CH 30: February 19, 2014

“How about ‘Stars’?” Sixiao suggested.

“No,” Hyerin replied from across the living room. “They're going to use that for EXO.”

“Then, how about…” Jia’s voice drifted off.

We had came back from practice for our next comeback some 20 minutes ago. Practice had been about three hours, and before that, I was filming for BD for more than five. I was tired, and all I really wanted to do was sleep, which according to our Great Leader, was not an option.

So I sat on the brown couch of our living room, next to Sixiao, while the rest of the girls discussed fan names. The company told us we would introduce the fandom name with our first full album in July (shortly after EXO promos ended).

Our logo and fandom color had been decided at debut; the letters of Nyx forming a diamond-esque shape and a metallic golden. According to our manager, the name and color for our fandom was to reflect something to do with “night” because-- well, ‘cause our name was literally synonymous with it. The gold was supposed to be representative of stars and the like.

I couldn’t give any input at the moment, and in addition, I was extraordinarily tired, so I counted myself out of the conversation this once. I scrolled through the comments under the few pictures of my newly made instagram.

Lani unnie, fighting~

You're so cute!

I wish I had a friendship like Jongdae oppa and Lani unnie, said a comment under a mirror picture of the two of us in a SM practice room. I grinned slightly, moving on.

Do they have a couple name?

I hope they really are only friends~

Stay away from my oppa, you . I sighed at yet another insulting comment. About thirty percent of the comments under the picture of Jongdae and I were comments calling me a or a , and other words that I, queen of cuss words, didn't even know existed.

I stared at the comment for a few seconds, then thought about all the others that were almost synonymous to it. The solution was obvious, I thought, exiting out of the comments. The icon for options for the picture was easy to click on. ‘Delete’ was in red. My finger hovered over the option. A voice in my head spoke up.

Why should I delete it? That would just be doing what they wanted me to do, right? Don't be a pushover, I instructed myself.

I pondered again. It hurts to look at.

Then don't look at it.

That's impossible, I decided. And my thumb touched the red button, and all of the comments were gone. Some of them, at least.

I stared at my Instagram page. I wasn't completely satisfied. There was a feeling of disappointment, melancholia and I think some confusion as I looked at the now 9 pictures on my page.

“Lani!” A pillow hit the side of my face.

“What the ?” I jerked away f