Chapter Nineteen:

Have you ever said something and wished that you could just take it back? Ever behaved in a way and regretted it next? Ever had a ridiculous thought and then stop to wonder why you would even think such a thing?

‘Seriously, you need to just let it go,’ Mina said snapping me out of my thoughts. ‘What’s said has been said, you can’t change that.’

‘I know, but things just got weird again after it all became normal,’ I sighed.
Things between Minhyun aren’t great right now – I don’t think the trip to Busan was that great.

‘Kyung Mi, things will return to normal soon. Plus you need to stop worrying about them and think about you more,’ Sejeong advised as she held up two bottles of nail polish.

‘She’s right, you’re stressing too much and that can’t be good for the baby,’ Mina noted, as she pointed to the lighter shade of blue nail polish.

‘Sometimes I wish I could just runaway from everything,’ I sighed.

‘Come away with me then. Come live with me in Tokyo, I need the company,’ Mina piped. The time before she leaves is drawing closer and closer. And soon, I’ll be living in another country from one of my best friends. I’m happy she is living her dream though.

‘I wish I could, but can’t.’

You ever feel like you grew up a little too quick? Maybe did you skip the part where you could make mistakes and not be judged? The part where you could just let your hair down, feel the wind in your hair and just be able to scream aloud? Sometimes I feel like I rushed into adulthood and forgot about having fun.

‘You going out for lunch today with him?’ Jeong asked as she checked the time on her phone. In the past, lunch with Minhyun became a routine schedule – it was at the same time every week.

‘Not this week, he cancelled on me. Asked for a raincheck on it,’ I replied. Last week’s lunch was awkward. Usually Soomin doesn’t tag along to these, she only appears once in a while but last week she decided to come as well. In the few conversations I’ve held with her she is usually boasting about something Minhyun got for her or something about how successful she in her work. Last week though, she was just very hands on. As in, she couldn’t keep her hands off of him and she really enjoyed PDA. I’m not sure what’s going through her mind anymore, but I’m honestly not trying to watch people kiss as I’m eating my lunch. The morning sickness has faded a fair bit but that might just make me hurl.

‘Good more time for this,’ Mina smiled, ‘I’m going to miss you guys.’

‘I’m sure you will make friends over there too,’ I said.
‘Not as good as us, but friends nether the less,’ Sejeong added.

--------

It’s scary the things that they do in these conversion therapy institutions. It’s not normal treatment – no it shouldn’t even be called treatment, it should be called a form of torture. Medical torture for non-medical reasons, that’s what it should be referred to. Medical torture that my parents paid for.

The horrors that place exerted not only on Daehwi but also on everyone who was admitted there. What they did to them.

‘They gave me this medicine, every morning. It made me feel like I wasn’t myself anymore. I didn’t have the energy to do anything anymore. I couldn’t fight back or argue against them, I felt heavy like a pile of bricks. Sleeping, that’s all I could do.’ Daehwi had told me before.

Sedatives. I did my own research; I want to know more. I want to know how best I can support Daehwi. They must have used sedatives to make the patients more compliant. You can’t fight back against them, or try to escape if all you can do is sleep. But who knows if that tablet wasn’t a sedative, what if it was something much stronger than that. What if it had longer lasting damages?

‘I wasn’t able to argue back physically but in my mind I was screaming out for help. Each day we had a therapy session – it was one on one with the doctor. He kept telling me that I’m it was me, something was wrong with me and we had to w