Six years earlier

No amount of falling tears could express the agony he was trapped in. No matter how many items he threw and tossed could take away his anger. Nothing could make his mind stop replaying those horrendous images that shattered his heart.

Everything had occurred in the blink of an eye. As he had walked those few steps that lead to the bedroom, it seemed surreal, impossible, a nightmare. Yet his mind hadn’t imagined it, his vision hadn’t failed, his hearing wasn’t mistaken. The trail of clothes, the lewd sounds, the moans, the bodies, the man he loved holding someone else, everything was happening; everything was true, and everything crumbled.

For the last four hours, Yixing had been sitting in the dark, crying, cursing, and calling himself repeatedly what an idiot he had been. And it wasn’t only Mi’s betrayal that broke him, there was also the fact that Yixing had thought Mi really loved him. Yixing had believed every sweet nothing, every smile, every kiss, everything. He had also seen a future with Mi, a possibility of being happy for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, nothing of this had mattered to Mi. How stupid.

How could he have believed Mi’s excuses? How could he have blindly trusted him? How could he have let this happen?

One year and four months of his life had been wasted on nothing but lies. Amid his mayhem and suffering, Yixing couldn’t help thinking, if only he had listened to Junmyeon five months ago, if only he had taken his words seriously, could he have avoided this much suffering?

“You were right, you were so right,” Yixing said and laughed sadly. He looked around his living room. Even if the glimpses of moonlight were few, he could still see everything clearly. The turmoil within him resembled the one he saw around those four walls. Yet destroying the room hadn’t help at all. He felt stupid.

If only he had listened. If only he had heard, then perhaps he wouldn’t have made so many mistakes. The recount of his errors brought another regret to his mind. Yixing couldn’t take back the lost time with Mi, he couldn’t instantly take away the pain that sickened his heart, no, but he could rectify one thing. And even if it was two in the morning, the desperation to fix the one thing within his grasp, made him stand up, leave his apartment, walk inside his car, and drive to that one destination. He needed to find that momentarily peace.

As Yixing stood outside the apartment’s door, he realized what a state he must be in, how horrible he must look with a runny nose, dampened cheeks, and his annoying hiccup. But that didn’t stop him from ringing the doorbell; he needed to do this. A few moments later the door opened, and a part of him was relieved it had been opened.

“Yixing?” Junmyeon asked with a groggy voice. His eyes hurriedly tried to adapt to the blinding lightness from the hall. And once he clearly saw Yixing standing in front of him, he gasped. “Oh my god, Yixing, what happened to you?” he asked with concern.

“Can I come in… Jun?” Yixing wondered. How weird, it had been such a long time since he last called him that.

Junmyeon looked confused before nodding. “Yes, of course, Xing, step in.”

Yixing followed Junmyeon inside. They strode into the kitchen where Junmyeon offered him a glass of water. Sitting around the dinner table, he drank the soothing liquid. After finally calming himself, Yixing began explaining to Junmyeon what had happened on this endless night.

Junmyeon had always been a great listener. He never interrupted someone when they spoke. His eyes were always focused on the person talking as if that moment was the only thing that mattered to him. And even now, when Junmyeon could at any time have said to Yixing that he had been right this whole time, he remained silent.

Yixing explained how he had found Mi laying in bed with someone else. He had cried and screamed at Mi for his unfaithfulness. Mi heartlessly excused himself by saying that he and Yixing weren’t what they used to be ever since Yixing got promoted. If anything, it was Yixing’s fault for taking more shifts at work and not having time to spend together. Naturally, this led Mi to slowly fall out of love, and find that comfort somewhere else (more precisely with his dental assistant). Yixing should have seen this coming.

“What an ,” Junmyeon said annoyed and with a frown on his face. “Yixing, don’t listen to him!” He raised his arm and carefully placed his hand on top of Yixing’s shoulder. “This isn’t your fault. He’s a cheating bastard, there’s no excuse for that,” he said while caressing Yixing’s shoulder.

A part of Yixing had expected that the first words Junmyeon uttered would have been ‘Didn’t I tell you Yixing? This is your fault for not believing in me.’ But Junmyeon hadn’t said that instead, he was comforting him. “Shouldn’t you scold me? Mock me and say, ‘I told you so, this is what you deserve or something like that,’” Yixing trailed off.

“Why are you saying that?”

“Because I basically forced you to say you were a liar… When you were actually telling me the truth,” Yixing said. Then he saw Junmyeon’s tender smile, that smile that gave his cheekbones a slight glow.

“If you think I’m mad at you for that, then don’t worry, I’m not. You were in love, Xing,” Junmyeon said, “Of course you wouldn’t listen to any proofless statements. Especially ones that could jeopardize your relationship. Later I actually admired the amount of trust you could put on the people you love.”

Yixing huffed, “Well, look where that took me.”

“Still, don’t blame yourself. You just happened to come across the biggest jerk in town.”

“I feel I have been the biggest jerk in town,” Yixing said. “I should listen to my friends more often. And Jun, I’m sorry, really, I am.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened. “Hey, I told you-”

“I’m sorry for not believing in you and well forcing you to call yourself a liar,” Yixing interrupted Junmyeon, “You were right, you were so right and… I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon smiled again. “Like I said, it’s okay but thanks. I’m glad you’re not together with that anymore,” he said.

And for the first time in a long time, Yixing genially smiled back at Junmyeon, his usual dimpled-smile. “Yeah, me too. It still hurts but, it is for the best.”

Nodding, Junmyeon stood up. “Come on, I’ll prepare you the couch. It’s been a long night, and you could use some sleep.”

“You don’t mind me staying over?” Yixing asked nervously.

“Of course not, silly,” Junmyeon said, smiling again.

So, Yixing followed Junmyeon to the living room. Junmyeon disappeared somewhere in the hall and came back holding a bedsheet, a blanket, and some pillows. After arranging Yixing’s provisionary bed, he wished him goodnight and once again told him to not blame himself, that everything would be okay. Meanwhile, Yixing thanked him for everything.

Yixing laid on the couch, still feeling grateful to have such a friend like Junmyeon. And he had finally gotten that peace he strove for, even if it was momentary. It would take him time to stitch back his broken heart into pieces, but as he drifted off to sleep, Yixing thought that yes, this was for the best.

Having slept only a few hours, Yixing woke up not so tired the next morning. Letting the thoughts of last night's events wander into his mind, he was relieved to not feel so much need to cry.

He looked around the living room. It was neat and tidy, entirely different from the state he had left his own house back home. How odd, Yixing remembered Junmyeon being a complete mess back then. He got up and went to the bathroom. Looking himself in the mirror, he finally saw what a deplorable state he was at. He could feel the sticky sensation of dry tears on his cheeks, his eyes were puffy and red, his hair was muddled everywhere. Rapidly he looked away and opened the tap to wash his face. He wouldn’t let Mi destroy his life, he would get over him, and he would find his true happiness one day.

Once he was more presentable, Yixing strode back to the living room. He thought of somehow repaying Junmyeon for disrupting his sleep last night. So, he decided to make breakfast for the two. Unsure of what to cook, Yixing walked to Junmyeon’s room, hoping that he was awake.

The door wasn’t fully closed. Carefully, Yixing pulled the door and peeked inside the room. Then his hand stopped short. He gasped. Junmyeon was still asleep, but a man was sleeping next to him, his upper body was .

With the same quietness as before, Yixing closed the door. He remained immobile. Did Junmyeon have a boyfriend? Since when? He had never seen that man with Junmyeon before. Yixing figured that Junmyeon would probably tell him more about this later. Right now, he shouldn’t bother the two anymore.

Quietly, he walked away. Yixing strode to the hallway, put on his shoes, opened the door, and left Junmyeon’s apartment. As he walked to his car, he wrote a quick thank you text to Junmyeon and apologized for leaving like that, but he had something to do that morning.

Was there an exact amount of time to cure a heartbreak? Yixing already knew that no, there wasn’t, and there will never be.

The first weeks had been hard. Even if the first day of being single he had gotten rid of every reminder of Mi, somehow his mind always found something which triggered their memories. Once those reminiscences were unleashed, he always ended up thinking back on the night he had found Mi cheating on him. And sometimes the hurt was just too unbearable he couldn’t help crying. So, he cried. A lot. Sometimes even at work, the tears would unexpectedly fall. And his excuse that the cause of those tears was cutting onions didn’t help whenever he cut carrots for example.

During those first months of misery, his friends, Minseok, Luhan, and Junmyeon, had been there for him. They always made sure to invite him over during the weekends Yixing was free from work. They regularly called to ask how he was feeling, or to simply distract him from his thoughts. And Yixing always made sure to thank them because he knew how busy they must be with their lives, yet they still found time for him.

However, Junmyeon was perhaps the one who was with him the most. He would call or text him almost daily during the first weeks after his break-up. Sometimes Yixing would be in the middle of crying, and he would get one of Junmyeon’s silly texts. Reading them would make Yixing laugh or smile amid tears. They also retook the routines they used to have before Yixing had accused Junmyeon of being a liar. This time they added the fact that Junmyeon would sometimes stay over at his place, or vice versa, whenever Yixing or Junmyeon had days off work. When Yixing would suddenly cry, Junmyeon was almost always there to hold him.

More months passed, Yixing found a new apartment without any traces of Mi, and he decided to focus more on work or whatever activity his friends came up. The cure to his broken heart was definitely time. Eventually, he couldn’t pinpoint which day or month the tears had stopped falling, they were replaced with dimpled smiles and laughs. The memories stopped haunting him. The feelings for Mi deteriorated until they became inexistent. Everything had slowly stopped hurting. But he fully grasped on this knowledge the day he saw Mi and his lover, or boyfriend he assumed, standing in line at the supermarket. Junmyeon was there with him and said they could go to another cashier. But Yixing shook his head. He didn’t feel hurt by seeing them, he didn’t feel heartbroken nor bothered by it. The only thing he felt was sorry for Mi’s current boyfriend because there was a chance Mi would probably do him the same thing he did to Yixing. So, he and Junmyeon didn’t move from the line. And when Mi had turned around and saw him, Yixing just smiled and kept talking to Junmyeon.

So, Yixing had finally put an end to that horrific chapter in his life.

What Yixing did next was to continue moving on. For now, he decided not to focus on dating and rather put his entire attention on work and the next step of his career. One day he hoped to be promoted and become the new sous chef, the second in command in the kitchen. What Yixing didn’t know was that the heart is uncontrollable, it dictates on its own who and when to fall for someone, and it was inevitable. That was something he would realize later.

It was on a Friday night that Yixing was free from work that day, and the following. Like it was their routine whenever Junmyeon wasn’t dating anyone (because Yixing knew there should be boundaries), Yixing went over to Junmyeon’s apartment. He opened the door with his spare key, removed his shoes, walked into the living room, placed on the coffee table the pizza boxes, and can of sodas he was holding. Then Yixing strode to Junmyeon’s DVD collection to choose the movie they would see that night. Junmyeon would be home anytime soon.

And sure enough, once Yixing was all set up and sitting on the couch, he heard the front door open and Junmyeon’s voice. When Junmyeon appeared before him, Yixing realized he wasn’t alone. Yixing stared at the extremely tall man standing next to Junmyeon because he was sure he had seen him somewhere else before. And that he had done. After scrolling through his memories, he realized it was the same man he saw sleeping next to Junmyeon that day. Now he figured that Junmyeon had never explained to him who that man was.

“Xing, goodnight,” Junmyeon broke the awkward silence first after recovering from his astonishment.

Yixing stopped staring at the tall man and focused on Junmyeon. “Jun, hi. Sorry for the intrusion, I didn’t know you were busy tonight,” he apologized.

Junmyeon shook his head smiling. “No, no, no, there’s no problem. I gave you that spare key for a reason, didn’t I?”

Then they were silent again. And Yixing’s curiosity took over him. “Well, aren’t you going to introduce us?” he asked staring at the tall man.

“Oh, right.” The two walked closer until they stood an arm’s distance from Yixing. “Fan, this is Zhang Yixing, one of my best friends,” Junmyeon said. “Yixing, this is Wu Yifan, a…friend of mine.”

Yixing noted how Yifan’s face went from uninterested to amused in an instant. Yifan raised his hand to shake it with Yixing’s.

Another silence fell. And to make things less awkward for everyone, Yixing said, “Well, I think I better go home.”

“No, stay, please. You were about to eat dinner, weren’t you? We have already eaten. Please go ahead,” Junmyeon said and smiled. “Fan and I can go somewhere else.”

Yixing didn’t know why that last statement made him uncomfortable. Junmyeon hadn’t suggested for them to stay and watch the movie together, he wouldn’t have minded having Yifan there. No, Junmyeon wanted to be alone with Yifan. He thought there was something more to these twos relationship. And that made Yixing feel an odd sense of protection, or perhaps jealousy? He didn’t know, but there was something that bothered him about ‘Fan’ and Junmyeon being together. “This is your house Jun, I’ll go,” Yixing said nonetheless.

And Junmyeon just nodded awkwardly as Yixing picked up one of the pizza boxes and cans of soda. He wished them goodnight and left the apartment, somehow feeling the unhappiest he had felt in a long time.

The explanation of Junmyeon’s and Yifan’s relationship would come a week later. This time Yixing and Junmyeon had decided to eat Sunday’s lunch together. Yixing had prepared for them something quick in his kitchen. They sat down at the dinner table, eating while talking about their week. And after both had finished their meals, Yixing went ahead.

“So, Jun, what’s the deal with you and that Yifan?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon got nervous. “What do you mean? We’re friends,” he said.

“Are you really?”

“Yes, why are you asking this?”

Yixing sighed, then he said, “Because, remember that night I went over to your place after finding out Mi cheated on me?”

Junmyeon nodded.

“Well, the next morning I was going to ask you what you wanted for breakfast when… I saw you two on the bed. Sleeping next to each other and he… Wasn’t wearing a shirt.”

Gasping, Junmyeon remained in silence for a while. When he was ready to talk, he fought to find his words, until he gave up and sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but promise me you won’t make a big deal out of it,” he said.

Yixing couldn’t understand why he would, and he was getting worried, but he nodded nonetheless.

“Fan and I met in a non-conventional way?” Junmyeon said. Shortly, the night they had met they had a one-night stand, or at least that was what Junmyeon had thought. But later he had crossed paths with Yifan once more, and they slept together again. After that second time, Yifan had been frank with him and told him he wasn’t much of the relationship type, he didn’t like being committed to one person and preferred things to be casual. So, if Junmyeon was expecting some kind of monogamous romantic relationship, this wasn’t it, had Yifan said. Surprisingly, Junmyeon didn’t mind hearing that. Junmyeon hadn’t taken Yifan for that type either. So, when Yifan had asked him if they could keep things like that, boldly, Junmyeon agreed to it. In the end, they exchanged numbers and kept in touch. Over time, they had even developed a friendship, sometimes they even met only to eat together, drink or chat. It had already been a little over a year since this was going on.

“So, he’s like your friend with benefits?” Yixing asked.

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that,” Junmyeon said.

“And you get together whenever one of you two feels like it?”

“Pretty much.”

Everything Yixing had heard was so unlike Junmyeon. Yixing couldn’t figure out what had driven Junmyeon to accept such a thing, to become so cynical. This was Junmyeon, the Junmyeon who had always been the believer of soulmates and that everyone had one person destined to themselves. The ‘hooking up whenever they felt like it’ wasn’t the Junmyeon he remembered. And besides feeling bothered by it, he was also hurt by realizing what Yifan and Junmyeon had done that night. But Yixing was worried about Junmyeon too. “Junmyeon, you need to stop this,” he said.

“You promised not to make a big deal out of this.”

“But it is! Like, you’ve dated other people too, Junmyeon. Don’t tell me you hooked up with Yifan while doing that,” Yixing said horrified.

Junmyeon effusively shook his head. “No, of course not! I’m not like that. It only happens once in a while when I’m single. Otherwise, we’re pretty much friends like you and me.”

“Still, you need to put an end to it. It’s not healthy, and it’ll cause you trouble,” Yixing said firmly, “Do you think your future partner will be happy knowing that you and he are that kinds of friends?”

“Look, Yixing, I don’t see what the problem is. Like I said, it’s just casual, nothing more. We both are aware of it. And what future partner? Please, all my relationships don’t seem to last longer than two months.”

“And have you not thought why that might be?”

“There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing. We are not hurting anybody. And now please, let’s change topics,” Junmyeon said, putting an end to that conversation.

But after that day, Yixing couldn’t help thinking about that. After encountering Yifan a few more times at Junmyeon’s place, he concluded he didn’t like Yifan (and vice versa) and that Junmyeon should stay away from him. In the long run, this was going to hurt Junmyeon. However, Junmyeon still didn’t listen to him, and he said that it wasn’t of Yixing’s business. And he was right, it wasn’t Yixing’s business who Junmyeon had with. But Yixing couldn’t help being bothered by it. He needed to put an end to their relationship.

So, one night Yixing went to that bar Junmyeon and Yifan would meet to drink at. He walked in and didn’t spend much time searching for the tall blond man. Yixing saw Yifan sitting on the bar counter, chatting intimately with another man while he caressed the man’s hands. Yes, Yifan wasn’t right for Junmyeon. Yixing strode towards them. Once he stood behind Yifan, he cleared his throat.

Yifan turned around and stared at Yixing directly in the eyes. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t little Yixing,” he said amusedly.

Yixing huffed.

“What do you want? And make it quick, I’m in good company,” Yifan said, grinning at the man next to him.

“You need to stay away from Junmyeon,” Yixing said sternly.

Yifan raised an eyebrow. “And, why should I?”

“Because I know what deal you two have, but Jun is nothing like you. He is…better than this. And you’re no good for him.”

Laughing, Yifan said, “You really have nerve coming here. Ordering me to end a dear friendship. Pretending you care about ‘Jun’s’ wellbeing when I distinctly remember how one time you completely dissed him. How you forced him to call himself a liar and hurt him, just because you couldn’t believe your man was screwing around with someone else.”

Yixing squeezed his hand into a fist. “That was in the past. I already apologized, and Junmyeon and I have looked past it.”

“Yeah, seems like Junmyeon likes keeping ‘bad’ friends.”

“Just stay away from him,” Yixing said. His fist remained squeezed it almost hurt.

“You have no right over that. You’re nothing to him.”

“He’s my best friend. I care about him, and I’m looking out for his best,” Yixing said. The anger on his face was more evident now.

Yifan smirked. “Are you really? Or are you just doing this more for yourself… Because you are insanely jealous over the fact I get to him whenever I want while you’re just his ‘best friend.’”

This was it for Yixing. “Shut your mouth!” he cried and tried to smash his fist on Yifan’s face, but Yifan was faster than him and took his fist with his hand. And before Yixing could raise his other fist to smack the heck out of Yifan, a security guard was pulling him outside.

“Stay away from him! Stay away,” Yixing shouted as he was forced out from the bar.

Once the cold air hit Yixing’s face outside, he panted rapidly and realized one thing. Yifan had been right, Yixing was jealous. He was extremely jealous. Why hadn’t he realized this before? Of course, it wasn’t normal for him to want to spend so much time with none else but Junmyeon. Of course, it wasn’t normal that Junmyeon’s hugs would feel so recomforting. Of course, it wasn’t normal he wanted so much that Yifan and Junmyeon stopped fooling around because he felt so utterly heartbroken whenever he saw them together. Of course, it wasn’t normal he wanted to be the center of Junmyeon’s attention. Of course, it wasn’t normal he wanted none else but Junmyeon by his side.

Yixing had been so fed up with the idea of focusing on work and not dating, that he had completely ignored the real feelings he harbored for Junmyeon. It was not friendship.

He sighed loudly and promised himself he would do anything he could to win Junmyeon’s heart back. Yes, back, because he had always suspected that the time Junmyeon had tried to kiss him on the balcony, Junmyeon must have liked him. But Yixing had been foolish enough to ruin everything. Now, apparently, Junmyeon had forgotten those feelings, which was reasonable.

However, Yixing foolishness, again, ruined everything because he couldn’t utter the words to confess. He didn’t exactly know how to phrase that he and Junmyeon should try dating again because last time he had coldly disregarded Junmyeon’s feelings for him. And Yixing was also afraid Junmyeon wouldn’t even want to date him. Yixing had been single and over Mi for a long time now, but Junmyeon had never asked him out once, and he still kept his odd relationship with Yifan. So, every day he doubted whether to say out loud what he felt. But someone beat him to it, and it wasn’t who he had expected.

“So, are we meeting up on Saturday to see that movie” had Yixing asked one day during dinner.

“No, I can’t.”

“Why? You have work left?”

“No, I have a date.”

It had been such a long time since Yixing had heard those words, and now he felt how much it hurt. He forced a smile, “Oh really? Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Actually, it’s Fan. He and I have decided to try dating officially.”

Yixing gasped. ‘No, Jun, you can’t, you’re supposed to be with me,’ he thought as his heart slowly shattered into pieces.

“I think your words that time got to me, and I guess in the long run it wouldn’t be healthy. Surprisingly it was Fan’s idea,” Junmyeon explained, “I think he wants to steady himself now.”

Yixing closed his hand into a fist underneath the dinner table. “Can you really trust his words? I mean didn’t you say he wanted everything to be casual?” he asked.

“We haven’t done… That… in a long time, and we have actually spent the most time talking. He was eager about it, and he seemed sincere. It wouldn’t hurt trying,” Junmyeon said and smiled.

That doesn’t mean he hasn’t done it with anyone else, Yixing wanted to say. “People don’t change overnight, Junmyeon,” he said coldly.

“Perhaps, but everyone deserves a chance, don’t you think?”

That hurt. Again, Yixing scolded himself for being stupid.

On the night of Yifan’s and Junmyeon’s official first date, Yixing was at Junmyeon’s apartment. He had come as a support to Junmyeon, trying to help him choose what clothes to wear and whatnot. It all reminded him of that time Junmyeon had helped him in high-school. But the truth was that Yixing was there to impede Junmyeon’s date, yet he didn't have a good enough reason for him not to go. He felt that confessing there would only get him rejected, Junmyeon seemed to be looking forward to this stupid date. So, silently, he cursed and prayed that something, something happened that night so Junmyeon would realize the kind of scumbag Yifan was.

His prayers were answered when Junmyeon was taking a shower. Junmyeon’s phone rang, and when Yixing picked up the device to see the caller ID, it was Yifan. He heard the phone ring a couple more times until it stopped. And then he saw that Junmyeon had three voicemails. It was wrong, it was all so wrong, but Yixing did it anyway. He pressed the buttons, put the phone against his ear, and listened.

What Yifan had explained in those messages was that due to a work emergency he had to travel outside the country for two weeks. He wouldn’t be able to contact Junmyeon, so he profusely apologized for canceling their date at the last minute. Yifan also hoped that once he came back, Junmyeon would still be up to go out together.

After hearing the messages, Yixing did the only thing he could. He deleted each voicemail and missed calls, leaving no trace behind that Yifan had called. This is for your best, Jun, Yixing thought as he placed the phone back in its original position. And once Junmyeon returned newly showered and looking as gorgeous as ever, Yixing felt somewhat guilty for doing that to him, but he didn’t mention anything.

Neither did Yixing mention his sin when Junmyeon appeared before his door later that night.

“Fan stood me up,” Junmyeon said, looking gloomy. “I called him, but he never picked up. I waited for three hours, but he didn’t show up… This night meant nothing to him.”

Yixing grabbed Junmyeon inside and embraced him in a hug. Junmyeon hugged him back. “You don’t need him, Jun,” he said, trying to console him. But deep down Yixing knew this was all his fault, that he was probably becoming the same as Yifan, or worse. I’m sorry Junmyeon, he thought but didn’t utter the words.

Either way, for the next two weeks Yixing had Junmyeon all to himself. And something good had come out of his lie because Junmyeon had made up his mind to never see Yifan again, that it had all been a disastrous mistake and he should focus on being in healthy relationships from thereon. It was evident Yifan would take their relationship as a game and Junmyeon didn’t want to get hurt. Yixing only nodded and agreed to all of his ideas, yet he also felt bad for fooling Junmyeon. But now, a long time had passed since his lie, and he was afraid Junmyeon wouldn’t forgive him or trust him if he came clean. So, he remained silent.

Yixing got his third chance to come to clean a couple of days after Yifan’s return. Unexpectedly, Yifan and Junmyeon stormed inside his kitchen at the restaurant. Junmyeon tried to push Yifan back but failed due to their body differences. The head chef kept asking why the newly appointed sous chef’s friends were causing an uproar in his kitchen. And Yixing did his best to throw out the angry Yifan, who was repeatedly accusing Yixing of sabotaging their relationship and manipulating Junmyeon to stay away from him. Yixing denied the accusations.

“Just admit it you damn liar, you deleted the messages I left for Junmyeon that night!” Yifan shouted.

And that terrifying voice had made everyone stay silent in the kitchen as they waited for Yixing’s response.

Yixing looked away from Yifan’s angry expression to meet Junmyeon’s worried eyes. He couldn’t do it. Again, he mentally apologized to Junmyeon for what he was about to say.

“I didn’t do anything,” Yixing said firmly.

And with that said, Yixing ordered Yifan to get the hell out of his kitchen before he called the police. Yifan compelled but not before insulting Yixing for being a ‘ing liar.’

After that day, Yixing didn’t see Yifan again, and neither did Junmyeon.

On the day of Yixing’s twenty-fifth birthday, he, Junmyeon, Luhan, and Minseok among other friends, went to a club to celebrate. Yixing also enjoyed dancing, and even if he didn’t particularly like drinking, it was on these kinds of days he made an exception.

While Luhan and Minseok had finally made their relationship official three months prior, Yixing and Junmyeon were nowhere there. After that whole Yifan incident, Yixing had wanted to give Junmyeon time to recover from whatever thing he felt for that man. By now months had passed, and they were both in a better place, but Yixing was still a coward who didn’t utter a thing about his feelings, until this night.

At the club, he drank but not to the point of losing his senses. Yixing also danced, mostly with Junmyeon. And it was definitely a heated dance, but Junmyeon didn’t seem to care about that and followed his lead. Again, neither of them were too drunk, and somehow, this gave Yixing hope that maybe Junmyeon had started to feel the same for him.

Once the celebration ended Yixing and Junmyeon went to Yixing’s apartment. They stood on the balcony enjoying the fresh autumn breeze, staring at the skyline into the distance. Maybe it was the small fractions of alcohol in his system, or the desperation to fully embrace the one he was in love with, Yixing didn’t know what exactly gave him the courage to say what he said next.

“Jun, I know you already gave me a present and my birthday ended hours ago… But could I ask for something else?”

Junmyeon looked at him tenderly and smiled the way his cheekbones would shine brightly. “But of course, Xing, go ahead!”

“I want you to kiss me,” Yixing said without hesitation, his eyes never leaving Junmyeon’s.

Puzzlement, that was what Junmyeon’s face showed momentarily. But then he gulped and nodded. Carefully he walked until he stood in front of Yixing. Yixing turned around to face him. Junmyeon raised his hands and cupped Yixing’s cheeks. Yixing closed his eyes. In less than two seconds Junmyeon was kissing him. His soft, sweet lips were finally caressing his. It was innocent at first, only a chaste clash of lips. But then Junmyeon’s hands moved to Yixing’s grab waist, and Yixing raised his arms to enclose them around Junmyeon’s neck. Then it got sloppier, desperate, and with tongues hurriedly conquering the other’s mouth, tasting every bit.

Still kissing, Junmyeon grabbed the side of Yixing’s tights to raise him, and Yixing lightly jumped to wrap his legs around Junmyeon’s hips. Junmyeon moved them inside the living room, and steps later he carefully positioned Yixing on the couch. Yixing unwrapped himself, his hands lowered and touched Junmyeon’s torso until he reached the t-shirt’s hem. As he was starting to pull the t-shirt upwards, Junmyeon broke the kiss and backed away.

“What’s wrong?” Yixing asked amid breaths.

Junmyeon got off from Yixing and sat up straight on the other end of the couch. Yixing did the same but scoot over a bit closer to him.

Panting, Junmyeon said, “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Why?”

“We’re not together. We’re friends, Yixing, wouldn’t this ruin everything?”

“But you had no problem sleeping around with Yifan,” Yixing said. He could see the hurt on Junmyeon’s face, but as much as Yixing wanted to take back his words, it was too late. His and jealous self had been the one speaking. “Jun, I’m-”

“And that was a huge mistake. It’s nothing against you, Yixing. I just don’t want to make any more mistakes in my life.”

“I’m sorry,” Yixing said.

Junmyeon turned sideways and put his palm on top of Yixing’s cheek. “If we’re sleeping together, I want us to be in a committed and serious relationship. I realized I don’t want any more silly games. And you hold a way more special place in my heart to just become a mere one-night stand.”

Yixing blushed. “Is that what you want? For us to be in a relationship?” he asked expectantly.

“Is that what you want?” Junmyeon asked.

“Yes,” Yixing said without a doubt. “I didn’t realize it at first, but I’ve been in love with you for some time. And you know, because of things I was afraid to tell you, mainly to be rejected... But I’m saying it now, I want to be with you, Jun. Please give me another chance.”

Junmyeon smiled that broad smile that lightened his cheekbones. “Ever since that day at the Pearl River, when you defended Mi, I gave up the idea of being with you again,” Junmyeon said. “I thought you and I were probably meant to be friends, that we’d be happier that way. So, I gave in to Yifan’s proposal, and I said yes to dating the other people who had asked me.”

Yixing’s heart pounded desperately, afraid.

“I thought that embracing them and to do everything else would make me erase you from my heart. But I was wrong, Yixing,” Junmyeon uttered, “Because whenever I was with you, you reminded me that I hadn’t entirely forgotten you. I hated to feel that way because I knew one day you would find someone else. So, I kept trying but do you know why my relationships never lasted more than two months? It was because of you.”

Yixing gasped.

“Because those exes always told me I spend too much time with you, and they wanted me to stop seeing you, for us to cease to be friends. But I could never say yes to that, so we always fought and broke up.”

Yixing remained quiet, feeling slightly guilty for making Junmyeon go through all that.

“You should know that sleeping with Yifan never meant anything. I’m ashamed to say this, but it was mostly to calm down my … Again, that was a huge mistake. And yes, at some point I thought that Yifan would be the answer to me getting over you. But I was wrong there too.”

Then they were silent for a while as Yixing tried to take in everything Junmyeon had said.

“So, to answer your question, yes,” Junmyeon said, “I want to be with you. Deep down I have always wanted that. I think we both forgot about it for some years, but I remember now, why I wasn’t able to forget you, is because you’re my soulmate, right?”

Soulmate. That was right. Junmyeon had called them that on their last day of high-school, and Yixing had said that soulmates, undoubtedly, would find their way back. How could he have forgotten that? Some tears rolled down Yixing’s cheeks, and Junmyeon tenderly whipped them away. “And you’re mine, I know now,” Yixing said.

Junmyeon leaned in to kiss Yixing’s forehead. Yixing raised his arms to envelop Junmyeon in a hug.

“Thank you, Junmyeon.”

“Let’s finally be happy, okay Xing?” Junmyeon said.

Yixing nodded. When they separated, Yixing said, “Can I still sleep on your bed tonight?” and before Junmyeon looked at him perplexed Yixing added, “Fully clothed of course... I just don’t want to sleep alone.”

Junmyeon laughed but nodded anyway.

“Carry me?” Yixing asked, pouting his lower lip. He saw another grin on Junmyeon’s lips.

“Come here,” Junmyeon said and then carried Yixing to bed.

And for the first time in forever, Yixing would be enveloped in the warmth of Junmyeon’s arms and as he drifted off to sleep, he thought, this was where he belonged.

After their confession, everything went well for Yixing’s and Junmyeon’s relationship. Sure, they had their couple fights, but it was never anything serious that couldn’t be fixed with some words of regret

They also created many memories together, way more many than what their brief time together in their youth had given them.

For instance, Yixing always held dear the moment he finally said I love you to Junmyeon again. It happened some days after their first Christmas as a couple. They were walking down their usual path near the Pearl River, holding hands, listening to the water flow, watching the skyline. And seeing that this was the third Christmas Yixing had spent in Guangzhou without any traces of snow falling down the skies, he couldn’t help but utter his disappointment.

Junmyeon put a hand inside his pockets and desperately tried to find something. Once he did, he held a coin, walked to lean on the cement fence, then he closed his eyes and mumbled some inaudible words, and tossed it into the water.

Amused by the action, Yixing asked what Junmyeon had just done.

“I wished for it to snow. Just wait for it, my wish is going to break the curse. I’m gonna make it snow for you one day, Xing,” Junmyeon said happily. He was smiling, the smile Yixing loved to see the most. And then both erupted into laughter.

“I love you so much,” Yixing said amid chuckles. And once both realized what had been uttered, they stopped laughing.

“What?” Junmyeon asked.

Was it too soon to say it? They had only been together for two months, barely breaking the record of Junmyeon’s past relationships. But somehow it felt right to say it then and there. And Yixing wanted to say it, again and again, so he did. “I said, I love you, Jun.”

Junmyeon moved to stand closer to Yixing. He held Yixing by his waist and planted a kiss on his lips. “I love you too,” Junmyeon repeated between kisses.

And this same impulsivity followed them during their relationship.

A little over a year passed since they got together. It was a lazy Sunday morning, and they were cuddling in bed. Yixing was tracing scrawls around Junmyeon’s bare chest, while Junmyeon caressed his back.

“Hey, we should move in together,” had Junmyeon said out of nowhere.

Surprised, Yixing asked, “Are you serious? Isn’t it too soon? Are we even ready?”

Junmyeon smiled, “Tell me when was the last time you slept at your place?”

He had a point. For the past months, Yixing had decided to crash at Junmyeon’s apartment. Yixing had said because it was only at walking distance from the restaurant which was convenient. But he also loved going to sleep in Junmyeon’s embrace and waking up every morning next to him. If anything he was thrilled to hear Junmyeon asking him the question. “You do have a point there,” Yixing said and chuckled, “Alright, let’s move in together, Jun.”

Other times impulsivity could be quite problematic, but this had nothing to do with their relationship. They had been together for three years now. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, if work wasn’t on the way, they had spent each one of them together. Everything was going fine between them.

A year ago, Yixing’s friend Do Kyungsoo had surprised him by saying he had some capital to start his own restaurant, and like he had promised Yixing all those years ago, he wanted to open it with him. They both had the same vision of what kind of place they wanted to own. Yixing had also managed to save some money of his own, and his parents had always said they would aid him the day he decided to stand on his own. So, the financial part of it was fixable. But what Yixing was afraid of was if they had to move back to Seoul. He didn’t want to even think of the possibility of Junmyeon encountering his horrible father, or mother. To his surprise, Kyungsoo had actually said he was tired of South Korea and would much rather take the challenge of opening the restaurant in a new country. And suddenly, Yixing’s dream would become true. Finally, he would reach the peak of his career and become the head chef, in cooperation which Kyungsoo, of course. He accepted the offer.

That was why a year later, in June, ‘Do’s and Zhang’s Kitchen’ had come to life.

But not everything turned out as they expected, Yixing and Kyungsoo realized that the first weeks after opening the restaurant. And Yixing would most often return home every night, tired, nervous, and anxious.

He would get in bed and lay on top of Junmyeon’s chest. Junmyeon would often hold him by his waist as he pampered his head with kisses. And he would ask him what was wrong, what worries he had because he didn’t want Yixing to go around carrying all that to himself.

“We only had twenty-five customers in the entire night,” had Yixing said dejectedly one time.

“That’s more than last month, right?” Junmyeon said, “Don’t give up my love, keep fighting, I know everything will get better soon.”

“I’m glad you’re by my side, Jun,” Yixing said.

Junmyeon would smile, and he would continue to encourage him, even if he was getting less sleep every night. That was how Junmyeon’s sweet nothings would motivate Yixing to not throw in the towel yet, to keep going. And as Yixing laid in Junmyeon’s arms, listening to his tender voice, he always thought that this was where he belonged.