Seven years earlier

If there was a spot in Guangzhou Junmyeon loved, it was leaning on the cement fence as he viewed the Pearl River flow and the skyline on the other side. He had been living there for almost three weeks, and this was the spot he frequented the most. There was something about listening to the water that brought him inner peace – even if he was surrounded by other city rackets. Sometimes it reminded him of those afternoons he sat near the riverbanks in Seoul. But that’s where the similarities stopped.

Junmyeon was immersed in the landscape, he didn’t notice the stranger standing next to him. His stream of thoughts stopped when he heard that old familiar voice.

“It’s truly beautiful, isn’t it, Junmyeon?” had the voice said in Korean, his accent even more noticeable now.

The resemblances were uncanny. It was that same timbre, that same soothing tone, that same intonation he used to pronounce each syllabus. It was the voice Junmyeon used to distinguished anywhere before. How odd, Junmyeon had thought he would never hear it again. Not after how neither of them had ever called the numbers they had said they would. And everything they had lived together would have remained a nostalgic memory. A memory he might tell his children about one day when they asked him what his first love was like.

But when Junmyeon turned around none else but he was standing there, smiling like he always did, dimples sinking in place. “Oh my god, Yixing!” Junmyeon gasped, because yes, there stood Yixing, his mind hadn’t tricked him.

“Junmyeon!” Yixing said with a wide grin that equaled the one on Junmyeon’s face, “It has been such a long time.”

“Yes, so, so long,” Junmyeon answered in the Chinese he had studied over the past five years.

Yixing’s eyes widened, surprised by the few words Junmyeon had uttered. “You learned,” he said in Chinese this time.

“I told you I would,” Junmyeon said. He chuckled, not exactly knowing why, but it belonged with the peculiarity of the situation. Yixing, as he had expected, joined him.

And then they hugged. Yixing and Junmyeon hadn’t seen each other in five years. The last time they had spoken was amid tears and broken hearts. Yet there was nothing weird, out of place, with that brief, brief contact. On the contrary, it was comforting.

“I’m so relieved it was you! Your cap made me doubt,” Yixing said after separating, touching the cap’s bill. “Otherwise my entrance would have been very awkward.”

Junmyeon nodded, laughing. “What are you doing here?” he asked. If there were any place Junmyeon had ever expected he’d see Yixing again, it was Changsha, not here.

“I should be the one asking you that,” Yixing said, “What brings you to China? Or more precisely, Guangzhou?” He showed the same curiosity Junmyeon had. After all, they had so, so many questions.

“It’s a long story.”

“And I have all the time in the world… Okay not really, but I’m free until the afternoon,” Yixing said.

For anyone else, this situation would have been strange and bizarre. They were two old lovers meeting again after such a long time. But the wounds had healed long ago, and whatever feelings Junmyeon had felt, were not there anymore. This was more like an old friends’ reunion. Even after five years, he still sensed that same trust, serenity, and ease whenever he spoke with Yixing. And it convinced Junmyeon to tell him everything because he was still that same raven-haired boy, now man, with the deep dimples.

Junmyeon got to practice his Chinese language a lot that morning. This conversation was the longest he had held with someone outside of work since arriving at the beginning of September. He still wasn’t the best at making friends.

At first, they had spoken near the cement fence. Then somehow, they ended up walking and walking until they sat down in a coffee shop and drank their usual drinks. Frappuccino for Yixing, and espresso for Junmyeon.

What had they talked about?

Well, Junmyeon began telling how things in his life had gone and why he had ended in Guangzhou.

When Junmyeon got into university, he took the Chinese courses he had said he would. Despite everything, the motivation to learn the language was still there. So, he started learning Chinese in his first year and all throughout college.

As time passed, everything was going fine. Junmyeon enjoyed studying his major (even if it came with lots of stress), he had good friends, old and new, and he had fallen in love once again. But of course, happiness was momentary. Once the moment the truth had come out, he was relieved and unchained, yet it came with a far wicked outcome than he had feared. And he accepted that his parents hated him when they had filed that restraining order. Yixing gently rubbed his upper back when he had said this part of his story. Maybe he had noticed the small crack in Junmyeon’s voice because that moment of his life had been painful, heartbreaking, and distressing. Anyone else would have hated their parents back, but Junmyeon couldn’t. He didn’t want to carry any resentment in his heart or mind. Instead, he came to terms with his situation and would not let it interfere with his life.

Junmyeon focused on being happy again. Thankfully, he had support from his then-boyfriend, his uncle and Sehun, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and other close friends that accepted him. Due to his injuries, Junmyeon had to miss one semester in his second year of college. But once he came back, he made sure to study twice as hard as he used to.

Time passed, wounds healed, relationships ended, others began. And on the summer vacation between his third and fourth year, Junmyeon wanted to put into practice the language and knowledge he had acquired. He applied for a ten-week summer placement on different pharmaceutical companies around China. He got accepted by only one company, the one in Guangzhou. The ten weeks he had spent there the first time, was enough to convince him to accept the offer the company had given him at the end of the summer placement. They wanted him to come work for them once he graduated.

A year later he finally moved. But before doing that he had felt sorry for leaving his uncle all alone because last summer Sehun had also left for another city, Paris. His uncle and Sehun had been there for him ever since that incident. He was grateful for all the support they had given him, that was why he hesitated. Who would take care of his uncle in the future? But the old man told him to go on this new journey, to go see what life had in store for him. He had already lived long enough, Junmyeon's life was just beginning. Without remorse, Junmyeon moved abroad.

So, that was how Junmyeon ended there that morning, in Guangzhou, watching the Pearl River flow, and then drinking coffee with Yixing.

Meanwhile, what had happened with Yixing?

The raven-haired boy returned to Changsha with a broken heart. But it cracked, even more, when he finally said that he wanted to become a chef. His parents were undoubtedly disappointed. It wasn’t the prestigious career they had expected him to have. Heck, they could even try to support him to become a pianist. ‘Anything but the kitchen’ had his father once said. Only his grandmother was the one who told him to not be afraid and pursue his dream job, after all, she was the one who taught him how to cook. And she was the one who took him in when his parents said he had to pay rent because they would only help him if he were attending college. But the funny thing was that Yixing was attending college. He was studying to get a bachelor’s degree in culinary arts. Yet that didn’t mean anything to them. But despite their differences, Yixing and his parents still had a relationship. They still talked.

Eventually, his parents came around. Maybe because of the praise Yixing got from his professors and the local restaurants he had practiced at. Or because his grandmother would always say how proud she was of him whenever his parents visited them. It could also be because one day they finally tasted what Yixing could cook. That one bite, that one meal, and they apologized for everything. For their horrible mistake, for wanting him to follow their paths when Yixing had already forged his own. Yixing had talent, and they had finally acknowledged it.

His parents asked him to come live with them again, but Yixing had grown attached to his grandmother and couldn’t leave her alone. Still, his parents aided him, and they paid back the loan Yixing had taken to pay the college fees. To show they indeed supported him and were sorry about everything, they paid for him to study abroad for his third year. It wasn’t like he had asked for it. Yixing had forgiven them a long time ago but he still went. He could make use of the third language, the language his parents had forced him to learn as a kid, English. It was there he had met many good friends and talented chefs, including his Korean friend, Do Kyungsoo.

Yixing graduated after four years at the culinary school. And then he had to face the hardships of applying for a job on his own, that no matter the praise he had gotten in college, the real world was different. This was a competitive field, yet it only motivated to not give up and work harder. He had to expand his search outside of Changsha. This hunt took him to Guangzhou, where a fine dining restaurant was hiring someone who could do scut work. He knew he had to start at the bottom and slowly climb his way up, and this was a prestigious place. After sleepless days waiting for that call, they called and said he got the job. Despite the pain of leaving his family behind, he moved to Guangzhou with a hopeful heart, thinking this was going to be a rewarding experience.

And indeed, it had been. Almost a year passed since Yixing moved and he had been promoted to garde manger, a pantry chef. This meant the scut work was over, and now he prepared the appetizers, cold dishes, and soups instead. It was a step forward.

“And so, we meet again,” Yixing finished his story.

“Yeah, I guess you could call this fate,” Junmyeon said.

A comforting silence fell. Their coffee cups had been empty since long ago. They stared at each other with subtle smiles. Time had surely passed for them.

Junmyeon was happy to hear Yixing had accomplished what he had dreamed of, to hear his life had turned out all right. He was proud of him, but he didn’t say it out loud.

Yet there was a topic neither of them had spoken about. Why hadn’t they kept in touch? Why hadn’t he called? Junmyeon wanted to ask that, but he didn’t. Because he knew fine well that if Yixing were to ask him the same, he wouldn’t know what to answers. Why hadn’t they called?

It was amid those thoughts that the silence broke when Yixing’s phone rang. Yixing picked up the phone, and when he saw the caller, he lit up. There was that dimpled smiled as radiant as ever. There were his crescent eyes. There was his soothing voice, answering, “Good morning, my love. Where are you?”

Junmyeon didn’t know whether to pretend he had to use the restroom or to stay there and listen to Yixing talk with, Junmyeon assumed, his boyfriend. Don’t misunderstand, he wasn’t jealous. It was just… Odd. Maybe because this fateful meeting had planted a silly idea in his mind. That this could be a second chance for them. But a second chance for what? Wasn’t that just incredibly stupid? He had dated other people after Yixing had left, fallen in love too. And he had always thought he would end up with someone else since he would probably never see Yixing again. That was what he had thought. But here was his eighteen-year-old self trying to come up with those silly ideas in his head, thinking that fate had brought them together again. He had to ignore that kid.

“I’m sorry, that was my boyfriend,” Yixing said once the call ended. Junmyeon had not gone to the bathroom. “Where were we?” Yixing asked.

“Nowhere, but you might as well tell me about this boyfriend of yours,” Junmyeon genuinely asked Yixing. Because yes, he wanted to know who this person was, who could make Yixing so thrilled with just one call.

This wasn’t a long story. Yixing began saying his name was Zhou Mi, a twenty-eight-year-old dentist Yixing had met through a mutual friend. They instantly clicked, and sure, Mi was five years older than him, but he didn’t care about that. Age was just a number. They liked each other, there was an undeniable mutual attraction. And once Mi took the first step and asked him out, six months ago, that was where everything began. The following months were pure bliss. Yixing was happy, Mi made him happier. This was the first serious relationship he had because in college he had only had brief flings. Yixing saw a future with him, and somehow already felt that Mi was the one, as ridiculous as it sounded. He said this with a tad blush on his cheeks.

Yixing was in love, Junmyeon could see that, and Junmyeon was happy for him.

They spent more time talking about their jobs, the city, what places to go, etc. And when it was time for Yixing to go meet Mi, he asked Junmyeon for his number. They were old friends, and it would be nice if they could keep being that. Junmyeon couldn’t agree more.

Days passed, weeks went by, and before Junmyeon knew it, it was already December. It was December, yet his surroundings lacked that white mantle that used to cover everything. It didn’t snow in Guangzhou, and it hadn’t done so in eighty years. He was used to a Christmas Eve covered in snow, but he had nothing against this new change. He had probably never liked snow anyway.

On this day, he was going to Yixing’s house. Yixing and other friends decided to have a small gathering to celebrate Christmas Eve. No need for presents, only bring food or drinks everyone would enjoy.

Upon arriving in Guangzhou, Junmyeon had thought he’d spent his first holidays all alone. But Yixing had made sure that Junmyeon expanded his circle of friends by bringing him into his. Even if Junmyeon had become acquainted with his co-workers, they seemed to be a generation older than him.

Junmyeon got the closest to Minseok, another Korean but born in Guangzhou who was studying to become a doctor, and Luhan, a social worker. It was evident for Junmyeon those two liked each other, but he never understood why they didn’t say anything about it. Junmyeon had also befriended Mi, who seemed to care about Yixing. However, Junmyeon wondered if Mi knew what kind of history he and Yixing had shared. Mi never once showed him an unwelcoming or hateful look. Perhaps Mi didn’t know, yet Junmyeon never brought up the topic either.

And well, Junmyeon had also gotten closer to Yixing, of course. Besides spending time together in a group, the two met on their own too. Mi must be a mature man, if it were Junmyeon he would have been extremely jealous. Then again, Mi may not even know. Either way, Yixing, and Junmyeon went drinking coffee in the early Saturday mornings. They walked near the river banks of the Pearl River watching the water flow. They went shopping together. They went bicycling together during the night. They spoke on the phone, almost daily. They did all this and other stuff together that Junmyeon told himself only meant as friends.

Yes, as friends, because if there was a problem Junmyeon was facing, it was that his stupid heart had started skipping heartbeats whenever he saw Yixing. His dimpled smile was becoming his weakness. His voice was becoming that joyful melody he used to love. And it was all so wrong because Yixing felt nothing but a friendly affection for him. For the sake of avoiding all these senseless feelings, Junmyeon told himself that after Christmas he won’t be seeing Yixing as frequently until his irrational feelings disappeared. Whatever excuse he had to come up with, he’d say it, only to avoid committing a mistake.

He got to Yixing’s apartment at six o’clock in the evening. Yixing opened the door welcoming him with that damned dimpled smile. And Junmyeon’s knees weakened as his heart mocked him by beating erratically. A wish of staying at home crossed his mind. Nonetheless, he walked in, greeted the other few guests, and sat down beside Luhan and Minseok.

Because Mi had been called to work at the clinic until nine, they waited for him before having dinner. In the meantime, they drank some wine, talked about their week, or random topics that surged. And when Yixing had finally finished preparing dinner, he joined the conversation too.

Hours passed, and Junmyeon stood on the balcony. Yixing lived on the tenth floor so he could see the city beneath him or the taller buildings nearby. After discussing Star Wars with one of his friends, he headed outside. Junmyeon needed some fresh air to cool off his head and body from sweating too much whenever Yixing drew the smallest bit closer to him. Junmyeon was leaning his head on the balcony railing, cursing himself for being this false and feeble.

“What are you doing out here, Jun?” Yixing’s voice called him.

Junmyeon looked up and saw Yixing standing a few steps next to him. “I needed some fresh air,” he said.

Yixing nodded and focused his gaze in front. “So… What do you think about your first three months living here?” he asked.

If Junmyeon were to answer honestly, he would have said, ‘fantastic because I found you again.’ But he knew he couldn’t. Instead, he said, “Well, work is fine and fun. I have made some good friends. And the city is not that bad. I guess to summarize it… Yeah, it’s been really great.”

“Do you plan on staying here?”

‘If I’ll be there for you when you break up with him, of course, yes,’ Junmyeon thought again. Yet his lips uttered, “I can’t see a reason not to. Honestly.” He smiled.

Yixing beamed back. “Me neither. This place is like my second home.”

Then they were silent. It was one of those comfortable minutes of silence they used to share. One that could cover a thousand unspoken words. And amid that quietness, Junmyeon couldn’t help staring at his side to see Yixing. It was as if his eyes automatically had to see him. He glanced at those rosy lips he used to call his such a long time ago. And he wanted, needed, to taste them again. Yixing must have sensed his scrutinizing gaze because he stared back at him, directly in the eyes. When their irises found each other, Junmyeon slowly stepped forward, unheard, like a thief about to steal the most precious jewelry. Yixing didn’t move. Junmyeon tilted his head and got nearer. When he had closed his eyes…

“Yixing!” Minseok shouted.

Swiftly, Yixing backed and looked away. “In here, Minseok,” he replied.

Junmyeon opened his eyes and saw Minseok appearing before them, holding a phone. “Mi is calling, he wonders which wine he should bring.”

“Yeah, here, give me the phone,” Yixing said walking forward and leaving Junmyeon alone on the balcony.

Junmyeon stood there. Cursing himself, yet again, for being an idiot. He silently thanked Minseok for interrupting that moment. Even if an irrational part of him, screamed that Yixing hadn’t turned away. That maybe he was expecting that clash of lips too. But everything quietened when Junmyeon saw him with Mi during dinner. Yixing was happy with him, smiling brightly, kissing him tenderly. And seeing that Yixing pretended nothing had happened between them, Junmyeon decided to never bring up that moment of weakness because he knew what answers awaited him.

The beginning of February was drawing closer. Junmyeon sat at a coffee shop having an early dinner since he didn’t feel like cooking.

His plan of not seeing Yixing often had worked and without excuses. They just stopped seeing each other alone, and only met or talked when they were in the group. The phone calls had become text messages and then not even that. Ever since that Christmas Eve night, they had drifted apart. And that was exactly what Junmyeon had needed. But did he get over his stupid crush? No. Junmyeon knew he hadn’t because whenever he saw Yixing with Mi, he felt jealous. And whenever they spoke, he felt those silly things again. Junmyeon guessed he would need more time, lots of time to get over it.

But what Junmyeon hadn’t expected was to see what happened that afternoon.

Junmyeon sat at one of the farthest tables from the counter, but he could still see it clearly and hear it since almost none else was sitting there. He was reading a book, hiding his face behind it when he heard that voice. Mi. Mi who was currently holding the hand of another man who wasn’t Yixing. Junmyeon gasped but continued to snoop at the pair near the counter. He had no doubt that had to be Mi, even if he only saw his back. And whoever that person was, he was certainly not a friend. No, because that man was caressing Mi’s hair and tiptoed to kiss him. When the pair had gotten their orders, and turned around to leave, Junmyeon knew. He saw him. That was Mi. Mi, who was supposedly in love with Yixing yet there he was, buying coffee and being overly affectional with his lover.

“ing ,” Junmyeon muttered under his breath once the pair had left the coffee shop.

If there was a time Junmyeon had wanted to smack the heck out of someone, it was now. He was infuriated with that prick who had lured Yixing like this and played with Yixing’s pure heart. When Yixing found out the truth, he was going to be heartbroken. But no matter the pain it would cause Junmyeon had to tell him. Yixing needed to know, not for the sake of him becoming single (which was convenient for Junmyeon), but more because he needed to see that the man he loved was a liar.

Days passed before Junmyeon could say anything. Yixing had gone to Changsha to celebrate the Chinese New Year with his family. But on that same day Yixing had finally returned, he texted him, asking him to meet at their usual place near the river banks.

It was the evening. Junmyeon arrived early. He waited anxiously because everything Yixing had texted back was a simple ‘Ok.’ He hoped he would come. A couple of minutes later, thankfully, Yixing did.

“Jun! So, good to see you,” he said, smiling.

For once Junmyeon didn’t feel as he used to whenever he saw those dimples. He had to be focused when he dropped the news.

“Hi Yixing… How was Changsha?”

Yixing began telling him about his trip back home. They talked as if the past month had not happened as if they were still as close as ever. Yixing chatted about how they had celebrated the New Year with his parents, his grandparents, and other relatives. He said he had fun and had been thrilled to finally see them again. It was a pity Mi had work and couldn’t go with him. ‘Yeah, such a pity,’ Junmyeon thought.

When Junmyeon stopped telling Yixing how his week had been, Yixing asked, “Well… Eh, what did you want?”

The moment of truth had come. Junmyeon breathed in and said, “Mi is cheating on you.”

Bafflement, that was all Yixing’s face showed. “Wha-What?” he asked.

“I saw him with another man the other day. They were waiting for their orders… And they were very affectional… Like you and him are… They even kissed.”

Junmyeon quietly waited for Yixing’s reaction. But he hadn’t expected what Yixing said next.

“Is this because of what happened on the balcony?”

Now Junmyeon was confused. “What?”

“Are you making this up because you want me to be with you?” Yixing asked disbelievingly.

Yes, this wasn’t the reaction Junmyeon had in mind. “Yixing, I’m not lying to you,” he argued.

“Do you have any proof?” Yixing huffed.

“No, but I saw it with my own eyes.”

“And you want me to risk my relationship based on your eyes? Junmyeon please,” Yixing said and then let out a laugh.

Junmyeon drew closer and held Yixing by his shoulders. “Yixing, look at me,” he said, “I’m not lying! Mi is cheating on you. I saw him. It was him, I’m sure of it.”

Yixing removed Junmyeon’s arms hastily, almost disgusted by the touch. “Mi has trusted me enough to let me be alone with you, even knowing what we were. And I trust him too, more than anything or anybody else. So, you better take your back and apologize.”

“How can you trust that man?! He’s taking you for a fool!”

“Shut up, Junmyeon. I'm serious. You have been a good friend to all of us, and it would be a shame to kick you out of the group. But if you keep making up these lies I see no other choice,” Yixing said firmly. He was angry, but there was no hesitation, no doubt in his face or voice. He was actually saying that he would cut all ties with Junmyeon if Junmyeon didn’t take his words back. This was how love had made Yixing. Unreasonable, gullible, and yet frightening.

Junmyeon didn’t want to lose whatever they had, to lose him, even if seeing Yixing with that man was going to continue crushing him, even if Junmyeon would never be able to see Mi with the same respect he used to. Junmyeon gave up.

“I’m sorry Yixing… I’m so, sorry for trying to lie to you.”

The frown on Yixing’s face didn’t disappear. “Goodnight, Junmyeon,” was the only thing he scornfully said before leaving.

Junmyeon remained there. Hurt and offended because he had been taken for a liar. He laughed at his stupidity. Had he really expected Yixing would have cried, and then leaned on his shoulder, while he whispered sweet nothings that everything was for the best? How foolish of him. To believe he and Yixing could be together again. How irrational of him. How dumb of him. How disappointing.

Later that night Junmyeon had gone to a bar. He sat on one of the benches at the front desk, sipping a glass of whiskey on the rocks because drinking seemed like the only solution to cure his heartbreak. And Junmyeon tried to figure out how he could best pretend he didn’t want to punch Mi’s face when he had to see him again. He even thought if Yixing would be forever mad at him. Why did he have to be such an idiot? Why couldn’t he keep quiet? Junmyeon had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t take notice of the man trying to steal a glance from him.

“Hey there, good-looking. Is this seat taken?” asked a deep husky voice, bringing Junmyeon back to earth.

Junmyeon looked up from his glass to meet the man to his left. He was much taller than him, had a smug smile, sharp features, and was very attractive. Junmyeon smirked, “Me? Haven’t you seen yourself? And go ahead, it’s free.”

The stranger sat down, his grin widening. “I’m Yifan, Wu Yifan. But you can call me Fan,” he said and shook Junmyeon’s hand.

“I’m Junmyeon, Kim Junmyeon. Pleasure meeting you Fan.”

“No, Junmyeon, the pleasure’s all mine,” Yifan said with a flirtatious tone.

Perhaps something good had come out from this disastrous night after all.