“Honey, you already graduated college. You don’t plan on staying in Korea do you?” Your mom was sounding like her worrisome self over the phone again.

“I got a part time job teaching English” You lie. You didn’t want to let her know the real situation you were in because knowing her, she would freak out and force you to get a real job. Technically, you weren’t even lying because you were in fact teaching English *cough to BTS cough*.

“Your father and I think you should got to grad school in the US” She continues. “Further your studies and then you can decide if you want to work in China later on.”

“In China?” You ask, surprised. You weren’t expecting her to suggest you move back there. Yes, you were born in China, but you barely knew anything about the country. Growing up in the US, you only went back to visit family over breaks and although vacationing in the country was really fun, living in a place long term and visiting was two completely different things. 

“Yes, since your father and I have settled down here, we think it’s best if you make a life here too” She says. “Your father’s company is hiring more employees, and obviously you have more connections, being the daughter of the CEO after all” She laughs, oblivious to how against you were in regards to the idea of working for your dad's company. 

“But, I like Korea” You say, feeling disappointed that they were trying to convince you to leave. Although you had only been in Korea for college and a couple of visits when you were younger, you had friends here and you were finally enjoying life after meeting BTS.

“You’ll have more opportunities here,” Your mom continues. “Well, I suggest you put some serious consideration into it. You’re at that age where you need to start settling down with a family too” She adds.

“Yes mom” You answer before she hangs up. It's not like you could convince her otherwise because you still didn't have your life pulled together yet, and you didn't want to voice all your problems to your mom because all she would do is make it into more of a reason to move to China. 

Conversations with your mom always ended like this. Yes, she cared about you, but she didn’t understand you on a deeper level. Talking to her was just added stress, and you actually delusionally felt like you were doing just fine until she had to call and snap you back to reality. Of course you were ok for now, teaching English and Chinese to BTS, but it’s not like you were going to do it for the rest of your life. At the end of the day, your mom was right; sooner or later you were going to have to settle down with a stable job, and as much as you hated to think about it…start a family.

…

“Bangtan! Annyeonghaseyo, we are Bangtan Sonnyeondan!” The BTS members say in sync.

They were having another promotion event for their “You Never Walk Alone” album. A large group of fans had gathered to watch BTS perform “Spring Day” and “Not Today” before holding another fansign event.

The large crowd of ARMYs never failed to amaze you. They were so excited to see the boys and kept shouting words of love and encouragement. They all had hand made posters and the sea of smartphones taking videos was no joke. 

“Jungkook-oppa, do you have a girlfriend?” One of the fans asked through the microphone that was handed to here. The host was picking on fans in the crowd to ask the BTS members questions. It never failed to amaze you how straightforward Korean ARMYs were, they literally ask the boys anything, even personal questions like this. 

Jungkook laughs. “Yes!” He shouts into the mic. There was a disappointing “awww” from the crowd. “ARMYs are my girlfriends” Jungkook quickly says, and the crowd cheers. It was amazing how many fangirl squeals you heard as well. 

Even from standing with the staff at the side of the stage you could tell how happy Jungkook looked. His smile radiated love for his fans, and even though you were happy for him, you couldn’t ignore the tinge of sadness you felt.

Yes, you were close to him, but he was still an idol. How could you ever even think that someone like him could belong solely to you when he had millions of other girls who loved him just as much? You sigh, turning back to look at the crowd. 

“But what about the bell?” The second fan asked, still prying him on the girlfriend question. “Have you found her yet?” She asks. You notice all the fans are basically silent now, waiting intently for Jungkook to answer. 

Jungkook doesn’t answer the question and instead just smiles. “I think I’ll let the other members get a chance to answer questions now” He says. 

He hands the mic to V and the crowd whines in disappointment.

You were confused as to what this “bell” thing was, but just shook it off thinking it was probably some secret between him and ARMYs or something. It really wasn't any of your business, so you just shake it off. 

Then V says something that tugs at your curiosity for this so called “bell” thing again.

“I can confirm he-” V says, but is interrupted by Jungkook who begins to tickle V, preventing the elder from finishing what he began to say. 

“Ok, ok” V surrenders. “Moving on to the next question.”

…

“Can we have class outside today?” Jungkook suddenly asks looking up from his textbook. You guys were having one on one English class again, and it was getting a little dry, especially just going through the textbook lesson by lession and not really changing things up. Jungkook looked like he was almost about to fall asleep and even you were struggling not to yawn. 

You look at him, then out the window. The weather was really nice, but you didn't know how it was possible to have class outside with all the people in Gangnam and really no space to spread out a textbook and paper. 

“There’s a cherry blossom park in Gangnam not far from here.” He says. "We could just practice the dialoge and vocab while we walk" He suggests enthusiastically. 

“Umm, I guess we could” You answer, hesitantly. You weren’t sure if it was ok to just go outside for class, and if the manager found out, he probably wouldn’t be too happy about it, but the look on Jungkook's face was too precious to resist, so you had no choice but to allow it. I guess this is why people say you have to separate work life and personal life. Weak, Minchan, Weak.  

Jungkook’s face lights up and he begins to pack his stuff into his backpack.

The two of you walked along the streets of Gangnam, Korea's richest district. You could tell everyone owned fancy cars and expensive apartments just by the way the people dressed while walking down the street. You guys pass a bunch of plastic surgery clinics and although you knew about the infamous plastic surgery street, it still made you feel a bit queasy at the thought of how many people came here to get their faces cut up and sewn back together. 

Jungkook noticed that you had gone quite. "We can take a different route next time. Someone as pretty as you shouldn't walk around here" He says, and although he liked to say a lot of sweet words to his fans, this compliment sounded different. And you thought maybe you were reading too much into it, but the sincere look in his eyes is enough to push you out of your thoughts. 

You feel your face heating up after hearing those words and are again at loss for words in return. In the end, you just look at him awkwardly and smile. He smiles back and continues walking. 

The two of you finally reach the park, which was just a long wide sidewalk lined with cherry blossom trees. There weren't that many people because it was a weekday and most people were probably at work. A breeze bows by and you inhale the scent of fresh flowers. 

“Noona, which country do you consider as your home?” Jungkook suddenly asks as the two of you were walking under the cherry blossoms.

“Umm” You try to think, a little startled by his question. “I don’t know” You finally say after a moment of thought. You were born in China, grew up in the United States, and were now in South Korea. Although his question caught you off guard, it was something you would often think about, and it was always a question you struggled to answer whenever you were meeting someone new and they would inevitably ask.

“It’s amazing you’re fluent in 3 languages” Jungkook compliments realizing that it was a hard questions for you to answer. “Are you going to stay in Korea?” He continues to ask, the curiosity getting the better of him.

Yet another hard question to answer. You take a deep breath and look at the trees.

“I don’t know” You reply in the same way. “When I was younger I used to think that I was going to stay in America because all my friends were there, but somehow, life brought me to Seoul.” Which was not a lie, going to college in Korea was not originally on your bucket list, and you could've just as easily gotten into a university in the U.S., but you wanted to see what life was like abroad and it just so happens that you got into Seoul National University, which was part of SKY (aka the Harvard, Yale, Princeton of South Korea). 

“They say home is where your loved ones are,” Jungkook says, looking down at the cherry blossoms scattered on the sidewalk.

You felt the calm breeze and the drifting of cherry blossoms. Hues of baby pink and grass green, your favorite combination. You thought about what Jungkook just said, and thought of your parents who were in China now, your childhood friends in America, and your college buddies in South Korea.

“That makes it even harder” You say, trying to smile a little.

Jungkook picks up a cherry blossom petal and examines it closely.

“Do you think there exists a person who could represent home? And if there was no one else left in the world, you could still live a happy life because that person is with you?” Jungkook asks. It almost seems like he’s half talking to himself now, but he turns to look at you. His expression is hard to make out. His large doe eyes looking deep into yours. 

Jungkook notices that you must’ve been startled by his sudden change of topic, and he smiles.

Usually, seeing that warm smile made you happy and calm, but at that moment, it was so beautiful it almost hurt for some strange reason.

“Maybe,” You say, trying to hide the fact that you were about to get lost in his doe like eyes.

“The hyungs tell me I say these things because I’m young,” Jungkook says, chuckling a little. “But I don’t know why I’m always thinking about things like this nowadays.” He continues.

Your heat begins to pound faster. A feeling you came to be so familiar with, being in Jungkook’s presence.

“I’m really happy these days,” Jungkook says, looking at you again. Almost as if there was more he wanted to convey, but didn't have the words to do so. 

“Because of ARMYs’ love, right?” You quickly say before your thoughts got the better of you.

He sighs, and nods. “That’s probably it” He finally says.

You feel something heavy fall in your chest. It was the answer you were expecting to hear, but somewhere deep down, you had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he would say that it wasn’t because of ARMYs.

When you guys made it back to BigHit’s company building in time for him to start dance practice, you kindly reject his offer to watch their practice again, saying you were tired and wanted to take a nap that afternoon. But in reality, in times like these, you just knew it was best to try and limit the time you spent with Jungkook because you knew were falling too hard and you have to open your parachute before it's too late.

You watched as he waved good-bye to you through the closing elevator doors.

As you walked away, you decide to come to terms that he was unattainable.

He’s too perfect for me anyways. Always has been. Always will be. You think to yourself as you take a deep breath.

A tear rolls down your cheek. You quickly wipe it away and smile.

.......