The next day seethed and ended Byungjoo's and Taeyang's little get of sleep, who were in much shock when they glared at the night sky that came about before they had even a glimpse of that days sunlight. Their schedule was backwards; but it didn't bother Taeyang as much as it did Byungjoo.
"Here, take these." Byungjoo slapped a fresh outfit on Taeyang's lap. "You can use the shower. I'm heading over a friends."
"That Xero kid?" The other questioned.
He looked to him in wonder. "How do you know about him?"
"Same way I figured out where you live."
He paused. "You've been watching me?"
"I followed you around one day after I saw you leave from some store." Taeyang sighed. "I wanted to talk to you... But I was afraid you still had rust in your guts about me..."
Byungjoo blinked. "I'm sorry... Wait. Then how did you know Xero's name?"
He tsked. "Really? He was all over the news."
"Right... I keep forgetting that."
"And I also knew who that guy was." His voice became subtle.
Byungjoo stopped the activity in his hands that prepared for his stay at Xero's, looking to Taeyang suspiciously. "You knew what guy?"
"The guy who killed himself."
"The-" His eyes grew wider than a blooming moon. "What!? What the hell!? You knew him!?"
"Yeah. His name was Gohn. He was in foster just like you and me."
Byungjoo gulped, stationing his stare at him with not a word that could rinse his tongue.
"I tried to stop him but his... What he said to me before he left hit me so hard in the head I couldn't..." Taeyang palmed at his head furiously with a cry so sudden and weak it immediately explained his grieving regret.
"You couldn't what..?"
"I couldn't think! I just couldn't ing think wrong from right B-Joo!"
"Why not?"
"Because what he said was true!" He tried to control the rapid breaths that took over his voice. "He said that we're in a living hell, where we are tested upon the mystery of death, and it's when we're not afraid of it anymore that we know we are truly broken, and have nothing to show for no longer." He threw his hands in front of him. "I remembered it word for ing word! It's repeated in my head the second he turned his back on me, and I puke every time I think about it. It haunts me B-Joo."
Byungjoo was left truly speechless, and it was at that moment he wished Sanggyun was there, because it was he who always managed to say the right thing. "W-why..?" He sat next to him.
"Because I could of saved him! But I didn't. I just stood there like a coward. I let him do it, because I felt the same way. I was selfish."
"No... No Taeyang. Not knowing what to do is not selfish."
"Then what is it called!?" He snapped. "Cause I sure as hell didn't do anything to stop him from jumping off that bridge!"
"Tae... I know what it's like to be depressed. And if there's one thing I can tell you about it it's that you're not in your right mind. It blocks out any ability to function right. And I think you're still depressed." He inhaled deeply. "... You can't fix something when you yourself are broken." He shook his head. "You're just not strong enough..."
For a moment, the other had not spoken, but then, in the softest of tones, he finally said something that completed Byungjoo's worry. "I missed you B-Joo..." He wiped his eyes. "But I don't think I can meet Xero. It'll be like lookin' in a mirror."
"Well then we'll wait for Sanggyun to come home." He smiled, rubbing his back. "Just know you're going to have to meet him sometime... He comes over here too..."
"I hate to say this after all you've done for me... But B-Joo... I don't think him and me will get along."
Byungjoo laughed. "Xero's nice though."
"He's fake." Taeyang corrected.