AFTER

I gave up looking for Jungkook. I was overwhelmed with feelings. The fact that he actually had that kind of love for me - I should've expected it but I didn't want to appear like I was hoping. I just went with the flow. But having that said in my face, I realised then that I actually did love him the way he loved me.

But it was all too late.

I was with Yoongi at the time and he, himself, was with someone else. I assumed he'd be okay just like how I'd be. Now, he was just being unfair. I felt like him shutting me down finally being with someone was completely unfair. How could he have been so selfish? I was mad, I was sad, I was - even more disappointed about how things turned out between us.

And I especially remember the night how we became hostile. It was the night when he found out about me and Yoongi.

;

I was avoiding Kira. I could not bear the sight of her at the time. It was only going to make me feel mad. I don't know, I felt... too disappointed and undoubtedly possessive when I had no right to. But what conquered my feelings were regrets. How I regretted not admitting to her that I loved her as my best friend and lover. How I would like to cherish her for the rest of my life and discover more of us together. How I wanted it to be her that knows all of my deepest secrets and dreams. If only I had been honest. But I was afraid. Perhaps she was afraid too, that perhaps if we spoke of it, we might lose the friendship. That one thing we both hold so precious. But the fear was what costed me my love.

And I would never forget the night I found out about her and hyung, and how I could hear my heart shattering into millions of pieces.

I was slipping into my PJ’s when my door was knocked. I glanced at my watch and it was 11 PM. I hopped happily to the door and answered it. When I saw her, I immediately pulled her in and dragged her to my compartment. I urged Kira to hurry and have a seat on the bed while she was busy putting her bags down on the floor.

“Why are you still in your jeans?” I asked.

“I wasn’t going to walk here in my PJ’s, okay? I have a reputation to maintain.”

She went into the corner of my room and changed into her pajama pants. That was the first time I caught myself staring at her legs.

“Your legs are fairer than your face,” I pointed out loud.

“Shut up, Jung. The obvious is not supposed to be mentioned.” She sat in front of me on the bed.

“Okay, the first thing I would like to highlight about the trip is that…”

She raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

“I met a girl there, Kira.”

Her eyes rolled. “Is that even news?”

“No, just listen. It’s as if it’s fate! I met her when we were all at the café, see? Then, of course, I was being the flirt I was. We talked and you know, made out a little – “

“Unnecessary details, Jung!” She made a disgusted face.

“– Only to find out that she goes to the same college as we do! How mad is that?! If that is not fate, I don’t know what that is!”

She laughed at that. “So, was she on the same flight back?”

“No, she’s coming back tomorrow. But I’m definitely seeing her on Monday. You should see. My choice this time is the bomb.”

“I never trust your choices.”

I ignored her