“You’re late, as always.”

“I’m-I’m sorry…?” Junmyeon said both unsure and surprised while breathing heavily after running two blocks from the subway station. The only response Junmyeon had gotten from Kyungsoo after apologizing had been a mere huff. So, those four words made the first sentence Kyungsoo had directly uttered to him. Sure, Kyungsoo’s tone had been stern, but it was a step forward. Besides, once Junmyeon found out that Kyungsoo’s ex-fiancée had left him at the altar, he understood better the anger Kyungsoo held against him.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and said, “Well, get in here so we can eat already.”

Smiling, Junmyeon stepped inside. He put the bucket of roses and the gift on the hallway’s table. He took off his jacket and shoes. Today was Thursday, and it was Yixing’s thirtieth birthday. It was going to be an intimate celebration consisting of only Junmyeon, Luhan, Minseok, and Kyungsoo. Because they all had to work the next day and Kyungsoo was later going to the restaurant, they agreed, or well Luhan told Junmyeon, they’d meet there at four to eat together. However, Junmyeon’s research team had been called to an urgent meeting that prolonged his stay at work. Therefore, he had now arrived forty-five minutes late.

Junmyeon walked into the living room, and the first thing he glanced at was Yixing, who was sitting on the couch talking with Minseok. Yixing looked radiant, and Junmyeon couldn’t help but smile. He greeted everyone and proceed to congratulate Yixing. The blush on Yixing’s face after receiving the roses and the gift made Junmyeon inwardly jump. Then his heart skipped when Yixing briefly hugged him. What a pity, Junmyeon thought. He had wanted for Yixing’s embrace to last longer, so he could at least have had the time to raise his arms and hug him back. But it seemed Yixing was still unsure of how much displays of affection he and Junmyeon should have. And it was understandable, they had only agreed to retake their relationship four days ago. They hadn’t even been out on a date yet.

Afterward, the group walked to the dining room to eat the longevity noodles and buns Luhan had prepared. As everyone ate, they talked about and remembered how they had celebrated their thirtieth birthdays. Yixing was the last one in the group to reach that age. Junmyeon had been present at all the celebrations. And he was glad that he had been part of his friend’s anecdotes, even Kyungsoo had said his name once. However, what also saddened Junmyeon wasn’t the fact he heard his friends often say, ‘I remember that…’ because he couldn’t relate. No, it was the fact that Junmyeon had not celebrated his thirtieth birthday with them. His past self had left two weeks before his birthday. Actually, Yixing and the others had to cancel the plans they had made for him that day. Instead, Junmyeon knew he had celebrated it alone (Jongdae had said the old Junmyeon didn’t want to do anything). So, he felt saddened that he wasn’t part of their thing.

Why had he left? No matter how much Junmyeon tried to remember the answer, he couldn’t.

Once the group of friends had eaten all the food and wished for Yixing’s wellbeing, Kyungsoo was the one to leave first. Luhan and Minseok stayed behind, and Yixing opened their gifts. “What is that?” had Luhan said and then laughed after Yixing had unwrapped Junmyeon’s gift. It was a cheese board with tools in the shape of a piano. Junmyeon blushed, embarrassed, thinking that indeed his gift had been, as Luhan said it, ‘cheesy.’ But Yixing hit Luhan and defended the present by saying it was lovely and he liked it. Junmyeon could hear the honesty in Yixing’s words, so he smiled.

At half-past seven o’clock, Luhan and Minseok also left, finally leaving Junmyeon alone with Yixing. They talked for a while mainly about how their week had gone and whether Yixing was able to attend their official first date (for the third time) on Saturday. Thankfully, he could. Before leaving, Junmyeon offered to help Yixing tidy around the house. As he strode around vacuuming, he realized that Yixing had still not hung up their old pictures on the walls. He wanted to ask why but decided not to. His last task was to wash the dishes. While drying off his hands with a cloth, Junmyeon paid attention to the calendar hanging on the fridge. The calendar was marked on October eight. Tomorrow. Junmyeon put the cloth aside and walked forward to point at the encircled date.

“Yixing, why is your calendar marked here? Your birthday is today.”

Yixing looked up from his phone and strode to stand next to Junmyeon. “Ah that,” he said, and Junmyeon saw a sad smile on his lips. “It’s something else.”

“Can I know what?”

Yixing was momentarily caught off guard, but then he said, “It… It would have been our fifth-year anniversary tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon said. He didn’t know that. In the short days that had passed since his apology, they hadn’t really talked much about their past together, mainly because of time. But Junmyeon wanted to know. “I see… Can you tell me how we used to celebrate it together?” he asked. And when he realized what it could cause he added, “If you feel like it of course! I wouldn’t want to be the reason to destroy your birthday.”

Yixing smiled, that smile that showed his beautiful deep dimples and gave Junmyeon ease. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind. And I still have your journals in the guestroom, do you want me to grab them?”

Now Junmyeon was taken aback. He had thought Yixing had gotten rid of those things. Nonetheless, he nodded. “Yeah, thank you. I’d really appreciated that.”

So, once again they sat in the living room, Yixing talking and Junmyeon listening while writing. Yixing began telling him how they celebrated their first year together and the ones after that. Sometimes work had come in their way, and they had to skip either Yixing’s birthday or their anniversary. But they did have a small ‘tradition.’ And it was that each October seventh they would lay in bed, holding one another as they waited for the clock to tick midnight, and October eight would be there. At the same time, they would wish each other a happy anniversary.

When Yixing had finished talking, they stayed in silence. Junmyeon saw Yixing smiling with a bit of sadness, that sadness in his eyes that didn’t merge well with his dimples. And seeing him like that for a while, hurt Junmyeon’s heart. The need to stop causing Yixing sorrow gave Junmyeon an idea. Rapidly, he scrolled through his phone and was glad to find out that if they’d leave now, they’d arrive there in time.

Junmyeon stood up and offered his hand to Yixing. “Come on, Yixing. We need to hurry up and catch a cab.”

Yixing looked at Junmyeon, perplexed. “What are you saying, Jun?”

“That we need to go now before they close.”

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise. But I think it’s sad that we break the tradition of waiting for October eight together… It’s a little hasty but, do you wanna go out on a date tonight? This way we’d welcome the new day together.”

Yixing blinked in surprise. “But it’s not even our anniversary anymore. And you have work tomorrow. Early.”

“Don’t you think it should still be? We may have lost five months together, but we can’t throw away five years. I know this might sound weird coming from me,” Junmyeon said, “I was the one who didn’t want to know anything about us and wanted to conceal that part of my life. But I’ve changed my mind. And I want to know everything. And create new memories with you… Besides what’s one night without eight hours sleep?”

Still amazed, Yixing nodded, and he grabbed Junmyeon’s hand. Junmyeon led them both to the entrance.

They arrived at Dashatou Wharf exactly fifteen minutes before the ship’s parting time at nine o’clock, the last ride of the night. And they were lucky enough to find some tickets on the second floor. The idea Junmyeon had gotten was for them to take the Pearl River night cruise. Ever since Junmyeon had seen the ships sailing through the river, he too wanted to experience that (even if he had probably done so before). And Yixing hadn’t minded his silly idea, he had smiled broadly when he realized where Junmyeon had taken them.

It was autumn, and a cold breeze hit their faces, but Yixing and Junmyeon still strode around the promenade deck until they found a spot they stayed at. Guangzhou’s skyline shone brightly in a variety of colors. From afar, they could see the majestic Canton Tower, whose façade was a mixture of turquoise, green and brown lights. Junmyeon subtly moved his hand on the railing until it was on top of Yixing’s hand.

When the ship neared the Panyu Bridge, Junmyeon spoke. “Did we ever take this cruise together?”

Yixing’s gaze shifted from the bridge to meet Junmyeon’s eyes. “We did,” he said, smiling, “The first time was a month after you moved here. The second time was actually when we had our second ‘first-date’ as a couple.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened. Somehow, he had managed to rerun his and Yixing’s second first-date. And that notion brought him bliss because even if he didn’t remember that time anymore, he could remember this one. He cupped Yixing’s hand tighter. Instead of asking Yixing how that date had gone, he enquired what they had done on their first date ever, back when they were in high school. And Yixing told him how they had just gone to the movies, eaten at a fast-food restaurant, walked around Yeouido Hangang Park, and lastly sat near the riverbank, watching the skyline and holding hands in their special way.

Once Yixing had finished talking, he let out a chuckle.

“What is it?”

“Is that I just realized you and I seem to always get together in October,” Yixing said, “It happened back in high school, five years ago, and now this time.”

Junmyeon laughed too. “I guess October must be our month.”

“Yeah, it must be.”

They smiled at each other. And then Junmyeon asked Yixing if he could tell him more about their high school days like who confessed to who and those details of their relationship. Sure, Junmyeon didn’t have his journals, neither was he recording the conversation. But he knew he and Yixing had the rest of their lives to repeat those tales, and Yixing would most definitely not mind retelling them.

The Pearl River night cruise lasted one hour and twenty minutes, they still had time left until the next day. Now, with hands clasped, they got off the ship and wandered around the streets of Guangzhou. It might have been the late-night, but this part of the city was alive as ever. Suddenly, Yixing’s stomach growled. Blushing, Yixing apologized, but Junmyeon got another idea. He looked around the streets, searching for that one restaurant, and then he found it. Junmyeon grasped Yixing’s hand tighter and dragged him along.

“We should eat here, Yixing. Look! They’re serving stir-fried spicy crayfish, you love them.”

Once again that night Yixing looked at Junmyeon with bewildered eyes. “How do you know that?”

“Back in the hospital when you were making me company,” Junmyeon explained, “We were watching a cooking show. The chef was preparing something with crayfish, and you told me you loved eating them because their taste would always take you back home. Then, you told me why you wouldn’t have cooked them like that, and said what you would have done instead.”

Yixing was silent for a while. His mouth was agape, his eyes were glistening, and he was staring at Junmyeon. He seemed touched by Junmyeon’s words. “You remember that?”

“Of course, I do,” Junmyeon answered, smiling, “It was one of the first things I learned about you. How could I forget?”

The shock in Yixing’s face dissipated to be replaced with deep dimples and crescent eyes. He nodded and took the few steps to get inside the restaurant, dragging Junmyeon with him.

Not long after, they were sitting down, gazing at the glistening and vibrant red crayfish in front of them. It’s oozing aroma invaded their nostrils, and Junmyeon could feel his mouth watering. They each grabbed a crayfish and stared at one another, ready to bite it at the same time. Pepper and spiciness were just one of the few tastes Junmyeon could distinguish. It was delicious. His gaze shifted to see how Yixing was eating. Yixing had his eyes closed, and at some point, he let out a moan of pleasure while chugging. Junmyeon chuckled and then continued devouring the crayfish. The rest of their meal they spent it eating, drinking, and talking about things like why the taste of crayfish often made Yixing think about Changsha.

“I’m so stuffed,” Yixing said while rubbing his belly. The two had managed to eat all the food.

Junmyeon nodded, “You’re not the only one,” he said. They both erupted in laughter. Junmyeon reached out his hand to intertwine his and Yixing’s hand. Yixing smiled and grabbed it. “I hope you had a great night,” Junmyeon said.

“It was incredible. Thank you, Jun.”

Junmyeon grinned. With his free hand, he took out his phone and saw what time it was. Only half an hour left. Yixing stood up and said he’ll go to use the restroom. Junmyeon took the chance to pay the check despite knowing that Yixing had said they’d pay together. Tonight, Junmyeon wanted to be in charge of everything. As he was reading the receipt, he felt someone grabbing his shoulder.

“Junmyeon! What are you doing here?” asked an unknown deep voice.

A very tall man with blonde hair was standing next to him. He didn’t recognize him from anywhere, neither had anyone told him before who that man was. Unsure of what to say he decided to go with, “I’m sorry. I lost my memory, and I don’t remember who you are.”

The man’s eyes widened, and he stared at Junmyeon in disbelief. “What? You lost your memory?” he asked with concern in his voice.

Junmyeon nodded. He shortly explained what had happened two months ago. And when the man was ready to talk he was interrupted by Yixing.

“Yifan?” had Yixing asked. He stared at the other man in shock.

“You piece of ,” the man named Yifan said with anger all over his face, “Don’t tell me you brainwashed Junmyeon to be with you again?”

Junmyeon didn’t like Yifan’s tone with Yixing. It was disrespectful. He stood up and was about to tell that Yifan to apologize, but Yixing beat him to it.

“What are you doing here?” Yixing said with the same disdain as Yifan. “And Jun is with me by his own choice. He chose to be with me again.”

Yifan leered. “Funny, because when I met him back in June, he had made up his mind to never see you again,” Yifan said while exchanging glances with Junmyeon and Yixing.

Instantly, Yixing’s anger disappeared to be replaced with fear and worry. “Wha-what? You and Junmyeon met?”

There was a malicious smirk on Yifan’s lips again. “Yeah, we did. We went out drinking and you know, spent the night together, just like in the old times, before your filthy lies ruined everything.”

“Are you saying you-you two...” Yixing said, voice trembling.

Yifan walked to stand in front of Yixing, lowered his head to meet Yixing’s face. “Well, consider it payback for everything you did.”

Yixing’s eyes glistened again that night. He stared at Yifan and then shifted his eyes to Junmyeon. And as their gazes met, Junmyeon knew Yixing was on the verge of tears. But Yixing didn’t utter anything. Instead, he turned around and bolted out of the restaurant.

Alarmed, Junmyeon got up from the booth and was ready to run after Yixing when Yifan grabbed his arm.

“Junmyeon, listen, you told me everything. And this isn’t what you wanted.”

“Let go of me!” Junmyeon said in horror, Yixing was running away from him.

“No, you shouldn’t be with him. You planned to… You said you didn’t want to-”

“Shut your mouth!” Junmyeon screamed. “I don’t know who the you are but shut your mouth. You don’t know anything. Leave us alone!”

Junmyeon forcefully freed himself from Yifan’s grasp and ran, not caring that Yifan shouted his name to come back.

Once outside, Junmyeon’s eyes searched through the ocean of people, trying to find the one that mattered the most. He found it. Yixing was already on the other block. Swiftly, Junmyeon ran towards him. But Yixing was faster, and somehow his rambling had taken them away from the ruckus of the city.

“Yixing, Yixing wait!” Junmyeon yelled as he finally approached Yixing, but Yixing didn’t stop. It wasn’t until Junmyeon had caught up with him and grabbed his arm that Yixing stopped. “Yi-Yixing,” Junmyeon said breathlessly.

“Please, leave me alone Junmyeon,” Yixing said with a brittle voice.

“No! That man, he, how can we know he’s speaking the truth?”

Yixing’s hand turned into a fist, and he freed himself from Junmyeon’s hold to turn around. “I know it’s true because you two used to each other whenever you wanted,” he said as tears rolled down his face.

“What?” Junmyeon asked. There was a tremor in his voice. This was the first time he heard about him and that man Yifan. Part of him didn’t want to know about it, he didn’t want to hear what kind of affairs his past self used to have. But Yixing didn’t know Junmyeon felt this, so he explained the meaning behind the words ‘just like in the old times.’ Junmyeon was in shock to hear that explanation, feeling some disgust and more disappointment for the old Junmyeon. But then he also realized what it meant. Not long after his and Yixing’s break-up, he had run into the arms of another man. How revolting. Was he so weak, he couldn’t stand a month without ing? Junmyeon asked himself. He also thought about Luhan’s words, promises were made to be broken.

“Yixing I’m so so-”

“No! I don’t wanna hear you apologize. I can’t stand it! This isn’t your fault, and we had already broken up.”

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to. Yixing I’m really sorry, I-”

“Please keep quiet,” Yixing said, “Just tell me one thing, Junmyeon.”

“What?”

“What was more important to you that you had to throw away everything we had? That you felt the need to find comfort in the arms of someone else?”

It was the first time Yixing had directly asked Junmyeon something as if his memories were still there. And as Yixing stared at him with anxious eyes, for his sake Junmyeon tried to, he tried his best to find out why. But it was impossible. Everything was blank. His memories were gone.

“What Junmyeon? Tell me.”

“I don’t...”

“You don’t know,” Yixing said, and then he laughed, a wailing laugh. Junmyeon remained silent. He was silent as Yixing walked to sit on the entrance steps of a building. Junmyeon didn’t say anything as Yixing shed his last tears, tried to control his hiccups and regulate his breaths. When Yixing had finally calmed himself, he took in a deep breath. Nobody uttered a word for a while. Trifling city noises filled their poignant silence.

And then Yixing finally spoke. “You don’t need to apologize. Really, you don’t. What Yifan said was true. All that has happened is an atonement for my mistakes.”

“What?”

“There’s more to that story that you don’t know yet,” Yixing said. Yixing tapped the spot next to him for Junmyeon to come to sit. Junmyeon did it, and then Yixing spoke, and he found out more things he had no idea about. He found out how Yixing had once loved another man so much, it had almost cost them their friendship. Almost because in the end, Yixing had to get tremendously hurt for them to reconnect. He also learned that once Yixing had realized he loved Junmyeon, he did anything to get him back. Anything.

“So, yeah, I probably am the ing liar you said I was that night,” Yixing uttered. He huffed, “I was never brave enough to admit it, I never apologized. But here you are, endlessly apologizing for things that are no longer your fault. And I had the nerve to demand why you hadn’t done it earlier. And I keep biasedly leaving out important things again, because honestly if we hadn’t encountered Yifan tonight, I would have never said a thing… I’m ing horrible, aren’t I?”

Junmyeon didn’t say anything. He was still trying to process everything he had learned about Yixing, the Yixing he had once thought to be flawless. And Yixing was just quiet.

Then Yixing stood up. He walked down the few steps. “I’m sorry, Junmyeon. And you know what? You said I deserved better, but maybe it has always been you who does.” And with those words said, Yixing began walking away from Junmyeon once again that night.

Junmyeon took out his phone and pushed the button to light it up. It was thirty-nine minutes past midnight. He stood up and shouted, “It’s October eight.”

Yixing stopped.

“Are you really asking me to give up on you? On us?”

Yixing turned around. “No, I don’t want to. But didn’t you just hear everything I said?”

“So?”

“Aren’t you mad at me? Disappointed? Angry? What if you find out more wicked sides about me that you won’t like? And what if you end up leaving again? What if the real reason you left was because of me?”

Junmyeon realized something, and he smiled, he smiled so tenderly Yixing was taken aback. He strode to stand in front of Yixing. “I don’t want unattainable perfection Zhang Yixing, I want something tangible. Aren’t we both humans? You’ve lied, I’ve lied. You’ve hurt, I’ve hurt. And we’ll probably keep doing those stuff because that’s human nature,” he said, “I think we both need to realize that nobody’s ing flawless in this world. Nobody. Not you nor me.”

Yixing smiled, it wasn’t his usual broad, dimpled smile, but a smile nonetheless. “When did you get this wise?”

Junmyeon blushed a tad. “I don’t know, but I know that I don’t want to leave you because of that. And you’re bound to find out new sides about me too. Things you’d probably not like. Things my past self did… Like that Yifan guy and me, or the real reason why I left. But I’d like to believe that you too won’t give up on us despite that… Right?” he asked.

“It does hurt to know that you and Yifan…” Yixing said, “But I knew you were going to apologize. And that was killing me much more because I was so ashamed of myself. Like I said, I was planning on never telling you anything.”

Yixing sighed and shook his head.

“So, I thought of running away before you would hurt less. But you caught up to me.”

Yixing raised his hand to cup one of Junmyeon’s cheeks.

“And here you are saying all of this. And I’m thankful because despite how horrible I am, even if it frightens me to know why you left if you’re willing to stay… Then I want to stay by your side too, Jun.”

Then Yixing did something Junmyeon hadn’t expected. He threw himself into Junmyeon arms and embraced him in a hug. This time, Junmyeon had time to raise his arms and hold Yixing too. Yixing rested his head on top of Junmyeon’s shoulder, and Junmyeon inhaled his scent, finding comfort in the way their bodies fit together.

“This wasn’t exactly the night I had in mind, but happy anniversary Yixing.”

Yixing let out a small chuckle. “Happy anniversary, Jun.”