I was about to settle into bed with my book. Ready to spent my night doing nothing, when my phone lit up.

My first reaction was to grab the phone right now so I did. Who do I want to kid? I am not patient enough to let him wait for a few seconds.

With shaky hands I accepted the call and held the phone to my ear.

"Jimin.." I exhaled slowly. I didn't even know I was holding my breath

Silence.

I didnt know what to say or to tell him. I was hurt. He ingored me all day, giving me no other reason than to think that it was something with me.

Maybe he became bored of me. I have read about it. Guys are like animals, they "hunt" us and when we then actually end up in their bed (or mine in this case) they get bored.

"Y/ N.. we.. we have to talk.." I could hear his voice very clearly but I still had trouble understanding it. He wants to stop what we are having. Of coarse he does. What am I to think he liked me? Me?

"A-are you listening..?"

"...." I couldnt say anything. If I would, my voice would be breaking and giving away how hurt I am.

"I eh.. I will just go ahead then?"

Jimin seemed nervous himself. What was going on?

"I want to explain it to you.. everything that has been going on the past days." I heard him exhale on the other end of the line.

"The other day.. w-when I got the call.. that was Namjoon. He was.. pissed I guess. He didnt know where i was and where I always went when not at home. I-I wanted to lie to him.. but Yoongi took the truth so well with the both of us.. so I told him that night.. What he said hurts me... you must believe me. But at the same time.. its true. What if we get caught? Your life would be ruined.. fans can be crazy. You would be only associated with Jimin's girl.. not for the person you are. That wonderful and intelligent pretty woman I know.."

From there on I knew where this conversation was heading to.

"Believe me.. when I am with you, I never ever want to leave your side again. You make me feel whole and I dont want to lose that feeling.. "

"Th-then why are you doing this ..?" I had to say something.  "You want us to stop what we are doing.. and I do understand your reasoning.. our little fling here can destroy everything you all worked so hard for.."

"A fling..? That's what it is for you?" I could hear the hurt in those whispered words.

But this is the only way to break things now completely.

"Y-yeah.. thats a-all there is to it.. we had right? Doesn't everyone around?" A tear rolled down my cheek. Every word I said hurt me so bad.

"Y-ou.. you dont mean that.." his voice was shacking.

I hated myself for everything I was saying. All the lies that came out of me. For me it was not a fling.. not a quick . Now I could say without hesitation that I loved him. But I didn't tell him that  Instead I tell him all those hurtful things. He will hate me.

"But I do. So we should follow Namjoon's advice and stop here. Before we start serious damage to the group and all of us have to suffer.."

Up to this point I was full on crying. It was a miracle that my voice didnt break yet.

"I-I..  guess.. " I heard him take in a breath.
"No.. you are right. Its for the best. " his voice became hard.

"I see you at work." No emotions were heard in his voice anymore. It hurt. But thats what I wanted right? To stop it without any feelings for each other, other than hurt.

Another 10 seconds and I realised the line was dead. He had hung up the phone.

I turned around, buried my head in the pillow and let my tears sink into the fabric.

Is that the way I wanted it to end? I dont know anymore. I dont know anything.

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I am sorry it took me so long to update.

Ily ♡♡