Yixing sat in the locker room, pondering what he'll do next.

It was a little past midnight, Sunday, and his shift at the restaurant had ended. When he had gone downstairs, he opened his locker and saw his phone alerting of six missed calls. Yixing didn’t recognize the number, and he couldn’t figure out who had called him at ten o’clock. He dialed the number back. The caller told him Junmyeon had been in a car accident, and this number was his in the case of an emergency contact. Thankfully, it was only a matter of a mild head injury, but someone needed to go see him. Yixing said he’ll go there immediately and hung up the phone.

However, Yixing hadn’t gone right away. He had spent the last fifteen minutes thinking. Three months passed since the last time he heard from Junmyeon. They used to love each other, they used to be soulmates, they were supposed to get married next year. But everything ended abruptly when Junmyeon had left. His only explanation was written on a note. The piece of paper contained two sentences, ‘I’m sorry Yixing. I can’t do this anymore.’ Yixing could summarize what he went through after in two words: immense desolation.

Yixing had started to think that Junmyeon may never come back. Yet this happened, and his first instinct had been to bolt out of the locker room and see Junmyeon, go beg him to say how he could fix whatever had broken them because living without him had been hell. But Yixing didn’t go, he was afraid. Afraid that if his ex-fiancé saw him, he would reject him heartlessly. It had been clear that Junmyeon didn’t want to see Yixing. The countless unanswered calls and texts, plus avoiding him at all cost, had confirmed Yixing’s assumptions. Yixing didn’t know if he could stand hearing Junmyeon doesn’t love him anymore.

Then, Yixing also remembered that Junmyeon had no one in Guangzhou. His ex didn’t have any family, and if the hospital had contacted Yixing, it meant that they couldn’t get hold of someone else. Yixing felt saddened. He didn’t wish for Junmyeon to wake up in a somber hospital room all alone and frightened. That picture seemed far more distressing. He might regret it later, he might be about to commit a mistake, but Yixing stood up. He took off his chef’s uniform and changed back to his ordinary clothes. Yixing strode back to the main floor, walked outside the restaurant, and ran into his vehicle.

Twenty minutes later he got to the hospital. Again, Yixing sprinted inside the reception and asked after Kim Junmyeon. When the nurse asked him who he was, Yixing didn’t know what to label his connection with Junmyeon. Ex-fiancé? An acquaintance for thirteen years? Junmyeon’s first love? In the end, he said ‘old friends.’

He waited for ten minutes until a doctor came. She was a neurologist. Doctor Li explained that Junmyeon’s car had collided with another, due to the other driver falling asleep. Fortunately, no major injuries occurred to both. But the force of the accident had caused Junmyeon a mild traumatic brain injury. He had been unconscious for about twenty minutes, and upon arrival to the ER, he suffered from post-traumatic amnesia, headache, tiredness, and fatigue. After careful observations of his symptoms and an MRI, they classified his wound as a minor brain contusion, a bruise of the brain tissue, on his anterior temporal lobe. Yixing was worried and asked the doctor if Junmyeon needed surgery. The doctor said that minor contusions can heal on their own with no need for medical intervention. Junmyeon was stable now. However, he had to stay the night so they could monitor his status and see if the contusion hadn’t caused further damage.

Afterward, Yixing went to Junmyeon’s room. He saw Junmyeon fallen asleep, his chest raised up and down. Yixing paced unheard to stand in front of Junmyeon’s bed. His hair had grown, and he had bangs now. Yixing raised his hand to Junmyeon’s left cheek. “I missed you so much,” he said. His hand moved to envelop Junmyeon’s hand. It felt warm and familiar. A wish of never letting go of it passed Yixing's mind. But he did let go, momentarily, only to move forward a chair and sit beside Junmyeon. He retook the other's hand. Then, Yixing closed his eyes and prayed that when Junmyeon woke up, their hands would still be clasped.

In the morning, Yixing woke up to an aching pain in his hand. Junmyeon was pinching it as he said: “Hey, wake up.” Yixing opened his eyes, blinked a few times, and met his ex-fiancé’s brown irises. A frightening sensation pierced his being as he awaited Junmyeon’s next action.

The injured man withdrew his hand but kept his gaze on Yixing. “Sorry, what happened? Why am I here?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Yixing swallowed. “You were in a car accident last night.”

“Car accident?”

“Yes, thankfully nothing harmful happened to you, only a minor bruising in your brain.”

“Bruising?”

“It’s nothing dangerous, and often heals by itself… How do you feel? Are you in pain?” Yixing asked.

“My head hurts a bit, but not too unbearable,” Junmyeon replied as he still firmly stared at Yixing. “I’m sorry for asking this, but who are you?”

“What?”

“Who are you? Why are you here? I can’t remember ever seeing you… Or I can’t remember much for that matter.”

Yixing was stoic. He didn’t know what to answer. Was Junmyeon pretending not to know him? Or had he completely lost his memory? It was as Yixing debated with himself that Doctor Li walked inside the room.

The doctor smiled and introduce herself to Junmyeon. She asked Junmyeon his name, and the injured man thought about it for a moment until he said: “My name is… Kim Junmyeon.” Then the doctor continued examining Junmyeon and telling him about last night’s incident and his injuries. However, when she asked him to say if he had any recollections of what had happened before the accident, he answered no. He didn't have any.

Doctor Li continued her medical checkup by asking Junmyeon about further discomforts, and Junmyeon said only a minor headache. Then she kept asking questions about his life. How old was he, when was his birthday, where did he live, where was he born, what did he work with. Again, Junmyeon had to think before answering, and once he did, the doctor looked at Yixing to corroborate. Yixing nodded to all the questions. But when she asked Junmyeon to name his parents, what he had done yesterday, how he celebrated his last birthday, Junmyeon didn’t know. He said that no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t find any information. Junmyeon didn’t have any memories of those happenings. In the end, Doctor Li told him not to worry about it, he should rest for now, and she would come back later in the day to check on him.

Yixing followed her. “Doctor, what is happening to him?” he asked.

“It’s too early to confirm a diagnosis, Mr. Zhang. It seems he has some kind of amnesia... But we’ll have to continue monitoring him to see if it is permanent or temporally.”

“Is there something I can do?”

“For now, just keep him company, and try not to aggravate him by slurring too much information about his memories.”

Yixing nodded and thanked her. He walked inside Junmyeon’s room and saw a nurse delivering Junmyeon breakfast. Afterward, she left them alone. Yixing sat down on the chair and observed how Junmyeon ate, how he blew his cup of tea, how he made sure not to drop anything from the sandwich he was holding.

“So, who are you?” Junmyeon asked as he ate.

They had so much history together that Yixing found the answer was rather complicated. But it seemed everything had been erased from Junmyeon’s memory, and it would be too much to explain right now. Instead, he said, “I'm Yixing, we’re… Old friends.”

“Old friends…” Junmyeon repeated. It seemed he wanted to ask more, to understand what kind of old friends they had been, when did they meet. But he didn’t ask anything.

The stay in the hospital lasted five days. Yixing had gone see Junmyeon every day before going to work in the evening. Sometimes Yixing told him short stories of how he used to be, other times they spoke about trivial matters or who Yixing was.

Junmyeon's brain contusion was healing without a problem, but it had apparently damaged Junmyeon’s memory. First, the doctors had conducted different psychological and neurological tests on him. The tests didn’t reveal any illnesses or problems. Later, when they performed a general assessment of Junmyeon’s memory and cognitive abilities, he didn’t have any difficulties in remembering new memories. He remembered everything that happened since he woke up after the accident. However, when interviewed about his autobiographical memory covering his childhood, adulthood, and personal information, Junmyeon most often didn’t remember anything or gave incorrect answers. It was thanks to Yixing providing information that the doctors could tell whether Junmyeon remembered correctly or not.

Eventually, after one of the interviews, Junmyeon had found out that he and Yixing had been in a relationship for the past five years and were going to get married. He had looked troubled when he asked Yixing why they had broken up and Yixing replied to his question. It seemed that he wanted to apologize, but didn’t exactly know what to say.

On the last day of Junmyeon’s stay in the hospital, they had come to a diagnosis. Doctor Li spoke with Yixing first.

She told him that Junmyeon suffered pure retrograde amnesia, without any traces of anterograde amnesia. This meant that while Junmyeon could not recall the events that covered all his life, he could still form new memories without difficulties. This was a rare case. Most often people suffering traumatic brain injuries are left with anterograde amnesia – they cannot store new memories- with minimal retrograde damage. And it was also rare that a mild head injury, such as Junmyeon’s, could have left him with irreversible damage. It was irreversible in the sense that Junmyeon had never suffered, and was not suffering, any psychological disorders, which meant his amnesia was not psychogenic. Junmyeon’s amnesia was neurological, and he will most likely never remember his past, unlike if it had been psychological and therapy would have helped him recover his memories. But of course, there have always been exceptions.

The reason why Junmyeon could still remember factual information about himself and the world, such as his age or name, where he lives, what languages he speaks, what color is the grass, it was because his semantic memory was intact. Those memories contained the general world knowledge Junmyeon had obtained throughout his life, but it also consisted of the factual knowledge about himself, for example, the memory that ‘he is thirty years old and lives in Guangzhou.’ Hence, Junmyeon could remember some things. 

However, his episodic memory, the memory of autobiographical events and its collection of past personal experiences that had happened at a time and place, was damaged. Therefore, he couldn’t recall anything about his former life. Personality-wise, it was unpredictable to know if Junmyeon would remain the same person he used to. He might still have traces of his old self, but the time ahead might also change him.

The doctor told Yixing that Junmyeon needed time and support to adapt himself to this new life and to find out who he used to be in the past. She was aware of Yixing’s and Junmyeon’s complicated relationship, and she wondered if Yixing was willing to help Junmyeon, or if it was better to contact his family in South Korea.

Yixing knew that Junmyeon’s parents had not spoken to his ex-fiancé in ten years, and if Junmyeon went back to them they would probably make sure he followed their will. And there was no one else in Guangzhou willing to take the task. So, Yixing accepted because he didn’t want to leave Junmyeon alone. However, another part of him was thinking that maybe this could be a chance for them to start again.

When their meeting ended, Junmyeon joined them, and Doctor Li explained everything once again to Junmyeon. He didn’t seem surprised by what she told him, he had always been aware that he lost his memory and that it probably won’t come back. And Junmyeon didn’t mind staying with Yixing either, he was thankful that someone who knew him well was willing to help him.

In the end, both thanked the doctor for her help and left the hospital on a Thursday evening.

As they drove to Yixing’s apartment complex, Junmyeon asked, “Why haven’t I spoken to my parents in ten years?”

Yixing sighed, and softly answered, “They threw you out of their house when they found out you were gay.”

“Did I ever try speaking to them again?”

“Yes… But they refused to see you.”

Junmyeon didn’t reply anything but kept looking out the car window for the whole ride. Before unbuckling his seatbelt, and getting off the car, Junmyeon spoke again, “Wait!”

Yixing looked at him.

“Are you sure you want me to stay with you? I mean, considering what we were and what my past self did to you… Is it really okay?”

In away Yixing knew it wasn’t. Junmyeon didn’t remember anything of their past years, and he may not end up reciprocating Yixing’s feelings. There was a chance Yixing was fooling himself thinking that they could retake their relationship. But he wanted to believe they could. Yixing wanted to have confidence in that he and Junmyeon could become the couple they used to be. He wanted to believe that Junmyeon would love him again. And that thought weighted far more in his resolution. “Of course, it's fine. It really is,” he said and smiled at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon looked a bit perplexed but nodded nonetheless.

They got off the car and walked inside the building, up to the fifteenth floor. Yixing showed Junmyeon around the flat. Yixing’s apartment was big, modern, and pristine. Junmyeon also noted that Yixing still kept their pictures hung on the walls. He wanted to ask why but didn’t. There were two bedrooms, and Junmyeon would be staying in the other one. Then the doorbell rang, and Yixing left Junmyeon to get comfortable in his new room.

Yixing looked through the peephole. Luhan and Minseok were standing outside. He opened the door.

“Zhang! Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you answered our calls?” Luhan exclaimed, crossed his arms, and barged in. Minseok followed him with his crutches.

“Hey, Lu and Minseok,” Yixing greeted them, “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“We dropped by the restaurant, and Kyungsoo said you called in sick tonight. Are you alright?” Minseok asked.

“Yes! I just felt a bit tired, hehe… I haven’t slept well these days. But, how are you guys? How’s your leg, Minseok?” Yixing asked.

Before any of the two could answer, Junmyeon appeared before them. “Yixing, where are the towels? I would like to take a shower,” he said.

Minseok's eyes widened, and Luhan gawked. “What the-” Luhan uttered but Yixing interrupted him.

“Guys, Junmyeon recently lost his memory, and he’s staying with me for the time being… Junmyeon these are my friends Luhan and Minseok,” Yixing said as he pointed to the two.

Junmyeon stared at them. “Hi, I’m afraid I can’t remember you. But I guess we've met before?” he asked.

Luhan kept quiet and only stared disbelievingly at Yixing. Minseok smiled and answered, “Yes, we have, a couple of years ago. I’m Minseok.”

Junmyeon extended his hand to greet him and then he offered it to Luhan. Minseok had to clear his throat for Luhan to raise his hand. Reluctantly, Luhan did it.

Once the awkward introduction ended, Yixing said, “Junmyeon, the towels are on the left side of the cabinet in the bathroom.”

Junmyeon nodded, said goodbye to the pair, and walked toward the bathroom.

“Busy my . You have a lot of explaining to do,” Luhan said, tone serious.

“Yeah… We should take this in the hall,” Yixing replied. The trio walked outside the apartment. Yixing closed the door.

“So, why is that bastard staying with you?”

Yixing sighed, he had expected this reaction. Then, he answered Luhan’s question. He told them everything that happened these past days, and about Junmyeon’s current amnesic condition. Yixing said that despite the way things had ended between the two, he didn’t want Junmyeon to cope with everything alone. He still cared about him and felt it was the right thing to do.

“No, it’s not! You’re just blinded by the fact you think you have another chance with him. Have you forgotten how utterly broken you’ve been these past months? Have you?” Luhan asked.

“Of course, I haven’t. But-”

“Then, why?! You could have just sent him off to South Korea. Yixing, you don't own him anything, if anything he owes you a lot. You deserved so much more than a ing goodbye note on the kitchen counter,” Luhan reprimanded Yixing.

“Lu, you know his parents don’t want to see him. And everything they've done to him.”

“And? This is not your problem to solve. They’re his family, they should take care of him no matter what.”

“But they’ll manipulate Junmyeon to become who they want him to be. That's not fair, I want to give him the right picture of who he was.”

Luhan sighed loudly. “And then what? He goes back to his old life, and you stay behind miserable once more?”

“I don’t know. I’m hoping Junmyeon… You know I never stopped loving him, he’s my… soulmate. He might have forgotten me, but I know he will end up loving me again.”

Luhan let out a mocking laugh. He grabbed Yixing by his arms and shook him lightly. “Yixing, listen to me, this is a mistake! Junmyeon is the who left you without a proper explanation. He broke you into pieces, and you were just beginning to stitch yourself up again. He doesn’t deserve your kindness. And I’m sorry to say this, but you’re wrong! A person who hurt you that badly cannot be your so-called soulmate. This will not end well. Please, please, don’t let him hurt you again.”

Yixing knew Luhan’s words might be true, but he still said, “I’m thankful you care so much about my well-being Lu, but I’ll be fine... Third time’s the charm, isn’t it?”

Luhan huffed and let go of Yixing. “Oh my god Yixing, I can’t believe you’re this stubborn… Minseok, say something!”

“Yixing,” Minseok expressed in a soft voice, “I might be a pediatrician, but I still have gone to medical school and studied this. You’re aware that his memories are lost, possibly forever, and he may not reconnect with the memories if you tell him about them. Junmyeon might feel he wasn’t that person, that it doesn’t fit who he is now. And he may not become the man he used to be, the person you fell in love with.”

“You’re right, they told me that at the hospital. But that’s okay Minseok, I’ll love him anyway. It doesn’t matter.”

“Junmyeon might not end up feeling the same for you, Yixing. If he goes, you’ll be heartbroken again,” Minseok said with genuine worry in his tone.

“I know, and I’m so, so, sorry if you guys have to pick me up again, but I’d rather take the risk. Junmyeon could have gone back to South Korea, but he didn’t. He stayed here… And this, this might be fate giving us a third chance. I don’t want a life without him.”

“Oh Yixing,” Minseok replied and half-smiled. “I’d give you a good luck hug, but you know,” he said and raised his left crutch. Yixing chuckled and was the one who hugged him instead.

When Yixing got free, he stared at Luhan. “I’m sorry Luhan. I hope you can understand me.”

Luhan shook his head. “I have nothing to forgive you about. But you’re making a huge mistake Zhang, a huge mistake… Minseok, come on, let’s go home.”

Yixing said goodbye to the two. He saw Luhan and Minseok walking to the elevator, the doors opening, and then they disappeared from his sight.

He leaned against the apartment door. Yixing sighed and said to himself, “I really hope I’m not.”

Author's Note

Hi there! Let me welcome you to my third chaptered Sulay story ^_^ You can probably guess which exo otp is my fave hahaha Anyway, it's gonna get angsty at some point, so prepare yourself~

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and in case you decide to read further, thanks! <3

Have a nice day!