Chapter 8

VERNON POV

I can't sleep....

Since the kissing incident, I kept thinking whether I did the wrong move or not. Is he gonna hate me? I don't like with the idea that Seungkwan is going to hate me.

Arghhhhh!!! Stupid brain!!! Why would you do that, Hansol?! I can't contact Seungkwan, he didn't answer when I called him. I shouldn't do that. I should be slowly...he must be surprised.

But, that kiss...those lips...I can't get enough. Anyway, why did he apologize after the kiss? He wasn't doing something wrong. Instead, I should be the one who blamed.

Ah, I really miss Seungkwan. I want to hug him...and see those brown doe eyes again..every day. It's making me crazy.

He must be in the office practicing right now. I must see him and clarify everything. I took my phone and texted him.

'Seungkwan-ah, I'm so sorry about yesterday. Where are you? I want to talk about something.' Yes, I don't care about others, but today I have to make everything clear. I took a bath and prepared myself for the battle. Now or never, Hansol!

I drove to the office and my heart started to beat uncontrollably already. I arrived and immediately looking for Seungkwan. It's not difficult to find him, he must be practicing in one of the room, he is not going to go anywhere. I waited until his practice session over. When the coach left the room, I got in the room and found Seungkwan packing his belonging. He looked at me in surprise,

"Good...morning, Hansol." He bowed and looked at other direction. I locked the door and put the key in my pocket. He looked even more surprise, before he can't say anything, I hold both of his hand and looked him in the eyes, so he can see my sincerity.

"Seungkwan-ah, please, listen to me." He kept silence.

"Seungkwan-ah, look at me…please."

He was hesitating for a while and finally looked at me. We kept looking at each other for a while but then he looked at his shoes again.

"I'm sorry, Hansol. Let's pretend that yesterday wasn't happened, shall we?"

"Why are you sorry for? And I can't pretend that yesterday…I mean the kiss, didn't happen."

"It was an accident, right?", he looked at me with a hopeless face. I hate with what I saw, this wasn't him.

"No. It wasn't an accident. The kiss, I meant it. It wasn't a temporary passion. I really meant it, Seungkwan-ah.", I walked closer to him but he walked away from me.

"It's not the time to make a joke, Hansol.." he said it in frustration.

"I'm not joking!", I yelled at him with frustration as well. No. Calm yourself down, and said it already!

"Look, Seungkwan-ah... I…with you..", I already practiced it in the car ten minutes ago, but the words didn't want to come out.

"Please, stop it. Let's not meet start today...please."

Seungkwan let go of my hands and picked his bag. "Hansol, please give me the key. I need to practice again."

"But, Seungkwan-ah, you need to listen to me first...the reason that I kissed you..."

"I don't want to hear that...the reason, just keep it for yourself.", he looked at me with cold eyes.

My heart is hurt…it hurts really bad.

"You don't want to hear that..." I said it with disbelief. "But, I love you, and I really meant it." There, I said it..

"But, I'm not. And I really meant it." My heart was shattered after hearing his answer.

"Really, Seungkwan-ah?", he looked at his shoes and whispered but I can still hear it,

"I shouldn't."

"You shouldn't?", I tried to search for an answer in his face. When I saw his teary eyes, it broke me even more.

"Please, give me the key. I don't want to be late.", I gave him the key; he unlocked the door and went out of the room without hesitation.

-I shouldn't- What did he mean by that?

I still tried to reach him but he completely ignored me, he only gave me a formality bow, from a junior to a senior. Other people started to whisper behind my back because I act so strange since that day.

"Hey, Hansol-ah, are you okay? You look tired, are you sick?" Mingyu hyung got me out from my thought. My face is pale, and I got a headache. It must be because I haven't got enough sleep yesterday.

"I'm okay. Should we make the guided singing? Or do you want to directly sing?" We were making a song for our next mini album.

"But we haven't finished the last part, have we?", Wonwoo hyung checked the computer.

"Ah, you are right. So, about the last part...", I opened my folder

"Are you really okay? Should you take the day off?", they looked at me in concern.

"I'm okay." I wasn't okay. My heart wasn't okay. I can't stop thinking about him. Was he really mean it? What did he mean by he shouldn't love me? Is he already got someone he loved? I have to see him again, and no turning back this time. After two hours, our song making end because Mingyu hyung and Wonwoo hyung had another schedule and I had a filming in a TV station for a short interview.

I felt like dying, I really need to get some sleep. I got back to the office to change into my car, I was using my manager's car for the schedule. In the parking lot, I saw him. Seungkwan was walking while listen through his headphone. I approached him, he didn't saw me yet. When I got closer to him, I hold his hand, and he immediately stopped.

"Oh, Hansol. What are you doing here? Could you let go off my hand?"

"I can't. I don't want to." My face started to steam, I can't stand properly, I felt so tired. He looked at me with wide eyes,

"Hansol-ah, are you okay?"

"No. I'm not okay. Because of you, I'm not okay.", I whispered and my vision started to blur. He checked my temperature by placed his hand in my forehead.

"Oh my God, Hansol, you catch a cold. You should go home now." I love to see his concern eyes, because it's for me.

"I'm going to tell someone from the office, so they will drive you home. Wait here, and also you need to meet a doctor. “He tried to let go off his hand from mine. I pulled him to me, and hugged him tightly,

"No. Please don't go. Don't leave me alone. I feel like I'm gonna die… I don't need a doctor. I need you." I smelled his tangerine scent and it calmed me down.

He didn't move or resisted my hug, I hugged him even tighter like I'm gonna lose him if I let my guard down. We were in that position for a while.

"Hansol, people will see us. Please, let go..."

"No. I don't care with what people think. I only care with what you think about me." I rested my head in his shoulder.

"But you need to take a rest."

"I can't take a rest if my thought still full about you. What is he doing right now? Does he hate me? Does he love me? What did he mean by he shouldn't love me? Do I have a chance with him? What kind of person that he loves? Does he already have someone in his heart? If so, can I replace that person in his heart? I really want to be someone special in his life. I want him to be someone special in my life", I can't stop talking, I never been this honest with someone I liked. In fact, I never love someone so desperately like when I'm in love with Seungkwan.

I heard someone foot steps, he immediately pulled me into my car and closed the door. We were sitting in the back seat and I haven't completely back to my sense. I pulled him closer to me and hugged him again. I whispered near his ear,

"Seungkwan-ah, I love you..."

I'm not really remember with what happened next, because I already passed out in his embrace.

Seungkwan POV

I overslept!!!

Oh my God, I shouldn't be late twice in a week. I took a quick shower and changed into a simple plain yellow sweater, and a pair of short jeans. I grabbed my smart phone and only found them dead due to a low battery. Great. I skipped my breakfast so I will not skip the bus. Traveling by bus is a little bit time consuming, but safer than train, and what I mean by safer is less crowded. Honestly, I thought I will not be able to sleep after the kiss incident, but instead, I sleep like a bear, maybe because I was too tired yesterday.

Ah, right… the kiss. I will go to the place where I will meet him the most. I can't go anywhere, I have to practice. Ah, what should I do? Chan was right, we should have a man who we like that live outside music. What should I do if I meet him? Act like nothing happened? Or should I asked him about yesterday? No! Act like nothing happened is the best plan! Okay, I will not let my feeling overcome my dream. Seungkwan-ah, fighting!!!

Well, until my second schedule, there is nothing happened. Maybe, I will not meet him for a week, or two weeks or maybe a month...just like yesterday, I hardly meet him even we are in the same building.

But my hope is not hanging too long, when I saw him getting into the room after my coach end the practice session. I can't hide my surprised, plus he suddenly locked the door and put the key in his pocket. What the hell...... Why did he do that?

He hold both of my arm and looked at me, while I can't looked at him in the eyes. It's only making me remembering yesterday incident.

I said what I want to say, that we should forget about yesterday, that yesterday was a total accident, and I don't want to hear his reason. I hoped that he agreed with me. But, why? He told me the otherwise.

"But, I love you, and I really meant it." I felt like that I struck by a lightning. Is he meant it? He is lying, isn't he? It can't be right.

"But, I'm not. And I really meant it." Why did I lie? Maybe, it's for the best, but my heart hurts real bad when I said it.

"Really, Seungkwan-ah?" No. I don't meant it. Please, forgive me for lying to you. But we can't be together. We shouldn't fall in love. You are over my reach, we are in the different world. I will only give a burden to you. And I will only hurt myself again in the end.

"I shouldn't." I whispered the words from inside of my heart.

"You shouldn't?", he heard it. He looked really sad. No, please, don't look at me with those sad eyes. I don't know how long I can contain myself. I can't hold my tears any longer, I should get out of here. He shouldn't see me crying, it makes me even more pitiful.

"Please, give me the key, Hansol. I don't want to be late." I don't want you to see me crying.

He gave me the key, and I immediately unlocked the door and run to the nearest bathroom. There, I cried until I don't feel anything.

Hah...finally a day went by. I already so tired. This problem made me even more tired. Not to mention, I met Soo Hee in the cafeteria and couldn't help but hearing her bull, but fortunately, Seungcheol hyung and Mingyu hyung were there in my side. Just if she wasn't my senior, I would already hit her in the head with my spoon. It's not that she is going to use her head anyway.

I walked home when suddenly someone grabbed my hand. I turned and saw Hansol standing behind me.

"Let go off my hand, Hansol."

"I can't. I don't want to." His face was so red and his hand was so hot. Is he sick?

"Hansol-ah, are you okay?" I can't hide my panic voice.

"No. I'm not okay. Because of you, I'm not okay.", he  whispered. What is he talking about? I placed my hand in his forehead just to make sure. His temperature is so hot! I tried to let go of my hand so I can ask someone to help him.

"Wait here, and also you need to meet a doctor. " but he pulled me and hugged me tightly.

"No. Please don't go. Don't leave me alone. I feel like I'm gonna die… I don't need a doctor. I need you." He whispered near my ear. Is he meant it? Was that another lie? I know there are two kinds of person who will not tell lies, drunk people and sick people, and he is so sick right now. I was in a big dilemma; I don't want to let him go, but I don't want other people see us. It will not good for him.

But he doesn't really care with other people, instead, he rested his head in my shoulder. I can smell his scent from here.

No. He is sick right now. He needs to take a rest and eat some medicines. The next thing that he said to me makes me can't control my heartbeat. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard from someone.

But suddenly, I heard footsteps and we automatically got inside his car. That was a close one.

When I was checking if there was still someone in the parking lot, he pulled me closer and hugged me again. Under my confusion, he whispered near my ear that brings shiver on my body,

"Seungkwan-ah, I love you..."

He passed out while still hugging me after said that sentence. The most honest sentence I have ever heard.

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A/N: a little bit angts in the beginning but I shower you with fluff in the end :D

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and also,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018 GUYSSSS!!!

OH MY GOD I can't believe I actually managed to survive in piece this year

Let's gather our support to our sebongie so the seventeen's year is not stop at 2017 >...<

I wish seventeen and carats especially you! to have a happy year and stay healthy

Don't forget to smile but I want you to know that it's completely okay to be sad and feel tired, we are all humans with emotions, right? :)

and a little life hack, smile for five seconds right after you wake up to make your day less ty...I tried it and it works.........well, at least for me...

HAPPY HOLIDAY!!!!