“Junmyeon!” greeted an enthusiastic Baekhyun. He seemed tired, but he still managed to convey such joy. And despite the years, the raven-haired man standing in front of Junmyeon looked exactly like the pictures.

Shyly, Junmyeon smiled back. “Hi Baekhyun,” he replied and bowed. It felt odd speaking in Korean for the first time, but Junmyeon figured he'd get used to it. “Thank you for receiving me on such short notice and at this hour…” he said. Junmyeon held out his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

Baekhyun looked at Junmyeon’s hand but went for a brief hug instead. “Man, we’ve been friends over fifteen years. I’ve already told you there’s no need for formalities,” Baekhyun said, “Welcome back to Seoul.”

Junmyeon was taken aback by the physical contact. But the warmness that it gave him dissipated some of his uneasiness about being back.

They walked away from the arrival gate and headed out towards the parking lot. Baekhyun chatted about who he was and how they had met for the first time in high school. Junmyeon wanted to stop him because he would like to write it down in his new first journal. However, he let the thought go. Baekhyun probably wouldn’t mind repeating it again. In the two days, they had talked over the phone, Junmyeon realized he seemed the type who liked to talk.

Junmyeon put his luggage inside the trunk and then got in the car. The ride back to Baekhyun’s house lasted some time. Even if they spoke the entire journey, a part of Junmyeon occasionally wandered off to that day.

It happened only three days after Junmyeon visited Yixing’s restaurant. That morning Yixing had narrated the last remembrances he had about Junmyeon. The journal was complete, but Junmyeon wanted to know more, he needed to find out more. Many pieces were missing in the puzzle that was his life. Neither did it help that Yixing said he already told him ‘everything’ he knew about Junmyeon’s parents, which was basically nothing. So, Junmyeon got tired and decided to find answers for himself. He wanted to go back to Seoul and meet the people, that according to Yixing, didn’t want to see him. They were the only ones who knew. Because Junmyeon had more than a week left before returning to work, he needed to travel to South Korea now.

That same afternoon, Junmyeon told Yixing his plans. But what followed was what broke his and Yixing’s ‘friendship’ or whatever relationship they were developing.

“Why do you wanna go back?” Yixing had asked. The irritation could be seen on his face.

Yet the question seemed stupid. The answer was obvious. Of course, Junmyeon had to go to find more about his past. “Yixing, you’ve told me everything you know… right? But you don’t have all the answers to my life.”

“But what else do you need to know Junmyeon?”

“Everything. There’s so much missing that I need to know about. Where did I grow up? Who are my parents? Are my grandparents alive? What is my family like? What was my childhood like? How was I as a kid?”

“Who evens remember their childhood nowadays?” Yixing asked sardonically.

Junmyeon thought Yixing would understand as he had done so far. However, Yixing didn’t seem to get it. Sure, it might be silly, not everyone remembered their life when they were five-years-old. But Yixing was aware he had had a childhood, a mother, father, and relatives. Junmyeon wasn’t, and he needed to fill that gap. “That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one with the memory problem,” he said with some discontent in his voice. “You’re not the one whose life was completely erased after one night. You’re just you, living your life without difficulties and being completely fine.”

For a millisecond Yixing seemed hurt, then he asked indifferently, “Aren’t you forgetting something? Your parents don’t want to see you.”

“That’s the only thing you say about them. But you told me that I had stopped trying to contact them years ago… Well, people change, don’t they? I have hopes they have changed their mind.”

Yixing huffed, “Oh no, I’m telling you, they would never do that.”

“What makes you so sure about that?”

“I just know it, okay? They don’t want to see you, that’s the harsh truth. Face it. You should just forget about them and move on.”

“You just know? And you want me to forget them? To move on? Are you listening to yourself?” Junmyeon asked with disbelief.

“Yes, and that’s what you should do,” Yixing said firmly. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt within his words. He wanted Junmyeon to do that. And that bothered Junmyeon because he couldn’t help thinking that Yixing was purposely telling him not to go. For what reasons?

“You’ve helped me recover my past so far… Why can’t you understand this is important to me?” Junmyeon asked, hoping that whatever Yixing was hiding, he’ll say it now.

“Because,” Yixing said and sighed. “Stop being naive Junmyeon! Do you really think those homophobic es would welcome you, their ‘disgraceful and shameful’ gay son, with open arms? They are the worst kind of people out there. And horrible people like them never change.”

Those words were like poison infecting Junmyeon’s ears and what ultimately led him to leash his inner wrath. He was tired of Yixing talking as if Junmyeon’s parents shouldn’t mean anything to him. An odd sense of defensiveness invaded him. He had never met them before, yes, but they were still his parents, and he couldn’t help feeling that none should disrespect them like that. “Shut up!” he shouted, “Don’t say that about my parents!”

But Yixing didn’t show any regret over his statement. “It’s the truth.”

And Junmyeon laughed nervously at the same time as suspicion nestled in his mind. Why was Yixing doing this to him? Why didn’t he want Junmyeon to meet his parents? And why was Junmyeon trusting what this man, a man who didn’t even share his own blood, said? What were Yixing’s real motives behind helping him? In just that one minute, uncountable doubts flooded Junmyeon. And he questioned everything, everything he had learned from Yixing, who was now becoming a stranger in his eyes. “Are you even telling me the tru-truth?” he asked.

Yixing looked taken aback, almost offended by the question. “Junmyeon, I would never lie to you.”

His tone sounded truthful, he seemed sincere, and Junmyeon would have almost believed him. Almost. But his mind was already infected with millions of scenarios that slowly battered down the trust he had put in Yixing. “That’s what you say… But wasn’t I the man who left you without an explanation? … Wasn’t I the man who broke your heart? The man who everyone, but you, seems to dislike?”

“What?” Yixing asked. He was confused.

It was as if Junmyeon’s common sense had finally kicked in. He felt stupid for believing Yixing was selfless, for thinking Yixing was unable to hating someone despite all the hurt he had gone through. He was an idiot for blindly believing in the first stranger that came his way. “You should despise me just by seeing my face. You should hate me. You should hate me so much that the only thing you’d want me to do is to suffer. I know I would if you had done the same to me.”

Instead of confusion, there was a worry on Yixing’s face now. “What are you saying, Junmyeon?”

“I’m saying… isn’t all of this suspicious? The caring way you’ve ‘helped’ me? Without nothing in return? Not even money. Why were you so kind to me? I don’t know you, I left you heartbroken, hurt, and angry. You… How could I’ve trusted you? How can I know everything you’ve told me isn’t a lie? And… and what if this is your way of some well-crafted revenge?”

After uttering those words, that was it for them. They fought for a long time. Yixing futilely tried to convince Junmyeon to believe he wasn’t lying. He had never, and he would never lie to him because he still cared about him. Everything was genuine, and he could call anyone who knew them to corroborate it. But weren’t all the people they knew, Yixing’s friends and acquaintances?

Listening to Yixing’s defense, Junmyeon didn’t want to believe anything anymore. He was certain that he should have never trusted this stranger to tell him about his life. And they fought for a long time without coming nowhere until Junmyeon said it.

“We should go separate ways. Never talk to me again. Just continue with your own life.”

Junmyeon felt a sting in his heart seeing Yixing’s watery eyes and listening to his broken voice. He pleaded to him that they could still fix this. But Junmyeon was firm on his decision.

He ended the conversation and walked to the guestroom. In the suitcase he had bought, Junmyeon packed his clothes. The journals were left behind on the desktop, he didn’t want to take with him a bunch of who knows how many fabricated lies. And as he walked past the living room, he saw Yixing shedding tears and telling him to forgive him and to please don’t go. But Junmyeon did it, he left the apartment without saying goodbye. He left and didn’t look back.

Later that night, he called the number that hopefully was Byun Baekhyun’s. Sure, Baekhyun was also another stranger in his life, but that man knew Junmyeon way before Yixing. He was an old friend and not some vengeful former lover. Baekhyun was glad to finally hear from him. Sehun had told him what had happened. But he hadn’t wanted to overwhelm Junmyeon and thought it was the best if Junmyeon took the first step. 

After Junmyeon had explained his situation and what had occurred that night, Baekhyun didn’t hesitate on helping him.

And that was why two days later Junmyeon was currently in Seoul, following Baekhyun inside his apartment. They arrived late at night and decided to go to sleep and keep talking tomorrow morning.

The next day, they sat at the dinner table, drinking coffee, and eating breakfast. Because Junmyeon’s parents might be working, they thought that visiting them in the afternoon was more reasonable.

Baekhyun continued talking about how they had met in their first year of high school, about the friendship they along with Chanyeol and Sehun shared. As Junmyeon wrote it down, he noted some things were the exact same Yixing had told him. He would have felt sorry for mistrusting, but he also remembered that Yixing had met Baekhyun. Of course, he’d know about that part. It didn’t take away the fact he could still be lying about everything else.

They also spoke about what had happened to Baekhyun and Chanyeol throughout the years. Baekhyun became a music teacher, and he coincidentally had started working at their old high-school. It was a good thing Junmyeon had come during the summer break. He had also been married, but his wife passed away in a car accident. She had been five months pregnant. And Junmyeon felt utterly guilty for making Baekhyun tell him that and remember those haunting memories because he could still see the hurt in Baekhyun’s eyes. But Baekhyun smiled and said it was all right. No matter what feelings, good or bad, Baekhyun might get, he said it wasn’t Junmyeon’s fault he had lost his memory. Junmyeon shouldn’t be afraid to ask.

Later the conversation shifted to Chanyeol, who worked for a telephone company and was happily married and had two children, twins. But he had moved down south and was sorry that due to work reasons, he couldn’t be able to meet Junmyeon.

Before they knew it, the day had passed, and it was finally time to go. They drove back to Junmyeon’s old neighborhood. Baekhyun mentioned to him some anecdotes about where they used to hang out, or what had happened in a place during their youth days. Then they found themselves next to a two-story house and Baekhyun announced they had arrived.

Junmyeon was nervous, anxious. But it was silly because he shouldn’t trust Yixing’s words. So, he gathered himself and got off the car.

“I’m gonna wait for you here,” Baekhyun said.

“Are you sure? It might take some hours.”

“It’s okay.”

Junmyeon nodded and walked forward to the house. This was his home. The place he grew up at. He will find out more now. Standing in front of the door he finally rang the doorbell. A woman appeared in front of him. It was her, the same woman who was holding him like a baby in that picture, only with some gray hairs and a few wrinkles on her face. She still looked beautiful. And she had the same face structure as him, or well he had the same as hers. For a moment Junmyeon forgot what to say.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. There was something in her voice that Junmyeon couldn’t quite place. It could be anything from annoyance to pure hatred. But Junmyeon didn’t let that discourage him. Maybe she was angry Junmyeon hadn’t called her in a long time. What kind of son had he been?

“I-I was in a car accident. I hit my head, and I have amnesia. I lost my memory a couple of weeks ago. I can’t remember anything. And I’m on a search to find who I am… I’m Kim Junmyeon. I’m your son, right… Mom?” he asked, expecting that whatever his mother was feeling would disappear.

The woman widened her eyes and something, maybe hope lightened her gaze. She examined him, up and down, and then fixed her gaze on his eyes. It was scrutinizing. “Well, there is certainly something different about you,” she said with a much neutral tone and something that could almost pass as a smile.

And then Junmyeon smiled, hoping that she would let him in and they’d start bonding and recovering those years they might have lost. This woman seemed nothing like Yixing had painted her to be. “Yes, mom. I was hoping you could help me. I need to know more about me. About where I grew up, what kind of child I was, what memories we share. And about you and dad.”

But all hope would vanish soon. “And I will Junmyeon, but before, this has made you normal again, right?” she asked expectantly.

“What?”

“This amnesia has erased all those degenerate sins you committed, right? You’re not sick anymore, right?” she asked walking forward. “And you no longer feel those unnatural things, right?” she wondered holding Junmyeon by his arms. “You’re back to being one of us, right?” she asked expectantly yet again.

Junmyeon didn’t know what to say and only stuttered, “I-I.”

“You’re normal, right, son?”

“Yes, I’m normal… Because there’s nothing wrong with being gay,” he claimed. Junmyeon should have given in to the temptation to lie after all this woman knew everything about him. But Junmyeon knew he was gay. He could never stand pretending he was straight, and Junmyeon hated lies.

Not even a nanosecond after Junmyeon said the word gay, his mother spat on him. She withdrew her grip on him and walked backward. “You still disgust me, you filthy ,” she said coldly.

Junmyeon felt the thick liquid running down his left cheek. He brushed it away with his hand.

“All those years we were living fine without you. How dare you come here? Lie to me and bring your damn shame to my house? Can’t you understand that you’re nothing but blasphemy to the world? All you gays should extinct from the earth and stop contaminating us with your wickedness,” she said with disdain.

“No, what needs to disappear is your discriminatory behavior. There’s nothing wrong with loving someone of the same gender,” Junmyeon said.

“Shut up! Shut up you repulsive ! You’re sick! You’re sick! And you’re going to burn in hell for it!” she screamed, “Why didn’t you die in that accident?”

Junmyeon’s fist tightened. “I’m your son! You gave birth to me. How can you wish me to die?”

“Ever since you brought disgrace to this family, it has been my wish. You and all those faggots should die already.”

Junmyeon should have given up there. He should have walked back to Baekhyun’s car and never think about his parents again. Yet he didn’t. Junmyeon needed to make her understand. He needed her to accept him because only she had all those missing puzzle pieces of his life. He stayed there and tried to resonate with this unreasonable woman. Junmyeon sought to make her understand that there was nothing wrong with his uality, that they were family for god’s sake, she was his mother. They were family. But it was like talking to a wall. She yelled, insulted, and cursed him for being a disgrace, an aberration, and far worse things. At some point, the woman threatened to send him off to jail if he didn’t leave once and for all. However, Junmyeon didn’t listen.

His mother grabbed small stones from the ground and started throwing them at him. She aimed at him with hatred in her eyes, screaming more hurtful things. A stone hit Junmyeon’s forehead. It stung, and it was then he felt arms surrounding him and pulling him backward. It was Baekhyun. As they walked away, the last thing he saw of his mother was her look of pure loathing in her eyes before she closed the door.

Baekhyun stopped them outside the car. He opened the door for Junmyeon to get in.

Junmyeon stayed still. Blood was dripping down his face, and he felt water soaking his cheeks. Was it raining? He looked at the sky, but there was not a single cloud in sight. And then he realized he was crying. Since when?

“I don’t know her. I don’t remember her. It- It shouldn’t mean anything,” Junmyeon said as the tears started to fall down, even more, mixing with the blood. He sobbed uncontrollably, and Baekhyun hurried to hold him in his embrace. Junmyeon raised his arms and grasped onto Baekhyun. “It shouldn’t mean anything, it shouldn’t mean anything,” he repeated amid tears and cries.

Junmyeon slept the rest of that afternoon. Crying so much had given him a headache, and it got him tired. After Baekhyun had cured the small wound on his forehead, he went to sleep. It wasn’t until late evening that he woke up. Baekhyun had kindly prepared them some dinner.

After eating, they sat on the balcony of Baekhyun’s house. The view was phenomenal. They could see the Han River, the city lights shining brightly, and they heard how alive Seoul was during the night.

As he held his cup of tea to feel the faint warmness it emitted, Junmyeon asked, “Was my mo-that woman always like that?”

Baekhyun’s gaze shifted from the panorama to meet Junmyeon’s eyes. “Yes, but I’m afraid your ‘father’ is much worse.”

Then Baekhyun told him everything, and Junmyeon could finally know what had happened when his parents threw him out of the house.

Junmyeon was twenty and was dating a guy in college. They had been boyfriends, in secret, for almost four months. At first, Junmyeon had been reluctant to show any kind of affection in public. But the more his boyfriend told him that none was watching them, the more he let go of his fear. That was a huge mistake because one day his mother saw him kissing that man.

When Junmyeon had returned home that day, it happened. His parents confronted him. Junmyeon knew this was it, he couldn’t deny it now that his mother had seen him. Besides, one day he had to come out of the closet. Maybe, maybe his parents would understand. That was another big mistake because they didn’t. A huge fight and discussion happened amid the tears of his mother, the rage of his father, and Junmyeon’s fear. They wanted him to be ‘normal’ again, to stop being a disgrace, to not bring them this ‘shame’. But Junmyeon was who he was, and that wasn’t going to change. What did his father do? Beat him, or as he had phrased it: ‘I’m going to beat the crap out of you until it takes away the fagot in you.’

The man beat him so severely that Junmyeon couldn’t feel the pain of his punches and kicks anymore. The scar that Junmyeon had near his eyebrow was one of the remainders of that beating. Meanwhile, his mother only watched him get physically assaulted. And when his father finished the beating he kicked Junmyeon out in the streets and told him to never come back unless he was ‘normal’ again.

Some strangers helped Junmyeon and took him to the hospital. Two broken ribs and some internal damage kept Junmyeon in the hospital for many days. None of his family members or other relatives came to visit him, except for Sehun and his father. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, along with their parents, were there too.

When Junmyeon got discharged, he wanted to fix things with them. It was crazy everyone said, Junmyeon should be pressing up charges against his father. But for him, they were still his family and all he got. At least his father didn’t punch him again when he tried talking to them, yet that didn’t mean they stopped insulting Junmyeon. Until one day, Junmyeon’s parents filed a restraining order against him, and Junmyeon knew it was time to give up. They had at least let Sehun go inside the house to gather Junmyeon’s things. Junmyeon stayed with his uncle and Sehun until he could manage to stand on his own. Three years later he moved to Guangzhou.

“And that’s what happened,” Baekhyun concluded the story.

“If you knew this why didn’t you tell me before going?” Junmyeon asked.

“Would you have believed me? That you have the tiest parents in the world?”

Junmyeon shook his head. He wouldn’t have. However, after today’s catastrophe, he didn’t have any doubts that what Baekhyun said had happened. He was devastated. His own parents had done and said those horrible things. That’s how much they hated, and still, hate him. He had none. He won’t even be able to retrieve the parts of his life he was missing. After shedding so many tears today, Junmyeon decided not to cry again, so he didn’t cry. Instead, he accepted his reality. “I’m all alone.”

“That’s not true, you have me, Chanyeol, Sehun, and Yixing.”

And the mention of that last name woke up a new emotion amid those dejected feelings, remorse. “Does Yixing know all this?” Junmyeon asked.

“Of course, he does. You two were together for a long time.”

“Then why didn’t he tell me from the start?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Yixing that, but I guess you wouldn’t have believed him either.”

Again, Junmyeon would probably not. But he still felt bad about the way things had ended. Yixing had been right, all the time, and he had not lied about anything, only withheld vital information. Meanwhile, Junmyeon had been so cruel to him and called him a ‘ing liar’ along with other hurtful things during their fight. “I hurt him again. I was horrible and ungrateful to him when all he did was help me. He won’t ever forgive me.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “Believe me, Junmyeon, I know he will.”

Then they were silent as they finished drinking their cup of tea and watched the scenery.

Junmyeon hoped Baekhyun was right. Yixing had been a great friend and support in his life, even if he had been too blind to see it back then. Furthermore, he started thinking that maybe getting to know about his childhood and parents was not worth it any longer. All those missing puzzle pieces, why would he want to know how he grew up with those ogres?

Junmyeon spent the rest of the week in Seoul. He put it aside and hoped to forget about his parents and everything that missed in his life. It wasn’t necessary anymore, and instead, he wanted to focus on the happy memories he could still retrieve.

Baekhyun took him out everywhere around Seoul. Junmyeon decided to record their conversations. This way he could easily hear them again and continue filling his journal at night.

On one occasion, they visited their old high school, Baekhyun’s current workplace. Baekhyun shared more memorable stories of their high-school years. However, Junmyeon already knew most of their senior year anecdotes, courtesy of Yixing. But the one that made Junmyeon happy yet guilty was the one denominated ‘The Pepero Locker.’

The lockers had been replaced, but Baekhyun still showed him where Yixing had put in two dozen Pepero boxes to compensate for six-year-old Junmyeon’s wish. He finally understood where those empty boxes came from. It seemed that Yixing’s gesture had meant so much to him, he had kept the boxes all these years.

Junmyeon laughed and smiled at the memory. However, he couldn’t help thinking about why he had been such an to Yixing days ago. Yixing didn’t deserve any of the cruel words Junmyeon had called him. Now, Junmyeon wanted to fix things with him. He also didn’t have any fear in finding out more about the memories he and Yixing shared as a couple. He was curious about them.

They walked to the music classroom. When Junmyeon saw the piano and the sunlight gleaming through the windows, he felt a déjà-vu. That must be wrong because Junmyeon knew he must have been there countless times in his youth. But this was the first time he felt that about a place, a strong sense of déjà vu, which made him oddly glad. Somewhere in his mind, he might remember this music classroom.

“That’s actually the same piano from twelve years ago,” Baekhyun said. He strode closer and sat down on the piano stool. “Do you know this song?” Baekhyun asked and started playing a beautiful melancholic melody.

Something occurred in Junmyeon’s head because as Baekhyun played the song, the words began to form in his mouth. “Even when the curtains fall…” he mumbled.

Baekhyun smiled. “It’s the song you sang at the school festival. ‘Curtain.’”

“The one I won with Yixing?”

“Yes.”

Another smiled formed on Junmyeon’s lips. He remembered something, even if it was a song. Maybe it was because he had learned the song by heart and sang it so many times, that it engraved in his semantic memory.

Baekhyun let out a laugh and said, “I remember Sehun telling me you were so jealous of me.”

“Why?”

“Because I was going to perform with Yixing at first. You wanted to ask him, but I had asked him first. And well, I spend all the time practicing with him.”

“What happened? How did we end up singing?”

“I felt you two were a better duo,” Baekhyun replied and smiled. He was still playing the piano.

Junmyeon returned the beam. But he couldn’t help thinking why, at that time, he couldn’t have simply said that he wanted to sing with Yixing. Why was he such a coward? Baekhyun probably didn’t have the answer either.

On another day, Baekhyun and Junmyeon visited the Han River. They were walking around Yeouido Hangang Park, still talking about their lives and such. Once they reached the riverbank, they stopped and stared at the water.

Junmyeon finally stood near the Han River as he had wished a week ago. He could see the water flowing. He could see the city lights gleaming on its surface. There stood Junmyeon, finally in Seoul. But it was odd. The feeling he had expected wasn’t there. It didn’t give him any sense of familiarity. It was just that, a river.

Baekhyun must have noted the disappointment on his face because he asked, “What are you thinking?”

Junmyeon sighed and said, “It’s just that… Guangzhou feels more like home.”

On Sunday morning, Junmyeon gave his thanks to his friend for everything he had done. He hugged him and said they were, of course, keeping in touch, and that hopefully one day they’ll reunite again with Chanyeol and Sehun. Baekhyun told him they will.

As Junmyeon sat on the plane, he thought that he was finally going back home.

In a short time, he had lived with Yixing, Junmyeon had somewhat learned Yixing’s working schedule. That same Sunday he returned from Seoul, he spent the day thinking how he should apologize to Yixing. Sure, Baekhyun had given him confidence that Yixing wasn’t vengeful and appreciated him very much, so there was no doubt he’ll forgive him. But Junmyeon still had doubts. This was the second time he had left him hurt and heartbroken. Everyone has an absolute limit of how much they can stand being hurt by one person. Hopefully, Yixing hadn’t reached that limit yet.

When it was the evening, he headed to Do’s and Zhang’s kitchen. It wasn’t the restaurant’s closing time yet. However, Junmyeon wanted to eat dinner there. He missed Yixing’s delicious cooking and he couldn’t wait to endlessly compliment him for it.

Moments before entering the restaurant a voice called him.

“Stop right there, Kim Junmyeon,” said Luhan with his usual tone.

Junmyeon turned around and saw Luhan with an angry frown and crossed arms.

“What the do you think you’re doing here?” Luhan asked scornfully.

“Goodnight to you too, Luhan,” Junmyeon said.

Luhan huffed, “Now it’s ruined thanks to you. What are you doing here?”

“I have to talk with Yixing.”

Luhan laughed. “No, you don’t. And you better move your away from here. Yixing doesn’t want to see you.”

For a moment, Junmyeon thought of doing that. He almost believed Luhan. “Yixing should be the one to decide that,” he said instead.

“What do you want from him? Aren’t you pleased with breaking his heart two times? You need to do it a third?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No! I want to apologize for what I said. I made a mistake.”

“Isn’t it a little too late to clean your conscious?”

Luhan’s word irritated Junmyeon. “Think whatever you want, I’m going to speak with him,” he said.

“And then what? You want to be friends with him?”

This questioning was frustrating Junmyeon. Of all the people in Guangzhou, he had to encounter him. “Well, yes, he means something to me-”

“That’s not what you said the other day,” Luhan interjected.

“Look, Luhan, what’s your problem?”

“My problem is you. You need to stay away from Yixing! Because you are a heartless , who not only left him without a proper explanation but also changed your number after he endlessly called you. And then you prohibited him from trying to see you, threatening to file a restraining order against him. That’s how much you wanted him away from you.”

Junmyeon was numb as he heard those sentences.

“Meanwhile, Yixing was a ing mess. He cried every day during that first month as he waited for your return in agony. He was so depressed that he couldn’t eat and lost seven kilograms! And let’s not talk about how much he drank. He who never drank before. That’s how much your selfishness broke him.”

Luhan needed to stop, Junmyeon couldn’t stand listening to how much he had hurt Yixing.

“But we took him out of that pit of sadness. Slowly, but we took him out. And everything was going well until you ing reappeared with your bull problem.”

Junmyeon stayed silent.

“Then, of course, you leave again. It shouldn’t even surprise me anymore. At least this time we are prepared to not let him fall back into those days,” Luhan said. He strolled until he stood in front of Junmyeon. “And now you’re back, saying that you want to be friends with him? To keep in touch with him? For what, so you’ll break his heart once again when you start sleeping around with other men?! Because in case you haven’t noticed it smartass, Yixing still loves you! And if you don’t love him, then you should leave for good.”

The question Junmyeon had never dared to ask was true. Yixing still loved him. Yixing had never forgotten him. Yixing was not over him. And that should have been enough to convince Junmyeon to go inside the restaurant. But he couldn’t move. Because even if Junmyeon realized he cared about Yixing and vice versa (although not exactly the same way), Yixing deserved happiness. To be with someone who could love him wholeheartedly and never hurt him. Someone who made him laugh and smile, not cry. Junmyeon kept tearing him into pieces over and over. Yixing didn’t need Junmyeon in his life.

That was the right choice.

“Please, Junmyeon, let him be. Let him finally heal and be happy,” Luhan said with the friendliest tone he had ever used.

So, Junmyeon did that. He walked away from Luhan and the restaurant without uttering goodbye. He strode toward the subway station. The night felt suddenly colder, somber. As Junmyeon took each step, there was a sting in his heart, and he fought to keep his tears from falling.