Family meetings were always stressful. Usually it meant someone had done something wrong in a performance or to a member. They were talks about issues and how to fix them. But the last family meeting had been called by one of the girls, who was rarely apart of any of their family meetings. And not just any girl, but Chanseul. And she was upset. What came to light was the incident of Yugyeom accidentally interrupting Mark and Hee-chan as the two were getting it on in the bathroom. There was some scolding, some blaming and some shouting, mostly between Hee-chan and Chanseul as the two girls often fought like sisters.

 

But the end result of the meeting left everyone in shock. Hee-chan publically announced she was breaking up with Mark and then in a few short hours, packed what things she had in her room and left the dorm.

 

That was a few weeks ago and since then, everything had been so different. So quiet. So...depressing. Chanseul wasn't herself without her counterpart there to egg on her antics. Hee-chan’s silent presence wasn't there to give the boys any warmth or comfort when they thought they were alone. She was like a sister to all of them, someone they could talk to even if she never really responded half the time. Her shy, timid nature was a comfort to their mostly outgoing and rambunctious personalities.

 

And now it was gone and it was driving them all mad. It hit Mark the worst, who had thought they had finally made up after the who JB tape fiasco. But apparently they hadn't.

 

Youngjae hated seeing Mark in this shape, but what could he do. What was there to do? How could they possibly fix whatever was broken and get Hee-chan back?

 

Pulling out his phone, he pulled up his text messages with JB and sent one to the leader.

 

“JB Hyung. You have to do something. She's like family to you right? Talk to her and try to get her to come back. Things just aren't working. We need Hee-chan back”

 

JB sighed as he read the text that had came from Youngjae and rubbed his neck, he nodded to himself before getting out of his bed and then grabbed his set of keys to the van, shooting back a text.

 

“It's okay I know exactly where she is right now. I’ll fix this no matter what it takes, its just not the same.”

 

As he left the dorm everything was quiet, eerily quiet. Even the rambunctious YugSeul couple was locked away in a room together, most likely where Chanseul was crying and Yugyeom trying to comfort her. After all her best friend had just left her alone in a dorm full of their favorite people.

 

It took about an hour but JB finally got to the destination he had been heading for, his parents house. He knew that it was the only place Hee-chan would truly feel okay at in a time like this, she loved his family’s cooking, she had once said that it reminded her of pure happiness and warmth of a good family.

 

He tried the knob first and nodded to himself as he went inside, bypassing his father in the living room who had gotten up to greet him, instead going up the stairs with a huff and determination in his step. “Kwon Hee Hee I know you're in there so open up or I'm breaking the door down.” He called out as he bangged on the door to his own old room.

 

Hee-Chan looked up at the banging and whined softly. Slipping of the twin sized bed, wrapped up in the warm comforter, she shuffled to the door and unlocked it, pulling it open slightly and peered at him with red eyes and dark bags surrounding them. “Are you alone?” she asked. She didn't hear anyone else and couldn't see anyone with him so she was going to assume he was alone. Then again, Only Jb would know she was there. She pulled the door open fully and took a few shuffled steps back. “I know why you came and the answer is no. I don't have the energy to fight with you Jaebum.”

 

JB frowned deeper and pulled the blanket off her before shaking his head as he grabbed two of her bags and started hauling them downstairs. “I’m not taking no for an answer this is absolutely ridiculous!” He shouted as he headed down the stairs. “I get that you're hurt from things that happened but you didn't stop to think that yeah it's going to be rocky.” He said as he set the bags at the bottom of the stairs and walked back up to the room and pointed at her. “You. I know you. But Hee Hee you have seriously got to look further into things. Mark locked himself in his room, Chanseul won't stop crying or even come out of Yugyeom’s room. Hell, Youngjae was the one that asked me to come get you, if it were up to me I would have let you simmer till you came back begging to move back in.” He said as he progressively got closer, his voice raising. Jaebum never to frustrated with Hee-Chan, so this was something serious. “Mark is head over ing heels in love with you and you’ve done nothing but play with him. You are moving back in and you are going to fix this!” Im Jaebum also never cursed at women, but he was angry for the balance of their family being knocked off course.

 

Hee-chan was taken aback by the sudden anger her god brother was showing her. It was a side of JB she has never seen before, though she had always heard tales from the family that he had a temper. He had never showed it with her, even over the stupid fights they would have over trivial things. This was different. And she didn't like it. When he approached her, his voice growing louder, she backed away, searching for anything and everything that she could possibly put between them In case things turned….well physical. She didn't believe that Jaebum would get violent with her, but there was still that uncertainty there. This was a new and dangerous ground she was on and to her, everything was possibly.

 

And then the blaming and accusing started and she felt her strong resolve begin to crumble. She never said much of anything in the way of her feelings. She had trouble expressing herself to people, because she never wanted to be a burden to anyone. Hell, moving to Korea to live with JB’s family for a few years had been so hard for her to do. Yet the issues at home far outweighed her reservations and fears of being burden and allowed her to move there. When she had left the dorm and came back, they didn't ask what happen, didn't try to pry. They left her alone and in return she did what should could around the house to help while contemplating the who's situation and trying to come to a solution on her own. But it was hard to find a solution to a problem she wasn't exactly clear on herself.

 

Why had she left? Why did she leave Mark? She loved him. She really did and he was a great boyfriend. So what was the problem. Was it what happened with JB and Jinyoung? Or something else? And issue that had been bubbling under the smooth surface of happiness for a few months? If that was it, she didn't know what the true issue was. But she knew inside, deep inside herself something was wrong and she just needed time to be away. To think it all through. She didn't need Jaebum waltzing in like he knew everything and just blaming her for it all. So yes she left and yes people were hurt. She knew that and knew she would have to fix that too. But couldn't she at least have time to work on that herself? Even if she was half Korean, she had been born and raised in America, where the cultural norm was independence, not this whole “family oriented” stuff where she needed to think forward on how her actions would affect others.  She hated this.

 

And the last thing she wanted to do was to go back before she could even answer the questions to herself.

 

She stared at JB once more, hand clutching the computer chair nearby in case she needed to use it. And she did. As the last of her resolve crumbled, she found herself breaking down, the only thing holding her up was the chair, as more hot tears ran down her cheeks.

 

“Please Jae...stop.”

 

Jaebum was about to go on but he saw the look in his god sister's eyes and felt regret from his words wash over him, he ruffled his hair in frustration and sighed heavily. “I'm sorry… But you need to come back… The dorm has been quiet since you left. It isn't right without you. Any issue you have we can all help you with.” He said and then hung his head as he stepped back slightly.

 

“I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm stressed and worried and I couldn't hold it back anymore.“ He mumbled as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “We need you with us.. Chanseul needs you, Mark needs you.. I need you… you're family. Family means that no one gets left behind or forgotten okay?” He said before moving to pull her into a tight hug. “Whatever it is we can fix it okay? We can all sit down and figure it out together, that's what family is for.”

 

Hee-chan shook her head quickly as her arms wrapped around him. She clung to him tightly, his tall frame her only support as she tried to speak through her choked sobs. “I...I don't know what's wrong!” she forced out, her voice catching on another hard sob. Pulling back, she stared at him with such a pathetic expression it was a wonder people wanted to be around her and not just pity her.

 

“I don't know and I can't fix it. I can't. And I can't tell anyone. I…” The difficulty in trying to express herself and her feelings returned and she gave up halfway through her defence because what did it matter? Jaebum wouldn't believe her. No one would believe her. If she did go back, they would sit there and people would pry and pry and pry until they got a somewhat decent answer that they could live with that was fixable. But it wouldn't be the right answer. It never was.

 

The whole reason Hee-chan left her family was because she felt smothered. But at the same time felt like she meant nothing to them. Forced to do whatever they wanted because she was stuck living with them. Leaving had been her solution and even then it had caused a greater rift between her and her parents and she felt such regret for it. She felt absolutely selfish for wanting to do something for herself. To take time for herself. But she couldn't voice that because no one would understand that struggle. The response she would surely get would be “Good. You should feel ashamed for being selfish.” Even if her whole life she did nothing but please her parents and do what they wanted, it was never what she wanted.

 

Hell Mark was her first boyfriend. Chanseul her only friend. She didn't have the social interaction and love that most children got while growing up. She wasn't socially apt like JB was. Things like this and expressing feelings were extremely hard for her. And yet all the people she could turn to would never be able to understand her internal struggle. Because it was all internal. It was all her. It was all her doing and she couldn't escape the vicious mental cycle she had been placed in. She just needed someone to understand her.

 

Jaebum felt his heart break a little as he held her tighter, rubbing her back slowly as he let her cry, he fought back tears as he looked down at her and cupped her cheeks gently. “You're not alone in this. You keep forgetting that.” He said softly and then kissed her forehead gently. “You have us… “ He said as he wiped away her tears as they fell, he hated seeing her cry and he felt even worse knowing that he was partially the reason for her breakdown. “Whatever it is we are here for you, we always will be. You and Seul are apart of Got7 now, you're problems are our problems.” He said firmly and then sighed heavily. He just wanted her back in the dorm where he knew he could protect her better, he had always know how hard life was for her, even if he never even told her that he knew. He was always the one looking out for her when no one else did.

 

“Please…”

 

“You don't understand. You can't possibly understand.” Hee-chan whispered, her sobs slowly fading, but the tears kept flowing in what seemed like a never-ending river. “I don't have anyone. I have no one who will understand.” She whispered. “All of you are different than me. You're not defective okay? You're normal and amazing. And why would you even care for someone as messed up as me?” she asked.

 

“I'll go back but there won't be any solution Jae. Because it won't be my solution. It won't be me figuring out what's wrong. It'll be all of you telling me what is wrong. But it'll never be right. Nothing with change. Nothing ever does. I was so stupid to even think coming here would help anything in my life” she whispered, resting her head against his chest. “The only good thing I had was Mark but something is wrong and I don't know what and I'm scared. I'm scared if I can't figure it out, it'll only get worse and I'll lose him and you and everyone else. And I don't want to be alone Jaebum. I'm tired of being alone.”

 

Jaebum sighed again and moved over to sit her down on his bed, he gently ran his fingers through her hair gently. “You underestimate them so much Hee-chan.. So so much… Yeah I know they can be like that but they worry about you more than you think..” He said softly as he pulled her head to his shoulder. “You're not defective either, You’ve just struggled a lot with being yourself and taking charge of your own life. I do understand because I was there through all of it. This is your getaway place, it always has been. Don't you remember? You used to climb through the window in the middle of the night just because you needed a night to yourself. If you really don't think that I understand then I'm not Im Jaebum. Your best friend, godbrother and the one person who picks you back up when you're at your worst. Give me a little more credit hm? “He chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Hee-chan sat with him, head resting on his shoulder as she listened to him speak. A soft chuckle left her as she sniffled. “Why should I? You recorded me having you .” She said teasingly. Looking up at him, the tears slowly began to dry as her eyes traced over the face she could draw from memory, albeit a terrible drawing, but a drawing none the less. This was the kid she grew up with and protected when the older kids bullied him on the playground. The kid she saw every holiday and birthday as her family traveled back and forth between Korea and America. The kid who grew up so handsomely and became so talented enough he became an idol. The kid who had a life she only dreamed about having. Great friends, independence but most of all, a good grasp on his sense of self and what he wanted in life. It was the last one that Hee-chan struggled the most with and now she realized she hasn't been hiding that struggle as good as she thought she had been.

 

“I'm not good enough though.” She finally whispered after a few moments of silence had past. “I'll never be good enough for him. He deserves so much better than me. A woman who can cook because Lord knows how many times I nearly burned a house down. A woman who is super in touch with her feminine side. A woman who can express herself and her needs. Who knows who she is and what she wants in life. Not someone so ed up and confused. Not someone who regrets every decision she makes because somehow, someway, someone won't be happy with it. Someone who isn't afraid to be selfish once and while. Someone not trained to obey every command like a lifeless robot.” She huffed.

 

“That's all I am. A robot. No sense of self or worth. I'm not right for him or for anyone. I should just be that crazy cat lady that dies of loneliness and gets eaten by her cats.”

 

Jaebum sighed and then looked down at her as he shook his head. “Hee-chan.. he wants you. He picked YOU. He could litterally have any woman in the world because they would throw themselves at him the second he asked. He doesn't want anyone else but you. That time you tried cooking dinner? When you burnt it and went out to get takeout instead? Mark ate it even though it was burnt.” He said and then shook his head. “I've never seen him like this before.. he's trying so hard to be what you want in a man, almost as hard as you are trying to be what you think he wants in a woman. Yeah I filmed you guys having but.. that isn't the point, he has come to me so many times trying to figure out what the hell he has to do to please you fully, that boy… god Hee Hee you don't even know..  the whole time you were punishing him? He came to me every day to talk about things. His dreams and such. He cried the night you said he was too vanilla, and every day since  then he has been trying to think of was to be better for you.” He said and then looked down at her seriously.

 

“You are so much more than a robot. You made the decision to go your own way, you took that chance. And look at you now. You're living the fangirls dream! You really think you're nothing? Sweetie look around you, you're sitting in THE Im jaebum’s bedroom. You have had with Mark Tuan multiple times!” he paused and then waved off his words.”My point is. If you really weren't good enough.. would you have been able to do all that? Just think about it for a few minutes before you actually answer. Think about everything he's been doing even if you don't realize that he has done it.”

 

Hee-chan looked away and stared down at the floor for a moment as she thought over things. She had no idea Mark ate her burnt food. That probably should have killed him. He didn't have to. In fact she had told him not to  but he did anyway. Why? Because she made it? And she hasn't meant to make him cry when she called him too vanilla. It's not like she didn't like vanilla . She did. But never doing anything else was boring to her and there was so much she wanted to try but had always been so afraid to ask to do. She always just assumed he would get a clue and do it. Apparently he didn't get the clue. But he had been trying for her and she had been so blinded trying to be someone perfect for him that she never even noticed.

 

“To be fair, I'm your godsister. So of course they can't sit in your room like this.” She said gently. Reaching out, she took his hand and held it tightly. “I can't do this alone.” She whispered. “I can't….he'll hate me. I know it. But I don't want to lose him.” She whispered. “I just want to be normal and right for him. How do I do it, Jae?”

 

Jaebum squeezed her hand gently and sighed once more. “He won't hate you. He’s going to be cold and upset yes but can you blame him?” He asked softly and leaned to peck her temple. “You just need to be you. He likes you for you. Normal is something you're not. And he liked that. No… he loves it.” He said as he stood and gently pulled her up with him. “You won't do it alone, I’ll gather everyone and we can all sit down and have a proper talk, without yelling or arguing. I’ll order pizza and we can get through this okay?”

 

Hee-chan stared at him and felt her heart clench at those words. She didn't want make to be cold to her or upset. But it was to be expected. Things weren't a movie. Nodding slowly, she stood and bit her bottom lip. “No accusations. Please. I know I did wrong but I did it to try and figure out what was wrong before so many people got hurt. I needed to figure it out on my own and I didn't. And I hurt everyone. I know it. So please...no accusations. I won't be able to….to do it.”

 

He nodded and smiled softly. “You don't have to worry about that, i won't let anyone else talk until you're completely finished, even if i have to duct tape their mouths shut.”

 

Hee-chan laughed at the comment and sighed. “I have duct tape in my room if you need it.” She offered teasingly.

 

~*~

Hee-chan had refused to say anything when they had returned, despite the constant hugs and questions of worry from Youngjae and Bambam when they saw her return. It was nice. At least they acted like they cared and that was more than she could ask for from them.

 

She sat with them in the living room while JB  rounded up everyone else. It took a while and he actually hauled some people out of the rooms but eventually they were all gathered there. There was a tense and heavy silence in the room that she didn't know how to break. So she desperately looked towards JB for help as she clung tightly to Youngjae’s hand. She at least needed him to give a premise of what was going to happen to break the tension in the room.

 

JB sighed and looked around at all of the members and then nodded lightly. “Heres what's going to happen. No one is to speak until noona is finished talking.. we are all going to listen to her and not make accusations or comments no matter how upset or hurt we all are.”He stared directly at Mark and folded his arms over his chest. “Hee-chan has a lot to say and she needs you all to understand why all of this happened in the first place. I’ve already had my say to her and helped her realize a few things that she didn’t notice. Now it's all of your turns.” He said before looking around at the others before turning to hee-chan, he was not only in leader mode but brother mode as well. “Go on noona, if anyone tries to in I will personally deal with it.” He said softly as he reached out to run his fingers through her hair.

 

Hee-chan smiled at him, thankful he had taken over. Because if he hadn't, she was sure that someone would in and things would be said. Not something she wanted to deal with. She looked around the others once more before nodding her head slowly and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She felt the reassuring squeeze of her hand from Youngjae and looked to him. His smile said more than words could have in this situation. Reassurance that she needed.

 

“I know what I did was wrong.” She said softly, her eyes moving to Mark, lingering on him for a moment before looking to Chanseul. “And I know I hurt you guys.” She continued. “It was never my intention.  What I did was to….to protect you all from harm in the future.” She said. Though not allowed to say anything, the confused looks on some of their faces were as clear as day.

 

“It's hard for me. It's really, really, really hard for me to sit here, right now and try to explain this.” She said, fighting back tears that she had thought she had run out of  apparently not. “I've spent most of my life appeasing other people. Doing what they want and being the person they want. I've never been...me. I mean to be honest I don't even know who the real me is, if that makes sense.” She spoke, taking a shaky breathe. “I'm quiet. I'm weird. I'm reserved and I just want to be worth something to people. I want others to like me  so I try to be what I think they want. And in return, I end up screwing up. I can never live up to this fake standard I make up.” She said.

 

“Its….its like a mental cycle in my head. I try….” She stopped and was silent for a long while. “Just like now.” She whispered. “I think...why should I do this? They don't care. They won't understand. I should just shut up, nod my head and agree to everything they say and want.” She whispered and closed her eyes tightly. “It's a cycle I can't escape from and it hurts me so deeply. Because it keeps me closed off. I can't….I just can't express my feelings. I can't get across meanings and….” Stopping, she opened her eyes and stared at Mark. “I like you. I like you so much it hurts. I'm in love with you. But I feel like I'm not good enough. You could have better. I don't deserve you. I shouldn't be selfish and keep you for myself.” She said.

 

“I shouldn't be selfish and be here. I should be home. Being a mindless robot and doing whatever my parents want from me. Every decision I make in my life I regret because I shouldn't have made it. Because it was a decision I made on my own that would only benefit me. Not them. I'm a horrible person for being so….so brainwashed and being selfish. How could you even stand me, yet alone date me? There is something wrong with me. And I can't be fixed. I don't want to hurt you.”

 

Mark kept his head down, his hands clutching at the fabric of his own sweater as he listened, more and more tears welling up in his eyes as he fought them back. He shook his head slowly and bit his lip before puffing out his cheeks, finally looking up to meet her eyes, he let out a shaky sigh and glanced at Jaebum as if silently asking for permission to say something. He waited for a moment before he got a nod and then looked back down at his thighs before taking a deep breath. “I.. I don't care if you can't be fixed.. But being a mindless slave to your family isn't something that should be done. We do care.. I do care, everything that I’ve been doing has been for you, I know you haven't been okay lately I just…. Didn’t think you would l-leave me..” His voice broke as he spoke and then had to clear his throat before he could continue. “To me.. You're perfect the way you are, even if you can't express yourself easily it's okay.. yes you're weird, reserved… but that just makes you… you.” He bit his lip and rubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

 

“Back when we first met… you were awkward and shy, you didn't really know how to act around any of us. But you still tried and I admired that, I asked you to dinner because I wanted to get closer to you and I ended up falling for you so hard and it’s only gotten deeper. I know what it's like to make a life changing decision.  My parents and brother are all the way back in America too, I get to see them maybe… once a year if I'm lucky.” He sniffled a little as he looked at her with sad eyes. “It’s okay to be selfish sometimes… Being selfish isn't a bad thing, everyone can be selfish, some people just choose the wrong time.” he paused and then thought for a moment, trying to find the right words. “I-.. My selfish moment was asking you out.. because if I didn't do it at that moment.. someone else in this room was going to. And I don't think I would have been able to watch you be with anyone else but me.. I would have ended up bitter and cold..” He mumbled as he lowered his gaze at his own confession.

 

“You're not broken.. You don't even see how amazing you are, and I honestly don't want anyone but you… ever.. You are the one woman in my life other than my mom that I would give everything to. My money, my dog, my house.. my job.. everything.”

 

“Mark’s right. You're not broken.” Jinyoung spoke softly. “There are at least three other people in the room that probably would have asked you out if he didn't. You're an amazing person. And being quiet is a good thing. I mean come on, we live with those two.” He said and pointed to Bambam and Jackson. “Your quietness is a blessing. It's a welcomed change. Just your presence has been enough to make everything feel….right.” He mulled over his words, thinking back to a few years prior when they had all met for the first time.

 

“I'm glad you were selfish Hee Hee.  Because you came here and made our lives better. You even brought a friend that just completes us all. We're not Got7. We are Got9. And we can't be Got9 without you. Whatever you think is a problem, it can be worked out. You just have to trust us to help you.”

 

“Jinyounggie Hyung is right.” Youngjae chimed in. “And the dorm isn't the same without you. So please, let's all make up and be with Mark. For god sakes he's going to get rid of Coco for you.” Youngjae whined and Hee-chan laughed at that.

 

Looking at all the members, she nodded slowly before standing. She took a few steps over to Mark and knelt in front of him, her head bowed as she stared at his feet. “I don't deserve it, but please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. That I couldn't tell you what was wrong. I'm sorry I broke up with you. I love you so much. Please, can we try again?”

 

Mark bit his lip as he sniffled and nodded, he didn't even have to think twice about it, he was madly in love with her and that would never change. He reached out and gently tugged her up into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he could while burying his face in her neck, his shoulders shaking slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I love you… so so much.. Noona you have no idea..” He whispered shakily as he nuzzled her neck, tears streaming down his cheeks now that no one could see his face, but it was evident in his voice. “Please.. don't ever leave me again. I can't live without you..” He choked out as he kissed her collarbone gently. “Whatever I need to do.. I’ll do it.”

 

Slipping into his lap, Hee-Chan wrapped her arms around him tightly, clinging to him like her life depended on it  and it felt like it did. He was everything to her. Really the only reason she smiled. It wasn't his looks, his money or talent that she fell for  it was his personality, his soul. She didn't want him to ever change and she never wanted to lose him.

 

“Just be you.” She whispered as she his back. “Just always be you. Don't try to be anyone or anything else. I love you for you. Vanilla and all.” She whispered. Pulling away, she cupped his cheeks gently and kissed him softly. “I fell for you. For who you are Mark. Please don't change. Don't be like me and set unrealistic standards yourself. Just know I love you for who you are and all you offer. I don't need anything or anyone else.” She assured him and smiled. “Besides, we can always explore my kinks together, yeah?”

 

“Just not with the maple syrup again.” Jinyoung sighed.

 

“And not the kitchen table.” Youngjae added.

 

“And please lock the doors so I’m not scared again.” Yugyeom added with a thumbs up.

 

Hee-chan looked at them and snorted. “Yeah right. Exhibitionism is fun.” She grinned before turning back and kissing Mark’s forehead gently.

 

“Yeah we know. JB boasts about it all the time.” Jackson teased. “I bet he's the one who would have asked you out.” He teased.

 

“Ew, that's like . Please Jackson. I helped change his diapers!” Hee-chan squeaked. “Oh the days of smelly diapers.”

 

“And with that, we can adjourn this meeting Leader Hyung? I'm going to be late for schedule and is rather not have the managers yell at me again.” Jinyoung asked.

 

“Ah. You should go. Besides…” Hee-chan smiled as she Mark’s cheek. “I have a lot of making up to do.”

 

“Ugh. Just please lock the door!” Yugyeom whined.