 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jongin remarks, looking straight in his eyes. “You told me you expected me to ‘be in this with you’, remember?”

 

Kyungsoo frowns at his glass of juice, not making eye contact with Jongin. The idol takes it as a yes, anyway. Sighing, Jongin leans back as far as his balance allows on the stool, stretching his lower limbs and mentally taking note to do a proper stretching later since his muscles still ache.

 

“How would you feel about me wiring some money to you?” Jongin offers, resting his arms on the bar. “The agency apparently doesn’t provide a paid maternity leave.” 

 

This, of course, doesn’t sit well with Kyungsoo, who almost looks offended at such a proposal. “What? No, please. I’m the one who decided to keep it, you shouldn’t feel the need to do that.”

 

“You’re contradicting your own words again.” Jongin counters. “I’m trying to help. At least for the child’s sake.”

 

“If it’s because someone told you to, then I don’t want it.”

 

Jongin blinks. It isn’t the first time Kyungsoo sounds so adamant on it but it still throws him off guard. He’s taken back to the first time he went to his place and told him to terminate the pregnancy and Kyungsoo insisted on keeping it.

 

“Sehun told me you grew up orphaned.” Jongin confesses, earning a wide-eyed look from the elder male. “You don’t get the financial support you need from a family. I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m trying to lend you a hand.” He watches Kyungsoo fidget in his seat, and catches on how uncomfortable Jongin might have made him feel.

 

“Suppose I didn’t; what do you plan to do?” Sighing, the idol asks, having been aware that Kyungsoo knows he won’t ever get to keep his job as Sehun’s makeup artist if he’s raising the child alone. 

 

“I don’t know yet, Jongin,” Kyungsoo answers honestly, looking a little downcast. “I thought that maybe I’ll figure it out along the way.”

 

Jongin isn’t satisfied with the answer, but he lets him go for now, although not without a little more push on his proposition. “Then promise me to think about it.” He downs the rest of his juice.

 

What Jongin isn’t expecting, though, is a small chuckle given by the makeup artist. Did he say something funny? He puts the glass down and an eyebrow questioningly at him.

 

“You said the same thing to me back when you told me to… you know.” Kyungsoo smiles bashfully, and the winter sunset returns. “Just, different situations.” Kyungsoo also finishes the remaining of his juice before getting up and heading to the sink. 

 

“Just leave it. My housekeeper will do the work.” Jongin turns to say to him once he realises Kyungsoo has left his seat.

 

Kyungsoo still hesitates a little, obeying by placing the glass in the sink carefully. When he turns back, the sight allows Jongin to notice his small figure, a bump nonexistent, still. 

 

“You still don’t look pregnant.” Jongin remarks. “Shouldn’t you be showing a little by now?”

 

Kyungsoo spares him a smile, walking up to the bar. “It’s there, though.”

 

Jongin looks down for one second before bringing his gaze up again. “Well, I don’t see it.” Isn’t Kyungsoo almost entering 3 months into the term? It can’t still be strawberry-sized, right?

 

“Would you like to feel it?”

 

The offer sounds as good as ridiculous considering their circumstances, but when Jongin pays close attention to it, Kyungsoo actually requested more than offered, and truthfully Jongin doesn’t understand why. Why would he want Jongin to touch his belly? 

 

He has a lot to ask, like why is Kyungsoo already so proud of the unborn child? What makes the makeup artist look so fond while talking about Jongin’s successful career? Why does he want Jongin to touch the belly bearing their child? Why is Kyungsoo approaching him and so delicately taking his hand and laying it flat on his belly—

 

It’s there. Kyungsoo’s right.

 

There is a slight raise on his clothed abdomen, and that can’t be just bloat; it’s the expanding womb inside. It’s there. The baby’s there, and for a moment Jongin forgets what it would bring to him and his career. He doesn’t even notice that Kyungsoo has let him go and the idol’s hand is still laid there on his own accord.

 

When there’s a hold on his arm and it gently pushes Jongin’s hand away from it does Jongin finally look up.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo smiles brokenly, looking away from him. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Jongin doesn’t have any words to that, and he isn’t sure what he should be feeling right now. His mind is all over the place. He just touched Kyungsoo’s belly. If it were any earlier, he might’ve pulled his hand back as if he just touched fire, but today… he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him today.

 

“Is that the only reason you’re asking to meet me?” Kyungsoo asks instead, and he still hasn’t taken his seat yet.

 

Maybe. Maybe not. “Yeah.”

 

“From now on, please just text me.” Kyungsoo says. “We don’t have to meet up like this, considering how tired you must be from your schedules and all.”

 

What if I want to? becomes a passing thought. What if I crave for the calmness of sunset during winter? Especially after a tiring schedule or during a slump?

 

“Will Sehun still need you later?” Jongin finds himself asking.

 

“Um no, but I think I’ll return to the building so I can get a ride home with them.”

 

“You can just get a cab.” 

 

Kyungsoo chuckles, the last threads of light that graces the sunset sky before they leave. “That would put a dent on my wallet.”

 

-

 

Jongin stays by the closed door. To him, the night has come, and it’s a rather cold night.

 

When he looks at the clock, he learns that he has less than 2 hours before his dance practice with his choreographer.

 

Maybe he'll nap a little, or maybe he should go out to the balcony for a much needed smoke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A/N : lmao im sleepy so sorry if u see some mistakes. i might go through this again tomorrow.

subs, comments and upvotes are highly appreciated!! and thank you for 800 subs T.T