Diary
How can I smile again?...The next morning,Hwang Sei Jun,Jellyfish Entertainment’s Ceo decided to visit Hakyeon.He come to the hospital.As he arrived there,he saw Hakyeon who is sitting on the chair near to the outside.
“Cha Hakyeon...”he calls.
“Oh!Ceo Hwang?When did you arrive?”Hakyeon stands up and greets the ceo politely.
“You don’t have to stand up.You can just sit.”Ceo Hwang said and he sits near to Hakyeon.
“Is there any important thing you want to discuss with me?”Hakyeon asked.
“Is it only the important thing that I have to find you?”Ceo Hwang asked Hakyeon.
“It is not like that.”Hakyeon smiles awkwardly.
“Do you feel better now?”Ceo Hwang asked and smiles.
“Maybe...”Hakyeon answers without any confidence.
“I just want to tell you this.Your members have give a suggestion to me.They suggested me to let you to have a vacation.They told me to give you some time.I understand that you were still in a such difficult situations.To become a leader of a group idol,and had to do a few jobs,lost someone that you love,it must really hard to you.So,I accept their suggestion.Maybe this is the best choice that you have.” Ceo Hwang explained to Hakyeon.
Hakyeon’s face become gloomy.He don’t know what to say after listening to Ceo Hwang’s explaination.
“Hakyeon-ah...after the day you discharged,I will let you to go to the overseas.I will send you the ticket later.Take your time.We will cancel each of yours schedule.You can come back here anytime you want to.What important is,take your time until you feel better.” Ceo Hwang smile to Hakyeon.
Hakyeon nodded.
‘Why they did this for me?’Hakyeon’s whispers to his heart.
That night,Hakyeon could not stop thinking about the vacation.His heart still curious about the members’ actions.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Are they really care about me?’
‘If they really are,why they treat me like an outsider before?Is it for fun?’
‘Why you guys make me confused to your actions?’
‘Why you make me feel guilty so much to you?’
‘Just what kind of leader I am?I don’t deserve to receive anything of your kindness.’
‘Please...can anyone please explain to me why sometimes you make me look like an outsider to you but sometimes you make me look like an important person to you?Which of it is the truth?Please tell me before I’m misunderstand it.’
He can’t stop thinking about them.He really wants to figure out the truth.
Wonshik is writing the lyrics for the new song meanwhile Taekwoon tried to helps him.Jaehwan is practicing singing their song.Hyuk is playing the ‘Overwatch’ game alone in his room.Meanwhile Hongbin is in Hakyeon’s room.He wants to clean Hakyeon’s room before he come back.When he arranges the clothes into the cupboard,suddenly a book has fallen to him from the cupboard.It is a diary. Hakyeon’s diary.He knows that Hakyeon don’t like people to get interfere to his private.He still wants to read it.He took the diary and opens the first page.
30 June 1999
It has been 9 years I lived in this world.It is my birthday but no one here is going to celebrate it.I have never celebrate my birthday before.Maybe they were too busy.They were too busy until they could not memorize when is the date of my birthday.I wish that one day, they can understand me like I did to them.That is the only wish I want to God grant it for me.
14 July 1999
Things get difficult when I am alone.The things that I hate the most is when they need me,I will always be there for them but when I need them to be here with me,no one did that for me.I still don’t get it.Are they hate me so much?Everytime they depressed,they throw it to me.It looks like I am a wall.Everyday,there must be one of them scolds me for nothing. Maybe I had no function to be in this family except for being a wall.
10 January 2000
Finally...there is a person that understand me.That person is known as my father.I guess he is my hero.Yeah,sure he is.So,I think I want to prepare a special gift for him this year.Although I am not a good composer,but I’ll try my best to write the lyrics for this song ‘My Hero’. Yes,my father is my hero.Thank you father for being my hero.
5 May 2000
I sang it.He cried.I’m glad that he loves it.Although it is just a simple song but it satisfied enough that he likes it.One day,I will sing it for you in front of the crowd.I promised that.
24 May 2012
It has been 12 years I didn’t write in this diary.My diary has lost for many years.I wish that no one have read what I’m write in this diary. Yeay!!!I have debuted as Vixx Leader N.Congratulations to myself first.Hahhahah...I’m laughing here alone.So sad...Let me introduce my new friends.Jung Taekwoon or known well as Leo,he is our main vocalist in Vixx.He is kind of shy person.I wish that he can talk more.But nevermind since this is just the beginning,he is still need time to used to it.Next,our Vixx cute main vocalist is known well as Lee Jae Hwan or Vixx Ken.He is kind of friendly and funny.I love to be friends with him.He is nice guy.He is kind of playful too so sometimes it is difficult for me to handle him but still nevermind as long he is happy.Next,our charming rapper,Kim Won Shik or Kim Ravi.I call him Larva.Hahahaha...his face looks like larva.He is friendly too and quite talented too.It so nice to have a talented friend like him.Next,our handsome visual,Lee Hongbin.I have known him a little longer than the others did.He is friendly too and he is nice guy too. He understands me well.I’m glad he is.Thank you,Hongbin-ah.Lastly,our cute maknae,Han Sang Hyuk or Hyogi...althought he is still new in this company but I believed that he is a good person.I’m trust that he can do well for the future.I wish that my life will get better after this.
30 June 2012
I’m so happy because this is my first time celebrating my own birthday with other peoples.Thank you,Vixx.I’m glad that you remember my birthday well.Let’s continue to be in this happy family until the last day of our lives.
4 May 2013
Somehow,I don’t understand.Sometimes,they treat me well but sometimes they treat me just like an outsider to them.They are also just like my family.They find me when they need me.After that,they don’t find me anymore.When I want to talk with them,they always say that they were very busy but it seems like they were not busy.They have fun together but I am alone.They just ignored me.It was not first time they did this to me but a lot times they did.
5 June 2013
I remember it very well.Last time,during the secret box,Hyuk just wish me to be mute.I know that he was just joking but it seems too much.He doesn’t know how much hurts I am when he says that to me.Today,they keep saying that I am annoying.It hurts a lot.I don’t want to think so much about it but it keeps attacking my mind to remember it.How can I forget it?
30 June 2013
I’m still wonder that if they were sincere or not.They doesn’t look sincere when they wish birthday to me.Maybe because I’m annoying and they don’t even like me at all.Guess that I’m not deserve to be loved by anyone in this world.I’m also not deserve to be happy.I feel that I don’t want to write anymore in this diary.This is might be the last page I write in this diary.
After reads everything in the diary,Hongbin eyes full with tears.He don’t know that Hakyeon was just keeping his feelings in the diary. Hongbin wiped his tears when the tears falling to his cheek.It is difficult for him to breaths when he crying so hard.
“I’m sorry,Hakyeon-hyung.I never thought that we have hurt you until this.What should I do?Should I tell them?”Hongbin talks in a low tone so that the others won’t hear what he’s saying.
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