Saturday night, July 4th. A man was standing in front of the Kim mansion, preparing himself to walk in.

It was the day of Joonmyeon’s and Hye’s rehearsal dinner. They decided the dinner was going to be held in the vast garden of the Kim mansion. Fortunately, the guests were their closest family members and friends. Tables and chairs had been arranged outside. On a large table was the food and drinks for every guest to serve to their liking. The lamppost shone the garden, but there were also large bulb fairy lights to illuminate it even more. A string quartet sat near the impromptu dance floor and played their favorites symphonies. Everyone had arrived, save for one person.

Yixing must have been standing there for around ten minutes. Last night he had been so joyful when he accompanied Kyungsoo on stage. It had been an incredible experience, and for a moment he had forgotten everything. Right now, though, he was nervous, his knees felt weak, and his heart was beating frantically. Yixing inhaled and exhaled deeply, hoping to calm himself. And then, he finally walked.

Joonmyeon was sitting on a table, chatting with Jongdae, Sehun, Luhan, and Baekhyun about Jongdae’s failed pursuit of a girl. He was laughing with the boys who mocked his cousin for not knowing how to flirt when he saw him from afar. Yixing appeared from one of the house’s back doors and walked to the garden, looking around nervously.

Joonmyeon saw Yixing was wearing a dark suit with a navy-blue shirt, pristine shoes, and his bright raven hair was up, which accentuated his forehead beautifully. Joonmyeon gasped, and his breath stopped. He really had come. Yixing was standing just a few meters away from him, and he looked radiant.

While Yixing walked, meeting glances with some of the curious eyes, he heard a voice saying his name and someone tapping his shoulder. Yixing turned around and saw Mr. Kim standing in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mr. Kim whispered angrily.

Yixing felt sickened. He couldn’t stand looking at this horrible man. He clenched his fists, and before he could answer something, someone else spoke.

“Father, leave him alone,” Joonmyeon replied quietly.

“Joonmyeon! Why in the world did you invite him?”

“It’s none of your business. Now let us be, or you’ll cause a scene.”

Mr. Kim gave up but didn’t spare Yixing his hateful look as he walked away.

When Yixing gathered the courage to look at Joonmyeon, he almost fell. Joonmyeon looked as beautiful as ever in his suit, but no, he couldn’t think this way. So, rapidly he blocked the obnoxious thought.

It was weird for both. They didn’t know what to do. How could they greet each other after three years? Was a hug too much? Yes, it probably was.

“Hi Yixing,” Joonmyeon said and held up his hand.

Yixing shook hands with Joonmyeon and said, “Hi Joonmyeon… Congratulations.”

Joonmyeon could have sworn he saw that Yixing’s eyes glistened when he said that, but perhaps it was just part of his imagination. If Yixing had come, then it meant he had already gotten over everything. Remember you must conceal everything, he told himself.

“Thank you… Follow me, I’ll take you to your table,” Joonmyeon said.

They walked until they arrived at the table with Jongdae and the others. Everyone stopped their conversations when they saw Yixing. The boys looked uneasy and didn’t know what to say. They still couldn’t understand what Joonmyeon nor Yixing was doing.

It was Luhan who broke the uncomfortable silence. “Yixing, come sit beside us,” he said as he pointed to a seat next to him. Even if he hadn’t agreed with Yixing’s rash decision, he knew his friend would need a helping hand, or even a shoulder to cry on. And Luhan wasn’t going to leave him alone.

As Yixing walked to sit next to Luhan, he greeted the group of boys. Then, he shook hands with Sehun, who was sitting to Luhan’s right, and Baekhyun, who was sitting next to Yixing. Joonmyeon and Jongdae were sitting on the other end, in front of him.

It was awkward at first, but eventually, the group managed to talk just like in the old days (almost). Yixing answered every question they boys had about his life in China and as a famous composer. They had been happy and impressed with what Yixing had accomplished. Joonmyeon didn’t speak much, he had questions, but none that he wanted to utter in front of his friends.

“I saw you last night! You sang incredibly!” Jongdae said in awe.

“Oh really?” Yixing said.

“Yeah, my date wanted to see Do Kyungsoo, but when we left she became a fan of yours,” replied Jongdae and beamed.

Yixing just smiled.

“Wow you’re so talented Yixing,” Baekhyun commented.

“He has always been,” Joonmyeon added. He hadn’t really planned to say anything, the words just came out.

Yixing looked at Joonmyeon surprised. But he managed to reply ‘Thank you.’

Later it was time to eat, Jongdae had to changes table to sit with his family, and Joonmyeon with Hye and their parents. As Yixing saw Joonmyeon sitting down, his eyes met with Hye. Yixing felt ashamed, but Hye didn’t look bothered or angered, she just smiled at him.

The guests, who were chatting happily and looking forward to tomorrow’s event, stopped talking when the groom’s father started to give his toast, followed suit by the bride’s father. Suddenly, it was time for the best man to speak.

“Goodnight everyone and welcome to this special evening. For those who don’t know me, I’m Joonmyeon’s cousin and the best man, Kim Jongdae,” said Jongdae.

“I’ve known Joonmyeon all my life, and Hye since I was fifteen. I remember that Christmas night when we three met, and how their eyes sparkled when they saw each other.”

Jongdae paused.

“It was love at first sight. And from that moment I knew they would end up together.”

Jongdae continued talking about how Hye and Joonmyeon bonded, made a strong friendship and eventually realized they were crazy about each other.

“Three years ago, they got engaged. And I’m telling you, Joonmyeon was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Of course, tomorrow will surpass that day. And you will see his cheeks shining like a ray of sunshine.”

The public laughed.

“All these years I’ve just seen their love grow more and more.”

He continued uttering words.

“Joonmyeon adores his ‘little bunny Hye’ and Hye her ‘Prince Charming.’”

Jongdae looked happy and convinced with everything he was saying about them.

“Lastly my wish for them is to always have immense happiness, love, and health. I love you both, and I thank you for letting me share this special moment with you.”

A tear ran down his cheek.

“Everyone, please raise your glasses, and cheer for the future Mr. and Mrs. Kim!”

The audience clapped, cheered and drank. Some guests were wiping their tears, others just kept smiling and cheering.

Little did the public know it had all been a bunch of lies. A theatrical act to please them. Empty words. None of it was true. Joonmyeon knew it. Hye knew it. Jongdae knew it.

Yixing didn’t and every word Jongdae had started to utter halfway through, shattered his heart. So, Joonmyeon had actually fallen for Hye. Well, it was inevitable. They were engaged after all. This caused him a sharp pain. Yet Yixing still held in his tears, and instead clapped and cheered for them like he had to do.

“We can go if you want,” Luhan whispered to Yixing in Chinese.

Yixing shook his head and said nothing. He could take it. He still had to talk with Joonmyeon.

And so, the evening meal began, and everyone started eating and drinking happily.

Once everyone finished their meals and rested a little bit, Joonmyeon and Hye were asked to take the dance floor. They were supposed to dance the first piece of the night. After much pleading from their parents, they went over there.

Joonmyeon didn’t want to be very close to Hye, he knew Yixing was watching them. And after Jongdae’s show, he didn’t know how Yixing was feeling. He wanted to talk to him, but there hadn’t been any time to do so.

As they were standing there, the string quartet started playing a waltz. Joonmyeon just held up Hye’s both hand and kept a noticeable distance from her. It was an awkward and weird position to dance.

Hye looked around and saw the guests mumbling and looking surprised. “Joonmyeon, I’m sorry, but we have to get closer. You have to hold my waist,” she whispered remorsefully.

Joonmyeon knew he needed to, so he cursed inwardly and compelled.

They started dancing.

He couldn’t stand glancing Hye’s eyes. Instead, he just wanted to gaze forever at a certain someone meters away.

“It’ll be over soon,” Hye told him.

Oh, how Joonmyeon wished that not only applied for this dance but for his life in general.

After dancing for some while, everyone clapped. Before Hye and Joonmyeon could sit again, one of Hye’s sister stopped them, holding a camera in her hands.

“Please, stay there a little longer, let me take some pictures.”

They continued dancing as the woman flashed the camera. Once it was over, she asked for something unreasonable.

“Ok, now I need a shot of you two kissing! Come on Joonmyeon, give her a kiss” she encouraged loudly.

“Sis, no…” Hye said.

“Oh, come on! It’s just friends and family,” the sister said, “Besides you’ll kiss in front of everyone tomorrow. Kiss! Kiss!” she said, and soon enough the rest of the crowd was cheering for them to kiss.

Joonmyeon looked at Yixing. He wanted to tell him that this didn’t mean anything, that it was just a show. But he couldn’t.

To stop their maddening shouts, Joonmyeon closed his eyes and leaned towards Hye’s face, locking their lips.

As Yixing saw the scene, it had been enough. The whole night had gone worse and worse. And although he tried to control his irrational emotions, he knew he couldn’t hold it in forever. Tears were threatening to fall down, his stomach hurt, his head hurt. Joonmyeon was his brother for god’s sake, he couldn’t be feeling this way. He shouldn’t be feeling this way.

After Joonmyeon’s and Hye’s kiss, other couples approached the dance floor and began to dance. And through the crowd, Joonmyeon could see that Yixing was already walking towards the back door. This couldn’t happen, he needed to speak with Yixing. As he prepared to run after Yixing, his grandparents came over and started chatting with him and Hye.

‘What a ing perfect timing,’ Joonmyeon thought.

As Yixing walked out from the mansion, he felt he could finally breathe. He inhaled and exhaled. And the tears fell without restraint.

It had been a horrible mistake to come here.

He continued walking when someone took his hand and stopped him. He turned around and saw Joonmyeon, breathing rapidly.

“Yi-Yixing, do-don’t go,” Joonmyeon fretted.

“I have to go Joonmyeon, it was wrong of me to come.”

“No, please stay a little longer, I need to talk to you,” Joonmyeon said as he held Yixing by his arms.

“I can’t… Please let me go,” Yixing begged.

“No, listen to me, I-”

Yixing cried harder. “Can’t you understand that I’m a sick deprave?”

Seeing Yixing breakdown, caused Joonmyeon to shed tears as well. He let go of him and said, “What? No, you’re not! Why would you say that?”

“Don’t you hate me Joonmyeon? Because I’ve hated myself ever since. We’re brothers, and I did all that to you… And here tonight, I thought I could be all right seeing you happy, but I was so hurt and jealous… That it must be disgusting you. Please, please forgive me for everything, please,” Yixing pleaded between sobs.

“No! There is nothing to forgive, we both didn’t know about it. It’s not your fault, nobody’s besides that awful man… I would never hate you Yixing… And don’t you dare think I’m happy because all these years I’ve been nothing but miserable!” Joonmyeon shouted. “Tonight, it was all a ing act, because I still love you!”

Hearing Joonmyeon say those words felt so recomforting, so good, so nice yet it was… So inappropriate to feel that way, and Yixing just kept weeping.

“Do you still love me?” Joonmyeon implored.

‘You need to lie, tell him no, lie to him!’ Yixing’s reason inwardly screamed to him. But he felt so weak as he saw Joonmyeon’s pleading and afraid eyes, he couldn’t lie.

“I’ll always love you, Joonmyeon.”

Joonmyeon cried more. It was all so ing unfair. They loved each other, they never stopped doing it. But no, fate just had to keep them apart. Life just had to make them brothers. ‘WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?’ Joonmyeon asked himself repeatedly.

For a moment, only their sobs and cries could be heard.

Joonmyeon felt desperate, he knew Yixing would leave any time now. Yet he needed this to last forever. “Yixing…” he said, “Let’s move to a faraway place. None would know us, none would judge us, none would know. Just you and me… Please… Please… Please,” he begged.

It was a tempting offer. To go with Joonmyeon to a place where they could be happy, where there wouldn’t be more pain, where they could love each other without restraint. It sounded so beautiful. But Yixing knew it was incredibly wrong. He was aware of that, and he wouldn’t be able to live with that knowledge. The pain would eat him alive every day, perhaps much worse than being without Joonmyeon.

“We can’t…Joonmyeon… It’s wrong.”

“Who says what’s wrong and right?! Who dictates our moral?!” Joonmyeon asked desperately.

Between sobs, Yixing let out a chuckle. Really, who did? But there wasn’t any time to be philosophical now. “Joonmyeon, you know why.”

And Joonmyeon knew why. He just didn’t want to accept it. This was it, Yixing would leave now. “I really wish I didn’t.”

Their time had come. And Yixing had to put an end to everything, for both their sakes.

“I think… I think it’s better that after tonight, we pretend nothing ever happened… Kim Joonmyeon never existed to Zhang Yixing, and Zhang Yixing never existed to Kim Joonmyeon,” Yixing concluded.

It was the only way to cope with it.

Joonmyeon sobbed again. “Okay,” he said.

Yixing looked at Joonmyeon dejectedly. “Goodbye,” he uttered. Yixing started walking away from the entrance.

But Joonmyeon acted recklessly one more time and begged Yixing for his final impertinent request. “Yixing!” he said between tears, “Please, please, please hug me one last time.”

Yixing stopped walking and turned around to face Joonmyeon.

Joonmyeon saw Yixing’s apologetic expression and immediately closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see Yixing rejecting him.

Rather than hearing words, Joonmyeon felt arms embracing him, and he intertwined his arms around Yixing’s. The world stopped for a moment. They felt their familiar scents, their fast beating hearts, their wet tear-stained cheeks, the calmness of being one. It was as if everything that was wrong with their relationship didn’t exist, as if what had been said recently never happened, and they were just two old lovers holding each other. For how long did they hug? It’s unknown. But for Joonmyeon it felt like a fleeting moment.

When Yixing had let go of him, Joonmyeon kept his eyes closed. To see Yixing walking away from him once more was too unbearable. “Goodbye,” he murmured.

Yixing, on the other hand, continued walking forward. He didn’t turn around once to see Joonmyeon standing there, afraid that it might alter his decision.

When Joonmyeon opened his eyes, he saw nothing. The entrance looked the same, everything was still there, but Yixing wasn’t.

It wasn’t meant to be, it had never been.