It was on the first snowfall when I met you. Your family moved into the same neighborhood, next to my house that we started to became friend since we were little, a 10-year-old you, Nam Woohyun, and 11-year-old me, Kim Sunggyu. Between the two families, we were the first to get closed to each other followed by our parents and at the end, we became inseparable.

You grew up becoming so handsome and easy-going receiving a lot of attention from people around who would fall head over heels because of your charming side. Me, grew up, being shy, nerd, gay, which of course only me knew this, and got only a few best friends, the one who often got ignored and taken for granted but not by you.

I was more than glad that I found you, my best friend, my crush, my first love.

Despites the personality differences, we made such a great friend. You would always follow me around since we were young and now you still did. You always hated studying and fell asleep after reading a page of textbook. But when your mom told you that you would never go into the same college with me if you didn’t study hard to pass high school and college entrance exam. You were crying and shouted that:

 “I will never let Gyu Hyung be out of my sight. I will try to study and get good grade like him.”

You were 16 when you first started to date a girl from our high school. It was also the time I learned how it felt to be broken inside. I always thought you would always end up being with me all the time like what you told your mom and me, but I forgot that you will grow up having your own life and someone to share your life path with.

“Hyung, I finally asked Mijoo out. And you know what?”

My both hands formed into tight fists until my knuckles turned white. My heart felt like being stabbed million times but ironically, there was a big smile on my face.

“W-what?”

“She said yesssssss…... Horayyyyyy” my mouth was trembling probably because I tried to smile and congratulate him.

“I’m happy for you, Woo.” I talked in a low whisper. Why did I feel jealous? He wasn’t even mine in the first place.

“I know you are. By the way, where is the first place you want to go with someone you love?”

“W-whatt?”

“You heard me, Hyung.”

“Yeah... I just wonder why you asked this out of sudden.... Hmmm....Amusement park. I want to go the amusement park at the first snowfall of the year.” With you.

“Aww… cool and romantic”

They said if you love someone secretly, you also need to prepare yourself for the possibility of getting hurt secretly, silently as well.

******

At first I was thinking you would distance yourself from me and spend time with your girlfriend. I got it wrong.

I was very happy, that you were still my little Woohyunnie, always stuck with me most of the time. You always made sure that someone kept me company, that I wasn’t alone, that someone always prioritized me besides my parents and noona. You would make sure to see me at least once a day and even left your girlfriend in the middle of your date when you were told I got myself into just a small accident. 

And I was feeling sorry, that your girlfriend asked you to break up later on because she said:

“I think you are more than fine without me, but will definitely go insane without Sunggyu sshii.”

I don’t know whether the last one was true but Woohyun was really fine and back to himself only after a few days of his break up. I thought probably you put all the blame on me and would start ignoring me too, but again, I was wrong.

Woo, if you keep doing this, how can I let you go?

From day to day, I found myself falling for Woohyun deeper and deeper.

Dongwoo, one of my very few best friends, noticed how I behaved around Woohyun and finally was aware of how I actually felt toward Woohyun. When I told him, at first he thought, it was just a mere crush when you were hot-blooded at this age and always wanted to try something new. And I will forget Woohyun soon. But I can proudly say that it wasn’t.

Remembered I said that Woohyun and I met at the first snowfall of the year when his family just moved in the residence next to mine?

It was the day I was crying in front of the gate of my house since my parents didn’t bring me to amusement park as they had promised. Simply because they had over time at their workplace and couldn’t make it home on time. I was very angry, despites it was cold outside, I was crying and refused to go back in as I was waiting for my parents outside even my noona called me too.

I was crouching down, I was crying, my eyes were closed and swollen, my arms hugged around my knees. Then those small hands out of nowhere came to make contact with my wet cheeks, wiping the remaining tears on my face.

I opened my eyes slowly, and saw the little boy in his red Santa cloth, crouching down in front of me too.

“Why are you crying? Don’t cry. If no one plays with you, I will.”

“A-aniya, I just want to go to amusement park but no one would bring me to.” I kept looking at his tiny face, his hands still cupping my cheeks.

“Oh... I will go with you every year when we are bigger than this. Ok neh??”

“R-really?”

He nodded his head smiling, and we made a pinky promise at that cold night.

It was so cold at that night, but my heart felt warm. 

But again, people make promise, and they also can break