The wind rustled his hair. It was a pleasant morning breeze. Faint rays of sunlight shone through the clouded sky. Yixing sat on the terrace, listening to Guangzhou waking up. His hand fidgeted with the silver ring on his other hand. He smiled, his indentions appearing in place, joy spreading throughout him. It had already been two weeks since the night on the river banks of the Pearl River, the night Junmyeon had asked him to marry him. Yet it felt as if it had just been yesterday Junmyeon was on his knees asking the question. It had taken Yixing by surprise at first. He hadn’t known if one year was enough to ask that question, that was why Yixing hadn’t done it first, even if they were living together now. Still, Yixing was glad Junmyeon had done it.

Many things had changed in the past year. Junmyeon calling off their engagement and leaving, the time of heartbreak, the car accident, the memory loss, the fights, the truths revealed, yet despite everything, Yixing knew that helping Junmyeon hadn’t been a mistake. A mistake would have been if he had ignored that call. He and Junmyeon were together again. They had even started planning their wedding that’d take place in two months. Were two months enough time to plan a wedding? Probably not, but Junmyeon had said time wasn’t in their favor, and maybe that was true, plus that month was when they had found the nearest available date at the LN Garden. Yixing didn’t mind that though. He and Junmyeon were together and would be getting married, that was all that mattered for now.

However, there was this slight pinch of wretchedness that merged with his happiness, making it bittersweet. Even if he tried to ignore it, he still remembered that day Junmyeon told him why the old Junmyeon had left. Junmyeon prone to have ALS one day? Junmyeon had wanted to kill himself because of that? Junmyeon left him so he could hate him and not suffer over his death? Junmyeon… Would die?

Yixing had felt angry and betrayed after hearing that story. Why hadn’t the old Junmyeon told him any of that? Didn’t Junmyeon love him? Didn’t he trust him enough? They could have tried to agree to something, maybe he could have made Junmyeon change his mind because there was no way he was going to let him kill himself. If Junmyeon had told him everything, both could have avoided those three months of heartbreak, and Junmyeon wouldn’t have lost his memories. But, the more he thought about it, the more questions came up. What if Yixing had failed? What if he wouldn’t have been able to convince Junmyeon to be with him, despite the ambiguous future? And after all, it was Junmyeon’s choice. He was the one who was going to live with the disease. How could Yixing have any say on that? How would he have tried to convince Junmyeon to do otherwise? Would it have been selfish, to force him to live with that hell disease for him? Yixing had no idea what he would have done. So, maybe things had taken the course they did for the ‘best’ because everything would have been too complicated to solve if Junmyeon had spoken. Either way, it was too late to change anything now, and it was unnecessary to feel upset about the old Junmyeon not telling him everything.

After the anger, he came to the realization. The harsh reality had hit Yixing. And the tears he had shed couldn’t change anything either. Junmyeon was prone to have ALS in the future. He had that damn gene mutation. They couldn’t know when or how, they didn’t know anything, except there was that fifty-percent probability that Junmyeon might get sick one day. Might, Yixing hated the ambiguity within that word. And for some reason, he couldn’t stay optimistic that Junmyeon would never face the disease. Why? Was it because he had already lost Junmyeon two times before, and as he had said, third time’s the charm? Yixing didn’t know. What he did know was that it was frightening to live with the knowledge that something might happen one day, something that not only would kill the man he loved, but also parts of himself. How could Yixing ever bear with seeing Junmyeon die before his eyes? Yixing was scared, but Junmyeon was a hundred more times frightened.

Yet despite the fear, Junmyeon had said he'd face the uncertainty and stay with him if Yixing promised he would stay with him too once he got sick. Junmyeon couldn’t face it alone, and he loved Yixing so much, he’ll know he’ll be stronger if they were together. Yixing’s answer? Amid their tears, he hugged Junmyeon and whispered in his ears, of course, he’ll stay. He loved Junmyeon too; he had always loved him. There was no other place or person he’d rather be with. Maybe it was going to be incredibly hard, painful, and scary, but at the same time, there was going to be happiness, joy, and love. And the last part was worth it. So, maybe things had taken the course they went because it was for the ‘better.’ This time Junmyeon had decided to stay, and Yixing would stay with him.

Yixing would stay with Junmyeon no matter what. Even if the day after Junmyeon had proposed, Junmyeon had told Yixing his decision about their future. He didn’t want any children, it was too risky to put more people through the possible suffering that’d come. Neither did he want any dogs or pets. And Junmyeon didn’t want to extend his life. When his lungs started to fail, he wanted a natural death and not live the rest of his life connected to a ventilator. It was selfish, Junmyeon had said, to ask Yixing to stay despite all the decisions he had taken without minding Yixing’s opinion. But Yixing, he would stay no matter what. Yixing didn’t mind to give up those things, even if he had been looking forward to having them one day. The ventilator decision was another matter. He wished Junmyeon would change his mind about it. He had learned that it could give them more time together, of course, Junmyeon would have to pay the price. So, how could Yixing have any say on that? He was healthy, and he would live, Junmyeon might not.

“Here it is, Xing,” Junmyeon’s soothing voice said. Yixing was taken back from his thoughts, and he stared at his fiancé. He was still a tad surprised whenever Junmyeon called him ‘Xing,’ after all, these past months he had only heard ‘Yixing’ from his lips. He didn’t know why Junmyeon had started doing that. Nonetheless, he was happy about it. Junmyeon placed the tray with their breakfast on the table before sitting on the chair in front of Yixing.

“Thanks, Jun,” Yixing said, smiling. They began eating. Ever since they started living together again, whenever they could, they’d have their first meal of the day on the terrace.

“So, at what time do we have to leave?” Junmyeon asked.

They had to meet with their wedding planner this morning. “In an hour,” Yixing said. Junmyeon nodded.

As they ate, they kept talking about their wedding plans. What cake would they order? Junmyeon preferred chocolate, Yixing didn’t really mind which one. They spoke of the flowers, the centerpieces, the food, and everything else they could think about. They agreed on almost everything, but it also felt ridiculous to fight about those trivial things.

Near the end of their meal, Junmyeon said, “You know, I’ve been thinking about that memory.”

That memory Junmyeon referred to was the one he had gotten back some days ago. Yixing had been sitting on the piano stool, playing a song, while Junmyeon stared at him from one of the couches. And then Junmyeon had said he had remembered an image the day before, something that felt so familiar. He remembered seeing Yixing in that position, wearing a school uniform, and playing the piano. He had called Yixing his soulmate, and Yixing had explained something called yuánfèn would bring them back, kind of similar to soulmates who find themselves again. That was all Junmyeon remembered from his life before the accident. And that memory had occurred on their last day of high school in Seoul.

Junmyeon had wished he could remember more things, everything, but even getting back that little piece, had made him happy. And perhaps he would remember more one day.

But that memory had made Yixing think too. While Junmyeon hadn’t paid much attention to yuánfèn after hearing Yixing’s explanation once again, Yixing had. Yuánfèn had different meanings, but it could be considered the concept of a predestined affinity, some kind of binding force that links two people in a particular relationship, in their case love. Of course, yuánfèn was more complex than that, but he liked that simple explanation his grandmother had given him. Yixing also remembered his grandmother once telling him how it could relate to yǒu yuán wú fèn – the proverb ‘have fate without destiny.’ That saying meant that even though a relationship came to exists because of fate, it didn’t certainly mean it was destined to exist forever. Growing up Yixing had thought he wouldn’t experience the ‘have fate without destiny.’ He thought he would fall in love with someone who loved him too, and that was it, they’ll be happy. But now it seemed that proverb could be the reason behind everything. Fate had brought them together three times, the high school he chose, the city they ended up living in, and the car accident that took Junmyeon’s memory. But in the first two circumstances, they hadn’t meant to stay together, destiny had made sure to do that. Sure, they were together this third time, but it might not be forever. One day Junmyeon might get sick, and he’d die. Having fate without destiny, was surely bittersweet.

However, maybe Yixing was just overthinking. Who knew what would happen? The future was uncertain, unpredictable. And maybe he and Junmyeon should focus on being happy, on living in the present where everything was okay.

Junmyeon spoke again. “I think I no longer feel disconnected to the person I used to be before the memory loss. My ‘old self’ is not a separate entity from who I am… We’re part of each other. I guess I just don’t want to refer to him as ‘the old Junmyeon’ anymore, and just say, me and I.”

Yixing nodded. Maybe all Junmyeon had needed was a memory to know that person had been him, and that he was that person. And maybe that was why he had started to call Yixing ‘Xing’ again. Either way, for Yixing, Junmyeon was Junmyeon, even if he had gotten new sides to him like his hobby for photography for example. He still loved Junmyeon, and Junmyeon loved him too. “I see, Jun. If that’s what you want, whenever we speak about the past, I’ll make sure to remember not to call you ‘the old Junmyeon’ again.”

Junmyeon reached his hand across the table to cup Yixing’s hand and smiled. Yixing smiled back. He saw the golden band in Junmyeon’s finger once again. It was the ring he had proposed to Junmyeon. Yixing had never thrown it away, it belonged to Junmyeon, even if he had bought it. Now they had mismatched engagement rings because Junmyeon’s was gold and his ring was silver. And those rings would be their wedding rings too since it felt pointless to use two. Junmyeon had said he would pick Yixing’s ring for the wedding, of course, he had left before doing that. But now Junmyeon had done it. Even if they didn’t match, it was perfect.

Junmyeon sighed. “Xing, I know you don’t like it when I ask you this, neither do I honestly, because there’s no way I’m letting go of you. And once we’re married, I’ll never bring it up again. But for now, I’m asking you again. Are you still sure you want to stay? Despite everything that might happen and what you’ll give up?”

Yixing breathed in. He could understand Junmyeon’s worry. It wasn’t that Junmyeon didn’t trust in Yixing’s love, he had told him he just wanted to make sure Yixing was up to face everything that might happen, and he wouldn’t regret giving up those things. Junmyeon wanted to give Yixing a choice for now, but just like he had said, once they got married, he would never bring it up again. Besides, the more they planned the wedding, the less chance Yixing had to back out. But he would never back out.

Yixing turned around his hand so he could clasp Junmyeon’s hand. It was always soothing to hold hands, it felt warm, familiar. He smiled and leaned in to kiss Junmyeon. “Jun, I already promised you this, but I can say it again and again. I’ll always be by your side, Jun. Always.”

Final Author’s Note

Thank you all for giving this fic a chance and read it! ♥️ Thank you each one of you who took your time to leave one or multiple comments! ^O^ Reading your comments it’s always nice and I really appreciate it ♥️ And thank you to my upvoters! I’m flattered you upvoted this story ♥️ ^///^

So… This story was a messy combination of flashbacks, flashforwards, and the present. I struggled, looked forward to writing, got tired, liked and hated some parts, yet here we are at the end. And after all the struggles, work and time you invest in something, it’s kinda satisfactory to see it reach the end~

I’m not gonna explain the content or meaning of this story because I always like to leave that up to your interpretation (although I think I kinda did it anyway lol).

Lastly, I tried to make Junmyeon’s ALS case as realistically as possible. But there is so much more I left behind. I’ve never experienced any of it, so research on the internet could only give me some ideas. My writing could never do it any justice. The real emotional and physical pain and throe the affected ones go through, I could never properly portray that. Even so, I hope this fic enlightened you about ALS and sepsis (which was also shortly explained).

Thank you all who have read and supported this fic! ♥️